2 Lies 1 Truth bandwagon...with BONUS KNOCKERS! (SFW)! (1558 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.9 on 62 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sacrilicious (View user info) at 2007-02-02 15:40:42 EST
Inspired by http://www.ubersite.com/m/98326 "Write and post three paragraphs, each consisting of an event that could conceivably have happened to you, but only one in which it actually has."
Thanks Ducky.
In college, I used to make giants vats of homemade salsa. It was cheap to make, was a great cure for the munchies, and since everything was fresh, it was about as close to vegetables as we slackers got at the time. The more I made, the hotter it got. One night, I was cutting up the habaneros for a batch, when my boyfriend at the time sneaked up behind me for a kiss. The next thing I know, I'm on the kitchen table, and he's um.."feeding" me, when in my ear, he whispers "touch yourself for me." And as worked up as worked up as I was, without thinking, I did. Without washing my habanero hands. It. Hurt. Like. Hell. I spent the rest of the night applying ice, milk, and anything soothing I could find to my tender, tortured spot. I lost the salsa making habit for quite a while after that.
When I was 15 years old, I had my first real boyfriend. We were just beginning to discover what each other's bodies were for, so we of course would find any excuse to be alone. One night, we were parked in his car just across a small wooded area near my house. What had been mostly innocent teen foreplay up until that point, became much more intense- and within minutes we were naked in the backseat. We were so hot at that point that neither of us noticed the police officer until he was knocking on the window and pointing his flashlight toward us. I was 15 years old, naked, and was not supposed to be alone in cars with boys. All I could do was pull my boyfriend down on top of me to hide myself from the cop. Fortunately once he saw the look of sheepish embarrassment on my face and was certain I was not there against my will, he just got in his car and left. No questions or anything. The gods were on my side that night.
A few months ago, I was on a business trip. We had a four day training session with a small group, who all ended up being a decent bunch of people to hang out with throughout the week. One of the girls was especially memorable. She was a natural beauty and very mischievous, with an infectious laugh and giant blue eyes, and everyone fell in love with her. Including me. We found ourselves gravitating toward each other whenever we could. We'd pair up in the meetings, chat on breaks, etc. A couple of days into the week, in the middle of a session we were both supposed to be in, we found ourselves alone for the first time together. The situation was so unlikely and our time together so short that I didn't know what to do or say, exactly, but I knew I might only have one chance. A moment later, we were kissing and kissing some more, and then it was over. It was the only time we had alone, and I left a few days later never to see her again. I think about her sometimes, though.
User Reviews
Submitted by Bohme (user info) at 2007-07-26 18:15:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hawt.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-07-26 17:45:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-12 19:01:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
alright.
add some more shit to the pile i've been dealing with all weekend.
i'm looking forward to it.
no, really. i really am.
here, have a +2 so i do not hurt your feelings further.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-12 18:57:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh by the way, I'm interviewing you.
Keep an eye on the front page for it.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-12 18:52:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
will do, toady
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-12 18:39:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You are such a goddamn revisionist, it's hilarious.
You had my answers to all but one for a solid week and never sent me the follow up. I'm not going to bother digging for the written proof that the poet was in your queue, because that's too easy.
NOBODY CALLS SACRILICIOUS A TOADY.
You should be receiving a package from me shortly, within 5 days. Do me a favor and just send it back. I clearly deserve to enjoy its contents more than you do you ingrateful fuck.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-12 17:45:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-04 23:01:07 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-04 22:31:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
It's decisions like this that explain exactly why I'm withdrawing from this interview queue.
===
Yes, isn't it interesting how loyalty, friendship, and one's word go right out the window when there is something as prestigious as hits at stake?
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Oh, I never saw this little exchange.
Fuck both of you guys.
You, poet, were never in the queue to begin with. You sell yourself enough around here.
You, poet's-toadie, refused to answer my questions in anything resembling a timely manner, and threw a third of them out the window without answering at all. Now I have moved on from interviewing. It is unsatisfying and absolutely a waste of my time.
Who needs this fucking shit?
Not me.
