"The Alter of the Opera" - Act III (340 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: alter_of_the_opera ubermusical
Rating: 1.37 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by CaptainThorns (View user info) at 2007-01-25 10:26:56 EST
Prologue and Act I - http://www.ubersite.com/m/97841
Act II - http://www.ubersite.com/m/97997
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~~~ Ass Parade ~~~
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): M'sieur Shlongy?
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): M'sieur LaFlamme? Dear Alain, what a splendid front page!
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): The prologue to a bright new year!
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): Quite a day! I'm impressed!
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): By my supple breasts? *beams*
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE)/SHLONGY (FIRMIN): Here's to us!
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): The toast of all the web! It's such a pity that the Alter can't be here!
CHORUS: Ass parade! Paper tissue mixed with Glade...Ass parade! Wipe your ass, and the world will never smell you!
Ass parade! Every cheek a different shade ...
Ass parade! Look around - there's another bum behind you!
Flush it down, swirl around ...
Toilet ring, crusty thing...
Brown and black, gassy beast...
Trace of red, smelly yeast...
Asses ... take your turn, take a ride
on the fairy-go-round ... in an inhuman place ...
Eye of brown, water blue ...
Inches long, colored hue...
Smooth or rough, square or round...
Smack it up, smack it down...
Asses ... stick it in, tap it up,
till you've drowned in the hole ... in the sound ...
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): But who can name the cheeks ...
ALL: Ass parade! Chinese yellow, Indian red...
Ass parade! Take your fill - let the spectacle astound you!
Ass parade! Burning excrement you've bled...
Ass parade! Stop and stare at the sea of brown around you!
Ass parade! Stinking stalls, refreshing sprays...
Ass parade! You can do any friend who ever knew you!
Ass parade! Leering wankers, peering eyes ...
Ass parade! Run and hide - but the perverts still pursue you!
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): What a night!
ANANSIE (MEG): What a crowd!
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): Makes you ghey!
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): Makes you proud! All the cocks in the box!
TIGERLILLY (CARLOTTA): Watch them get off their rocks!
ANANSIE (MEG)/SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): And all our fears are in the past!
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): Six months ...
METHOD (PIANGI): Of relief!
TIGERLILLY (CARLOTTA): Of delight!
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE)/SHLONGY (FIRMIN): Of Uberian peace!
ANANSIE (MEG)/SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): And we can breathe at last!
TIGERLILLY (CARLOTTA): No more notes!
METHOD (PIANGI): No more ghosts!
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): Here's a health!
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): Here's a toast: to a prosperous day!
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): To the new MVA!
TIGERLILLY (CARLOTTA): And may its splendour never fade!
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): Six months!
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): What a joy!
ANANSIE (MEG): What a change!
SHLONGY (FIRMIN)/CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): *jacking each other off* What a blessed release!
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): And what an ass parade!
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): Think of it! An Uber engagement! Look - your pirate bride! Just think of it!
SCOURGE (RAOUL): But why is it secret? What have we to hide?
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): Please, let's not fight ...
SCOURGE (RAOUL): Ghola, you're free!
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): Wait till the time is right ...
SCOURGE (RAOUL): When will you that be? It's an engagement, not a crime! Ghola, What are you afraid of?
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): Let's not argue ...
SCOURGE (RAOUL): Let's not argue ...
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): Please pretend ...
SCOURGE (RAOUL): I can only hope I'll ...
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): You will ...
BOTH: ... understand in time ...
ALL: Ass parade! Paper tissue mixed with Glade...Ass parade! Wipe your ass, and the world will never smell you!
Ass parade! Every cheek a different shade ...
Ass parade! Look around - there's another bum behind you!
Ass parade! Burning excrement you've bled...
Ass parade! Stop and stare at the sea of brown around you!
Ass parade! Chinese yellow, Indian red...
Ass parade! Take your fill - let the spectacle astound you!
* Alter makes an appearance on the front page, for the first time in months*
BRIAN BLESSED/REDSKIESLOOKFAKE (ALTER): WHY SO SILENT, GOOD MONSIEURS? DID YOU THINK THAT I HAD LEFT YOU FOR GOOD?
HAVE YOU MISSED ME, GOOD MONSIEURS? I HAVE WRITTEN YOU A NEW POST!
HERE I BRING THE TEMPLATE, DONE! "EMU TRIUMPHANT!"
I ADVISE YOU TO COMPLY, MY ADVISE IS CLEAR AS DAY....REMEMBER THERE ARE WORSE THINGS THAN A CRUMPLED MVA!!!
