2 Lies 1 Truth bandwagon! (1385 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.69 on 61 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sacrilicious (View user info) at 2007-02-02 12:21:29 EST
Inspired by http://www.ubersite.com/m/98326 "Write and post three paragraphs, each consisting of an event that could conceivably have happened to you, but only one in which it actually has."
Thanks Ducky.
1. When I was the captain of my high school cheerleader team, a talent scout from a really important modelling agency saw me at a home football game and approached me afterwards to ask if I'd be interested in flying to New York, expenses paid, for a photo-shoot with a view to possibly compiling a portfolio. I discussed it with my folks that night, they were a little hesitant, I still had my finals and was also the home-coming queen, and then of course Harvard were belting down our door offering me a literary scholarship, so I went and had sex under the bleachers with Donny Desmond our quarterback and he said he didn't really care what I did as long as there was beer. And the sex was REALLY good.
2. Last week I got out of my hummer and stepped into a puddle. An awkward but thoroughly attractive Englishman rushed over, gently grabbed my wrist and steadied me as I stood on one leg, my heel caught in the submerged grate, about to fall sideways across the curb. He flashed a brilliant white smile, pushed his glasses back onto his nose, and gently lowered me back into my drivers seat. He removed his suit jacket, took a clean and neatly folded handkerchief from his pocket, laid his jacket across the puddle and with an awkward but terribly charming, "If I may..", wiped the muddy water from my lower leg, his smooth and practiced caress sending a hopefully indiscernible shudder of pleasure to the very tops of my thighs, I smiled weakly and he took my hand and held me as I stepped onto his sodden jacket and then the sidewalk. We had a coffee, got back in the hummer and fucked like rabbits.
3. i stayed home and masturbated.
User Reviews
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-09-27 09:03:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/110788#2536673
Two lies, one truth.
Lie Nr. 1:
You are better than me.
Lie Nr. 2:
Sports are important and meaningful.
Truth:
I intimidate you with my brains and beauty.
__
I'm sorry for messing with your OCD. Take your time, do it your way, I'll wait.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-03-16 01:54:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
STOP PLUS TWO'ING YOURSELF MORTICIA
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-03-16 01:33:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
MY STORIES WERE BETTAR
But who can blame you for wanting to be me. Not me.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-02-03 22:38:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
and it's wrong to impersonate other people on uber
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-03 22:04:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I do NOT condone this! Authorities have been altered! I mean alerted! Read the REAL story here!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/98345
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2007-02-03 21:48:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I fell in a hole and threw my phone in the ocean, have a +2.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2007-02-03 19:01:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Whiner
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-02-03 08:21:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I am in love with your baby, c1ndy, in a completely paternal way. (nudge-nudge)
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2007-02-03 08:16:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-02-03 08:11:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-02-03 05:07:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
No shit. I have a thirty-year-old step-daughter. I should be a grandfather.
GIVE ME A FUCKIN' GRANDBABY, VICKY!!!!!!!!
---------------
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2007-02-03 06:43:04 (#)
Ranking: 0
I have a Xena Warrior Princess costume.
------------------------
[Danger_Ranger, inadvertently bringing virgins together for... gee-wiz, it's just occurred to me that I had an uberversary a couple of days ago...... inadvertently bringing virgins together for just over two years, so they can hang out and do absolutely nothing, except play D&D and Risk, poke each other with replica swords they paid way too much for and drink crappy mead - made by god-knows-who except for the fact that whoever they were they were definitely nerds, and a virgins, and had gunk under their fingernails. and are model train enthusiasts.]
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2007-02-03 06:43:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Was it 2 lies, one truth? anyhow:
1} What Jack needs is some good old fashioned, tight, hot, Southern pussy. {wait, I think that's a real thing}
2} He's had lots of it. {definitely a lie}
3} I have a Xena Warrior Princess costume.
~~
bonus extra lie: I'm not high and the sun ain't cuming up over the Gulf.
PS: DR, no smartass replies, comebacks, whatever, unless they're very funny. I shan't stand for it, and will certainly retaliate. Unless u wait till i'm in bed, which is soon. In which case you're a wuss. PSS: I've drank/drunk mead, going by the ol Celt brew, lots of honey in beer is what it was like, plus, we made the den into a mead hall. Too much to tell for now. d says hi, altho he's not in here but he would if he was.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-02-03 05:43:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
jesus you're like a whole family of virgins. 10 bucks says every third month you guys get together with all the other virgins and dress up in chainmail, pitch pavilions and drink mead.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-02-03 05:07:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No shit. I have a thirty-year-old step-daughter. I should be a grandfather.
GIVE ME A FUCKIN' GRANDBABY, VICKY!!!!!!!!
