Sex is better than cigarettes. Obviously. (758 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.13 on 36 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by phauna (View user info) at 2007-01-28 21:15:15 EST
In response to this ----> http://www.ubersite.com/m/98132
Well, it's been thirty years since I've had a smoke, and well, it was piss easy. I just didn't start. I don't listen to douche bag peer pressure fucks. So I didn't have to smoke to fit in or to be cool. I didn't even care about those things. Which is the epitome of cool. Obviously.
Never will I smoke a cigarette. However, I will drink, fuck, fight and insult anything and anyone I choose to. Cigarettes are not necessary to do anything fun, and in fact just about completely fuck up everything enjoyable. Obviously.
Being addicted to smoking is like needing to go to the bathroom every twenty minutes. You can't watch a movie, you can't take a plane trip, you can't work and you can't fuck without thinking about pissing. People who smoke are some of the dumbest fuckers around. Obviously.
So, everyone, I'd like some empathy, pats on the back, kudos, arse kissing, and general circle jerkery for never having smoked, because quitting smoking is like having to go on a diet, it should never happen, it should never need to happen, and it certainly shouldn't be lauded and applauded as some great achievement.
Obviously.
User Reviews
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-02 21:40:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Huh?
Submitted by jojo747 (user info) at 2007-01-31 21:43:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-01-31 21:41:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2007-01-29 01:15:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't get what you're trying to do with all the Obviously's; it almost seems like a bad attempt at sarcasm. But I agree with everything you said here, 100%.
Smoking is so fucking stupid. I tried it a few times out of curiosity and immature self-loathing a few years ago, and since it did nothing for me except make me feel disgusting, my belief that smokers are pathetic was only strengthened.
If you started smoking because of desires for acceptance and approval, you are weak. If you started smoking because you were unaware of the health consequences, you are stupid. If you continue to smoke because you aren't convinced that it will cause health problems, you are in denial. If you can't quit smoking despite your knowledge that smoking causes health problems, you are weak. If you smoke in public places, you are a selfish asshole. If you smoke because you don't care what happens to you, you deserve what you get, but do it alone in your house.
Weak, weak, weak. Nothing will ever convince me not to look down on smokers.
I know what you look like and I've read your work on Uber so I know a bit about you and trust me, you can't EVER look down on anyone.
I think I'll go enjoy another cigarette, you arrogant cunthole.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-01-31 21:24:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Self righteous non-smokers tend to be bigger assholes than the smokers enjoying a smoke outside.
And i'm not a slave to my addiction, i love smoking - sure i've tried to quit for various reasons but will always come back to it becauseI enjoy reading a book and having a smoke, I enjoy the after dinner ciggie, i enjoy the first beer of the night ciggie.
What's not bad for you nowadays anyway? what's the point in dying with a perfectly preserved body?
Submitted by phauna (user info) at 2007-01-29 15:14:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I used to love it going to my parents house on the train, an hour and a half journey. Nearly every stop those poor smokers would leap off, light up and take two puffs before having to get back on hastily. I can only imagine what an international flight must be like.
Congratulations to anyone who has quit smoking. And I will congratulate you again when you resume and quit again.
Being patted on the back for quitting is similar to those sob pieces at the end of the news about how brave those kids with cancer are, because no kid is brave until they get a fatal disease through no fault of their own, but the minute that happens they are courageous as.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2007-01-29 13:04:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2007-01-29 01:15:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't get what you're trying to do with all the Obviously's; it almost seems like a bad attempt at sarcasm. But I agree with everything you said here, 100%.
Smoking is so fucking stupid. I tried it a few times out of curiosity and immature self-loathing a few years ago, and since it did nothing for me except make me feel disgusting, my belief that smokers are pathetic was only strengthened.
If you started smoking because of desires for acceptance and approval, you are weak. If you started smoking because you were unaware of the health consequences, you are stupid. If you continue to smoke because you aren't convinced that it will cause health problems, you are in denial. If you can't quit smoking despite your knowledge that smoking causes health problems, you are weak. If you smoke in public places, you are a selfish asshole. If you smoke because you don't care what happens to you, you deserve what you get, but do it alone in your house.
Weak, weak, weak. Nothing will ever convince me not to look down on smokers.
---------------------
At least you tried it and didn't like it, although why you look down on us I am not sure.
We pay for our addiction in taxes, which benefit everybody else. In fact here in the UK the NHS takes the majority of it's funding from taxes on Tobacco, yet they can still routinely deny tratment to a smoker.
Personally, I smoke because I like it, sorry if that offends anyone. I know it is killing me, I know that the smell lingers around me, although I do what I can to allieviate that. I know that smoking in public places makes me an asshole, but telling me that whilst I am excercising my RIGHT, will only result in me blowing more smoke in your direction. Speak to me in a civil manner and I will apologise and attempt to lessen the effect on you.
As long as it is legal to smoke, then I think that arguements saying who bad this shit is, while the author validates drugs (of the illegal kind) is slightly hypocritical.
-Dave
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-01-29 11:05:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I miss the 40's and 50's when everyone KNEW that smoking was the coolest thing ever. And tommyguns. Tommyguns + cigars = Kicker of All Ass.
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2007-01-29 10:33:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AAAAAAAAhahahahaha!
awesome.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-01-29 06:11:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Damn, you are so fucking cool! May I have your autograph?
I will guess that you are extremely wealthy and all of your relatives are the cream of
society.
All of your friends are just like Lisa.
