Helping the Guys shop for Valentines Day (1061 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.44 on 69 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by MyTeeOne <My_Tee_One.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2007-02-06 10:36:20 EST
Hi everyone,
Just wanted to let you know that Valentines Day is next week and you know what that means; it's time for us guys to scramble around and find the perfect gift to prove how much we love the ladies. Yeah, this is crap because love shouldn't depend on material possession, but if you want your lady friend to celebrate "Steak and BJ Day" the following month, you better go shopping.
Don't panic though. I'm here to help. The following is a list of BAD gift ideas:
1. Cleaning Supplies. I know you're just trying to make her life easier, but women don't appreciate getting dust busters as a gift. Do NOT shop at the grocery store for Valentines Day.
2. DVD's of cartoons. Sure, you and I love them but you need to think about her. Does she watch cartoons with you? No. Therefore, she won't like it.
3. A puppy. Yeah, it's cute. The problem is YOU will be the one to walk it, feed it, give it a bath, etc. It's a cute gift for her but just another chore for you.
4. The clap. Yes, it's the gift that keeps on giving but not one she'll appreciate.
5. Sports tickets. Contrary to popular belief, your wife/girlfriend is not a sports fan. Even if she watches the games, she may just be pretending to make you happy. Tickets to a ball game, while cool, are not "romantic" per se.
6. Flowers. Now this one may come as a surprise, but you have to consider the "Fool Factor." The problem with giving flowers is that I am a jerk and I will make a point of saying something like "Why yes, the flowers he got you are pretty. Of course, they'll be dead in a week, just like his love for you." See, you can't give me such a good set up because I will take it.
7. Slim fast or other diet aids. Even if she says she's wanted to try them, by getting these for her you're just saying "I think you're fat." That's not good, no sir.
8. Anything from Victoria Secrets. First off, clothes are dangerous in general because if it doesn't fit her, you're screwed, or...not screwed depending on what you're going for. If it's too big you think she's fat. If it's too small, she'll feel bad she can't fit in it. It's even worse with Victoria Secrets because that is intimate wear and you'll be insulting her physically and emotionally. This is a no-no.
9. Booze. A nice bottle of wine (or a 40oz) is an OK supplemental gift, but not as a solo gift. What you're saying there is "lets get all liquored up and play patty-cake," if you know what I mean wink wink, nudge nudge. (I mean sex Scourge).
10. A homemade card. Yeah, it was cute... when you were 7. You're not a kid anymore. There is a difference between being a child and being childish. This old standard will no longer work for you.
No sir, the only sure bet for Valentines Day is jewelry. You like shiny things and so do women. They just have more expensive taste in there shiny. So remember, when thinking what you should get your woman for Valentines Day, never under estimate the power of shiny sparkly things. It may just save your relationship and get you laid.
Sincerely,
Dr. Love.
User Reviews
Submitted by Havoc (user info) at 2007-02-08 03:30:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Everyday is steak and BJ day for me. Maybe Im just lucky.....
Ill be taking my new lady out to a fine restaraunt and getting her a dozen roses and the finest chocolates around!
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2007-02-07 11:11:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought Steak and BJ day was the Friday before
That way, you can lie and say, "Wait until you see what I got for you!! Now suck my dick"
And then don't get her anything
Most women are gullible, capitalize on it
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2007-02-07 09:44:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Save that for Steak and BJ day
Submitted by aldenso (user info) at 2007-02-07 08:02:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
what the fuck do i get for the lady? im poor and in college...I'm guessing she just wants me to put my love maker in her mouth? or is that a bad idea?
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2007-02-07 02:43:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Is it almost that wonderful time of year AGAIN? Goody.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-02-07 02:02:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-02-06 12:17:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Without reading the reviews, I'm going to beg to differ and say that I would totally dig lingerie, some booze, and a handmade card.
----------------------
Marry me Coley... Im not sure which state would allow it yet.
That is in fact a great list of gifts.
====
I'm sorry, I'm no longer marrying people.
However, I must also say that I agree with Sacrilicious; a bonsai tree would be cool. Dvds would be cool. Anything would be cool.
A phone call is cool.
Seriously.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-06 21:55:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2007-02-06 12:54:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
Victoria's Secret is that she is a Tranny...
I got my wife some DVD's and a Bonzai tree one year....I slept on the couch for 2 days.
===
I think a bonsai tree would make a sweet and wonderful V-Day gift.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-02-06 21:35:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-06 10:44:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, and you can replace "love" with "fuck me" nbelow, if that's relevant.
_______________
Ill keep that in mind...
Submitted by Timmaaaaah (user info) at 2007-02-06 21:22:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you can never go wrong with a lawn mower, my dad once bought my mum a toilet brush however, he now walks around cleaning pavements with his ass.
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-02-06 21:14:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-02-06 12:17:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Without reading the reviews, I'm going to beg to differ and say that I would totally dig lingerie, some booze, and a handmade card.
----------------------
Marry me Coley... Im not sure which state would allow it yet.
