Ubertines 07: Doorman of My Heart (457 hits)
Category: RomanceLabels: captainthorns_music
Rating: 2 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by CaptainThorns (View user info) at 2007-01-29 08:51:56 EST
AKA "A Song About My Penis." Enjoy.
Well he's a crotchety squint-eyed pit bull
Don't give a shitt what you've got to say
You know he certainly can become fitful
At any time of the night or day
Warn every flower girl, every messenger
They should leave the loot at the door
Warn every meter maid, every Avon lady
He'll kick their ass 'cross the floor
From the sole of his steel-toed wingtips
To the top of his bellhop hat
He'd be tickled to serve your pink slip
But he'd be happier to attack
Warn every mail person, his mood'll worsen
If they should attempt to get by
He's my aortal bouncer, don't hang around
Or he'll kiss your caracas goodbye
He's the doorman of my heart
The doorman of my heart
Keep your distance, my assistant's trained to tear appendage apart
He's the doorman of my heart
And if your thoughts lead to extortion
He'll never take gratuity
Ain't been no lady that could force him
To think of anything but me
Well I remember a senorita
She infiltrated a bit too much
She wandered in with a sexy saunter
But she limped out of here with a crutch
Warn all potential robbers, he tends to slobber
Considering them for a bite
All pulmonary smugglers, he's at your jugular
Before you can put up a fight
He's the doorman of my heart
The doorman of my heart
Keep your distance, my assistant's trained to tear appendage apart
He's the doorman of my heart
Well you can sing to me your songs of love
You can park outside my balcony
But no matter how lovely your melody
I'm alone
So if you're thinkin you might be special
Don't even think that you might get through
You're 'bout to learn you a painful lesson
And there ain't nothin that you can do
He may be battle-scarred, my bodyguard
But he's managed to keep me alive
I can't imagine how he'd surrender now
But you're welcome to give it a try
The doorman of my heart
He's the doorman of my heart
Not too close dear, he's the most fearsome,
The foulest fellow by far
He's the doorman of my heart
Don't disturb us, make him nervous, and he's bound to sound the alarm
He's the doorman of my heart
Doorman.mp3 (3 MB) [audio/mpeg]
User Reviews
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-02-01 09:55:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The flow on Uber is just to great , and sometimes you miss these wonderfull gems !
Cool stuff !
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-01-30 21:04:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for being amusing and not forfeiting and for the cock in general. If you had been paired up, I would disregard the mp3, since it's a writing comp. But you did a great job with it.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-01-30 12:16:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
a deserved win
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-01-29 16:41:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-01-29 13:36:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"She wandered in with a sexy saunter
But she limped out of here with a crutch"
priceless
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-01-29 12:22:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you had me at penis
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-01-29 11:09:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-01-29 09:55:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn you're good.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-01-29 10:26:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
loved it
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-01-29 09:55:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn you're good.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-01-29 09:50:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-01-29 09:14:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny. You nut ball.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-01-29 08:52:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Round 1 contest link: http://www.ubersite.com/m/97970
Ah, nothing says "I love you" like peenar poetry with a Latin tinge...