Apparently, I'm a faggot (1676 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.86 on 81 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by locksly (View user info) at 2007-02-12 03:05:21 EST
This weekend just gone I had a small family get together at my house.
I have owned this particular place for about 18 months and only ever had my parents over once. My younger brother comes over fairly frequently but besides that not one member of my extended family had ever come to visit. Of course, I had never invited them over either, and so I decided that I would hold a family gathering.
We settle on Sunday lunch as anyone who knows Paramus knows it's a fucking bitch with traffic as we have so many fucking malls here (we also have a different retail sales tax so stuff is generally cheaper then anywhere else in the Tri-State area).
My younger brother arrives with my Aunt Mel and Uncle Tony and their teenage kids, since they were the first ones there I went out to greet them. My brother jumps out of the car with a smirk on his face and shakes my hand before running inside.
I go to greet my Aunt and she kind of shies away and makes a big issue of bringing in some salads so I don't hug or kiss her. I haven't seen my uncle since Christmas and would usually give him a handshake and a half-hug, but he looks really embarrassed and fumbles for his keys. Weird...
The fucking emo teenagers grunt and laugh at me and run inside after my bro.
This behaviour seems really strange but another car pulls up so I don't really get a chance to think about it.
The second car is my grandparents and another uncle and his two typical NJ roughneck sons. Everyone in this car greets me normally and we head inside.
My brother is pointing at some photos in the entrance to my Aunt and Uncle they are whispering and nodding at each other, as soon as I came through the front door they all shifted nervously and made a big fuss over my grandparents. I stare at my brother, wondering what he is up to but I can't read anything in his face... Maybe I'm just imagining things...
Within about 45 minutes the whole family is over, about 20-25 all up. I'm cooking with gas under an enclosed entertaining verandah with the men and all the women are inside checking out the house, strangely I notice my brother is not around. I know that little fuck is up to something but I can't really leave the barbeque as its my first family bbq in this house.
What my brother is up to I don't know but my Uncle Tony (who my brother came with) is avoiding me like the plague so I try to engage him in conversation.
"Hey Uncle Tone, what did you think of the Bears last week?"
At first the prick ignores me. I ask him again, and he shoots back
"YOU watched it did ya?" and kind of shakes his head.
WTF I'm thinking, what's all the fucking attitude for? I assumed it was because (without sounding to fucking arrogant) my house is worth three times more than his and there was a bit of resentment that since I'd moved to Paramus I had become a snob (this had come up before).
My dad comes to check on the grilling so I go inside to confront my brother, I find him in the kitchen with all my Aunties, he's acting like a tour guide and pointing out my spice rack and a few other pantry items that no-one in a typical Irish-Amercian family would have, as I walk up behind them all my mom and Aunties are all kind of nodding and talking in low tones, when they hear me they all hush up and look embarrassed, One Aunt looks like shes gonna cry, she gives me a hug and says
"You poor boy, it must be lonely for you up here"
WTF is going on here ? I am thinking. These women are looking at me in a sad pathetic kind of way and my mom is starting to tear up a bit and looks away.
Either they have found out I'm about to die sometime this week or my brother is fucking around and playing some kind of prank.
"Did you make these salads yourself?" My grandmother asks,
"Of course I did" I replied.
"hmmm" murmured the group of women...
WTF like there's something wrong with making my own fucking salad I thought?
Looking around the kitchen for my asshole brother I notice he's not around so I go back out to the Grill.
By now whatever the fuck was bothering Uncle Tony is bothering everyone. My dad is not around anymore and all the Uncles are just staring at me, my grandfather is shaking his head.
Alright something is fucking going on now. What the hell is everyones fucking problem today? Do they think I have Aids? I'm a child murderer?
There's silence, I look at them, they look at me and I go back inside to find my brother, I head downstairs to the garage, the stairs leading down are long and narrow and the voices from the concrete garage boom up the stairwell.
"I fucking KNEW it" says one of my wannabe roughneck cousins
"So he likes boys" said another younger female cousin
"Yeah!" says my brother "He's beyond gay! He lives here all alone, no girlfriend, and you can tell by his clothes"
I fly down the stairs and explode into the garage, about 7 cousins are all looking up at me, their eyes wide open and mouths gaping, the two roughneck cousins look disgusted and my brother has a triumphant look on his face.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" I yell, the younger cousins run upstairs, the two roughneck cousins hang around to gawk and the eldest female cousin there just shakes her head.
"Its okay y'know, I kind of always knew" she says reassuringly.
"KNEW? Knew what? I'm not gay" I yell.
At this point the remaining cousins crack up laughing,
"c'mon man its ok - we're family" says my brother and goes to put an arm around me.
"It's time you just told everyone man, it'll be okay"
"WTF? I'm not gay I... what the fuck are you doing man?" I can't really say anything in my heterosexual defense, I mean, I'm not gay, but I was trying to take the situation in and it wasn't really computing in my head.
"YOU told everyone I was gay man? WTF?" I managed to say.
By this time the entire fucking family had come down into the garage, alerted by the younger kids running upstairs and the yelling between me and my brother.
It all made sense now, the little fucking prick had been telling everyone on the ride over I was gay, had toured the house with my Aunties and pointed out all the gay stuff I had and my uncle Tony had told all the male members of the family.
I turned meekly to the family.
"I....I...I'm not gay you know... he just play around not gay me" I stammered.
Two uncles looked at me in disgust, my dad wasn't actually around, my mother was crying and my Aunties were in absolute despair.
"But I'm not gay - he just.." I was getting a bit overwhelmed now. Our family pulls major pranks all the time but this was too far.
"Fucking tell them" I yelled at my little bro,
But he's just standing there shaking his head.
"FUCKING TELL THEM"
"LOOK - ITS OKAY LOCKSLY NO-ONE CARES THAT YOU'RE GAY" he yells back at me.
My Aunt Mel comes forward,
"shhhhh" she says "It'll be okay" she says in a soothing voice.
"I fucking knew it" murmurs one of my uncles
"YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T LIKE FOOTBALL" yells my dad as he comes thundering down the stairs, my Uncle Tony grabs him as he bursts into the room.
"LOOK WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO YOUR MOTHER" he screams at me.
His eyes are wild and bloodshot and my uncle is having trouble holding him.
"Fuck Dad! I'm not a faggot! Shawn is fucking around"
I turn to my brother "FUCKING TELL THEM"
At this point he knows the prank has gone too far, any second now dad was gonna break free and kick the ever loving shit out of his second born son.
"Okay, I'm fucking around" he yells, but no-one is listening now. The whole room is in an uproar, my mother is wailing, grandma is just rocking back and forth and my dad is crying and trying to break free.
Fuck this I though and hit the garage door opener, as the door opens up my Dad breaks free and charges for me.
"Wait NO DAD" screams my brother as he intercepts dad. My uncles are grabbing at dad as my brother gets knocked to the ground.
"MY BLOOD PRESSURE" yells Grandad
"MY SON" yells mom
I fucking legged it half running backwards, half hopping with my hands held up,
"WAIT WAIT DAD!" adrenaline is pumping through me I'm running backwards into cars on the drive and yelling out:
"I'm not fucking gay, DAD I'M NOT Shawns fucking around dad it's a joke"
The whole scene is complete chaos, there are people running everywhere no-one knows who is chasing who, I'm trying to dodge cars and my dad and my brother is running around yelling "IT'S A JOKE IT'S A JOKE DAD STOP"
BANG, I hit the cold drive as the circus that is my family runs around me.
BANG, My dad is tackled to the ground by my Uncle Tony
BANG, my bro falls on top of both of us, "I WAS JOKING IT'S A JOKE" he pants.
BANG, my dad gives my brother a backhander that spins his head around.
"WHAT THE FUCK KINDA JOKE IS THIS" he booms, pointing at the entire family, in various states of shock and disrepair as they are scattered around the drive and garage.
"He was joking?, no he's covering for his brother isn't he" murmured the family.
"NO I'M NOT FUCKING GAY - SHAWN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?"
"It was Michael" he panted, holding his jaw.
"MICHAEL?" the entire family yells.
Michael is my older brother who is in Jail.
"YEAH, because Locksly didn't come down for Christmas he says to play a prank on him - one that you would all remember and tell him about"
"FUCK" I just put my head in my hands and sat on the drive. I hadn't been to visit my brother in 3 months and this was his way of causing bit of trouble and keeping himself occupied whilst in Jail. He knew that if my brother executed this prank correctly he would get to hear the tale from 20 different points of view in countless letters.
What fucking pricks, this little prank had nearly caused my father to have a heart attack and I could have been beaten by an angry mob.
One by one the family looks at Shawn and shake their heads and return upstairs, after bout 30 minutes its just me and him on the drive, still panting from the adrenaline that had been rushing through our bodies.
"fucking fag" says my little bro and we head upstairs.
The rest of the afternoon was uneventful. No-one stayed for seconds, everyone headed home quickly and quietly by 3 o'clock. They didn't look me or my brother in the eye.
That's the last fucking get together I'll ever have.
User Reviews
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-09-18 11:50:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-09-18 11:50:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaa!!
Points, friend!!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-09-18 11:40:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I swore this was a mudwhistle post when I saw the title.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-09-18 11:27:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's funny as hell. At least you won't have to worry about hosting any more of those.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-02-19 22:41:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha... nice. I especially like that you yelled "WTF!"
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-02-14 18:13:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-02-14 10:35:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ALL SIGNS POINT TO ASS BUGGERY
Submitted by twentyseventy (user info) at 2007-02-14 10:22:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus Christ, I would have clocked my brother if he pulled any shit like that
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2007-02-14 10:02:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-02-14 04:56:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahaha
Great story, by the way.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-02-14 02:54:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-02-14 01:44:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for being gay, and open about it.
_____
but... I ... he ... you
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-02-14 01:44:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for being gay, and open about it.
Submitted by chuckdoggydogg (user info) at 2007-02-14 00:58:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Some typos but pretty hilarious. Good thing you're not a fag, because apparently your dad likes to commit hate crimes on his own children.
Submitted by gascs (user info) at 2007-02-13 14:26:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This was good enough to keep me reading through all of the typos, so there you go.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-02-13 13:42:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fat Tony and the person who suggested setting fire to your brother have a point.
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2007-02-13 13:27:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha.
"YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T LIKE FOOTBALL" yells my dad as he comes thundering down the stairs, my Uncle Tony grabs him as he bursts into the room.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2007-02-13 09:42:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sheba (user info) at 2007-02-13 00:08:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FatTony (user info) at 2007-02-12 23:18:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey, I've rated before. Not nearly as much as Shlongy or Method, but I have rated.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-02-12 23:11:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHA!
This was outstanding. Excellent show!
Submitted by mrnoisy (user info) at 2007-02-12 19:31:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lolz i knew you wer a gay emo
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2007-02-12 18:54:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed. Loudly, maybe a little too loud.
Submitted by 8track (user info) at 2007-02-12 18:38:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-02-12 18:13:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FatTony (user info) at 2007-02-12 16:48:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Good fucking read.
You fucked it up with the title, the title gave away why they was looking at you and acting weird. Should have titled it "Prank from prison" and let the suspense build up as to why they were acting strange.
Still a plus fucking two.
________
!, a review from Fat Tony.
I thought I'd never see the day, and a plus 2 to go along with it.
Fucking hell
__________
your life long dream
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2007-02-12 18:30:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i agree with obese anthony
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-02-12 18:13:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FatTony (user info) at 2007-02-12 16:48:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Good fucking read.
You fucked it up with the title, the title gave away why they was looking at you and acting weird. Should have titled it "Prank from prison" and let the suspense build up as to why they were acting strange.
Still a plus fucking two.
________
!, a review from Fat Tony.
I thought I'd never see the day, and a plus 2 to go along with it.
Fucking hell
Submitted by FatTony (user info) at 2007-02-12 16:48:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good fucking read.
You fucked it up with the title, the title gave away why they was looking at you and acting weird. Should have titled it "Prank from prison" and let the suspense build up as to why they were acting strange.
Still a plus fucking two.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-02-12 16:39:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHHAH
Ok, the post was good - SOLID.
The review..
AWESOME.
Between this and the gingerbread monkey, I think I could stand to see you hang around... just no bitch-fighting...
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-02-12 16:11:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-02-12 15:46:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-02-12 15:07:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-02-12 12:07:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
WHO TEH FUCK USES NAPKIN HOLDERS BESIDES MARTHA STEWART?
______
It was part of a whole set I got, honest.
There are like 4 different kinds of knives and shit as well. I'm hardly gay at all.
------
hardly means you are a little at least.
_____
BUT I'M NOT GAY
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-02-12 15:46:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-02-12 15:07:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-02-12 12:07:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
WHO TEH FUCK USES NAPKIN HOLDERS BESIDES MARTHA STEWART?
______
It was part of a whole set I got, honest.
There are like 4 different kinds of knives and shit as well. I'm hardly gay at all.
------
hardly means you are a little at least.
Submitted by emmakwon (user info) at 2007-02-12 15:35:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-02-12 15:07:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-02-12 12:07:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
WHO TEH FUCK USES NAPKIN HOLDERS BESIDES MARTHA STEWART?
______
It was part of a whole set I got, honest.
There are like 4 different kinds of knives and shit as well. I'm hardly gay at all.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-02-12 15:05:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-02-12 14:30:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
hahhaha
Since when is Paramus snobby? It's not exactly upper class, but not poor either.
______
any place where the roads have gutters is snobby to my family
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-02-12 14:56:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-02-12 14:30:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahhaha
Since when is Paramus snobby? It's not exactly upper class, but not poor either.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-02-12 14:28:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What you should do is to mail your brother a cake with a knife baked in it to the jail - what a great prank that would be!!!
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-12 12:53:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-02-12 12:30:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-02-12 12:16:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-02-12 12:07:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
WHO TEH FUCK USES NAPKIN HOLDERS BESIDES MARTHA STEWART?
-------------------
The gays, thats who
--
Yeah those things are really gay man.
*hides personalised Napkin holder with 'DrogoRoch definately isn't a Homo' engraved on it*
---
Sometimes I do not even read posts, I just skip to reviews to see who is shitting about what. This is one of those times. This review made me laugh. I think it was including the word 'definitely' that clinched it. Thank you, Drogoroch.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-02-12 12:30:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-02-12 12:16:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-02-12 12:07:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
WHO TEH FUCK USES NAPKIN HOLDERS BESIDES MARTHA STEWART?
-------------------
The gays, thats who
--
Yeah those things are really gay man.
*hides personalised Napkin holder with 'DrogoRoch definately isn't a Homo' engraved on it*
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-02-12 12:16:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-02-12 12:07:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
WHO TEH FUCK USES NAPKIN HOLDERS BESIDES MARTHA STEWART?
-------------------
The gays, thats who
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-02-12 12:07:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WHO TEH FUCK USES NAPKIN HOLDERS BESIDES MARTHA STEWART?
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-02-12 11:59:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-02-12 11:22:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
also it's great that the dude in prison that probably IS taking it up the ass is the cause of you getting called a fag.
____
Nah he's good, If I was stuk away for half my life I'd be causing shenanigans to keep myself occupied too.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-02-12 11:57:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-02-12 10:52:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha wait. So you are telling us that your house may not be the most 'Manly' decorated place in the world?
_________
The fact that I have a full dining set and napkin holders is enough for a working class Irish family from NJ to think you're a fag.
See I haven't had a girlfriend in years, I live alone and I am the odd one out in the family... Still, it didn't take them long to believe I was queering it up worse then sicosemen at a san fran bathhouse
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-02-12 11:50:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-02-12 07:15:35 (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
________
lol
Submitted by JDL (user info) at 2007-02-12 11:31:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
My family gatherings are hell.
Submitted by richsghostdog (user info) at 2007-02-12 11:30:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
That's what you get for having a family get together...
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-02-12 11:22:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
also it's great that the dude in prison that probably IS taking it up the ass is the cause of you getting called a fag.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-02-12 11:18:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
mick.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-02-12 10:52:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha wait. So you are telling us that your house may not be the most 'Manly' decorated place in the world?
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-02-12 09:41:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-02-12 06:21:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm really starting to like you.
-------
me too.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-02-12 09:14:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-02-12 06:21:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm really starting to like you. I may have to tell lungfish the marriage is off.
---------
hey wtf?
Does this have anything to do with the fact that I'm already married. Sheesh. Women.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-02-12 09:01:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like your....stories.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-02-12 08:45:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Actually kinda funny.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-02-12 08:37:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it, a lot.
Submitted by Manitou (user info) at 2007-02-12 08:15:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-02-12 03:15:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
Your such a queer. You're the queerest queer since queer came to Queer-Town. None of the other queers will invite you to their queer parties because you'll just queer everything up, Mr. Queery McQueer. Quit being such a queer.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-02-12 07:54:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fag above.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2007-02-12 07:49:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I would have quite simply smashed my brothers fucking face in with a rock!
