Ubertines '07 - The Clown (956 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: the_dead
Rating: 1.37 on 37 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Axolotl (View user info) at 2007-01-27 01:30:33 EST
"Did you have fun?" Megan asked her young husband Daniel as they drove home down a bleak New Jersey road.
"Yeah, I had fun," said Daniel, distantly concentrated on the slippery roads. "Although someone should have stopped the guy with the mustache from reading that poem before dinner, I was nearly falling asleep. Kinda pretentious of him, don't you think?"
There was a stony silence in the car. Megan cleared her throat and said, "That was my uncle. He's a genius."
He looked over at her, taking his eyes momentarily off the roads. That was Daniel, always with the negatives. Just like how he had told Megan's father that the living room definitely could use a coat of paint, and how he had said to Megan's sister she had better get married before she's too old to find a husband. Megan's sister had been seen crying in the reception hall's bathroom by another female relative later.
"I know my family can be weird at times too," Daniel said, trying to salvage the situation.
"He's not weird," Megan replied coldly. "He's a Vietnam veteran."
Daniel sighed, his blood feeling icy. He wondered what made blood feel icy, the bitter sensation of cold, coupled with the feeling he just took a blow to his testicles.
Daniel liked to think a lot. He usually liked to think before going to sleep, and he thought of a lot of things. Time, memory, perception—he had tried to wrap his mind around a lot of earthy mysteries. Whenever he told his wife Megan, she had dismissed the philosophical questions as meaningless, and jokingly called into question Daniel's sanity. Maybe Megan was just too young, Daniel thought.
"John Caspar gave a hell of a toast," Daniel said, reaching the exit for their Paramus apartment.
"I know..." Megan said calmly. "He's a good speaker."
Interpreting her remark wrongly, Daniel quickly answered, "I'm a good speaker as well, remember when I spoke at my dad's funeral?"
Megan laughed, but Daniel couldn't tell if it was genuine. "You're always so defensive..."
"I'm sorry, I couldn't tell—"
"It makes you unique," Megan giggled. A little warmer, she said "I love you," in a quiet, happy voice. Daniel felt better, a little more elated, and slightly more confident. He parked his car in front of their apartment, and they walked up toward the door together. The street was empty and cold at this hour in the night, and the rain had left slippery films of water along the pavement.
Megan walked in front of him, into the atrium of the middle-class apartment building and he walked after her, his eyes following the movement of her legs. She ascended the stairs, going a few steps above him, and Daniel took pause for a second.
He looked up at her.
She was beautiful, and he was a joke. He traced the curve of her body from the shock of skin on her exposed pale ankles up her back to her chestnut hair, and her wistful, pondering face. She was staring off seemingly into nowhere, the corners of her lips tugged up.
"I—you looked nice tonight, sweetheart," Daniel said, his heart speeding up slightly.
Megan jerked her head, as if pulled out of a daydream, and said "Thank you,"
He walked toward the foot of the steps, his eyes at the level of her calves. He breathed deeply, taking in the air, and saying "It's been a long night...are you tired?"
"Mm...a little bit," Megan replied, gazing down at him.
Daniel's heart soared, and he brashly took another step up, his muscles tight in his thighs. His heart was pounding now, and he smiled in what he thought to be an amorous way at Megan, showing all his teeth. Megan grinned down at him, but still stood unmoving on the steps.
He chuckled, overconfident, and said, "You can get up those stairs okay?"
Megan looked down at him coldly, leaning on the banister. Daniel gulped nervously, and stuttered a beginning of a failed sentence, and retook it into his locked, anxious mouth.
"Sorry,"
"It's okay."
"Is everything all right?" Daniel asked, retreating down a step, and giving her space as if to redeem himself.
Megan sighed. Unspeaking, she looked pas the window beyond Daniel.
"You can tell me anything, Megan," Daniel said in a quiet, mouse-ish voice. A last-ditch attempt.
"You know...when Caspar was talking about Rent today," Megan said. "I...oh, I don't know..."
"What is it?" Daniel feverishly asked, his clownish lusts barely strapped under his skin by shy restraint. "Is it that—do you want to go see Rent?"
Megan started, paused, and laughed in an uncheerful way, shaking her head. "No, no...I was just remembering something from when I was in high school. There was this boy, Conor McCullough, he took me to Rent in the city for my seventeenth birthday. Just a nice memory."
Feeling his emotions dull characteristically, Daniel asked, "A boyfriend?"
"My first. He sat next to me in Biology class, and got me terribly sick one time. It was back during the meningitis outbreak in Ramapo High School, and he kept coughing and coughing. Nobody realized it was anything worse than the flu, but I started coughing too. I had to get injections and...it's nothing, but he didn't do so well."
"Did you love him?"
"Yes, I did," Megan smiled. "He went into the hospital around February of my senior year. Even though my parents kept grounding me for doing it, I would go out and get a bus to the hospital in Hackensack, and spend time with him, when he was in bed alone in the dark pediatric wing. You know...a lot of times the nurses caught us doing things we shouldn't have been doing..."
Megan winked in what she hoped to be a jocund way; Daniel wasn't shocked, or sad. He was just empty. Seeing no reaction, Megan paused awkwardly.
"He died in April," she said simply, as if eager to end the conversation. "He took my virginity."
Daniel nodded numbly, and looked at his wife. "Did you see him before you died?"
"Eleven days," Megan responded precisely. The recalled memories showed in her face and demeanor and for a single flashing second, she appeared to Daniel as a girl of seventeen or eighteen again, pure and young. Daniel reached out at the memory, but it fell away, crumpling in his mind like a long-lost déjà vu; a faraway song caught in the silences of his mind. He stammered and said:
"I'm glad you were able to see him before he died."
Megan nodded, seeming warmer, and said, "Come to bed."
They ascended the stairs, Megan in front of Daniel, and entered their bedroom. They undressed separately, and crawled into the bed. Megan held Daniel for a moment, her warmth burning his skin, and she kissed him on the lips gently, holding her mouth against his for a few seconds, and then drawing back and turning onto the pillow.
She was asleep in several minutes. Daniel lay awake.
Like an obsessed mental patient, Daniel rolled through all the night in his mind - the jokes, the songs, and the laughter, and his respected but unaccepted presence in every scene, a spectator to the joy of the party. He envisioned Megan, beautiful as ever on the stair, and then his mental picture of her at seventeen, radiant and happy. His mind probed into the past and future and for a moment he contemplated linear time, how there wasn't any way to see the past and future as the present was all that existed.
He thought back to his father, dying of emphysema on a hospital bed, and imagined Conor McCullough dead of meningitis, Megan crying over his body, telling him that she loved him. Daniel didn't know it, but he was crying as well now, as he thought into the future. He thought of the countless years before him with Megan, and he already knew nothing about her. He thought of the loveless children and hours and years of worthless work before him, of the cold night spent in the bed where he might as well be alone.
He thought to his mother's death and Megan's parents' deaths, and sending the kids to college and retiring and divorce and hate and love and fear and loathing and pain and suffering and years and years and years upon countless years of thankless work ahead of him and he cried, Daniel cried, his sobs shaking the bed, his sobs knowing the years of thankless work would be followed by pain and sickness and soul-crippling lonliness, and his death. One day he would die alone, gasping for air as his heart gave out, and he would wish that he hadn't been so shy, hadn't been so afraid and awkward and depressing.
One day he would die, but for all purposes, Daniel thought, he was already dead. Him and everyone like him had been dead for a long time, dead since they realized that the world wasn't really all that nice, and that nobody really cared and they didn't care themselves. He was dead and there was no God, no imaginary man up above to reunite Daniel with his father up in heaven, or to make things right between him and Megan, or to Save all his people.
All there was on the earth was Daniel Marcus, and that's all there ever would be. There was no love, no hate, no fear, no anything, not a soul alive, at least that mattered, except for Daniel Peter James Marcus, and he was already dead.
User Reviews
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2007-02-04 22:28:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W???
My bad, i meant MVA.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-01-31 22:46:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2007-01-31 19:15:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats on B@W buddy
--
??
Which post?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-01-31 19:16:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/98252#2297076
Good show, Ax.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2007-01-31 19:15:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats on B@W buddy
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-01-30 16:06:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
so, whats up with your lotl?
