Imagine if a guy were sleeping in bed... (767 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.64 on 39 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ampersand (View user info) at 2007-01-25 21:19:09 EST
"Imagine if a guy were sleeping in bed alright, and I go and I grab a big
knife and I open the door to his bedroom and walk in all quiet like and
I just stab the fuck out of this guy. And the sheets are all red and
stained you know, cause when you stab a guy a lot he bleeds a lot right?
And then I throw him in a body bag for easier disposal latter and I take
a fresh set of sheets and blankets and I make the bed up all neat and
tidy like so no ones none the wiser.
And then I take that body bag I was talking about earlier, I take that
body bag and I take it downstairs and outside and I throw it in the
trunk of a car parked in out in front. And the driver he rolls down the
window and I lean in all subtle-like and I say, "Take care of it," but I
don't go with him. I go back upstairs to that bed. And then for no reason
at all I decide I gotta masturbate so I do, and eventually I start orgasming
all over this bed for no fucking reason at all. And I keep on doing this over
and over and over.
And then once that bed is all nasty with my own bodily fluids I hop on over
to the next guys bed and I stab that fucker too. But this time I don't even
bother to tidy up before I start wanking all over the place. And once I'm
done with that bed I realize there's no more beds in this room. So what do I
do? I run over to the next room, and I don't even bother to dress up either
by the way, I just run over there naked with my junk dangling out everywhere,
smelling like blood and semen. And this time I just get the beds all in a row
and stab those fuckers assembly line style. And then sure enough, I start
splurging all over these beds too.
Eventually I just cant even orgasm anymore, its just not even an option.
But I still got a couple beds left unsoiled so I take a squat right there
and I just shit all the hell over 'em. And the room smelled bad already but
now its starting to get really rank. I'm talkin bout the kind of smell where,
if you don't get rid of it quick, it sinks into the walls and the furniture
and even into you if you stick around for too long. And I know this, but I don't
leave, I wallow in it. I roll in the filth. I delight in it. Now imagine I'm America."
User Reviews
Submitted by LisaD (user info) at 2007-05-18 13:40:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2007-01-26 19:14:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Imagine you don't post anymore. Then don't imagine it, do it.
Submitted by Hiredugan (user info) at 2007-01-26 19:09:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
While I enjoyed this work the line at the end seemed a bit much. Whilst I agree in the most part with you on the overture of this peace I just feel as though the roll in the shit line was a bit far. I have to say as an american soldier I should be protesting this piece in the mere fact that my boss is the President. but your right that is how the us treats a lot of things. Including it's own.
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2007-01-26 18:36:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yup.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-01-26 16:01:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-01-26 15:28:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by WingedFoote (user info) at 2007-01-26 05:50:23 (#)
Ranking: -2
for the last line.
------
yes, that was totally unnecessary.
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2007-01-26 14:19:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Perhaps, homer, you would care to enlighten me as to why this is so thoroughly bad? Do you agree with my point of view and simply find my execution wanting? Or do you enjoy my imagery but disagree with the idea behind it? Or do you not understand the idea behind it, lack even a small child's grasp of poetic language, and instead merely enjoy hurling simple minded insults at everything you come across in the meager hope that your tantrum will draw some sort of reaction?
And ghola, I've learned that you should never apologize for other peoples sins. But thanks. I'm glad some people liked this and its good to see that there are still a few people around here that I like. I'm taking another writing class this semester so hopefully I'll be finding more time for ubersite.
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2007-01-26 13:45:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck you die. I can't believe this is rated positive. What a fucking disgrace.
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2007-01-26 10:00:26 (#)
Ranking: 0
American wars cover about 2% of what this was in reference to.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2007-01-26 12:14:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
anti-americanism is a bit misguided. it's just anti-power figure
personally, i find sensationalist propaganda fascinating on its own
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-01-26 12:08:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This really was good. Sorry for the idiots below.
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2007-01-26 10:25:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
my life story
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2007-01-26 10:00:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
American wars cover about 2% of what this was in reference to.
Submitted by Acarnis (user info) at 2007-01-26 09:20:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
WTF? Sensationalist BS is far too overrated.
You forgot the part where you imagine the description of the men on the beds: men who raped & killed innocents and would do the same to your friends and family. They'd do this based on worse/misinformed pretexts than you can imagine. You see, 'America' had just snuck into some sort of Terrorist camp.
American wars may not be the best thing since sliced bread, but it's not the raping massacre fest that you perceive it to be.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-01-26 07:47:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This could have been quite good.
Submitted by WingedFoote (user info) at 2007-01-26 05:50:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
for the last line.
Submitted by jfreakman (user info) at 2007-01-26 02:44:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
teh triple xxx suxxxorz
Submitted by jfreakman (user info) at 2007-01-26 02:44:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
teh suxxxorzz
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-01-26 02:20:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I came.
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2007-01-26 01:36:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Shoulda made the last sentence a paragraph unto itself~ out there by itself, at the bottom, all alone.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2007-01-26 01:35:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2007-01-26 01:21:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahahahahahahaha!
I DID NOT see that coming.
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2007-01-26 00:43:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
powerful imagery
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2007-01-26 00:13:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
needs more #1
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-01-25 23:45:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
poetry
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-01-25 23:30:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
aaahahaha
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2007-01-25 23:13:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
First Bush invades my home turf, then he takes my pals, then he makes fun
of the way I talk -- probably -- now he steals my right to raise a
disobedient, smart-alecky son! Well, that's it!
-- Homer Simpson
Two Bad Neighbors
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2007-01-25 23:00:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
thats not an admission of guilt is it?
Submitted by Gunslinger (user info) at 2007-01-25 22:58:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
For the last line.
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2007-01-25 22:49:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You're a piece of shit. Hopefully somebody stabs you.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2007-01-25 22:40:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You see, boy? The real money's in bootlegging! Not in your childish
vandalism.
-- Homer Simpson
Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment
_________________________________________
I fucking LOVE these Simpsons quotes sometimes...
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2007-01-25 22:37:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've got a better one (not mine):
"Let's say you have an ax. The kind that you could use, in a pinch, to hack a man's head off... And let's say that very situation comes up and for some very solid reasons you behead a man. On the follow-through, though, the handle of the ax snaps in half in a spray of splinters. So the next day you take it to the ax store down the block and get a new handle, fabricating a story for the guy behind the counter and explaining away the reddish dark stains as barbeque sauce. Now, that next spring you find in your garage a creature that looks like a cross-bred badger and anaconda. A badgerconda. And so you grab your trusty ax and chop off one of the beast's heads, but in the process the blade of the ax strikes the concrete floor and shatters. This means another trip to McMillan & Son's Ax Mart. As soon as you get home with your newly-headed ax, though, you meet the reanimated body of the guy you beheaded last year. He's also got a new head attached and it's wearing that unique expression of "you're the man who killed me last Spring" resentment that one so rarely encounters in everyday life. You brandish your ax. He takes a long look at the weapon with his squishy, rotting eyes and in a gargly voice he screams, "that's the same ax that slayed me!"...Is he right?"
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2007-01-25 22:31:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Its not from anywhere, I wrote it. The quotes were just to indicate its colloquial nature.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2007-01-25 22:27:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2007-01-25 22:18:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
That's like the summation from A Time to Kill.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2007-01-25 22:06:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
where'd you pull this from, And?
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2007-01-25 22:03:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wheres it from?
Submitted by IntangibleHands (user info) at 2007-01-25 21:48:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Blah blah blah.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-01-25 21:41:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't expect that, nice :)
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-01-25 21:30:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
pretty much tags it