* glares at Ghola, then rips her a new cornhole *
YOUR ASS IS STILL MINE! YOU WILL WRITE FOR ME ... !
SCOURGE (RAOUL): Madame Sacrilicious. Madame Sacrilicious . . .
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): Monsieur, don't ask me - I know no more than anyone else. *labia claps once nervously*
SCOURGE (RAOUL): That's not true. You've seen something, haven't you ?
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): I don't know what I've seen ... Please don't ask me, monsieur ...
SCOURGE (RAOUL): Lishy, for all our sakes ...
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): Very well. It was years ago. There was a travelling fair in the UK. Tumblers, chavs, human oddities ...
SCOURGE (RAOUL): Go on ...
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): And there was ... I shall never forget him: a man, Iocked in a cage ...
SCOURGE (RAOUL): In a cage ...?
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): A prodigy, monsieur! Scholar, engineer, musician.
SCOURGE (RAOUL): A composer ...
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): And an author too, monsieur. They boasted he had once written for the Uberlord, a contest of votes...
SCOURGE (RAOUL): Who was this man ...?
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): A freak of nature ...more giraffe than man ...
SCOURGE (RAOUL): Deformed ...?
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): From birth, it seemed ...
SCOURGE (RAOUL): My God, Ghola!
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): And then ... he went missing. He escaped.
SCOURGE (RAOUL): Go on.
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): They never found him...it was said he had gone inactive ...
SCOURGE (RAOUL): But he didn't leave, did he?
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): Most users forgot him, but I never can. For in this darkness I have seen him again ...
SCOURGE (RAOUL): And so our Alter's this man ...
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): I have said too much, monsieur. And there have been too many accidents ...
SCOURGE (RAOUL): Accidents?! Madame Sacrilicious!
~~~ Notes II ~~~
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): Ludicrous! Have you seen the score?
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): Simply ludicrous!
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): It's the final straw!
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): This is lunacy! Well, you know my views
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): Utter lunacy!
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): But we daren't refuse...
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): Not another MVA...
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): Look, my friend, a note most ghey...
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): "Dear Alain, re: my last instructions: Please purge the n00bs, and do it soon. Every post's overblown - and that Thomas chap has to go! The man could not be blinder, so please preferably find one who paints with hues!"
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): "Dear Shlongy, vis a vis my story: some current members must be sacked. If you could, find out which like to scream and bitch - wisely, though, I've managed to assign a rather minor role to those without a rack!"
TIGERLILLY (CARLOTTA): *hops around angrily on one leg* Outrage!
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): What is it now?
TIGERLILLY (CARLOTTA): This whole affair is an outrage!
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): Miss Lilly, please!
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): Now what's the matter?
TIGERLILLY (CARLOTTA): Have you seen the size of my part?
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): Signora, listen...
METHOD (PIANGI): It's an insult!
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): Not you as well!
METHOD (PIANGI): That flaming Jewtoast - it's an insult!
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): Please, understand...
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): Signor! Signora!
TIGERLILLY (CARLOTTA): The things I have to do for my art!
METHOD (PIANGI): If you can call this gibberish "art" !
TIGERLILLY (CARLOTTA): Ah! Here's our little flower!
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): Ah, Miss "Minus Two" Daaé, quite the lady of the hour!
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): You have secured the largest role in this "Emu Triumphant."
TIGERLILLY (CARLOTTA): Ghola "Minus Two" Daaé? She doesn't have the talent!
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): Signora, please!
SCOURGE (RAOUL): Then I take it you're agreeing.
TIGERLILLY (CARLOTTA): She's behind this ...
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): It appears we have no choice.
TIGERLILLY (CARLOTTA): She's the one behind this! Ghola "Minus Two" Daaé!
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): How dare you!
TIGERLILLY (CARLOTTA): I'm not a fool!
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): You evil woman! How dare you!
TIGERLILLY (CARLOTTA): You think I'm blind?
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): This isn't my fault! I don't want any part in this plot!
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): Please, Ghola, come here...
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): But why not?
METHOD (PIANGI): What does she say?
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): ...and blow me, short stuff! But why not?
TIGERLILLY (CARLOTTA): She's backing out!
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): You have a duty!
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): I cannot do it, duty or not!
SCOURGE (RAOUL): Ghola, Ghola ...You don't have to, they can't make you ...
