Getting to Know Shlongy: The Man, The Myth, The (-2)Machine (2502 hits)
Category: NewsLabels: crap
Rating: 1.48 on 97 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by mr. scourge, reporter at large (View user info) at 2007-02-02 15:47:56 EST
User Reviews
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-07-10 15:22:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was Uber's 2nd greatest post.
All of my own are tied for 1st.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-07-10 18:22:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
goode.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-05-18 12:49:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-12 18:59:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
what the fuck? is it pick on matt day?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-02-12 18:35:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-02-06 14:42:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey scourgey...
I needs a good sized cam-whore from ya. Can you let me know what the best link is for that?
---
Allow me to oblige
http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/MMPH/241251~Lou-Ferrigno-Posters.jpg
Submitted by Blinkish (user info) at 2007-02-12 18:35:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this was awesome .. i missed it too, thanks for frontpaging it
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-02-12 18:26:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hmmm.... I can't believe I missed this.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-02-06 14:42:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey scourgey...
I needs a good sized cam-whore from ya. Can you let me know what the best link is for that?
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-02-06 02:24:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sacrilicious : 99657
Scourge: 99070
Submitted by Life101 (user info) at 2007-02-05 22:57:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-05 16:12:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The "mountain climber" sent me his book last summer. I usually wouldn't give a fuck about mountain climbing but once I started reading the book, I couldn't put it down. It was outstanding.
When I blew through last August on the way to Saratoga, it was during the "Member/Guest" at Monroe so I talked to both brothers but did not hook up with them.
We still see their work down here...Dick's Sporting Goods commercials on The Golf Channel. I even see some of my OTHER friends acting as "talent" in their spots.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2007-02-05 13:01:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlong - I think I know who you're referring to.
And your other buddy, the mountain climber, is doing really well. His agency's considered to be a pretty hot one at the moment (for a C market, anyway). There's some good creative work coming out of there right now.
Northside can't be topped for good italian. That and Dom's at the lake. I took a client down to Peter Geyer's Steakhouse on the east side last week. Only place for good chops in this city.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-05 12:10:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
it's utter crap is what it is
all these malteses and oathmeals and methods have come along and ruined this place. this post should be sitting on top of the best ever list right now.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-05 12:03:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow...that IS disappointing.
Wait, there WAS a Weekend at Bernies 2? Where was I for THAT?
Badlands...had a Rochester visitor last week for a few days...someone you would know...Used to be GSM for one of your Roch station clusters...now runs a production house. No names.
We caught up and talked about restaurants- Tahoes and Northside got most of the airtime initially...but it was fun hearing about how all of my old friends were doing up there. Sounds like most of them are kicking ass.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2007-02-05 11:33:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait, so a Shlongy post...fully endorsed, completely sanctioned and even participated in, by Shlongy himself...only peaks at #6 on most heated????
What's Uber coming to?
This is almost as disappointing as the time I paid money to see Weekend at Bernie's Two in the theater.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-02-05 10:45:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2007-02-05 10:15:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You never asked me the questions.
So I must ask:
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE PLAYING AT, YOU DICKHEAD?
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2007-02-05 07:55:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Nice fucking waste of time.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-04 22:12:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i thought shlongy would get me more hits than THIS
the fuck?
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-02-04 19:38:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Amusingish
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-02-04 11:29:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good post.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-04 09:46:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Gee whiz, I STILL thought you overnight Uber losers could do better than this.
It must be a dud because scourge posted it.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-02-04 04:23:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by emmakwon (user info) at 2007-02-04 00:12:45 (#)
Ranking: -2
omfg get a life whats wrong with you people. you dont even know this guy.....
---
Is this guy really using a lower case 'omfg' to make fun of people?
5 dots? No punctuation? Retard?
You know what puckers my ass?
Idiots like you.
Your self-declared notoriety is starting 'har har rabbit' under a now banned name.
You are like the poster boy for uncool. Geting yourself banned is fucking stupid... and rude. This is supposed to be a rule free kinda place... Even the most revolting things can be displayed if proper warning is given. People don't have to click on certain links. (I don't.) YOU got banned? If it was for being a annoying little prick why don't you stay gone? Seriously, do us all a favor and stay fucked off.
Or don't. Either way - I don't see you bringing much value to the table. Negative prick.
Now Shlongy?
That asshole is a celebrity. Uber royalty! King of the minus duece, eh. He's pure entertainment. His self-absorbed almost comic book persona provides me pockets of enjoyment throughout each and every day. I fuckin' love that kid.
The more bile that guy spits out - the more I giggle. Sometimes he is just off-side, and sometimes he's is boring and predictable... but the times he hit hits that fucking sweet spot and delivers in ways that 'the Shlongy' - can only be described as genius.
He's a dick, but you gotta loves him.
This post is golden. Kudos again scourge.
You simply got it wrong-kwon. I suggest you change your mind, suck it up.
Or beat it.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-04 03:22:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by emmakwon (user info) at 2007-02-04 00:12:45 (#)
Ranking: -2
omfg get a life whats wrong with you people. you dont even know this guy.....
===
OMFG get a life you're an alter of some ancient user who said he was leaving for good, what's wrong with you?