That is in fact a great list of gifts.
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2007-02-06 18:40:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Best Valentines gift ever:
A box containing the following items...
Handcuffs (key optional)
Crisco
Car Battery w/ Jumper Cables
3x lawn/garden (heavy duty) garbage bags
5'x5' Kiddie Pool (inflatable)
1x Llama (substitutable with emu)
50 feet nylon rope
1x block American cheese
2x cucumbers (carrot would suffice)
1x rubber chicken
1x fez hat
If at this point your imagination has kept up with all this, you may want to seek help...
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2007-02-06 16:13:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've done that before Jade but not all manufacturers use the same size.
Besides, as a woman, would you want your guy getting you underwear? (Cause if you would, call me).
Submitted by jade_digitalmedia (user info) at 2007-02-06 16:06:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
look at the size of her bra and undies that are on your floor while she's in the powder room.
go to vicky's secret.
do not grab the sales girls boobies trying to describe the size your GF is.
use your secretly stolen panty and bra information.
spend money.
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2007-02-06 14:43:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
what about crotchless panties?
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2007-02-06 14:02:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah Lishy, my favorite little nympho.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-06 13:55:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-02-06 12:19:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:29:34 (#)
Ranking: 1
Your list of BAD ideas are all of my GOOD ideas.
I still recall fondly the year I bought Mrs. Shlongy "Beavis and Butthead Do America" on DVD.
What a great V-Day THAT was.
============
One year, in high school, the guy that took me out took me to see "Beavis and Butthead Do America" in the theaters.
For Valentine's day.
He did not get any.
Why the hell not?
You prude.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-02-06 13:37:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i know a greek who'll sell you some nigewellry.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-06 13:37:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:39:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn so all my ideas are shot to shit in one post.
What about sex toys? and porn?
---
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:43:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry Drogo. That falls under gifts for you unless you're dating a nympho like Lishy. Are you dating a nympho?
===
HEY NICE DOUBLE STANDARDS. If I don't like porn, I'm a prude, if I do, I'm a nympho?
P.S.- send porn and sex toys OKTHXBYE
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2007-02-06 13:26:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
cliched
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2007-02-06 13:26:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You mean it's okay I drank the 40oz I bought her?
w00t!
...stupid bitch isn't good enough for Olde English anyway.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2007-02-06 13:04:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you're wayyyy wrong on
these numbers, bud.
5, 6, 8, 9 and 10
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-02-06 13:02:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't believe in Valentine's day, even though I am in a good relationship. Besides, my boyfriend already gave me a very nice necklace for my birthday, why should I want more?
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2007-02-06 13:01:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That is a GREAT gift Kracka.
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2007-02-06 12:56:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
so my dick in a box is a good gift? AWESOME!!!!!!
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2007-02-06 12:54:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Victoria's Secret is that she is a Tranny...
I got my wife some DVD's and a Bonzai tree one year....I slept on the couch for 2 days.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2007-02-06 12:29:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Jebus Drake... I am sorry. Might as well dump her now.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2007-02-06 12:28:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Awesome Coley, because that is what I got you.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2007-02-06 12:28:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Jesus, your grammar is worthless.
======================================
Yeah, I am aware. I sat next to this cheerleader in English class and learned a lot about sluts but nothing about grammar. So sorry.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-02-06 12:19:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:29:34 (#)
Ranking: 1
Your list of BAD ideas are all of my GOOD ideas.
I still recall fondly the year I bought Mrs. Shlongy "Beavis and Butthead Do America" on DVD.
What a great V-Day THAT was.
============
One year, in high school, the guy that took me out took me to see "Beavis and Butthead Do America" in the theaters.
For Valentine's day.
He did not get any.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-02-06 12:17:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Without reading the reviews, I'm going to beg to differ and say that I would totally dig lingerie, some booze, and a handmade card.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-06 12:04:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
exactly what I'm not doing below
Submitted by drgoatcabin (user info) at 2007-02-06 12:03:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"...T H E I R shiny."
Jesus, your grammar is worthless.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-06 12:00:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:35:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn it O, stop pointing out my spelling errors. We don't all care as much as you do.
(walks away muttering)
---
See also: my saying it's adorable that you called it that. Who wouldn't want to do a woman named Victoria Secrets? She sounds much more interesting than figuring out what secret Victoria has. I mean really, women hold onto those things tighter than a first-time handjobber choking a free and frightened dangle.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:54:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
4. The clap. Yes, it's the gift that keeps on giving but not one she'll appreciate.
---------------
I think girl's appreciate it when they get a curable VD. In this day and age of AIDS, Hep C, HPV i think the clap is a pleasant suprise.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:52:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:49:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:43:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry Drogo. That falls under gifts for you unless you're dating a nympho like Lishy. Are you dating a nympho?
--
Hopefully.
Crap I guess it's the usual then. Expensive Restaurant in Venice, sparkly ring type thing on one knee on a gondola. Stay together for Steak and BJ day. Then a quickie divorce so I can find a new mate for next years valentines day.
Ho hum who am i to break with tradition?
_________
Who said romance was dead?
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:49:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:43:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry Drogo. That falls under gifts for you unless you're dating a nympho like Lishy. Are you dating a nympho?
--
Hopefully.
Crap I guess it's the usual then. Expensive Restaurant in Venice, sparkly ring type thing on one knee on a gondola. Stay together for Steak and BJ day. Then a quickie divorce so I can find a new mate for next years valentines day.
Ho hum who am i to break with tradition?
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:48:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I got my girlfriend vibrating panties that work on a remote.
Only thing is, I think there's a loose wire because when I pressed the button it shocked her and cotorized her vagina hole shut.
It was the opposite of what I was trying to do.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:43:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:43:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry Drogo. That falls under gifts for you unless you're dating a nympho like Lishy. Are you dating a nympho?
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:39:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn so all my ideas are shot to shit in one post.
What about sex toys? and porn?
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:35:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn it O, stop pointing out my spelling errors. We don't all care as much as you do.
(walks away muttering)
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:35:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
We'll be in Lake Tahoe on V-Day morning, probably nursing hangovers and sore and achy muscles, getting ready to hit Heavenly.
I think she'll know how lucky that bitch is then.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:33:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love that movie!
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:30:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
She's a lucky woman Shlongy. Remind her of that on VD morning.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:29:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Your list of BAD ideas are all of my GOOD ideas.
I still recall fondly the year I bought Mrs. Shlongy "Beavis and Butthead Do America" on DVD.
What a great V-Day THAT was.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:28:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:09:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
Personally Michelle, I like to call it "Single Awareness Day" but that's just me.
----
I'm not single and I still don't like it.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:25:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i want a fucking pony.
bitches.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:20:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:18:30 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-06 10:48:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
It's adorable that you call it Victoria Secrets.
=====================================================
I'm guessing you call it "The funny feeling in my pants" store?
---
Nope. Just Victoria's Secret.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:20:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Miserey. That was it! That was exactly what I was thinking of! Your a ledgend. At first I was just going to lure him here and lock him the attric, but i think thats a much better plan. Any other ideas?
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:18:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-06 10:48:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
It's adorable that you call it Victoria Secrets.
=====================================================
I'm guessing you call it "The funny feeling in my pants" store?
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:16:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What's the Stephen King book where the crazy lady breaks the writers ankles to make him stay? We'll do that to him LittleMonster... because we CARE.
And my favorite thing to do Beano, is to get my friend's wife flowers every now and then. When I do it, I am so sweet and why can't he be more like me. When he does it though, it's "What did you do?" Everytime my buddy does something to piss me off (like win at poker) his wife gets flowers and he doesn't get laid for a week because of it.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:13:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I made the mistake of buying my lady flowers after letting her friend drive my car home drunk.
Flowers are now ofiicially linked with "What have you done?" and I really wanted to avoid that.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:11:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2007-02-06 10:58:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
Good for you Little Monster. If he tries to run let us know. Me and O-tron we'll chase him down for you and tie him up (for a small fee).
_____________
I may have to hold you to that. Once he comes to his senses he will be off and running down the raod screaming. i'm going to have to Hobble him or something.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:09:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Personally Michelle, I like to call it "Single Awareness Day" but that's just me.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:04:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2007-02-06 11:03:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate Valentine's Day... it's not even a real holiday.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2007-02-06 10:59:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Whoops, my bad.
And foolproof, I say A LOT of things. Only a small handful of them are true.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2007-02-06 10:58:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good for you Little Monster. If he tries to run let us know. Me and O-tron we'll chase him down for you and tie him up (for a small fee).
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2007-02-06 10:55:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You told me you were clean!
*runs away sobbing*
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-02-06 10:50:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have always been single on valentines day. Hopefully the yummy man in my life is going to stick around and I will be happy if I just get to see him.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-02-06 10:49:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I know the perfect online shoppery for such jewelry. I've almost bought from there, but I decided on a different gift instead of jewelry.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2007-02-06 10:49:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Lishy, feel free to come by for dinner anytime. I make a mean lasagna. Just ask Brd_nkd.
Wait... that didn't sound right.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-06 10:48:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
PLUG IT METHOD PLUG IT LIKE YOU'VE NEVER PLUGGED BEFORE (RIMJOBBER)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-06 10:48:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's adorable that you call it Victoria Secrets.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-06 10:44:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, and you can replace "love" with "fuck me" nbelow, if that's relevant.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-06 10:43:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jewelry's nice and all, but nothing says love like making me some dinner- or even just some guacamole or something- burning me some CDs, or if you're feeling spendy, perhaps a new pair of Doc Martens.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-02-06 10:39:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-02-06 10:39:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH IT HURTS
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-02-06 10:39:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OOOOOOOOOOH GOD IM SOOOOOOO ITCHING TO SHAMELESSLY PLUG MY SITE