Ubertines '07: Kissing the Lipless (707 hits)
Category: RomanceLabels: fiction
Rating: 1.74 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sacrilicious (View user info) at 2007-01-28 15:14:36 EST
Dear Andrew,
I guess that you're probably as surprised to read the handwriting on this letter as I am to write it. I mean, does anyone even write letters anymore?
I found your address in the alumni book. I bet no one cleared that listing with you, huh? I tried to look you up online a few times, but I guess sometimes people don't want to be found. I hope this isn't one of those times.
I ran into Josh at some bar in Westchester a couple of months ago. We only talked for a minute; you know we never liked each other much. But he did tell me that you and Rachel still have that place and that you're still working hard. He also mentioned that it seems she's hardly around anymore, and that you've been spending a lot of time downtown again. I haven't been down that way in ages, I really should stop by the tavern and see who's still around.
So, it's been what..4 years now? When I think about our last times together, I can't believe it's been so long. We could have relived high school in the time since we've seen each other. Yet, the few short years we spent seemed like a lifetime back then.
I have an apartment on Olive Street. All by myself, can you believe it? I've gained a lot of perspective since we all moved out, and I've become more independent. I've finally learned the value of experiencing solitude, and how much I enjoy doing things on my own. I've realized just how much our lives had been steeped in this constant din. That's what those years were for, I suppose. And every song we screamed out of tune together, every drunken slur and joyful noise are the stuff of memories I'd never trade for peace and quiet- but the silence has forced me to reckon with myself in ways I never have before.
I've learned to confront some of my fears with determination. I've stopped being such a procrastinator. I've learned a lot about myself and what's important to me. And I guess these are all reasons why I'm writing to you in the first place.
I'm not even sure what to say or how to say it, but something tells me this is one of the most important things I've done in a long time. I don't know if that is more for the hope it will change something, or simply because I finally have the courage to try to come to terms with this clusterfuck of emotions that is etched with your name.
The truth is that I think about you every single day. Whether it's the you who danced with me in the rain at the Bob Dylan show, or the bleary-eyed boy who pulled up to the house to get me every single morning, to go anywhere at all, or the one who always winked at me after sinking a perfect shot at the pool hall.
Do you remember the times you would sneak me into your mom's house to stay the night, and would have to stifle our sleepy morning laughter while you pushed me into the closet so she wouldn't catch me there? And the night you insisted I trim your hair, despite my drunken protests that we wait until morning- so you had to walk around with that stripe in the back of your head for weeks? Or the day we ate mushrooms so we could christen and explore the new house, and we spent an hour dreaming patterns in that horrid kitchen paneling? For years after you left, every time I looked at that hideous wall, I'd see it made beautiful through your eyes.
We were inseparable. Whether we were at work or home or anywhere, you were my partner in crime. We were always friends more than lovers, but oh, I loved you.
And then she came along. Everything changed. You allowed everything to change.
I was jealous, no doubt. But I think it would have been a less bitter pill to swallow if I thought she deserved you at all. I couldn't understand how your flannel and your Phish could ever be a pair for her designer bag and her daddy's wallet. It hurt that you were drawn to desire something else- even though we had no money, it felt to me like we had everything in the world. But that was my problem to deal with, and I was willing to, because I believed in you. What I didn't count on, was that as it turns out, I was a surrogate soul mate- until a new one came along, and another after her. And all the while we had bills to pay and a couch to share, but you were no longer there to curl up on it with me.
We may not have had a name for it, but we were more than friends, and we both know that. And while we hadn't committed to each other romantically, to me, the sun rose and set on you.
As the months wore on, we grew estranged. I knew I was on your mind, and I resented you for refusing to acknowledge it. When I woke up on my birthday that morning to find an empty house and a pile of presents from you awaiting me on the table, I felt like you punched me in the gut. As if I ever wanted anything from you except for you.
But we found our way, because we had to. The next few months were rocky and awkward, but we tried to salvage our bond, or at least maintain mutual respect. You tried to manage your time better, and I tried not to be so desperate. It felt to me as though we were healing and forging a new kind of together.
When it was time for you to leave, I begrudgingly tried to accept it. At least you wouldn't be sharing a roof with her, and I wouldn't have to see her face in my hallway every morning anymore.
Our goodbye wasn't as it should have been. I left for Ireland the week you were moving out, and I didn't even get to see you go. Perhaps I needed to in order to make peace with it.
It was a relief to see you standing in my doorway the afternoon you came to see me. When you sat on my bed and opened the gifts I'd brought back for you, and you smiled and I smiled and we were us again for just a little while. Just looking each other in the eye again meant so much to me. I felt then that somehow, even though things hadn't turned out as I would have wanted, we were going to make it somehow. When you walked out the door, I was sure that we had dodged a bullet.
So when I called and you weren't there, I knew you were simply assimilating to your new house in your new town with your college friends. When I called to invite you to our parties, understandably, you already had plans. And the weekend I was camping in the mountains and I trudged a mile in the freezing rain to a payphone just to wish you a happy birthday, you were just out somewhere enjoying your day.