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-02-03 05:01:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you're old enough to be her much older brother, freakzoid
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-02-03 04:23:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hi. I've been flirting with Duck. I'm drunk. Again.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-02-03 04:02:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
there are reviews on this post that truly made me cringe, and my sphincter retreat back to somewhere near my tonsils, which made my mouth taste ew.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-03 02:26:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
feety was right, AS USUAL.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2007-02-03 02:07:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ticklish_squirrel (user info) at 2007-02-02 19:00:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha ha! I liked the first two, but that last one is more probable, isn't it?
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2007-02-02 18:17:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
~ ATTN: SACRILICIOUS AND SCOURGE ~
ALRIGHT. I've had enough of all this bullshit!
I have a Greasemonkey application program for my Firefox browser that allows me to basically do whatever I want (edit stuff, display hidden pages, etc.) I recently have obtained the script for automatic refresh.
Sacrilicious, Scourge... whichever of you +2s my twenty lowest-rated posts the fastest, you will receive six thousand hits from my refresh tool (takes about 30 minutes).
Ready? Set? GO!!!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-02 18:10:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sigh. People rarely do.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-02-02 17:21:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know what the fuck you're talking about Valerie.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-02 17:04:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're lucky I didn't have more time today, or YOU would have been next!
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:56:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
*stands with fists on hips*
muhahaha
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-02 15:57:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ONE POST A DAY, NOOB!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/98345
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-02-02 14:40:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
These are fun!
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-02-02 14:27:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 billion for tricking me. Took me by complete surprise
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 14:11:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha, kaos wants to bone Danger_Ranger.
i mean, there's nothing wrong with that, he's a handsome bloke.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-02-02 14:01:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 13:34:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/u/Danger_Ranger
you guys are dumb as shit
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
HAhahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
I didn't even bother to check...
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2007-02-02 13:42:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-02-02 12:59:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
#2 is definately a lie because no Englishman has a dazzling smile.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-02 13:38:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No shit, scourge.
My response would have been the same whether Sac, DR or Shlongy himself wrote the post.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2007-02-02 13:37:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thankyou...you fucking rock.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 13:34:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/u/Danger_Ranger
you guys are dumb as shit
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-02-02 13:20:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
# 3 1/2. Stayed home and masturbated over top sicosemen while he was waxing his carrot. I saw his man tube and got really horny while I was mincing roast beef. Ultimately, the sight of such a sex creature made my pudding start to soften, which a gut wrenching cry I released a woman puddle of sticky cum on his nethers. He smiled, then shot beamed the mother ship a load so big it covered my face. There was no penetration needed.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-02-02 13:11:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've run this through my truth machine, which looks a lot like the thing from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory that figures out what the likelihood of getting a ticket is, and I've decided that you fucked this up and did it two truths and a lie. The answers are 21 and 5.
Submitted by Newty (user info) at 2007-02-02 13:09:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You could've made it harder
.2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-02-02 13:08:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-02-02 13:00:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
#4 - plied Kaos-King will NyQuil until he passed out, then violated him multiple times.
------
doesn't NyQuil give you the whiskydick, though?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-02-02 13:01:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Feety (user info) at 2007-02-02 13:00:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
but mommy, you always say cheerleaders are spawn of the devil and that you would never ever drive a hummer only give one, whatever that means. what's number 3 mean, please.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-02-02 13:00:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
#4 - plied Kaos-King will NyQuil until he passed out, then violated him multiple times.
NUMBER FOUR, PLEASE!!!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-02-02 12:59:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
#2 is definately a lie because no Englishman has a dazzling smile.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2007-02-02 12:57:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-02 12:56:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Got any pictures of number 3 that I can borrow?
I'll give 'em back...I promise.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 12:55:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i hate maltese, but i like robots
80FORCE, ha
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-02-02 12:49:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And THAT is how a bandwagon is done.
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2007-02-02 12:49:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2007-02-02 12:49:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
♥♥♥♥♥
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-02-02 12:49:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Maltese drops the most random shit all over the place.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-02-02 12:45:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
now I want some coffee
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2007-02-02 12:41:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That is so hot.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-02 12:39:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
#4 I did Danger_Ranger in the rear with a plastic fist.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-02-02 12:34:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
LIES!
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2007-02-02 12:33:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AAAAAAAAAGH THE GUILT IS TOO MUCH!!!
HERE ARE MY ALTERS!!! *cowers*
http://www.ubersite.com/u/marblefluss
http://www.ubersite.com/u/Hennessy
http://www.ubersite.com/u/bokinsmowls
http://www.ubersite.com/u/blackeyedbitch
(The first two were from before I joined in July 2006, those accounts were made while I was drunk like six months earlier.)
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2007-02-02 12:31:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
3
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-02-02 12:30:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
2. You love hummers.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-02-02 12:30:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I cant choose! Theyre all so plausible!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-02-02 12:28:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
im gonna lick you so hard today
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-02-02 12:24:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
3. i stayed home and masturbated.
--
I do this a lot.
Damn ruined my truth now.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-02-02 12:23:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
3!
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-02-02 12:22:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Too easy.
#1
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-02-02 12:22:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHA