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Shadows of my mind or stream of consciousness (267 hits)

Category: Quotes & Stories

Rating: -1.7 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)

Submitted by B. Anderson <kick_in_your_mouth.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2007-02-03 17:35:12 EST

In the Shadows of me Mind

I see the shadows forming into bodies in the darkened mirror of my soul. I wonder if they can see me as I see them. I can stare into my darkened mirror and watch as the minutes slowly turn into hours. The shadows take on a shape of a man wearing a dark cloak and I watch as the shadow seamlessly draw closer and closer in the mirror. I see the shadow moving even though nothing in my room moves and I wonder am I really going crazy- is this all a hallucination. Is my mind playing tricks on me or is there really a man in my room hidden in the shadows? It could be death harkening me to either go to heaven or hell or anyplace in between like purgatory or that could be just my assumptions and nothing more. Maybe it is the gram reaper, maybe it is god himself, maybe even the devil. I'll never know because I'm too cowardly to ask the shadow what it is; because I am afraid of what the true answer will be. I am afraid if what the truth will hold. I close my eyes but the shadow still lingers on my eyelids as if my eyes were still open. Since the room is dark, I can't differentiate between what I am seeing and what is merely behind my closed eyes. I fall into the pit of shadow and I recall the memories that I thought I have forgotten, but as I stare into the dark abyss I realize that I have forgotten nothing, it is just hidden in the crevices of my mind awaiting a moment- a precise moment that I will open up my minds eye and remember them. I look around my room and feel like a stranger in unknown territory; like I am just wandering through and even my bookshelf looks different- I would not recognize any of the books there even if I could see them, even though I placed each one there. Or the books might simply fade away if I turn my eyes to look to the door- that appears to look closed. I get a feeling of terror as I look at the door because if my room is unrecognizable even to me what does the rest of the house hold? If I open that door what will I find? would I find more horrors and terror waiting for me?
I never felt shielded from terror. I have not had the cloak of comforting religion that so many of my friends and family have worn. The cloak was ripped from me at an early age and now I see things as they truly are. My mind sees things that it wants to see. It is not dictated by a book written a thousands of years ago. No one dictates what I see except for me. It is true that I am a victim of my surroundings but who I am is supposed to be based on a thousand different people that I have met throughout my years. In the injuries I have suffered, the joys I have lived; but I am in no way indebted unto anyone who would want me to live a life different from the life I live now. I have had many role models that I respect because of their wisdom like the authors I read, or the paintings I see by the artists I see in the museums. But I think there is difference between that and the people who live their life expecting to go to heaven or some great beyond with God himself as the overseer of the Garden of Eden. I don't look forward to that because if I look forward to that and believe in the almighty God then I have to believe in the opposite, the Devil, and what I see in my mind already reminds me of Hell. But I revel in the fact that it is all in my mind and is not true. But if I believe in the Devil who roams around in Hell, there is no escaping. The minutes approach midnight. I feel that midnight is my final hour. I realize in the last minutes of my life on earth that I have done nothing great. Sure, I have caused some terrors in this world. I have had my share of enemies and lovers; friends and foes. But I have never seen the light of god. I have never felt his touch. I have seen things that the devil himself could do, but all these things man does. And who is to say if he's controlled by the Devil Himself, or some other spirit, or by the inner depth of his mind making him do such awful things that I, myself, have done many many times.
I find it hard to believe in God when I could look into the eyes of my victims and see their life slowly draining away into nothingness. There is no happiness or finality or sureness or believe in god as they fade away. There is life and there is un-life. It doesn't matter whether my eyes are opened or closed, its all in my mind anyway.

User Reviews

Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-02-05 17:48:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2

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Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2007-02-05 10:12:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2


Fuck off, cunt. Didn't realize HTML doesn't work here? Retard.

Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2007-02-03 19:35:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2

There ya go

Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2007-02-03 19:35:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2

No Comment

Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2007-02-03 19:34:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2

/die

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-03 18:43:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2

I think you needed one less paragragh and you would have been sitting pretty.

Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-02-03 18:01:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -1

Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-02-03 17:57:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

I massacred the Malachites and the seven nations of Canon. I hacked a god to pieces and blasted the barren fig tree for the day of vengeance is in my heart! Heh he huh. You lunar jackass. You betrayed you -- guilty, guilty, guilty -- the punishment is death. I've finally been processed.... I'm Jack! Cunning Jack, quiet Jack. Jack whose sword never sleeps. Hats off -- I'm Jack!!! Not the good shepherd.....not the prince of peace......I'm red jack, spring hill jack, jack from hell

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-02-03 17:51:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2

I got as far as the word soul, knew Id be depressed/pissed off by this pap, dropped a -2 and got on with my life.
Cheer the fuck up.

Submitted by TimetoDance (user info) at 2007-02-03 17:49:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2

I read the first sentence.

Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2007-02-03 17:37:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2

Big block of words.

Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-02-03 17:37:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2

I liked that you used paragraph tags and this is still really difficult to read. Well done.