Ubertines 07: Bartback Mountain 2 (689 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.53 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Michael Jackson (View user info) at 2007-02-05 16:19:47 EST
Part 1: http://www.ubersite.com/m/98146
CHAPTER 2 - Memories, like the corners of my mind...
Her name was Hayley.
Sus scrofa domestica.
That's how they refered to her in the legal papers that were served to me the morning before I packed a small suitcase consisting of a few clothes, a bottle of Jack Daniels and a jar of peanut butter.
Jack Daniels and peanut butter you may be asking, I won't go into the details now, but trust me it's integral to my tale.
Sus scrofa domestica.
It's a harsh reality when it's used about your loved one.
I can still remember the day we met. It all comes rushing back like some clichéd Hallmark moment. The kind you see in movies every day.
I was at a party on a farm on the outskirts of Chicago. I'd probably had about two wine coolers, the next morning I awoke in a pile of hay in the barn.
Hayley was in my arms.
That right there... that's movie material. Martin Short would play me, Paris Hilton... sus scrofa domestica... I guess the story falls apart at that point.
I won't win a Moonman at the MTV Movie Awards with a movie with a phrase teenagers can't pronounce.
I wish for the night over and over. I could only relive one moment forever. It would be that one. Hayley and I, a moment in time before police, lawyers and PETA.
Just a moment in time.
But it's gone now.
Replaced with rain, cold mountain sides and loneliness.
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CHAPTER 3 - Back to the bar at the end of the universe
Back to reality.
I'm still in the bathroom of the Pig and Whistle. I'm still standing in front of an old man with my jaw open in shock and fear, and he's still holding my wallet out to me.
In my last chapter, although it felt like I had been reliving Hayley and my plutonic 3 week relationship over and over again, here back in Bangor only 5 seconds had passed.
"Your wallet?"
The words echo off the tiles.
I put my hand out and take it from him.
"You're welcome."
He leaves and I'm left standing there. Piss and broken glass on the floor and me staring at my wallet.
Now you see how I did that? It's called the Dan Brown effect, building up something completely insignificant into this enormous cliff hanger and then having it fizzle down to nothing? Dan Brown knows how to do it and he's made millions. I'll also bet that the secret service doesn't bash his door down and accuse him of acting on his sexual urges.
Sus scrofa domestica.
That's right, fuck you.
I'll show you sus scrofa domestica.
Your life needs to change Bart.
I'm wide awake.
I'm dead sober.
I'm paying my tab and I'm out of the pub.
It's 2am and I'm climbing back up the mountain.
There's something I need to take care of before I return to Chicago. Before I claim what's rightfully mine.
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User Reviews
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2009-06-27 10:10:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to like the Uber MJ, like the real one minus the child abuse allegations etc.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-02-07 00:16:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-02-07 00:00:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your english just got danish. You KNOW who Anna Karina is, Brian Laudrup.
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2007-02-06 23:41:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-02-06 21:11:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
are you Danish or what?
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I'm Michael Jackson! I've from Gary, Indiana.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-06 21:20:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
*giggle*
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-02-06 21:11:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
are you Danish or what?
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2007-02-06 21:06:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Who the hell is Anna Karina?
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-02-06 19:24:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you have very good english Anna Karina
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2007-02-06 19:18:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-06 17:38:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:31:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-02-06 01:46:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2007-02-05 20:23:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-05 17:05:07 (#)
Ranking: 1
I can't decide if I wanna do you or not.
_____________________
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahaha.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-05 17:05:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I can't decide if I wanna do you or not.
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2007-02-05 16:37:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
SHAMONE!!!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-02-05 16:26:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
great pic
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-02-05 16:25:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shamone!
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2007-02-05 16:22:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Ubertines is emo!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/98252