That's it, I'm comin' out of the BOOOOOOOTH! (711 hits)
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Submitted by itchy (View user info) at 2007-01-26 11:07:04 EST
Yeah. I still check in from time to time. Sue me. (Get it? HA!)
I did this post once already, but unfortunately the titles I give my posts sometimes have nothing to do with the actual content of the post itself UNLESS you happen to be in my head at those precious few moments before I click the "Submit" button, at which time there IS a logical connection between whatever snippet of pop-culture (song lyric, too oft repeated line from b-comedy, etc.) I rip off to use as a title, however tenuous that connection may be.
That means that I have no idea what I called the post I wrote about this subject so I can't just link it to Bob's post, which is what I really wanted to do in the first place. And, since I can't do that, I might as well go ahead and drop a full-on post because, let's face it, I'm not getting any closer to the MVA by not posting for five months or however long it's been.
By the way, I've been sober for six months now, in case anyone is keeping score at home (193 days and counting).
The point is, I did a post a while back about the Seven Words You Can't Say on Uber. It was supposed to be tied in to George Carlin's classic comedy sketch "Seven Words You Can't Say on the Radio."
EURIPEDES TROUSERS, THAT'S IT!
George Carlin Must Be Spinning In His Grave Right Now.
Or something to that effect.
The title, I mean. The title was "George Carlin Must Be Spinning In His Grave Right Now." Or, as I mentioned, something to that effect.
Effect? Effect or affect? I can NEVER remember the rule for that one. I always use "effect" as my default setting, but I remember thinking at one point, "whoa. All this time (the river flows, endlessly to the sea), I've been using 'effect' as my default, but I think I really should have been using 'affect' because, properly utilized, that's the way I intend it most often. Fuckin' tubular, dude."
Unintended A.D.D. aside aside, I remember that one because the late, great McGinny gave me a -2. Thereby proving he was a moron.
I also remember it because, by and large, NOT ONE of you mouth-breathers (besides, unbelievably, Will Zone) managed to catch the sarcasm festering all throughout that post.
The idea was to expose the just utter, absolute and screamingly blatant hypocrisy of you cultured, educated and socially progressive thinkers out there. It's so obvious in fact, that it's almost TOO tempting to point out. (Anything that satisfying has to be bad for your soul, you know what I'm saying?)
And now, with allll of that pre-text in place, I really want to know how you people can live with yourselves.
Here we are on a site frequented by (mostly) educated people who either currently HAVE pretty good jobs (the kind that pay well, but are un-challenging enough that you don't have to be fully engaged and are therefore allowed to waste massive amounts of time doing shit like reading this) or who will someday soon have pretty good jobs of the same sort as were outlined in the parenthetical above.
These people consider themselves reasonably well informed (even if most of their news comes from Steward or Colbert). They consider themselves intelligent and they like to emotionally masterbate to their own tolerance and open-mindedness.
They're the kind of people who see Kramer use "the N-Word" and shake their head in sadness, knowing that tomorrow, they will be forced to sell their Seinfeld DVD Boxed set so that they can appropriately show that they are not "down" (as, we hear, the blacks are fond of saying) with racism.
Then, when that black guy from that one doctor show called that other guy (the GAY one) "the F-Word," well, it should go without saying that . . . well, forgetaboutit.
It's just a good thing that poor black guy from that one doctor show is getting the treatment that he needs to adequately address his CONDITION. Really, we're so generous in spirit that we wish him well in his RECOVERY.
Because he called a gay guy a faggot.
Yeah. I said it. Faggot.
I'll go one further.
Nigger.
Oopsie! Don't freak out. It's cool. It isn't a capital offense to use those words YET. But give it another couple of years. It honestly makes me laugh my ass off every time one of these stories hits the mainstream news, watching newscasters trying to cover the shitstorm of controversy caused by WORDS without using the actual WORDS that caused the controversy in the first place.
Why does it make me laugh? Because of the Joseph Heler absurdity of it.