And then you never returned the call.
I know you had to go. But how could you leave like that and never look back? How could you?
I still do not know the answer, and I can't tell you how many more questions this led to. But I can tell you that in many ways, it has helped shape who I am today.
A few times, friends have told me they've seen you somewhere, and that you've asked about me. To someone who knows my fierce loyalty and my passion firsthand, I'd be surprised if my reactions to hearing that from someone else surprised you. Can you blame me? It should have been you asking the question, Andrew. And given all the change I had no say in but had to endure, wasn't the chance to ask me yourself worth the risk?
Now that you're reading this, do you think I'm worth the risk? Are you even reading this at all?
I always seem to use too many words. I have so much I want to say, and yet I believe all this should be enough. Hell, it's probably too much. I have no idea how to end it, I don't want to end it..so I'm not going to worry about how I do. I'll leave that for you.
As I sit here now, I remember the day you came home with that case of Lager carefully cradled in your arms. Inside was the tiny kitten that we were forbidden to have, but we knew we were going to keep. I wonder how Julius is doing today, and if he misses me at all. I wonder if he'd even remember me.
I'd like to ask him myself.
User Reviews
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-01-31 22:46:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's all right Saccy, things happen. Just one of the downsides to this site. I'm happy to lose to you.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-01-31 16:06:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-01-30 16:31:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-01-30 16:03:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
:(
Untrue. Just not as often as my front.
---
*smirks*
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-01-31 15:42:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i do love you Valerie, but I am having a very bad day.
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2007-01-30 16:31:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
seriously people? the other entries were way better - this is juvenile.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-01-30 16:31:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-01-30 16:03:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
:(
Untrue. Just not as often as my front.
---
*smirks*
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-01-30 16:27:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
All these love stories are making me wish I wasn't in a long-distance relationship.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-01-30 16:03:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
:(
Untrue. Just not as often as my front.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-01-30 15:42:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-01-29 15:24:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
This is not a critique of the post, just a general musing -- I don't know why people ask questions in letter. They're just going out into the void, and they certainly won't be answered immediately. Just seems a funny practice is all.
I agree with MyTee that there's a lot of backstory that Andrew should already know about. Yes, he certainly doesn't know about it from her perspective, and having her reference bits of it without explaining it for readability might result in a disconnect with the audience, but it's still worth noting.
Beyond that, you do broken and/or unrequited love well.
---
That's because nobody loves her back.
Nobody but the Immortal Hulk Hogan that is.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-01-29 19:02:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-01-29 18:57:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
Screw you, I'm really short.
-----
really, I had it in my head that you were tall(ish)...
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-01-29 18:59:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-01-29 18:57:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
Screw you, I'm really short.
---
Short people need love too.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2007-01-29 15:49:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't do any of those things, and this STILL made me feel vaguely guilty of something. So that's good, I guess, or maybe I'm just secretly Catholic.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-01-29 15:24:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is not a critique of the post, just a general musing -- I don't know why people ask questions in letter. They're just going out into the void, and they certainly won't be answered immediately. Just seems a funny practice is all.
I agree with MyTee that there's a lot of backstory that Andrew should already know about. Yes, he certainly doesn't know about it from her perspective, and having her reference bits of it without explaining it for readability might result in a disconnect with the audience, but it's still worth noting.
Beyond that, you do broken and/or unrequited love well.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-01-29 13:35:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i really liek that picture
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-01-29 11:11:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-01-29 10:11:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
andrew's a jerk
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-01-29 10:08:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was really, really good.
Submitted by WingedFoote (user info) at 2007-01-29 03:58:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow. just... wow.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-01-29 02:17:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Gunslinger (user info) at 2007-01-28 23:07:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fantastic.
Submitted by r1nce (user info) at 2007-01-28 22:54:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2007-01-28 22:21:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it a lot and I loved the idea of the letter. My only critique would be that there was a lot of back story that was there for us and maybe didn't need to be explained to Andrew. I think we would have picked up on it.
I think this was based in truth though, and if it was, sorry kiddo. That blows donkey balls.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-01-28 17:20:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yay for the shins.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-01-28 16:02:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've given it another go - and it doesn't make me as uncomfortable as first time.
ok.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-01-28 15:58:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...very nice.
Is it just me or is that a letter that actually needs to be sent?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-01-28 15:50:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-01-28 15:41:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
I dunno Lish, the tone was just a bit jarring for me.
===
I'd think it should be a little jarring, considering the circumstance, if I understand you correctly. If I don't, I'd appreciate any criticism you have.
Gofer- you may be onto something.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-01-28 15:42:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good story, good title, good picture
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-01-28 15:41:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I dunno Lish, the tone was just a bit jarring for me.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-01-28 15:41:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-01-28 15:19:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Point Stands. This had the air of some small basis in reality.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-01-28 15:15:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Instant +2 for the Shins reference. I'll read it now
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-01-28 15:15:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ubertines:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/97970