Ubertines 07: I'm Burnin, I'm Burnin, I'm Burnin For You (682 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.87 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by goferforhire <goferforhire.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2007-02-05 23:18:46 EST
I powered through the remainder of the concert by pretending the canvas on the drums was her face, and that she was tied between the cymbals, being crushed on every offbeat. I could see her in the back, thinking the rest of the crowd was too large and too active for me to see her, wrapped in the embrace of some other punk. The irony was that this was her concert I was playing. This was my proposal, this was her moment to witness all of the love I had for her. In spite of all this, oblivious to it, she was there, twirling a cigarette and sharing the smoke with her flavor of the evening. I didn't need to wonder if this was her first, I knew. The whole thing had the air of a bad habit; she kissed him the same way she smoke, or the way she tossed back the shot of Gentleman Jack that woke her up every morning. I tried not to focus on her, losing myself in the rhythm I had to create for the posers I played with to make it through their cover of Just What I Needed without screwing up too much for their audience.
There were perks to being in a classic-rock cover band. Free booze at most of the better bars in town, since we'd played most of them. If I were single, there would be the groupies, but as it is... it's definitely a turn-on. We had a pretty unimpressive number of set lists, with enough variation between them to keep our few regular fans happy. Every now and then we managed to lure in a big crowd, usually when there's free booze or we're playing with some other local bastion of mediocrity, but no matter how big the crowd, nothing about our performance changes. Journey, Kansas, Steve Miller, Led Zeppelin, Lynnard Skynnard, Steppenwolf, The Cars and we finished off every concert with something by Blue Oyster Cult. Normally we were unoriginal and blasted Don't Fear The Reaper, cowbell and all, but for this special occasion I'd talked the band into learning Burnin' For You. She liked that song. It's the only thing before 1990 she knew the words to.
The Cars wound down, and our 'front man,' a Kurt Cobain ken doll of a man with hair that managed to simultaneously be shaggy and well kept, and a voice that managed to simultaneously imitate the highs of Don't Stop Believin' and the belting of Sweet Home Alabama with a sincere lack of passion, stepped up to the microphone.
"Well folks, we're gonna blow these speakers out on one last song, but before we get down to business, I'm going to pass the mic to our demon of a drummer, David Balan."
The crowd cheered with a relatively unfeigned interest, and every eye in the room turned to me. Thinking she was subtle, the girl in the back of the room pushed her beaux a good distance past arm's length and fixed an expression of rapt joy and awe on her traitor face. The poor kid she'd been sucking on looked somewhere between amused and offended. Following orders, I got up awkwardly and took the mic from the imitation rocker I shared the stage with. There was an awkward silence as I met as many eyes as possible before settling on my lady friend of so many months and years.
"I would like to offer my congratulations," I said in a very restrained and quiet voice which stunned the audience and nearly made the asshole behind me with the terrible hair-do drop his overpriced bass, "To Katy and that lucky sin of a bitch with the Ramones t-shirt she'll be taking home tonight. May you have many fine hours and may your failure to exchange phone numbers be blissfully un-awkward. Smooches, bitch."
I took my seat, clicked the drumsticks together as planned, and launched into the song that was supposed to announce my engagement with a delightfully ironic vigor. Katy left the concert before it was over, dragging her new lover with her. He seemed too embarassed to really be interested, but he played along gamely anyway. His loss.
It didn't take a lot of thought. In fact, it took decidedly more gasoline and alcohol than thought. As I drove away from my burning appartment building, with Katy and her vapid man-whore trapped inside, I popped in an old Blue Oyster Cult tape and pasted a smile to my face. The irony was delightful.
User Reviews
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-02-06 23:08:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks for getting that damn song stuck in my head.
Submitted by MouthSore (user info) at 2007-02-06 22:09:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-06 20:19:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good. I'd have liked it better without the killings, too. But I'd like to burn something down just once. Oh wait, I did that to my kitchen as a kid. OK, something ELSE.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-02-06 17:38:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-02-06 16:45:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
goddammit i didn't want to read this or +2 it you're my fucking competition.
but i liked it.
and it's spelled my way.
asshole.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-06 15:55:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Come on, baby, light my fire.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-02-06 15:44:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-02-06 14:54:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Did you know that 83% of all Jews hate the song 'I'm Burnin' For You'?
True fact.
Submitted by ticklish_squirrel (user info) at 2007-02-06 14:34:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because I performed this song two weeks ago with my band in Vegas! WOO!
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:31:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-02-06 07:02:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It has been said, but I'll throw it my vote too: I liked it up until the killings. Hence the +1.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-02-06 05:37:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Liked it, but not the killings at the end. It was too abrupt, maybe making more of it would have sorted it out.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-02-06 01:49:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-02-06 01:42:14 (#)
Ranking: 1
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Don't you hate it when this happens.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-02-06 01:42:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2007-02-06 00:46:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-02-06 00:36:23 (#)
Outstanding. So, where were we?
Oh yeah. Put that down, Coyote.
-=-=-=-=-
I can't. Someone put epoxy in the hand lotion.
You know what's good? The bass-heavy downbeat at about 1:20 into "White Rabbit". The rest of the song you can take or leave, except for the last 30 seconds.
Oh, and Blue Öyster Cult is the best band ever to come out of Stony Brook.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-02-06 00:36:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Outstanding. So, where were we?
Oh yeah. Put that down, Coyote.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-02-06 00:35:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am thoroughly satisfied.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2007-02-06 00:23:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-02-06 00:20:17 (#)
We're gonna break his heart with this.
-=-=-=-=-
Jeez, some people are just never satisfied.
I mean, it's not like we're leaving a trail of +0 No Comments in our wake here...
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-02-06 00:20:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
We're gonna break his heart with this.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2007-02-06 00:13:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-02-06 00:08:50 (#)
I'm sorry that you're gonna check this and see 2 on 8 only to find out it's just me and Coyote.
-=-=-=-=-=-
What do you mean, "just"? These are some fine, handcrafted reviews.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-02-06 00:08:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry that you're gonna check this and see 2 on 8 only to find out it's just me and Coyote.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2007-02-05 23:55:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-02-05 23:50:13 (#)
Yes I can.
-=-=-=-
Um... d'oh!
I once had an ice cube, pretty little ice cube. Now she's gone. Her name was Mary, pretty little ice cube. Now she's gone, now she's gone.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-02-05 23:50:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes I can.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2007-02-05 23:45:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-02-05 23:33:15 (#)
You're drunk, Coyote. Drunk.
-=-=-=-=-=-
If I was drunk would I be doing... this?
Oh, never mind, you can't see my left hand and my state of pantslessness.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-02-05 23:33:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're drunk, Coyote. Drunk.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2007-02-05 23:29:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-02-05 23:25:55 (#)
I really liked it up until he killed them. That seemed lazy.
-=-=-=-=-
Maybe they just went to the burn unit at the hospital and got skin grafts.
And then the band played "Godzilla" and the whole hospital got totally stomped on and destroyed.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-02-05 23:25:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I really liked it up until he killed them. That seemed lazy.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2007-02-05 23:24:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Needs more cowbell.