We're being told that the use of certain words is so inherently EVIL that it can NEVER be done, in any context, by anyone (with certain notable, hypocritical exceptions) at any time, ever. But then, when some poor sap breaks the taboo and uses those EVIL, PROHIBITED WORDS the people who thus far have been telling us that no one can ever use those words are put in the position of needing to make an example of the poor sap for what he did. In order to do this, they need to tell us WHAT the poor sap did, but (and here's the good part) they CAN'T because to tell us what they did would require them to use the words that no one can use. And somehow, they've decided that they need to take their prohibition of WORDS (i.e. thoughts) to such an extreme level that a person cannot even use them as examples in an academic context to discuss the merits of prohibitions on certain words or thoughts.
Maybe it's just me, but that shit's funny.
Which is why I have no choice but to sit back an laugh every time I see someone NOT ONLY missing the Catch-22 in the first place, but also taking the artificial propositions (the "given" we've thus far assumed is not, in fact, a given) creating the Catch-22 SERIOUSLY.
So that's why I'm not a big fan of "political correctness" But hey, I'm a conservative, that's the sort of racist, anti-gay crap you would expect from me. (Although hopefully SOME of you will be able to understand that the reason I'm prone to make racist and/or sexual preference related (I refuse to use the word "homophobic" due to the implications of fear that are entirely fantastic) jokes not from actual malice toward any of those groups, but rather as a jab at being told what words I can or cannot say (and what thoughts I can or cannot think) and the notion that I HAVE to LIKE or RESPECT ANYONE based on their race or sexual preference. If those characteristics are not valid justification for a person to DISLIKE or DISRESPECT another person, they are certainly not sufficient cause for the opposite).
I abuse the privilege of parenthesis far too often.
Which brings me to Bob's post today. Bob's post today was about how he hasn't been posting because he's been busy. He's given up drinking, tobacco and he's found hisself THA LORD ALMIGHTY, HALLELUJAH AND AMEN!!!
This post, on ubersite, is the approximate equivalent to putting forty-five tones of "chum" in the water's off the coast of South Africa's Seal Island.
Or, it's at least a pretty big "Kick Me" sign.
So now all the same folks who have smugly sold their Seinfeld DVDs to show their solidarity with The Movement are suddenly lighting their torches and sharpening their pitchforks.
Bob didn't condemn anyone to H-E-double hockey sticks, and I don't think (besides a minor implication in the title of his post) he said anything about people NEEDING to accept Jesus Christ as their personal lord and savior. (I could be wrong there.)
And what's he get?
This isn't the place, man. You can't say shit like that here. That's out of line.
Spanish Inquisition. Trent Reznor told me that there is no god.
What the hell is THAT about?
The people who (and I will never forget this one as long as I live) swarmed to let Jack McCallum have it in one of his UberMadness posts a while back because one of his characters used the word "nigger" (keeping in mind that the same character was a child rapist/murderer - which, needless to say, went uncommented upon) are now up in arms because Bob was classless enough to come out and say something GOOD about GOD.
"We have to like EVERYBODY and we don't like it when you disrespect somebody! It's not nice!" They cry.
"Oh, wait. You're a Christian? Get the fuck out of here you piece of shit! We don't like 'Your Kind' around these here parts. Somebody get a rope and we'll string the bastard up! Have us a good old-fashioned lynching! Yee-haw!"
It's a common enough refrain that Christians are hypocrites and the reason it's common enough because it's true.
We are.
And?
You're not?
Bullshit.
Come to think of it, I've done a post about that too. Which means that I've been seeing the same shit going on here for a long time now. I suppose the difference is that now I'm not young enough to believe that it might change some day. Granted, it's all new names spouting off the same old shit, but at the end of the day it's still just the same old shit.
And it stinks.
User Reviews
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-02-07 13:59:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want the world to know
I gotta let it show
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-02-07 13:44:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
P.S
You are about as likely to 'save' a christian from religion as a christian is as likely to 'save' me from eternal damnation.
I.e. Not Very.
So why bother?
If I was a christian i'd be far too busy awaiting my virgins or whatever they get in heaven.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-02-07 13:42:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-01-26 11:20:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
You can't say nigger on uber?!?! That little search box on the left, if you search uber for "nigger", you'll get 80 hits. If you include message bodies and comments, you'll get 400.
