Fuck you Pannerplant, I'm the REAL George Zimmer (568 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: -1.46 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Maltese (View user info) at 2007-02-04 13:00:47 EST
http://www.ubersite.com/m/98386
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This is just preposterous. I'm the real George Zimmer, not you. Let me tell you of my adventures.
(Excerpts from the Zimmer archive - not mine: http://orly.yi.org/scripts/iguaranteeit/)
Hi, I'm George Zimmer, founder and CEO of the Men's Warehouse. if you don't get your dick-dragging carcass away from my turf, I'm going to shove my sperm whale so far up your drainage pipe that you'll be tasting the underwear that I wear under my dapper suit for the next five years.
The other night I tracked down the uppity bitch who drew this picture and I proceeded to free willy all over her face. I spackled her face with my salty man yogurt, making sure to cover every inch of her self-righteous mug. I guess she learned her lesson because she came back begging for more.
No one can imagine the horrors that my greasy Grecian man pole can unleash. Any hole that gets in my way will be spelunked by my mighty kidney scraper. I will plumb the depths of your moist orifices and then proceed to pump millions of future Zimmers into you innards.
I'm just going to take a second out of my busy day of fucking the mothers and sisters of the people I hate with my mammoth pelvic forearm to deliver a rare short message. Shut up and get back in the kitchen, bitch, or i'll choke you to death with my incredible manmeat.
That fucking asshole George Foreman lies like the little bitch that he is. In actuality, I shoved my massive meat mountain up his wife and dog's asses, killing them instantly. Then I used George's own lean mean grilling machine to cook their corpses. I must admit, though, that grill can cook a mighty fine baby batter-filled main course. Foreman, bring it bitch, I'll knock your teeth out in a flashy display of my gargantuan manmeat, right before I use it to make your mother squeal.
While surreptitiously plunging my rosy-cheeked cyclopean ally into the anal cavity of a young migrant farm worker of indeterminate gender in the front row of a movie theater, the poor youth screamed for more than three minutes straight, finally coughing up a load of 100% pure Zimmer sauce and passing out. The other movie patrons, angry at the interruption of The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3-D, began pelting me with drinks, food, and phone numbers hastily written on napkins. Unfortunately, my outrageously dapper suit was ruined in the process. I nonchalantly pulled the unconscious youth off my enormous eyeball gouger and stripped nude. then, with a bestial roar, I beat the entire audience to death - without leaving the front row. On my way out, in the custom of the Zimmer family, I gave them a burial at semen.
Apparently, you don't know when to shut the fuck up, which is to be expected from an ass-dragging manwhore like yourself that gets kicked off the good corners by twelve-year-old boys looking for extra income to support their Pokémon addictions. If you're ever interested in becoming a real man, come by the Men's Warehouse where I can give you a testosterone infusion in the back alley with my patented pulsating man hammer. I'll spread your ass cheeks wider than the Marianas Trench, and I'll plunge my thundering flesh redwood into your winking pink chrysanthemum. Slipping on my steel wool gloves, I'll grab your miniscule quivering joystick and vigorously massage it until it stands up harder and straighter than a marine at short arm inspection with his favorite drill sergeant. When I finally unleash my shower of man mayonnaise into your colon, your innards will pulsate in joyous abandon and your nipples will explode with delight, raining my sex sauce down upon unwary passersby who will cower in fear.
My yodeling manseed-sprayer can kill a yak at thirty paces—with one swing. It'll be a cold day in hell when anyone on Uber can complain about the power contained in my Fortune 500 fetus facialist. I'll track you down, withdraw my mischievous maiden mangler from my unconscionably sexy suit and watch in silence as you beg to suckle at my terrifyingly tantalizing testicles. You won't be able to resist me as I satiate my randy rape rod using your quivering flesh. I'll leave your corpse for passersby to find it, naked and dripping with several helpings of my extraordinarily effervescent essence outside the local elementary school. Then I'll move on to your mother.
It looks like some of you retards think you can control me. This particular retard thought he was clever, posting about me behind my back. well, until I appeared behind him in a plume of smoke and aerosolized ass butter. His parents are watching as I give his kidneys a ten-point inspection with my flannel man-spigot, while simultaneously typing this post, anally penetrating the obese mother of this retard, and filling the father's face with a generous helping of my gooey guy gravy. After I finish, I'll beat them to death with my veiny love trumpet, and disappear in a veil of misty white spray. any one of you could be next.
I guarantee it.
User Reviews
Submitted by Still-Life (user info) at 2007-02-07 21:46:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-2
stop posting fucking copy pasta on ubersite, n00b.
Submitted by v8lover (user info) at 2007-02-05 18:32:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-02-05 16:17:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
maltese is stupid
Submitted by pannerplant (user info) at 2007-02-04 18:04:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I guarantee it.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-02-04 16:02:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-02-04 15:53:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by cera (user info) at 2007-02-04 13:05:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
What the fuck is going on here?
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Fucking hell Balltease, the only plus 2 and its from an alter that Axolotl has already outed as you...
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-02-04 15:04:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2007-02-04 14:55:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Standard -2 applies here.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-02-04 14:50:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Shut the fuck up, Maltese.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-02-04 14:24:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
die in a hole
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2007-02-04 14:08:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
ummmmm?
FLANGE Perhaps?
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2007-02-04 14:06:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
loser
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2007-02-04 13:51:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
On behalf of 97.6% of Uber's voting population:
-2die
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-02-04 13:42:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You can come up with way too many different ways to say cock to be straight.
Submitted by cera (user info) at 2007-02-04 13:05:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What the fuck is going on here?