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): Please, monsieur: another note. "Fondest greetings to you all! A few instructions just before you begin the rough draft: TigerLilly must be taught to write ..."
ALTER'S VOICE: ...NOT HER NORMAL TRICK OF SHOWING OFF HER BREASTS!
OUR EMU MUST LOSE SOME WEIGHT - IT'S NOT HEALTHY FOR A MAN WITH METHOD'S CHEST!
AND MY MANAGERS MUST LEARN THAT THEIR PLACE IS IN AN OFFICE, NOT THE WEB.
AS FOR MISS GHOLA "MINUS TWO" DAAÉ . . .NO DOUBT SHE'LL DO HER BEST - IT'S TRUE HER SKILLS ARE GOOD.
SHE KNOWS, THOUGH, SHOULD SHE WISH TO EXCEL SHE HAS MUCH STILL TO LEARN, IF PRIDE WILL LET HER RETURN TO ME, HER TEACHER, HER TEACHER...
YOUR OBEDIENT FRIEND...
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): "... and Alter ..."
SCOURGE (RAOUL): We have all been blind - and yet the answer is staring us in the face. This could be the chance to ensnare our clever friend ...
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): We're listening...
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): Go on.
SCOURGE (RAOUL): We shall play his game - upload his post - but remember we hold the ace. For, if Miss "Minus Two" Daaé writes, he is certain to camp out...
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): We make certain the site is secure!
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): We make certain our men are there!
SCOURGE (RAOUL): We make certain the tracers are on!
SCOURGE (RAOUL)/CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE)/SHLONGY (FIRMIN): The jig is up - his reign will end!
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): Madness!
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): I'm not so sure...
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): Not if it works...
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): This is madness!
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): The tide will turn!
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): Herbert, believe me -there is no way of turning the tide!
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): You stick to porno!
SCOURGE (RAOUL): Then help us!
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): Monsieur, I can't...
SCOURGE (RAOUL): Instead of warning us...
SCOURGE (RAOUL)/CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE)/SHLONGY (FIRMIN): Help us!
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): I wish I could...
SCOURGE (RAOUL)/CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE)/SHLONGY (FIRMIN): Don't make excuses!
SCOURGE (RAOUL): Or could it be that you're on his side?
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): Monsieur, believe me, I intend no ill, but messieurs, be careful -we have seen him kill...
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE)/SHLONGY (FIRMIN): We say he'll get banned and ban him he will!
TIGERLILLY (CARLOTTA): She's the one behind this! Ghola! This is all her doing!
METHOD (PIANGI): This is the truth! Ghola "Minus Two" Daaé!
SCOURGE (RAOUL): This is his undoing!
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE)/SHLONGY (FIRMIN): If you succeed you free us all -this so called "alter" has to fall!
SCOURGE (RAOUL): Alter of Uber, fear my fury - Here is where you fall!
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): Hear my warning! Fear his fury!
TIGERLILLY (CARLOTTA): What glory can she hope to gain? It's clear to all the girl's insane!
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): Ghola writes, we'll get our man...
METHOD (PIANGI): She is crazy! She is raving!
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): If Ghola helps us in this plan...
SCOURGE (RAOUL): Say your prayers, black alter of shit!
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): Please don't...
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): If Ghola won't, then no one can...
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): Monsieur, I beg you, do not do this!
METHOD (PIANGI)/TIGERLILLY (CARLOTTA): What the hell man, if he's comin' at ya...
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE)/SHLONGY (FIRMIN): This will seal his fate!
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): If you don't stop, I'll go MAD!!!
Scourge, I'm frightened - don't make me do this
Scourge, it scares me -don't put me through this ordeal by fire
He'll take me, I know ...we'll be parted for ever, he won't let me go
What I once used to dream I now dream...if he finds me, it won't ever end
And he'll always be there, writing posts in my head
He'll always be there, writing posts in my head...
TIGERLILLY (CARLOTTA): She's mad...
SCOURGE (RAOUL): You said yourself he was nothing but a man. Yet while he lives, he will stalk us till we're dead
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): Twisted every way, what answer can I give?
Am I to risk my Uber cred, to win the chance to live?
Can I betray the man who once inspired my posts?
Do I become his prey? Do I give up the ghost?
He screams without a thought, he yells at all that's good
I know I can't refuse and yet, I wish I could
Oh God - if I agree, what horrors wait for me in this, the Alter's creation...?
SCOURGE (RAOUL): Ghola, Ghola, don't think that I don't care - but every hope and every prayer rests on you now.
