Basic Training (289 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -2 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by F Shihadeh <fadi.shihadeh.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2007-02-07 01:35:16 EST
"Well, why not?"
BOOM. "Because when you sign up here, goddamn it, you sign up for good. We're not some fucking ego-boosting Tae-Bo bullshit workout class. This is an institution!" The sergeant's face was turning scarlet in his fury. I suspected that his heart hadn't raced this much since his basic training.
"It wouldn't be much of a problem, though," I retorted, "I would just go to basic training like all the other guys, get trained, and after graduating or whatever you call it, I go back home."
"And what about all the other soldiers, you little prick? They're working their asses off so we can send them overseas, but you'll never follow through." Sergeant Castle trying to calm himself down by incessantly tapping on the ground. He was failing. "If your comrades found out, they'd rip you in half and leave your shit-filled bloody carcass to the dogs. And I'd have an inkling to let anyone and everyone know your cowardly cock-faced intentions."
"I've worked it out, though. I can fake some semi-serious injury at the very end of Basic. Didn't you ever read Catch-22? I'll leave quietly. No one would know the difference."
"Jesus Christ. This is a military institution. In my granddaddy's time, they woulda hung you up and watched you rot."
I decided to mess around a bit."Please keep your language civil sarge; I'm a civilian."
BOOM. "Fuck you. And get fucking used to it." I was suspecting that this was not going as well as I had thought it would. Then again, I had never really thought it through. "If you think a pussy like you can mosey off the street and tell me what to do, and tell the goddamn General Steadmore what you can do in your bas—
"Did I hear my name?" A large, hard-jawed man walked briskly in the room. He was adorned with all sorts of army medals. He reminded me of some Sioux Chief with his rainbow of arrows and colors covering his sleeves and shoulders. He'd probably killed a few Indians in his hey-day.
"Shit" Sergeant Castle muttered under his breath. He composed himself like he was preparing to be penetrated and saluted as the General walked by. This was apparently normal military protocol for addressing commanding officers.
"Watch your language, Castle. There's a civilian in the room," said General Steadmore in his normal air of arrogance but in a way that he was justified for his arrogance. He was smiling like he knew something no one else did. I bet. I wasn't irked at all by his presence. I got up and firmly shook the General's hand.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-02-08 16:41:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
WHAT IS YOUR MALFUNCTION NUMBNUTS
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-02-07 07:17:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Put your helmet back on, wipe the drool off your chin, and stay the fuck away from your sister's computer. You'll ruin it like you ruin everything, you little shit. That's why you mommy left me, because of you and you non-stop ruining things. Stop crying or I'll hit you hard next time, you little pussy! That's it...
Sorry, a bit too realistic?
OK. How's "Wow, this was bad."
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-02-07 07:10:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-02-07 05:43:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Not got a fucking clue have you sweetheart.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-02-07 05:29:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Great, another worthwhile member of society here.
You're going to make mummy and Daddy so proud; if you know who they are that is.
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2007-02-07 05:22:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2007-02-07 04:54:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
this was stupid.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-02-07 02:35:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
stikk 2 sewaside bomz.
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-02-07 02:17:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Dude wtf are you talking about? Generals don't hang out in recruiting offices, nor do recruiters talk like that to civilians.....ever, no matter how fuckin stupid or ignorant said civilian is.