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-01-30 14:33:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this
Submitted by jojo747 (user info) at 2007-01-30 00:07:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
pointless
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-01-29 15:18:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2007-01-27 19:24:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a very good writer, especially for 16.
" Daniel nodded numbly, and looked at his wife. "Did you see him before you died?" "
Dont' you mean before HE died?
---
Or DOES he??
DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-01-29 10:05:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Noonie's from noo joissee too
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-01-29 09:56:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i lked this. that's liek one of thos thoughts where you wait for it to snap at teh end.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-01-29 09:45:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well done.
Submitted by Gunslinger (user info) at 2007-01-28 23:13:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The ending sealed it for me.
Good luck man.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-01-28 15:50:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-01-28 15:46:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-01-28 14:22:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think you went a little overboard with the names in a few places, but other than that I liked it a lot
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2007-01-28 02:25:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok just checking because after I posted it and thought about the whole theme I saw how you actually could have meant it as written as will with the whole "we're all already dead theme." In any event keep it regardless of what anybody says. You're doing a good thing and you're a creative guy that has a way with words - very nice. I'm consistantly impressed with the quality of writing that's posted here - I think it's every bit as good as the stuff you spend good money on in borders and sometimes better. I think it's great that people share it here - it's gotten me through many a boring day at work so I thank you and all the others for that. Good work!
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-01-27 23:03:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2007-01-27 19:24:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a very good writer, especially for 16.
" Daniel nodded numbly, and looked at his wife. "Did you see him before you died?" "
Dont' you mean before HE died?
------
Thanks. I've done a lot of stuff in the past, I've only been posting shit recently. Look at "The Dead" and "As I Lay Dying" in my labels for my best stuff. The Malleys is also pretty good.
Yep, just a minor typo.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-01-27 23:03:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2007-01-27 19:24:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a very good writer, especially for 16.
" Daniel nodded numbly, and looked at his wife. "Did you see him before you died?" "
Dont' you mean before HE died?
------
Thanks. I've done a lot of stuff in the past, I've only been posting shit recently. Look at "The Dead" and "As I Lay Dying" in my labels for my best stuff. The Malleys is also pretty good.
Yep, just a minor typo.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-01-27 23:02:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-01-27 19:49:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
You missed one, Ax ; )
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Snagged Tigerlilly's account, did you? Be sure to snag her leg as well, make a lamp out of it like Christmas Story if she'll let you.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-01-27 19:49:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You missed one, Ax ; )
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2007-01-27 19:24:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a very good writer, especially for 16.
" Daniel nodded numbly, and looked at his wife. "Did you see him before you died?" "
Dont' you mean before HE died?
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2007-01-27 18:28:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-01-27 16:32:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Tr4ppedunderice (user info) at 2007-01-27 14:53:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
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Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2007-01-27 14:52:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
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Submitted by Harbinger (user info) at 2007-01-27 14:52:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
==================
haha
thanks meth
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-01-27 15:59:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Tis cool
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-01-27 14:53:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hell, I didn't even know I was an alter!
Submitted by Tr4ppedunderice (user info) at 2007-01-27 14:53:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2007-01-27 14:52:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Harbinger (user info) at 2007-01-27 14:52:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-01-27 13:30:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HawthorneHeights (user info) at 2007-01-27 03:52:01 (#)
Ranking: -2
emo
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coming from someone called hawthorne heights. Hang yourself in your closet, fucktard.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-01-27 07:18:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
1.5
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-01-27 07:18:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought it was good, but droll in some places. 1.5
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-01-27 04:52:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Daniel nodded numbly, and looked at his wife. "Did you see him before you died?"
---------------
is this correct ax?
I thought this was good.
Submitted by HawthorneHeights (user info) at 2007-01-27 03:52:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
emo
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-01-27 03:30:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Sweet, hey ax I'm doing a post that references some parts of Jersey, anythng in particular you think I should add?
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-01-27 02:10:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
boob toucher!
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-01-27 02:06:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-01-27 01:59:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by pannerplant (user info) at 2007-01-27 01:35:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
yawn