Submitted by Snare (user info) at 2007-02-09 00:30:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't read it.
you get plus 2 for the Labyrinth screen grabs.
Submitted by Konerak (user info) at 2007-02-06 06:50:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-02-05 17:59:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
pop it up
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-04 23:01:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-04 22:31:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
It's decisions like this that explain exactly why I'm withdrawing from this interview queue.
===
Yes, isn't it interesting how loyalty, friendship, and one's word go right out the window when there is something as prestigious as hits at stake?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-04 22:31:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-04 19:49:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
My interview was solid gold.
So is the one I'm posting tomorrow. The Method interview.
---
It's decisions like this that explain exactly why I'm withdrawing from this interview queue.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-04 20:03:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-04 19:49:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
Well...I don't hold all night IM sessions on my posts. Those add up. Also I kiss less ass than Valerie does around here.
The lesson to be learned is that being a whore = hits on Ubersite.
Also, I don't really care.
My interview was solid gold.
So is the one I'm posting tomorrow. The Method interview.
===
Oh yes. Asskisser. That's SO me.
You're just mad because after you worked so hard on your interview, it couldn't even take over my contentless hitwhore post.
Crybaby. Skate it off.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-04 19:49:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-04 13:20:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
BTW you're a good 800 hits in the lead.
Spanktastic.
---
Well...I don't hold all night IM sessions on my posts. Those add up. Also I kiss less ass than Valerie does around here.
The lesson to be learned is that being a whore = hits on Ubersite.
Also, I don't really care.
My interview was solid gold.
So is the one I'm posting tomorrow. The Method interview.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-02-04 16:42:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-04 13:20:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BTW you're a good 800 hits in the lead.
Spanktastic.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-04 13:18:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Who knew adding the knockers would be such a good idea?
Oh, right. ME.
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2007-02-03 22:55:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes, I'm fine but my hand hurts when I bend or touch my thumb. I was climbing rocks in flip flops at the beach with my dog and I fell in a hole between some of the rocks. I broke my left flip flop. My dog also fell in a different hole but she's fine. When I was climbing back to shore with one flip flop, I threw my cell phone in the ocean. Oh, my dog and I also got soaked because the waves were crashing against the rocks as we climbed back. Good times all around.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-03 22:02:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Julie! What hole? Are you OK?
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2007-02-03 21:35:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hi Miss Licious, I fell in a hole and threw my phone in the ocean, have a +2.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-02-03 17:52:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I scrolled straight to the knockers.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-02-03 17:34:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Isn't having 3 nipple rings a bit excessive?
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2007-02-03 12:24:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the witty knockers thing...
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-02-03 04:17:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Got me on the knockers.
Fucker.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-02-03 02:54:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Those are straight out of the labyrinth
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-02-03 02:02:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Anyone see Disney's A Christmas Carol? I think Goofy was a door knocker.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-02-02 19:32:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 18:32:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
Maltese, your offer is accepted.
------
dude, when he gets pulled, the hits get pulled too.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-02 19:08:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-02-02 18:38:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2007-02-02 18:15:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
ALRIGHT. I've had enough of all this bullshit!
I have a Greasemonkey application program for my Firefox browser that allows me to basically do whatever I want (edit stuff, display hidden pages, etc.) I recently have obtained the script for automatic refresh.
Sacrilicious, Scourge... whichever of you +2s my twenty lowest-rated posts the fastest, you will receive six thousand hits from my refresh tool (takes about 30 minutes).
Ready? Set? GO!!!
--------
yes, please do this - you'll get banned for life.
---
But if you're going to get banned, at least get banned for shooting the Orgasmatron to #24 on the MVA list.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-02-02 18:38:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2007-02-02 18:15:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
ALRIGHT. I've had enough of all this bullshit!
I have a Greasemonkey application program for my Firefox browser that allows me to basically do whatever I want (edit stuff, display hidden pages, etc.) I recently have obtained the script for automatic refresh.
Sacrilicious, Scourge... whichever of you +2s my twenty lowest-rated posts the fastest, you will receive six thousand hits from my refresh tool (takes about 30 minutes).
Ready? Set? GO!!!