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2007-02-12 07:40:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your family sound very supportive.
That said though, I'd set fire to your brother. He sounds like a bit of an arse.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-02-12 07:15:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-02-12 06:21:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm really starting to like you. I may have to tell lungfish the marriage is off.
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2007-02-12 06:15:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The following Uber cliche's are valid through Feb 16, 2008
ATTENTION GHEY MENZ
Y HALO THERE BUTSECKS
It is only gay if you are receiving
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-02-12 05:36:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-02-12 03:44:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
what was your dad intent btw?
________
I don't know, we didn't realy even look at or talk to each other during lunch.
It was pretty surreal.
I guess we'll never talk about it again, except when each of us visits my brother inside.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-02-12 05:35:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just scrolled over all the writing and saw all the stuff in caps and decided to read this tomorrow while sober, but im sure its a +2.
Submitted by 8track (user info) at 2007-02-12 05:28:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i knew this was you just by the title
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-02-12 05:11:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by mynameisandy (user info) at 2007-02-12 04:12:40 (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice story. Your family seem like a bunch of arse holes.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-02-12 04:08:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the best thing you have ever written.
Cheered me up a treat on this miserable monday morning.
_________
You guys might enjoy this family story: http://www.ubersite.com/m/95855
Submitted by shinebox (user info) at 2007-02-12 04:22:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I AINT READING THIS!
SSSSSHHHHHHHHHIIIIIINNNNNNEEEEEEEEEE BOXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Submitted by mynameisandy (user info) at 2007-02-12 04:12:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice story. Your family seem like a bunch of arse holes.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-02-12 04:08:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the best thing you have ever written.
Cheered me up a treat on this miserable monday morning.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-02-12 04:08:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I would have beat the ever loving shit out your brother.
Submitted by WookieSuave (user info) at 2007-02-12 04:07:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I knew a guy who thought I was gay.....
I was banging his young daughter.
Oh the irony.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-02-12 03:53:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Top stuff, fag
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-02-12 03:49:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-02-12 03:44:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
what was your dad intent btw?
beat you or fuck you raw? hmmm?
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2007-02-12 03:42:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
long read but worth it
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-02-12 03:29:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lmao, great story!
Apparently I'm a faggot too. I went out with my girlfriend last night. She went to the bathroom so I leaned on the bar and overlooked the crowd because I'm cool like that. Some drunk pear-shaped lady greeted me with a smile. I smiled back politely. Then turned around to avoid further communication.
She tapped on my back and told me to come toward her as my girlfriend was coming back. I looked at my girlfriend with a puzzled and guilty look and decided to listen to the lady.
She asked: "Are you gay?"
To which I replied: "If you want to..." clearly not giving a shit.
Later, I was heading outside for a smoke and she was at the coat check, blocking the exit. She didn't move and stared with a coy smile.
So I said: "I'm into guys, move"
She got out the way as did her stupid smirk. Then I made sure she saw me kiss my gf as she went outside.
and was like...wow, i'm the coolest guy ever. well not really, but it made me wonder why some ugly chicks think confrontation is a good way to hit on men.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-02-12 03:24:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2007-02-12 03:24:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HOW DARE U TALK ABOUT THE BEARS IN YER FAG-SCAPADE
U CLOSET FAG
I HOPE YER FANCY FAG HOUSE BLOWS UP AND KILLS YER FAG PARTNER
GO BEARS WOO!!
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-02-12 03:22:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
what maiorano84 said.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-02-12 03:22:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
woops
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-02-12 03:21:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-02-12 03:19:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
WOAH!!!
HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE!!! DID I JUST USE "YOUR" INSTEAD OF "YOU'RE"!?
Excuse me while I go kill myself.
______
LOLZ your funny
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-02-12 03:19:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WOAH!!!
HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE!!! DID I JUST USE "YOUR" INSTEAD OF "YOU'RE"!?
Excuse me while I go kill myself.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-02-12 03:15:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your such a queer. You're the queerest queer since queer came to Queer-Town. None of the other queers will invite you to their queer parties because you'll just queer everything up, Mr. Queery McQueer. Quit being such a queer.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-02-12 03:15:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
WTF I'M NOT READING ALL THAT
sorry guys didn't realise how long this sucker was