I think I get what you're trying to say, but your condescending, ADD style is a bit grating. """
I use those words all the time and I come from the faaaaaaaaar left of Itchy.
They are just words.
I agree that people can post whatever the fuck they like on Uber - jebus knows I have pushed the boundaries many many times.
Yes Itchy's tone is condescending but it needs to be, you see, you are all dullards.
If the believe in a non existent deity helps people then why not? Of course it begs the question are you just replacing one crutch with another? But this crutch doesn't lead to a slow painful death.
I read an interesting book the other week about the evolved NEED for religion that is imprinted into us. All tribes and all races from the dawn of time have worshiped various gods. Are they wrong? Ignorant? Perhaps.
Are 'we' any better for railing against them? No.
The whole thing stinks. Let them pray to their holy ghost and let us worship psychobable and then lets all have a steak dinner and a wank.
Deal?
But my main beef and here I agree 100% with my right wing nut job chum is that anyone can post fucking ANYTHING here.
Okay?
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-01-28 14:33:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great read, use of commas and ()'s. (a lot)
I only suggested to change his username from Blitzkreig_Bob (which is misspelled) to Spanish_Inquisition_Bob when, I repeat, when joining a religious forum. If I remember well I even did
write: I'm happy for you anyway and hope you're healthy and stay healthy for a long long time.
That's regarding the Spanish Inquisition, now it's back to you, I hope you'll stay strong and if you need to stay dry I hope you stay dry for a long time.
Great read, this was!
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-01-28 11:12:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Teephphah! Where've you been?
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-01-28 00:47:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...well I did read it.
And YOU are fucking fantastic.
I like you. A LOT.
Submitted by 8track (user info) at 2007-01-27 19:15:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-01-27 03:34:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
didn't read it. This plus 2 is for tollbooth willy
_____________
same here but plus one. COME TO THE HOSPITAL THEN!
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-01-27 03:34:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
didn't read it. This plus 2 is for tollbooth willy.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-01-26 16:34:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2007-01-26 16:27:44 (#)
Ranking: -2
christ
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2007-01-26 14:20:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like commas, they make me happy, whenever I see a comma, it, just, makes, my day.
carry on
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-01-26 13:58:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-01-26 11:11:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
Teephphahahahaha
Ubersite needs you.
==========================
I need you. (in a non man-on-man love kind of way)
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-01-26 13:11:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's a common enough refrain that Christians are hypocrites and the reason it's common enough because it's true.
We are.
And?
You're not?
Bullshit.
========================
CHECKMATE!
Submitted by Hagard (user info) at 2007-01-26 12:23:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
george carlin is not dead... fuck head
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-01-26 12:10:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Stay as far away as you can. It's for the best, really.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-01-26 11:50:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-01-26 11:39:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmoJean (user info) at 2007-01-26 11:35:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey slim how's it hangin?
---
Get in contact with Barry or Josie if you can, please.
======
...and Escobar says that the stash is down on the wharf.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-01-26 11:39:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmoJean (user info) at 2007-01-26 11:35:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey slim how's it hangin?
---
Get in contact with Barry or Josie if you can, please.
Submitted by EmoJean (user info) at 2007-01-26 11:35:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey slim how's it hangin?
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2007-01-26 11:34:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I miss you.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-01-26 11:23:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-01-26 11:20:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You can't say nigger on uber?!?! That little search box on the left, if you search uber for "nigger", you'll get 80 hits. If you include message bodies and comments, you'll get 400.
I think I get what you're trying to say, but your condescending, ADD style is a bit grating.
Submitted by drgoatcabin (user info) at 2007-01-26 11:20:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That made me giddy...
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2007-01-26 11:19:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is that a pic of the newly arrived hungry mouth #2? Congrats if so.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-01-26 11:18:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OH MY GOD!
YOU JUST RAN OVER TOLL BOOTH WILLIE!
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-01-26 11:13:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
have this for the pic.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-01-26 11:11:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Teephphahahahaha
Ubersite needs you.