Two Lies, One Truth, and One Camwhore (1225 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalLabels: camwhore
Rating: 1.2 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by AsshOly (View user info) at 2007-02-02 19:36:06 EST
1.
When I was in the fourth grade, my class went on a field trip to the Field Museum in Chicago. One of the three parental chaperones called in with the flu, so the teacher called all the other kids' homes while we were at recess, and when we got back my father was sitting in my chair, wondering why there were gym shoes in my desk. (I don't remember why there were gym shoes in my desk.)
So my dad came to the museum with us, and our group had a fucking blast. We played museum tag for five hours. It still is my favorite field trip of all time.
Afterward, we decided to stop at the Rock and Roll McDonald's for dinner. We ate. It was cool. We were parked right near the street, and some friends and I were messing around with a tennis ball we found, and one of the other kids let it bounce off his hands and onto the curb in the street. I raced another kid to pick it up, and I tripped and fell into traffic. My dad snatched me up and turned his back to a car that couldn't stop fast enough. The next thing I knew, I was a few feet down the street and my dad was halfway under a Volvo. He broke his patella and still walks with a limp.
2.
In my senior year of high school, my geology class went on a field trip to the Indiana Dunes. It's a cool place. There is this one dune, I forget what it is called, but it is massive. If you've ever been there you know the one I am talking about. The windward side of the dune drops at a 40 degree angle, and it's fucking tough to climb up there if you're not in shape. But once you're up there, it's a fucking blast to take a running jump off the side of it. You go for a while before landing. This is what my class did while we were there. On one jump, a friend and I decided to see who could fly farther. We backed up and jumped at the same time. I flew flat, and a little farther out, and he jumped high, a little bit short, and a little bit to his left...so that he landed on me. He tore his MCL on his "landing" and lost his soccer scholarship to Valparaiso. The teacher still has pictures of us in the air posted up in his classroom.
3.
In my freshman year of college, my geology class (I enjoy geology) took a field trip to the Illinois Cave System somewhere in southern Illinois. We crept down into this cave, and our professor took us on a tour. After about a couple hours, we stopped to sit for a little while. We were on a ledge overlooking a sort of underground creak, and there was a spot where we could take about a two-foot hop to get across. The teacher invited us to go with a chaperone, a professional spelunker, and go exploring on the other side if we wanted, or to sit down and eat lunch, which consisted of granola bars and Gatorade. Some friends and I opted to go with the spelunker.
So we hopped across the channel and crawled through a hole in the wall on the other side. We explored. It was cool. After half an hour or so, we turned back to catch up with the rest of our group. The spelunker was the first to crawl back out of the hole, myself the last. As I was coming out, my foot got stuck, and like an asshole I yanked it free and fell on my ass, and started sliding on the slick, wet rock, toward the water. The spelunker tried to get in the way to stop me, but I just knocked his feet out from under him and kept going, and fell about five feet into the freezing ass water. Nobody got hurt, save for bruises, but it scared the shit out of me while it was happening, and it took me a long time to figure out a way to climb up and out of there. And I lost my flashlight somewhere in there, too. I have a picture of me standing down in the chest-high water on my desk at home.
Camwhores seem to be obligatory today, so here is a quick one of me.
User Reviews
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-06 15:09:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dreams come true every day...keep rubbing your "lantern", if you catch my drift, and good things can happen.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-06-06 14:43:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Duh, of course I'd do Shlongy. C'mon, it's SHLONGY.
Who wouldn't I do? Probably most of Uber, but there are exceptions, like you and this guy. I'm taken though, so these are all pipe-dreams, of course.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-06-06 14:26:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm trying to determine who you WOULDN'T do, Hilarity...and don't be a smartass and say "Shlongy"...because you know THAT'S not true.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-06-06 13:49:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Doable. Very doable.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-02-14 02:09:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i aint THAt pale, fellas.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-02-14 01:53:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You look at little, just a little, like me. A pale me.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-02-13 17:34:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you look like a token US marine
I WANNA FUCK YOU
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-02-10 21:55:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-02-10 21:39:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I forgot to tell you the answer~!
The third one is true. The second one is mostly true, but the kid didnt get hurt and didnt have a soccer scholarship anyway. The first one is the most false. The first half of it is true, the second is completely fabricated.
I'm sorry I kept you all waiting. I know none of you have slept since I posted this, and I apologize. My bad, guys. My bad.
+2
Submitted by tartpumper (user info) at 2007-02-05 08:51:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You look a wee bit racist...
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2007-02-03 21:32:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I fell in a hole and threw my phone in the ocean, have a +2.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-02-03 18:14:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-03 11:01:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You should have included that lie about the Big Ten dominating college football in 2006.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-02-03 04:13:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Duck (swoons) - That's okay. You're good folk. Here's my thought pattern:
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-02-03 04:00:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-02-03 03:46:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-02-03 03:19:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
DOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEENNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2007-02-03 04:02:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My mistake...I was thinking Adrien...but then Seinfeld came to mind and all I could think of was Elaine yelling Stella...there's my thought pattern for you.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-02-03 03:46:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-02-03 03:19:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
DOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEENNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-02-03 03:46:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Who yelled Doreen?
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-02-03 03:40:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Stanley Kowalski (Streetcar...) yelled "Stella."
I think Rocky yelled, "Adrian."
That's okay. You seem cool, if a bit unknowledgable about great American movies. Well, "Streetcar..." was great, anyway.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2007-02-03 03:34:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I picture you yelling that in the same way Rocky yells STELLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAaaa.
Funny.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-02-03 03:19:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEENNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just popped in for a few.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2007-02-03 03:14:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll guess one.
You look really confused by your camera.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-02-03 02:28:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One time, at band camp...
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-02-03 02:24:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
We should totally mate.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2007-02-03 02:11:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You're cute.
Submitted by jojo747 (user info) at 2007-02-03 02:07:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 19:59:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i don't live there, but it's really cool.
if you're an outdoorsman/nature enthusiast at all, you should check it out. all of shawnee too, really.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-02-02 19:54:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
shabazz?
2.
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2007-02-02 19:53:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-02-02 19:50:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I googled garden of the gods, and that wasnt it.
http://www.isgs.uiuc.edu/servs/pubs/geobits-pub/geobit11/gb11a.htm
I'm pretty sure it was the part labeled Illinois Caverns, so it was right near you, I believe.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-02-02 19:44:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
heh
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-02-02 19:43:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
dur dur dur dur
*clicks fingers*
Hello Uncle Fester
dur dur dur dur
*clicks fingers*
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 19:42:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
also, +2 for the dunes. and i guess southern illinois as well.
was the trip to Garden of the Gods? that place is awe inspiring. i'm doing a week long trip there this summer.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-02-02 19:40:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
We all do, man. It's too cold.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-02 19:39:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you look like you need some sun
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-02-02 19:39:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
creak = creek