--------
yes, please do this - you'll get banned for life.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 18:32:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Maltese, your offer is accepted.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-02 18:16:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
MALTESE- THANKS FOR YOUR KIND OFFER, BUT WE ARE PLAYING FAIRLY. OTHERWISE, IT IS NO FUN.
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2007-02-02 18:15:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
~ ATTN: SACRILICIOUS AND SCOURGE ~
ALRIGHT. I've had enough of all this bullshit!
I have a Greasemonkey application program for my Firefox browser that allows me to basically do whatever I want (edit stuff, display hidden pages, etc.) I recently have obtained the script for automatic refresh.
Sacrilicious, Scourge... whichever of you +2s my twenty lowest-rated posts the fastest, you will receive six thousand hits from my refresh tool (takes about 30 minutes).
Ready? Set? GO!!!
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2007-02-02 18:15:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ALRIGHT. I've had enough of all this bullshit!
I have a Greasemonkey application program for my Firefox browser that allows me to basically do whatever I want (edit stuff, display hidden pages, etc.) I recently have obtained the script for automatic refresh.
Sacrilicious, Scourge... whichever of you +2s my twenty lowest-rated posts the fastest, you will receive six thousand hits from my refresh tool (takes about 30 minutes).
Ready? Set? GO!!!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-02-02 18:11:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Capital knockers, madam!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-02 17:52:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
We're through?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-02 17:49:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bart recorded one of my posts and submitted it as a review.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 17:36:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
bart has looked at two of my posts i think.
he voted for my ubermadness entry and he -2ed my plagiarism of him.
what a dick.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-02 17:31:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
HA! Like Bart EVER reads my posts.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-02 17:28:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Each one of my sperm has my face on it. Glasses and everything.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 17:20:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
my kids are good looking, so they can't possible be yours. and maybe not mine either. but DEFINITELY not yours
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-02 17:18:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I guess I'll be taking those kids of yours back too then.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 17:15:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that's it, we're through
i guess those hits i've been pumping from my server farm here at work are just going to go away for BOTH of you.
hey bart, i poured about 110K into orgasmos posts and about 30K into sacrilicious' here from my companies servers. just had them on a loop, made sure B@W posts got more. please dock them those hits.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:58:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:51:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:35:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd rather read 100 lies than another of scourge's interviews.
---
NOBODYS FORCING YOU.
BUT WE BOTH KNOW YOU'LL BE BACK.
---
STFU Rim McBrowneye.
When I talk to you I will look at you.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:57:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Total Recall-style knockers above.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:54:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
number 3
fag
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:51:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:35:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd rather read 100 lies than another of scourge's interviews.
---
NOBODYS FORCING YOU.
BUT WE BOTH KNOW YOU'LL BE BACK.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:48:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm just going to assume it's #3, and retire to the divan to touch myself and think of you...
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:35:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd rather read 100 lies than another of scourge's interviews.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:32:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Let me explain...#1 is what I hoped because I swear that the exact same story was told on here a while back. Not because I relish the thought of your labianets in pain.
Actually, I've got some really good gel for that sort of thing. But you'll have to come over to my place if you want to try some.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:30:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WHY YOU LITTLE HEATWHORE
#1, I hope!
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:20:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:16:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
its three
read my interview or we're through
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:07:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Something very similar to #2 happened to me when I was 16, so I'm going to go with that.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 15:52:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ps: i didn't read this
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 15:51:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/98347
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-02 15:51:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HEY, WAIT.
I did NOT say "touch yourself for me." I said "diddle like you've ne'er diddled before."
I know this because it was the fourth time in my life that I'd said "ne'er."
Submitted by ticklish_squirrel (user info) at 2007-02-02 15:48:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going with #1 being real. That just sucks, man. Oooh, good God, that would hurt!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-02-02 15:47:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DAVID BOWIE'S COCK
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-02-02 15:47:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
3
thank the good lord
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-02-02 15:44:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So damn predictable.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-02 15:43:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So do I have to put something in your mouth to make the door open?
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-02-02 15:42:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i think #2 is a lie.
or maybe #3.
i wish i knew how to make salsa