*turns, thrusts fist in air and screams to the Alter:*
So, it is to be war between us! But this time, clever friend, the disaster will be yours!
~~~ Emu Triumphant Rehearsal ~~~
CHORUS: Hide our wounded aviaries, knight! Your vain glorious gasconnade brought you to your final fight for your pride, high price you've paid!
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): Shit-filled post and contests great: both have been his battlefield.
METHOD (PIANGI): Those who tangle with e-moose...
ETS (REYER): No, no, NO! Chorus, rest, please. Emu, Signor MeTHod - here is the phrase. "Those who tangle with emus. . ." If you please?
METHOD (PIANGI): Those who tangle with e-moose...
ETS (REYER): No, NO. Nearly - but no. "Those who tangle with e-mus, mus, mus"...
METHOD (PIANGI): Those who tangle with e-moose...
TIGERLILLY (CARLOTTA): His way is better. At least he make it sound more interesting!
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): Signora - would you speak that way in the presence of the creator?
TIGERLILLY (CARLOTTA): The creator is not here. And if he were here, I would smack him with my fake leg...
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): Are you certain of that, Signora...?
ETS (REYER): So, once again - after seven. Five, six, seven...
METHOD (PIANGI): Those who tangle with e-moose...
TIGERLILLY (CARLOTTA): Ah, rub my tits! What does it matter what words we use?
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): Have patience, Signora.
TIGERLILLY (CARLOTTA): No one will know if it is right or if it is wrong. No one will CARE if it is right, or if it is wrong!
TIGERLILLY (CARLOTTA): Those who tangle with e-moose!
METHOD (PIANGI): Those who tangle with e-mousse . . .mousse . . .is right? Damnit! IT'S ALL GREEK TO ME!!! I'D SELL MY SISTER FOR THE ABILITY TO PRONOUNCE IT CORRECTLY!
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): Like this, MeTHod: Those who tangle with emus ... mus ...
ETS (REYER): Ladies ... Signor MeTHod ... if you please ...
ALL EXCEPT GHOLA (CHRISTINE): Poor young emu! For the thrill on your tongue of stolen words you will have to pay the price - drenched within the swirling turds!
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): In sleep he sang to me, in posts he spoke ...
that voice which calls to me, a most fine bloke...
Little Lotto promised us everything and nothing...
Her father promised her that he would send her the Alter of Uber...
Her father promised her...
Her father promised her...
~~~ Flushing Out the Shit On Here Again ~~~
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): You were once my one companion ... you were all that mattered ...
You were once a friend and father ... then my world was shattered ...
Flushing out the shit on here again ... gone from Uber, all that's queer ...
Sometimes it seemed, if I just dreamed, that day would soon be here ...
Wishing I could read your words again ...knowing that I never would ...
Dreaming of you won't help me to do all that you dreamed I could ...
Passing sites and scripted pages, cold and monumental,
Seem, for you, the wrong companions - you were warm and gentle ...
Too many months arguing with cunts...
Why can't the past just die... ?
Flushing out the shit on here again ... knowing we must say goodbye ...
Try to forget... help me to quit... give me the strength to try ...
No more memories, no more silent tears ...
No more gazing across the wasted years ...
Help me say goodbye.
Help me say goodbye!
User Reviews
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-01-25 19:48:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-01-25 15:31:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by blackeyedbitch (user info) at 2007-01-25 15:22:01 (#)
Ranking: -2
This was really shitty. Make a post about me, you cunt.
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I already did: http://www.ubersite.com/m/57560
Submitted by blackeyedbitch (user info) at 2007-01-25 15:22:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This was really shitty. Make a post about me, you cunt.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-01-25 13:46:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Some day, you'll look back at this in laugh. Of course, I'm doing that right now. Good show.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-01-25 13:04:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
THIS IS MADNESS!
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2007-01-25 12:25:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You always post these when I am drunk or just about to sign out.
Take a +2 in advance of me reading this series.
-Dave
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-01-25 10:54:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh I believe Method would sell his sister for far less.
Though properly singing that line is worth quite a pretty penis.
I mean penny.
No, no I don't. Method loves penis.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-01-25 10:42:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-01-25 10:40:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-01-25 10:35:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
You sir have talent; and I want some.
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I want to see ghola sing the high soprano version of this...THAT would be talent.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-01-25 10:40:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-01-25 10:35:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
You sir have talent; and I want some.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-01-25 10:35:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You sir have talent; and I want some.