Ubertines '07: Beneath the Sugar Tree (633 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.87 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Amontillado (View user info) at 2007-01-29 10:52:10 EST
They had been sailing for hours when it happened.
Meredith hadn't been sleeping well even though she always felt a little weak and light-headed lately. She blamed it on her nerves. Her career wasn't going too well and although she was happy, whenever her husband surprised her with flowers she felt unworthy.
William smiled to himself whenever he thought of her long, wavy black hair, deep green eyes, and tiny body. They'd been together for almost five years though only married two. He'd heard from many people that a couple's sex life died upon entering marriage but not for them. He loved seeing her smooth skin under his rugged body and how she giggled like a little girl when he suggested that they stay home from work that day.
He still liked to grab her while she was reading or cleaning, drag her to their car, drive to a location he'd been considering for the past few days, and have sex in public. While they had done it on a neighbor's trampoline, under a bridge at a park, and in the ocean on a trip to Florida, their favorite place was on the deck of their boat on sunny afternoons sailing California's gorgeous coast.
One week they decided to go out on a long cruise. Meredith was in charge of the boat as she'd been sailing since childhood and William was still new to it. The weather was gorgeous with a steady, strong wind of 15 knots.
It was the kind of day that seemed to last forever and the warmth was intoxicating. They'd been out all day when Meredith began to get bad heartburn. She decided to go lay down below deck on one of the beds and shut her eyes to relax and wait it out.
William soon came down looking for a drink and found her unconscious.He panicked as he ran up the stairs, banging his knee hard. Cursing and desperate, he scanned the horizon for another boat he could signal, but they were far from shore and no other vessel was in view.
He remembered how Meredith had showed him to use the radio to call for help but when a response came he realized he had no idea where they were. Ironically he had hated navigation and refused to watch when his wife plotted their course. By the time the coast guard had found the boat using their radio signal, she was gone.
Three days later, William watched as his lovely wife was buried underneath a lovely pomegranate tree. The sugary fruit comforted him as he stood by her grave. Well, he supposed, it would be hard to a gorgeous woman who enjoyed sex and the open ocean as much as himself but he was still young. Looking around him, he caught the eye of one of her grieving friends and imagined her full lips covered in the juices of the sugar tree's fruit.
User Reviews
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-02 18:05:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i never read the ubertines contest submissions this year.
i was too busy.
people gave you ratings for reasons they would not have even mentioned in something one of their chosen uber pals posts.
uber is dumb like that, i guess.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-05-24 16:54:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/108561
Submitted by paul_anthony (user info) at 2007-04-03 20:40:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-01-29 23:47:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I agree that there was good potential in this story. It's a shame you couldn't devote the time you wanted to it. That said, I'm glad you joined the comp and I hope to read more of your writing.
Submitted by swimmingbirdblue (user info) at 2007-01-29 23:29:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Have a +2 for reminding me of getting laid at funerals.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-01-29 21:46:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
0.5
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-01-29 21:46:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-01-29 12:25:48 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-01-29 10:58:15 (#)
Ranking: -1
this was rushed and you didn't put much effort into it.
-------
I originally made it more complicated/detailed and it went in a direction I didn't like. So I chopped out a lot of stuff. I decided it'd be better this way than to forfeit.
___________________
I think you may have chopped out too much. This felt rushed. You did seem to have a good concept though. I'd say a little better than "worth reading".
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-01-29 19:30:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't know why this is rated so low.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-01-29 16:34:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2007-01-29 14:02:22 (#)
Ranking: 1
Didn't blow me away or anything, but it wasn't bad
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-01-29 14:30:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I won't rehash what's already been said, but will just say that next time don't do this sort of thing right before a test. :) Worth reading, regardless.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2007-01-29 14:02:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Didn't blow me away or anything, but it wasn't bad
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-01-29 12:30:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
i didn't mean it harshly. i just hate to leave a negative no comment rating.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-01-29 12:25:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-01-29 10:58:15 (#)
Ranking: -1
this was rushed and you didn't put much effort into it.
-------
I originally made it more complicated/detailed and it went in a direction I didn't like. So I chopped out a lot of stuff. I decided it'd be better this way than to forfeit.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-01-29 12:21:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Good old college try
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-01-29 10:58:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
this was rushed and you didn't put much effort into it.
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2007-01-29 10:56:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You should've studied for the test, this isn't your best.
" it would be hard to a gorgeous woman who enjoyed sex and the open ocean as much as himself but he was still young. "
it would be hard to FIND a gorgeous woman.... ?
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-01-29 10:52:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I wrote this instead of studying for a test. Curse you uber!