Submitted by emmakwon (user info) at 2007-02-04 00:12:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
omfg get a life whats wrong with you people. you dont even know this guy.....
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-02-03 21:58:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2007-02-03 21:34:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hi Matty, I fell in a hole and threw my phone in the ocean, have a +2.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-02-03 21:13:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Who would ever use Uber for such a thing?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-03 20:39:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Because you hate those.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-03 18:45:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What happened here?
Why didn't this turn into one of those all night IM loser parties?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-03 10:08:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-02-03 01:52:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
first time uber has worked for me in hours
Oh, I see. Someone didn't want this post to get hits or heat and they sabotaged Uber to keep scourge down.
That's not cricket.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-03 10:05:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
THIS IS A FAKE INTERVIEW!!!
OR, I was drunk.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-02-03 02:11:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Did you drink paint as a kid, or have you always been an incoherent cunt?
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-02-02 20:14:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
On second thought, you probably don't wanna interview me. I'll just bore up the place.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-02-02 20:04:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hmmmm...
*checks user info*
*rubs chin*
*checks user info again...*
*frowns*
*QUICKLY CLICKS ON USER INFO but still nothing*
i don't believe this interview actually happened
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 19:53:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2007-02-02 19:41:58 (#)
Ranking: -2
no
---
but i thought you loved me?!
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-02-02 19:48:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautifully done.
I wept.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-02 19:43:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, OK I read it finally. So apparently, I'm a whore too.
I don't have any questions.
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2007-02-02 19:41:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
no
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-02 19:34:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You are such a whore.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 19:31:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well, my twelve hour day has come to an end
here's one more to shove this fucker out to sea.
good luck little post
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2007-02-02 19:23:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
best shlongy tribute post..............
evah!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-02-02 19:01:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
everyone loves shlongy
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-02-02 18:48:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 17:34:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Jonny, the law is gray on when you can begin disregarding the rules completely, but I started doing it a while back and haven't seen any bad repercussions.
Does this mean I'm in the clear?
I mean...I'll keep doing it anyway, but I just wanted to know.
--------
dude, hello...
<points at scourage's UberClique corporate ID>
You wear that thing for a reason, man.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2007-02-02 18:15:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha awesome
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-02-02 18:10:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy friggin' rocks.
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2007-02-02 17:52:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good to be on his most hated list - lol.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 17:34:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jonny, the law is gray on when you can begin disregarding the rules completely, but I started doing it a while back and haven't seen any bad repercussions.
Does this mean I'm in the clear?
I mean...I'll keep doing it anyway, but I just wanted to know.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-02-02 17:19:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
love the pictures, dude.
Oh and O-tron, I hear your pain, but I must tell you something.
As you know, JonnyX is Chief Enforcer of Unenforceable Rules around here, and one of the little known rules is that when these interview-type things come up, Shlongy _always_ get a bye into the final round. I know, it may not be fair that he jumps the line, but hey man, I dont make the unenforceable rules, I just enforce them.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-02 17:19:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BLANKSHOOTER
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 17:16:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
more like 30 seconds.
and my wife doesn't even have an uber account so its for nothing.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-02 17:09:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Only 3 of my first 13 posts even rated in the + column, and even then, just barely.
It was so cool being universally hated.
Man, my early work was shit. It ruled!
So is my latest work, just a different KIND of shit.
OK, I'm out.
Heat it up, Harvey. Call all your friends.
That should only take about 90 seconds.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-02-02 17:08:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking Shlongy.....
Loving shlongy is like having sex with a 9 year old.
You know you shouldn't ,but it feels so right.
........what?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 17:04:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
if we're striking posts from the fat lzay elvis era i have all my hits from about 9 posts.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-02 17:00:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
5 of my first 9 posts had less than 20 words of copy...beat THAT.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:58:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
We must have had the same math professor in college because that's how I DO MATH, too.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:56:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well you can't count the first 100 because they were the development of the username, much like you can't really count a team's building years or all the hours, days, weeks or months you spend with a woman trying to get into her pants. You just count the dynasty eras and the sexy time. Understand this.
You can't count the last 100 because I haven't cared in a while and the quality has suffered, much like you can't really count Old Fat Elvis as part of the Elvis Era of Good Feelings. You've just got to stick to the meat. The heart, if you will. The center mass of the stool sample, not the tips.
You also can't count posts where I've uploaded a .jpg and only a .jpg. because the Hebrews do that and Bart won't recognize them as a people.
Or posts where I tell ETS to shut the fuck up. Let's face it, that's as wasteful as you buying a comb.
So now we're down to a good 95 posts.
That's a good 4000+ hits per post.
Love you, Progeria.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:56:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:44:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Whatever. We could argue this all day long, right here:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/98348
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:44:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Whatever. We could argue this all day long, right here:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/98345
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:43:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hold the phone, Bill;
I don't think you want to get into a pissing battle with Shlongy over hits.
I've compiled my 212000+ hits in just 109 posts - averaging a Uber record 1949.22 hits per post without a single B @ W.
You, on the other hand, with seemingly nothing to do all day but write poetry, average a mere 1277 hits per post, which puts you in the elite company of such Uber standouts like Maltese, Jack McCallum's alters and firefly.
I'd be killing you in hits if I had the energy, the active brain matter and the time to post more often.
What I'm most proud of is my horrible overall rating.
I wish it was lower.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:41:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:38:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy has good taste in music.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:34:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For fuck's sake, Orgasmatron = hits too.
160,000 more than you, apparently.
Which is not said to begin a pissing contest - this is the ghey internet, after all - merely that our MC has made an error in determining his interview order.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:33:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:12:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
I like how Shlongy and I wore the same jacket to the interview. Talk about embarassing...
---------
You're very funny.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:32:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think a Davros interview would go over swimmingly...as long as you didn't sign your name after each response.
Then, it could get dicey.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:32:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I would be interviewed but I am boring and (not quite as) old as Shlongy.
My $$ are still on this man right here.
-Dave
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:30:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think he's looking for ratings...If I'm to understand this correctly, which could be difficult because you KNOW I don't read any of you people's posts, this is about HITS, isn't it?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:28:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:20:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
you're like 5th down the list Toad.
---
5th is no place for the father of your children.
Orgasmatron = ratings.
Accept this.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:28:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry, Ghola...I'm not convinced that denim from 1979 can still exist in the 21st century, with Global Warming, the hole in the Ozone layer and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy on Bravo.
I'd be happy to give you the boxers I'm wearing today, though. maybe you and I can trade underwear.
I'm game.
Just don't wash yours before we swap.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:26:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:22:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ew. I could interview myself if I wanted. Be careful what you wish for, hitwhore.
---
You could.
But you'd never answer the questions.
I mean, I guess you could just post something blank, it'd be about as interesting as your last couple posts.
ZIIINNNNGGGGG
*smiles smugly at his own wit*
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:25:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hey shlongy, those are really great shorts by the way.
can i have them?
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:24:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:24:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Are there any pictures available of the two of you 69-ing each other?
If so, I'm interested.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:22:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ew. I could interview myself if I wanted. Be careful what you wish for, hitwhore.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:20:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you're like 5th down the list Toad.
my don't was for you. you'd suffocate.
is valerie bitching about me not sending her questions via email or IM? here's the deal: it took her four days to answer the first three questions i sent her.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:19:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
See what you can do about getting Maltese to show up here...he's good for 612 hits, and 114 reviews by himself.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:18:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think everyone interviewed should have to answer the same questions. Like a Uber SAT test.
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:17:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I love this fanatism !
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:17:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
don't
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:17:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Alright, Chief...I'm almost gone.
You better use all resources available to you:
Uberboard
Linkwhoring
Offers of buttsex
Cash
Suicide
Whatever you have in your arsenal....to achieve your lofty goal. Shlongy's rooting for you.
Which is probably the kiss of death...but that's life.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:17:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I won't hold my breath for my interview questions.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:12:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like how Shlongy and I wore the same jacket to the interview. Talk about embarassing...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:11:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:08:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
You mean the one you commented on like 10 times yourself, shlong?
Yeah. That's the one.
Why, do you have MORE than one of those going? Did I miss one?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:09:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sacrilicious: Lie? What lie? All's fair in love and war, sweetcheeks.
Tom: Can you guarantee your answers will gain me no fewer than 2500 hits?
Jake: Indeed.
Toad: Uber fucked with me for a moment. I got an error message after I posted and so I came back to repost.
Zebra: thank you
Everyone else: read this a few times, soak in the wisdom. leave more comments.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:08:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You mean the one you commented on like 10 times yourself, shlong?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:04:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, whoever it was that answered these questions for Shlongy - it wasn't Electro, was it? - did a pretty good job.
I hope you win that circle jerk fuck fest grab-asseateing contest from Sacreligious and I would suggest that you camp on this post - for the next 48-72 hours - to ensure that it happens.
Because I've noticed that your opponent's posts become IM sessions or moronacy which seem to last for hours.
I can't stick around because I'm going to "Happy Hour" in about 30 minutes but good luck in your quest for victory.
PS. LOVE the photoshop heads but I could have lived without the band pic.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:03:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not reading this until my interview is granted.
I can't believe you lied to me.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:03:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ooh ooh me next. Me next.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:03:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You'd invite Shlongy into your home. But you wouldn't leave him alone with your wife
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-02 16:02:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You already got my comments on the first one.
Way to repost, stinkeye.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-02-02 15:57:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for The Shlong
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-02-02 15:57:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for shlongy
and for free drinks
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-02-02 15:53:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Sorry. Forgot.
Everything you ever wanted to know about Zebra
User id: 29369
Registered on or around: 2006-11-25 13:34:37
# Messages posted: 0
# Reviews written: 239
# Times these posts have been reviewed: 0
# Hits: 0
Average rating of all messages: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-02-02 15:53:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Shameless fellating in progress...
The Roots of Uber #55 'The Shlong-o-Matic'
http://www.ubersite.com/m/90589
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 15:53:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
at least paste your user info like you do for everyone else, Zebra
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-02-02 15:51:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-02-02 15:50:44 (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-02-02 15:50:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment