My very own Tub Girl (3518 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.81 on 71 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by (V) (View user info) at 2007-02-08 20:38:04 EST
I adored her. I really did.
Adored her for the first few weeks, that is. She was stunningly gorgeous - blonde hair, blue eyes, a dazzling smile - she was incredibly hot. In fact, she was the hottest girl I had ever, or would ever date.
Of course, there was that small nagging issue of her having a young child. At the time, that didn't concern me, because I was having sex on a regular basis....and did I mention she was HOT?
I pushed that issue aside, figuring I would cross that bridge when I came to it.
Then, one day, maybe three weeks into the "relationship", she said those magical twelve words:
"Can you pick up some diapers for Andy on the way home?"
That was it for me. As naive and cunt-struck as I was, I still had the sensibility to learn when to fold 'em. But, seeing that I was an incredible pussy when it came to girls, I was just no good at the whole break up thing.
So, I did what I do best. I waited for my incredible misfortune to rub off on her and let things take their course. A piano falling on her head wasn't so far-fetched, really.
My darling little buttercup Amanda slept over one night. We had gotten all sorts of fucked up, and I didn't feel like driving her home at 6 in the morning, so she crashed at my place....for the first time.
10 AM rolls around, and she wakes me up, telling me she has to go to work. I opened one crusty eye, mumble to her, and try to go back to sleep.
Five minutes later, when I heard the shower running, I woke up with a raging erection. I wasn't sure if it was morning wood, or if it was the thought of this gorgeous girl all nekkid and wet in my shower, but I had to take advantage of the situation.
I quietly opened the bathroom door and took my boxers off, ready to get in the shower with her. As I began to pull the shower curtain back, a horrible thought crossed my mind for a second, but I brushed it aside and pulled the curtain back all the way.
My sweet little angel was in the shower, in all her naked glory, the water glistening ever so gently down her back. She was washing her face with my bar of soap, and couldn't see a thing.
Now, I'd like to step back for a moment and explain things a little bit. Unless this is the norm, I have some sort of mild OCD. When taking a shower, I have a bottle of body wash for my regular cleansing, a bottle of shampoo, and a bar of soap.
That bar of soap, my friends, is my ass soap. Maybe I'm crazy, but I can't have the same soap that's washing the rest of my body also touch the place I poo out of.
I wash my ass with that bar of soap.
She was washing her face with said bar of soap.
Clearly you can see my predicament?
"George, is that you?" she said, clenching her eyes shut so that the soap wouldn't sting.
Yes you daft cunt, it's me, you were expecting the fucking Sheriff of Nottingham?
I hesitated for a moment, wondering whether I should be a gentleman and tell her the truth, or just keep my little secret to myself and go back to sleep. Considering that she had my ass all over her face at the moment, ravaging her in the shower was the last thing on my mind.
I decided to do the right thing, and let this poor girl know that she was getting incredibly intimate with my anus.
"Ummm....I don't know how to say this, but I use that bar of soap to wash my ass." I said, trying to be as nonchalant as possible.
"WHAT?" She screeched, suddenly flailing her arms and flinging the bar of soap in my general direction, and opening her eyes wide, which was probably not the smartest thing to do. The soap instantly began to sting her eyes, and she shut them closed again. The screech turned into a horrified scream along with an unintelligible string of words.
I didn't know what to do at that point. I figured I would just let her skate it off.
She immediately walked closer to the stream of water, all the while screaming about what a disgusting asshole I was (I beg to differ, my asshole is as clean as a whistle, thank you very much) to try and get the soap out of her eyes and face.
It was that moment, dear readers, that fate intervened and sent this poor girl slipping and sliding in my poor bathtub. She spun around, threw her arms in the air, and went crashing down on her ass. The poor girls head SMACKED against the bathtub spout, and I heard a sickening crunch.
She laid there motionless for what seemed like an eternity, and then began to stir and moan.
"UUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" was the only sound that came out of her mouth, and I thought for a moment that she had turned into a zombie.
Seconds later, she began to projectile vomit all of last night's apperetifs all over herself. It looked like one of the magical fountains you see in Vegas, and I was momentarily mesmerized. When I came to my senses, I instantly fled from the scene to call 911, but she apparently came to and started screeching and crying like someone had just ripped a baby straight from her womb.
I went back in and said the smartest thing I could think of at the moment.
"Are you ok?"
She immediately got up, a horrified look on her face, covered in vomit and blood from her head, screaming and crying and uttering all sorts of obscenities that would make Ron Jeremy cringe, stumbled over and grabbed her clothes, got dressed, and ran out of my apartment.
I don't know where she went, or how she's doing today, but I wish her the best.
I have a brand new box of diapers I had picked up for her that day, sitting in my closet, just waiting for my darling, sweet angelic Tub Girl.
User Reviews
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2007-02-15 22:41:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2007-02-12 14:58:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wtf i'm not reading all that
Submitted by zxcvvcxz (user info) at 2007-02-12 13:00:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is very good and thanks for calling me a faggot.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-02-12 03:38:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-02-09 14:35:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-02-09 12:09:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-02-08 22:25:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Caul???
===
yes?
-------
Sorry It was a dream I had about you. I CAULed out your name but then, and without warning my make-up dripped from my face and got your shoes all dirty.
===
it's ok, i got moist tissues in my purse to clean that up.
Submitted by kimberly (user info) at 2007-02-12 00:42:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-02-10 16:20:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-02-08 20:41:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
a genuine method post.
my word.
let me be the first to say.....
b@w
-----
why? because he managed to shurn out a rather middle-of-the road anecdote, that probably even sideburns wouldnt bother posting, rather than his usual fare of transparent shenanigans and heartless stirring of the sub-par morons and neglected dramaqueens that infest this site?
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2007-02-10 15:02:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't get what the big deal is... it's soap. It's self-cleaning.
I've never known a girl that would use regular bar soap on her face anyway... that shit is terrible for your skin.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2007-02-10 04:59:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Snarky Snarkman drunken birthday auto +2.
Didn't read this but I will.
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2007-02-10 04:51:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the kind of story you pass down through the generations.
Submitted by chaemiisda (user info) at 2007-02-09 22:14:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B E A utiful work. Hilarious.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-02-09 20:30:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My sister just sent me the Orson Welles version of "Othello." I love my sister. And I just opened my first beer of the weekend. +2 for all.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2007-02-09 19:56:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shenanigans. It was the biggest, baddest drag queen this side of Guy Pierce and you loved every as pounding minute of it.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-02-09 19:50:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
George, good job with all that shit-stirring on shandy's post about apullo - very Uber of you
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2007-02-09 15:32:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by richardcranium (user info) at 2007-02-09 14:38:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Quality Comedy.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-02-09 14:35:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-02-09 12:09:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-02-08 22:25:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Caul???
===
yes?
-------
Sorry It was a dream I had about you. I CAULed out your name but then, and without warning my make-up dripped from my face and got your shoes all dirty.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-02-09 14:14:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can well understand this, as I have separate washcloths; one for my upper torso (and face), one for my buttocks and groinal region, and one for my feet. They have to be washed separately, or I kill a baby in Darfur.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-02-09 14:04:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't say it was her. I just found that review in an old post, and found it ironic.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-02-09 13:52:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
How'd you know it was Urbane? = (
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-02-09 13:52:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-03-26 22:49:50 (#)
Ranking: -2
you repulse me
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-02-09 13:43:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well, at least you were a gentlemen and told her. although why she didn't the greek asshair on the soap and just get the clue right there is a mystery to me.
Submitted by NotVoltron (user info) at 2007-02-09 13:17:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious.
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2007-02-09 13:13:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-02-09 07:34:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
And this is why you ALWAYS use a washcloth and bodywash at a guys house. Stupid gunch.
==================================
you don't even want to know what he does with/in the bodywash....
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-02-09 12:34:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dammit, method I asked you not to post this. I'm nevar, evar forgiving you.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-02-09 12:09:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-02-08 22:25:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Caul???
===
yes?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-02-09 11:48:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you'd have thought that the giant, ropy ass-pubes embedded in the soap would have tipped her off...
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-02-09 11:42:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kwazy
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-09 10:44:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2007-02-09 04:25:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
Soap can't be dirty. It just can't. It's like fucking black matter. It rejects dirty.
Soap is the anti-dirty.
haha@this
also, this is bullshit, Method doesn't even like girls
Submitted by jade_digitalmedia (user info) at 2007-02-09 10:30:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this is why you buy your own poof and use the damn body wash, stupid girl.
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2007-02-09 10:28:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Entertainingly disgusting.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2007-02-09 09:55:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very Seinfeld-eqsque
Submitted by Doogsterville (user info) at 2007-02-09 09:55:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I didn't know what to do at that point. I figured I would just let her skate it off."
+2 for the hockey reference all by itself.
<+2 becasue the story was that good.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-02-09 07:34:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And this is why you ALWAYS use a washcloth and bodywash at a guys house. Stupid gunch.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2007-02-09 04:25:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Soap can't be dirty. It just can't. It's like fucking black matter. It rejects dirty.
Soap is the anti-dirty.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-02-09 03:07:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I 'cand' find my 'lime' for my tequila and I can't find my limb to walk. I wonder if that is a Coincidence or not?.!
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-02-09 03:04:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-02-09 02:38:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-02-08 22:33:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
PS. assface...I keep calling you and your phone will not take VM. Either you're completely ignoring me; great job by the way. If not, pick up the freaking phone and call me. I've taken three months off from work to move into my house.
i know cripples walk slow but fucking hell three months to walk into a house??
-----------------------------------
Mellon-head, it hasn't taken me three months to 'walk' into my new house. It's taken me three months to move into my new house. The house is so big, I take my leg off to rest and I misplace it. Steven found it downstairs one time on the air hockey table blocking one of the goalies. Hard to decorate and move in when you can't walk and cand find your lime. My leg has a mind of its own. It really does.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-02-09 02:41:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-02-09 02:38:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-02-08 22:33:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
PS. assface...I keep calling you and your phone will not take VM. Either you're completely ignoring me; great job by the way. If not, pick up the freaking phone and call me. I've taken three months off from work to move into my house.
i know cripples walk slow but fucking hell three months to walk into a house??
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-02-09 02:02:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
nice use of 'skate it off'
but only NUTJOBS have special arse soap
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-02-08 23:43:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WOOO.. you CAN write
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-02-08 23:28:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Go make me a sammich
Submitted by emmakwon (user info) at 2007-02-08 22:44:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-02-08 22:35:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
those first three paragraphs are so close to something I am trying to go through in my life right now.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-02-08 22:33:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
PS. assface...I keep calling you and your phone will not take VM. Either you're completely ignoring me; great job by the way. If not, pick up the freaking phone and call me. I've taken three months off from work to move into my house.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-02-08 22:32:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-02-08 22:25:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Caul???
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-02-08 22:22:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Rapist.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-02-08 22:16:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
To her credit, Herpes says she's hot. But crazy. And he met her. Multiple times.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-02-08 22:14:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www2.ubersite.com/m/67120
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-02-08 22:06:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-02-08 22:06:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-02-08 22:05:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-02-08 22:02:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ass soap?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-02-08 21:57:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
haha her name was mystiamoon, and she never posted. She was like an evil firefly.
http://www2.ubersite.com/m/37635
http://www2.ubersite.com/m/37634
Snugglestheassassin AKA Brendan hated her guts, and told her that her boyfriend willed cancer upon himself and died just to get away from her. It was pretty funny. She's the one that said that shit about Cornnugger - "WOW YOU FUCKED HIM TOO? Etc etc etc"
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-02-08 21:53:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ass soap
jesus
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-02-08 21:51:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Method I was looking through a few of your old posts, and I found something insulting a user called mystia; I've heard her name before. I tried http://www.ubersite.com/u/mystia but nothing was there. I know some usernames are spelled weird or have numbers, could you give me mystia's user info so I could look at some of the stuff she posted, she seems to have been a controversial character.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-02-08 21:46:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm amazed.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2007-02-08 21:46:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-02-08 21:41:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Proof of the glory of (V)
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2007-02-08 21:24:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-08 21:17:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh tub, tub, tub, tubbin' green-brown goo
Tub, tub, tub, Tubgirl I hate you
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-08 21:02:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i don't see anyone being humiliated here, or shamed over their looks.
-2
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-02-08 20:59:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I didn't know what to do at that point. I figured I would just let her skate it off. "
heh
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-02-08 20:49:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hah!
golden.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2007-02-08 20:49:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Manitou (user info) at 2007-02-08 20:49:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-02-08 20:43:06 (#)
Ranking: 0
STFU APOLLO I WILL CRUMPLE YOU
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plagiarist.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-02-08 20:44:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
LOLOL PIXXX PLZ
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-02-08 20:43:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
STFU APOLLO I WILL CRUMPLE YOU
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-02-08 20:42:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-02-08 20:41:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
just kidding.
tool.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-02-08 20:41:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
a genuine method post.
my word.
let me be the first to say.....
b@w