Rave on, you idiotic douchebag.
Submitted by Timmaaaaah (user info) at 2007-01-29 05:41:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
RAWR
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-01-29 05:22:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Well, it's been thirty years since I've had a smoke, and well, it was piss easy. I just didn't start."
Huh? If you've never smoked how, ... what? I'm lost.
"However, I will drink, fuck, fight and insult anything and anyone I choose to"
Tucker Max??? Is that you?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-01-29 04:17:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
By the same logic, never having smoked is like never having taken a piss. Quite frankly that would be no life at all.
Really Phauna, you've got to try harder to be funny. Try using wit, there's a good chap.
Submitted by phauna (user info) at 2007-01-29 01:53:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-01-29 00:35:42 (#)
Ranking: 1
sex is obviously better than cigarettes, but this wasn't even funny.
I'm disappointed in you. For a man with a pink toilet, I'd think you had more humor in you.
:D
+1 logic/effort
-----------------------------
Thanks coley.
(haha, ex-smoker)
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-01-29 01:49:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-01-29 01:28:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-01-22 17:23:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah...but what about the feeling of the porcelain on my nads?
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2007-01-29 01:20:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Now watch all the smokers rip us apart because they are slaves to their disgusting habit. When you bash smoking, they cry like babies who've had their blankies ripped out of their tiny, weak fists.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-01-29 01:18:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 cause this was entertaining.
Anyway, I think smoking hookah (if prepared right) is delicious and enjoyable. It's the first thing I ever smoked, and I liked it to begin with.
As far as cigarettes, I smoked them when I was drinking, and sometimes a little more. And then they started to make me feel dirty any time I had one.
Anyway, smoking is great, but I don't find cigarettes enjoyable at all, even after smoking a fair amount of them.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2007-01-29 01:15:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't get what you're trying to do with all the Obviously's; it almost seems like a bad attempt at sarcasm. But I agree with everything you said here, 100%.
Smoking is so fucking stupid. I tried it a few times out of curiosity and immature self-loathing a few years ago, and since it did nothing for me except make me feel disgusting, my belief that smokers are pathetic was only strengthened.
If you started smoking because of desires for acceptance and approval, you are weak. If you started smoking because you were unaware of the health consequences, you are stupid. If you continue to smoke because you aren't convinced that it will cause health problems, you are in denial. If you can't quit smoking despite your knowledge that smoking causes health problems, you are weak. If you smoke in public places, you are a selfish asshole. If you smoke because you don't care what happens to you, you deserve what you get, but do it alone in your house.
Weak, weak, weak. Nothing will ever convince me not to look down on smokers.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-01-29 00:35:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
sex is obviously better than cigarettes, but this wasn't even funny.
I'm disappointed in you. For a man with a pink toilet, I'd think you had more humor in you.
:D
+1 logic/effort
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2007-01-28 23:53:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2007-01-28 23:40:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Not a bandwagon.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-01-28 23:10:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Otherwise smart, funny, wonderful people who have made the stubborn and selfish choice to keep smoking despite all of the 'obvious' negative shit that comes with lighting up.
Are they addicted? Sure. But that is a bullshit excuse - people get addicted to all sorts of things as our free will affords us infinite opportunity to make some of the most absurd decisions when it comes to our health and general well being.
Thing is those folks can stop any time they want.
They just don't want to.
Submitted by phauna (user info) at 2007-01-28 22:50:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by r1nce (user info) at 2007-01-28 22:28:51 (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm not a smoker, but that doesn't stop me from thinking you're a self-righteous cock.
-----------------------
Ex-smoker above.
-----------------------
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2007-01-28 22:18:51 (#)
Ranking: -2
hey, how's the view from your pedestal? do we look like ants to you?
-----------------------
I'm sure having an opinion means I'm a dick. I'm also anti-murder and child rape, what an arse I must be.
Submitted by r1nce (user info) at 2007-01-28 22:28:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm not a smoker, but that doesn't stop me from thinking you're a self-righteous cock.
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2007-01-28 22:28:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me, I have a wife and kids! Eat
them.
-- Homer Simpson
Treehouse of Horror VII
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2007-01-28 22:18:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
hey, how's the view from your pedestal? do we look like ants to you?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-01-28 22:03:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by phauna (user info) at 2007-01-28 22:01:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Drugs of course have a dramatic effect. Taking drugs is okay. Smoking, however, is just so lame. You don't get high at all. So what is the point? An expensive addiction which will make you unhealthy, make you stink and cost you a fortune, and you don't even get high.
All negative raters will be smokers. Obviously.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-01-28 21:44:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I smoke and I have to pee every twenty minutes.
Submitted by swimmingbirdblue (user info) at 2007-01-28 21:42:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-01-28 21:40:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
OMG - You must be the bestest human who ever walked TEH EARTH!!!
Obviously...
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-01-28 21:32:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i thought the same thing when i saw his post...
now if only you try hallucinogens...
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-01-28 21:30:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Toot rock, tho, right?
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2007-01-28 21:19:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, I'll bite.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-01-28 21:16:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Homer: There couldn't be heaven if there weren't a hell.
Bart: Who's in there?
Homer: Oh, uh ... Hitler's dog. And that dog Nixon had, whassisname, um,
Chester ...
Lisa: Checkers.
Homer: Yeah! One of the Lassies is in there, too. The mean one -- the
one that mauled Jimmy.
Dog of Death
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-01-28 21:16:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment