Congratulations jackass, you're more likely to succeed than me. Now take your yearbook and screw off. (764 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -1.3 on 41 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Leroy Johnson <sorryaboutleroy.at.verizon.net> (View user info) at 2007-01-30 11:46:43 EST
Every time this part of the year rolls around, my blood pressure begins to increase like blood pressure increasing in a person when this part of the year rolls around. Why? They hand out yearbooks. Yeah, real fun, right? Not exactly. It's actually more on the side of "gay," because yearbooks mean one thing: pages and pages of pretentious twits with their snobby pictures slapped across the bottoms of each page, along with a stupid phrase like "Most Spirited" and "Most Likely to Succeed." Most Likely to Succeed? That's ridiculous. They only derive these stupid predictions from the student's grade point average, and even then you have to be a self-absorbed athlete/future-college student in order to get a place in the prestigious high school annual.
They even have a section dedicated to the "Most Friendliest," only the jackasses who make the yearbook spelled it "friendiest." And for the record, these people are not friendly. They're cocky, arrogant jerks that I am often tempted to punch in the mouth. Last year, there was this one girl who was a total hack, yet she got "Most Friendliest." And you know what, you dipsticks? That doesn't make sense. Either it's "Most Friendly" or "Friendliest," but you can't have it both ways. Then again, it wouldn't matter to you, because you're a moron.
And the one who always wins Most Likely to Succeed is unfailingly a pompous ass. Yeah, you get A's in every class Patrick, but you're still going to be mediocre when you grow up. And you know what? There's nothing wrong with that. It's just that you won an award that basically everyone in the universe is capable of winning, assuming they're not retarded. In fact, the only way you couldn't "succeed" is if you just didn't get a job and were homeless. I can guarantee about 90% of the graduating class in this hell-hole of a city will get one job or another, so really, you've accomplished nothing in high school that everyone else hasn't. But put the gun down, there is more to life than what some domineering school administrator says about your future in a yearbook. There is, however, that fact that since you were successful and popular in high school, you're 10X more likely to be a loser than I am by the time we're in our 40's. Actually, I'm cooler than you already, but you're all just too stupid to see it.
And I'm sure looking at all the tumid faces of their more academically-advanced classmates makes the more average students feel positive about their future. "Most Likely to Succeed," reads Jose out of his yearbook. "Well, guess I'm done with. There's no reason to go on now, because I'm less likely to succeed than everyone else. Goodbye cruel world!" I wish that would happen just so you bombastic jerks in yearbook club would feel like crap for the rest of your lives. Do you really think these kinds of awards help drop-out rates? I'm not big on the whole "self-esteem" thing, but honestly, awards that tell students they're inferior to others just because they don't get straight A's is not going to help anyone but the bloated egos of the students who win them.
And you know what? I'm more likely to succeed than all you schmucks. I'm a talented writer, I have ambition up to my eye balls, and I'm way cooler than everybody else in my school. How can I lose? I guarantee you that I will be cooler than you, richer than you, and more famous than you by the time I'm 30. And if I'm not, I'll shoot myself and take you with me. Nah, I'm kidding. I will be. The only way you could amount to anything better than a mediocre numbskull with a Bachelor's Degree is if you became famous, flew to the moon, or invented something really awesome. In that case, come on down to my Beverly Hills mansion, or perhaps my New York penthouse, and tell me about all your great accomplishments since high school. Because if you think going to college and getting some job as a book keeper is "above and beyond," it's not. It's better than a bus driver, but it's nothing special. Does that mean it's bad? Of course not. We need jobs like that, but getting one doesn't make you more successful than the next tool who followed the life directions that were spoon-fed to him by the public school. You went to college, you got a job, you moved to Spokane - whoopee! It'd be more exciting if you wrote a book.
This is just one of many examples of the injustices people like me face in the public school system. Another one that's always gotten me is the inexplicable attraction teachers have to loud-mouthed dingbats that feel it their right to randomly blurt out nonsensical rubbish in the middle of a "lesson." They'll always pretend they don't approve of the student's behavior, but when you find your algebra teacher making out with the class clown, your theory that her disapproval was all just an act is strongly confirmed. They're always the kid that the teacher comes leaping toward to sign their yearbook, because, despite their "inappropriate behavior," they're really a "bright kid." Meanwhile, anyone who doesn't feel comfortable performing a comedy show during the geometry lesson is deemed by everyone - including the teachers - "shy." I hate that word, "shy." Did it ever occur to you that maybe you're all a bunch of ugly losers and I don't want to talk to you? If "shy" means you're the most awesome person in the world, then yes, I'm shy. Actually, "shy" is just another word for mild-mannered, as opposed to obnoxious. And any kid who doesn't blurt out random crap in the middle of class is automatically viewed as someone who just doesn't have a personality, and is probably lactose-intolerant. ...Actually, I am lactose-intolerant, but that's not the point.
The bottom line is, people who get good grades and plan on going to college and play sports think they're superior to everyone else, when in fact, they're not. You may be getting the cheerleaders now (or in some cases, the teachers), but come adulthood, you'll just be another average schmuck with a college degree from WSU. Get over yourself. Meanwhile, I'm awesome and I'm going to be famous. The end.
-Leroy
http://www.sorryaboutleroy.com
User Reviews
Submitted by Falafel (user info) at 2007-01-31 21:16:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
So.. what you're trying to say is you don't like yearbooks because no one will sign yours?
Submitted by JohnnyTruant (user info) at 2007-01-31 11:39:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck wizards, gnomes get what they want because they earned it.
Submitted by emmakwon (user info) at 2007-01-31 07:22:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
so whens the next post coming lacty?
Submitted by emmakwon (user info) at 2007-01-31 07:17:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Actually, I am lactose-intolerant, but that's not the point."
ahahahaha your lactose intolerant
that means you cant tolerate lactose
from now on you shall be called lacty
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-01-31 05:21:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-01-30 15:47:59 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-01-30 12:46:31 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-01-30 12:00:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
Every so often, an idiot like you shows up on Uber - some dork who revels in his rudeness, bragging that "you are NOT going to like me, and I am going to rule this place". Actually, we have not had a person like you around in a while, so this will be a treat for some of our more recent Uberites.
You know what happens to that guy?
We re-arrange his internal organs, through his anus.
It's like a gang-bang - we're the gang, and you're the bang! It's pretty fun to see the Wolfpack in action, circling, ripping flesh, circling for another attack...
Go for it, guys!
----------
It has been awhile. The last one I remember was that Manda girl, and she ran off crying. It was awesome.
---------
You mean this? http://www.ubersite.com/m/88259
That was an amazing day.
--------------
On that post:
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-05-23 12:06:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Here a +2 becuase welcome to rapesville, population, you.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-01-31 04:23:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I made the mistake of visitng your website - it's nice to know that you don't just suck here. FOAD.
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2007-01-31 00:18:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
post 10 times tomorrow. it'll be funny.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-01-30 23:19:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Know what? I'm more likely to succeed than all you schmucks. I'm a talented writer http://www.ubersi
--
Har har!
Submitted by BadSamaritan87 (user info) at 2007-01-30 22:59:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
*cry*
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-01-30 20:59:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
meh, tried reading your last one, this one doesn't look much better.
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2007-01-30 20:38:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mwahahahaha.
I have a feeling you'll fit right in with us, just give it time.
However:
1. Don't post twice in one day.
2. Don't give someone a bad rating just because they've given you a bad rating
3. Don't attach images in .BMP format, use .JPG or .GIF
4. If you post an offensive image, include "NSFW" (not safe for work) in the title.
Those are the only rules here at Uber. Other than that, there ARE NO RULES!!! Woo!!!
Keep posting, I actually like your stuff.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-01-30 20:13:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
your website is awful
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-01-30 20:11:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Deal with your inferiority or put a gun to the roof of your mouth.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-01-30 19:46:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You don't even deserve a "No Comment."
Just a big, bold -2...
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-01-30 19:45:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Did somebody DoS his website?
Because I cant even get it to display, now...
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-01-30 19:22:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
(Hint: Leroy and a keyboard is not a good combination.)
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-01-30 19:08:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
i just took the time to read your website.
it sucks.
you have no talent.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-01-30 16:08:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"I'm awesome and I'm going to be famous"
But your arrogance will make you the kind of celebrity that everyone hates, like Paris Hilton or the new Tom Cruise. Don't take yourself so seriously.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-01-30 16:02:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I visited your website.
The words pathetic, bland, and RE-TAR-DED come to mind
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-01-30 15:47:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-01-30 12:46:31 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-01-30 12:00:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
Every so often, an idiot like you shows up on Uber - some dork who revels in his rudeness, bragging that "you are NOT going to like me, and I am going to rule this place". Actually, we have not had a person like you around in a while, so this will be a treat for some of our more recent Uberites.
You know what happens to that guy?
We re-arrange his internal organs, through his anus.
It's like a gang-bang - we're the gang, and you're the bang! It's pretty fun to see the Wolfpack in action, circling, ripping flesh, circling for another attack...
Go for it, guys!
----------
It has been awhile. The last one I remember was that Manda girl, and she ran off crying. It was awesome.
---------
You mean this? http://www.ubersite.com/m/88259
That was an amazing day.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-01-30 13:41:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-01-30 13:25:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
A good start for Worst Evar
Submitted by Kabuto_N (user info) at 2007-01-30 13:04:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I usually get +2's for effort, but I could only get through half of this. Kind of sucked, but cute idea for a rant.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2007-01-30 12:56:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Not getting any hits on the shitty website, David? What makes you think your self-aggrandizing, suck ass material is going to fly any better on this site?
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2007-01-30 12:56:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
talk about pompous...
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-01-30 12:46:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-01-30 12:00:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah, most excellent!
Not your writing, just the fact that you showed up.
Every so often, an idiot like you shows up on Uber - some dork who revels in his rudeness, bragging that "you are NOT going to like me, and I am going to rule this place". Actually, we have not had a person like you around in a while, so this will be a treat for some of our more recent Uberites.
You know what happens to that guy?
We re-arrange his internal organs, through his anus.
It's like a gang-bang - we're the gang, and you're the bang! It's pretty fun to see the Wolfpack in action, circling, ripping flesh, circling for another attack...
Go for it, guys!
----------
It has been awhile. The last one I remember was that Manda girl, and she ran off crying. It was awesome.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-01-30 12:44:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm better than you.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2007-01-30 12:43:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-01-30 11:54:39 (#)
Ranking: -2
I didn't even finish the first sentence. You should perhaps try music or interpretive dance. Your writing is quite awful.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2007-01-30 12:38:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck off, zitface.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-01-30 12:36:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-01-30 12:29:33 (#)
Ranking: -2
so are we destroying leroy this week?
Leroy - Are you black?
If so we have reached our black man quota with Kracka. Fuck off.
If not - why have you got a negro name? Fuck off.
--------
Leroy, the guy below has a massive head and cannot be trusted...BUT he's right you know.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-01-30 12:29:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
so are we destroying leroy this week?
Leroy - Are you black?
If so we have reached our black man quota with Kracka. Fuck off.
If not - why have you got a negro name? Fuck off.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-01-30 12:00:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah, most excellent!
Not your writing, just the fact that you showed up.
Every so often, an idiot like you shows up on Uber - some dork who revels in his rudeness, bragging that "you are NOT going to like me, and I am going to rule this place". Actually, we have not had a person like you around in a while, so this will be a treat for some of our more recent Uberites.
You know what happens to that guy?
We re-arrange his internal organs, through his anus.
It's like a gang-bang - we're the gang, and you're the bang! It's pretty fun to see the Wolfpack in action, circling, ripping flesh, circling for another attack...
Go for it, guys!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-01-30 11:57:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-01-30 11:54:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I didn't even finish the first sentence. You should perhaps try music or interpretive dance. Your writing is quite awful.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2007-01-30 11:53:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
1 part Javex
3 parts bleach
1 slice of lime
2 parts jager
Mix, drink, enjoy the aromatic flavour of the taste sensation that's sweeping the nation.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-01-30 11:53:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I didn't even read this.
I'm a bad boy rockstar around these parts - if all the hype is to be believed - which means I basically do what I want when I want.
Submitted by greEn_uGly (user info) at 2007-01-30 11:52:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
wooooo....-2 streak
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-01-30 11:51:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This reads like you have a serious zit problem.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-01-30 11:50:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
1 post per day dick
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-01-30 11:50:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't even have to read this to know that 1) it sucks and 2) you suck.
-2die assssssshooooole.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-01-30 11:49:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"And you know what? I'm more likely to succeed than all you schmucks. I'm a talented writer"
No you're not.