Whettin be dis? (575 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.8 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by tartpumper (View user info) at 2007-02-12 07:38:58 EST
Well as some of you may have noticed, Ubersite has lured me back again. Why? I dont know.
Its been around a year since last time I posted as this was the time I got sacked for.....yep.....posting on Ubersite.
When I was sacked I ended up working in a call centre, selling loans to grumpy people, and it was gayer than Gloria Gaynor's second name.
One day, while working at this gay call centre, I randomly decided I wanted to go to Africa and volunteer for a while. So that day I handed in my notice and went to a volunteer selection day.
Theres hundreds of volunteer programmes you can go on but a lot charge you for the pleasure, some anywhere into thousands of pounds. The one I chose was free but I had to raise £600 which isnt much considering they would accomodate and feed me for 6 months. The programme is in 2 stages, the first stage was in Calabar, Cross River State in Nigeria for 3 months and the second stage was in Edinburgh, Scotland for a further 3 months. Also, we dont stay in hotels, we stay in host homes. Now, I know what your thinking. 'Host homes? You mean living in 'mud huts'?'
Thats exactly what I thought.
In September I met up with 8 other randoms from all over the UK, 3 other guys and 4 other girls (who all have facial hair). One guy (Mark) is a Buddist who doesnt drink Coca-Cola products, another guy (Tejesh) was one of those 'English-Indians' meaning an Indian with an English accent. We had a geek from Wales (Rob) and the girls were just ugly. Ugly, ugly, ugly. See for yourself. http://globalxchange4.hereweb.com
Anyways, we flew to Abuja airport and the first thing you notice is its fucking hot. And I dont mean hot like Southern Spain when your on holiday, Im talking like a sauna. Its so hot you can hardly breath. The second thing you notice is there are no other white people.
Now, this is quite a strange thing. I have never been a minority. We hadnt even got through the passport control and I was already starting to get the feeling I was being stared at...
These are the two big things you notice. The other things are the police carrying AK-47's with banana clips, women are fat (FAT as in big, black booty fat) and the men are skinny and theres a strange smell. I found out later this is 'the smell of Africa'.
We took a crammed minibus to Calabar. The journey is a 12 hour nightmare. First of all we had a police escort, and these police were armed. If they were anymore armed they would look like a uniformed G-Unit. One of the policeman had big scars on his face right across his cheeks, almost symetrical on both sides. These scars are apparantly given to you when your a child so you look 'hard' when your older. Well I can say, this works.
Second, the heat is sweltering and theres no air con and to top it off we have to drive fast in case we get jumped. Going fast on the roads in Nigeria is unsettling scarey. One minute you will be driving along at 60mph on a lovely tarmaced road then suddenly there just isnt a road for 100 metres. When this happens the driver just has to slam the brakes on and hope for the best.
We survived and arrived in Calabar at about 8pm. On the journey all we had seen was mud huts all the way, dotted along the road side but the cities are a strange contrast. The buildings are proper buildings, not the best construction wise but hey, Im staying in one of these. The roads were packed with whats called 'Okadas'. These are 125cc Honda motorbike taxis and at least 2 are going passed at any time on a major road so they are easy to flag down, but getting on one of these is like pocket wanking in a crowd - its great fun at the time but it could go very wrong, very quickly. The guys that drive them are fucking mental. And its not just a handful that are mad - its all of the them. In Nigeria they dont have queues, the idea is just push to the front and this is the same on the roads. Imagine this theory used at a roundabout. Chaos is an understatement. You could stand at the the side of a busy road for an hour and see at least 3 or 4 bad crashes with Okada men and their passengers going over bonnets, landing in fields, breaking legs and arms... it is so far from how we drive in the Uk and the US that is shocking.
The first day was very unusual. Everywhere I go, every person I met, every child I saw shouted 'Oyibo' or 'Mbakara' at me. Oyibo means 'white man' and Mbakara means 'My leader', originating from when Nigeria was once a British Colony. Theres a lot of people in Calabar, probably the same as a busy city and imagine your the only white person. I really mean, the ONLY white person. Add to that people are shouting 'white man' and 'Oyibo' at you, you feel quite lonely. Even in a group of 5 other white people. The calls were in a friendly manner but its quite weird when your on your own. As a Nigerian later told me, 'You never know what a Nigerian will do next'.
In Nigeria there are 250 different languages, the main being Hausa, Ibo and Yaruba but by far and away the funniest is Pidgin English. If you want to say 'Whats this?' you say 'Whettin be dis?'. If you want to say 'What time is it please?' you say 'Whettin time talk?'. Here is a Pidgin dictionary: http://www.ngex.com/personalities/babawilly/dictionary/default.htm
Food was ok, there is a wide choice of either rice, rice or rice, sometimes you could even get 2 portions of rice with rice or rice topping. Rice would be served with goat stew or fish stew. Goat meat is the chewiest meat in the world and its cooked by boiling it to make it more chewy. Fish stew is like tomatoey stew with a makarel fish, chopped in half and put on top. Some days you get the head end and on lucky days you get the tail end.
I dont have any of the pictures I took with my camera so I stole this from another website to illustrate a bit. When I get my disc of pictures back I'll post and tell you about the kid I lived with, smoking Nigerian bud weed with a Rasta and loads of other weird shit.
Peace.
User Reviews
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-02-13 17:56:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-02-13 17:56:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
dang, rated wrong
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-02-13 17:55:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
For some random reason this reminded me of a story a teacher once told me, she was travelling through africa with some friends, they were in a van and had been driving down a dirt road for about an hour before they were pulled over by police and told they couldn't drive this road as it was mined. The police then left them there and they had no other choice but to turn around drive back the way they had come. before they did they sat in the van for a couple of hours telling each other stories and how much they loved each other and that there were no regrets. With that they drove back down the mined road, knowing that at any moment they could get blown up.
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2007-02-13 17:07:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
do tell the rest
Submitted by tartpumper (user info) at 2007-02-13 09:55:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-02-12 14:58:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
hey...YOU were that fag putting that stuff to sponsor you on the Uberboard, weren't you?
well, i always liked you, so have a +2
---------------------------
ERm..... No....that wasnt me!
Wettin you dey talk?!
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2007-02-12 16:32:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Interesting - I would like to hear more.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-02-12 15:45:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
very interesting, please continue
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-02-12 15:07:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-02-12 14:58:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hey...YOU were that fag putting that stuff to sponsor you on the Uberboard, weren't you?
well, i always liked you, so have a +2
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-02-12 14:52:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-02-12 13:49:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes but what did you actually DO?
Apart from tit around on motorbikes of course.
Your public demands more detail!
In other news I now live in Texas and work in Canada.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-02-12 12:58:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That Ree chick looks potentially doable.....?
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2007-02-12 12:32:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
how many tarts did you pump
Submitted by odin (user info) at 2007-02-12 12:03:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Chicks with facial hair and AK-47's - auto +2
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-02-12 11:59:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
gayer than Gloria Gaynor's second name.
+2able for that alone
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-02-12 11:33:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
whettin be dis?
good to see you back, dude. its been a long time.
Submitted by JDL (user info) at 2007-02-12 11:26:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Travel is good for the soul.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-02-12 08:37:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why the hell would anyone want to go there, Kyijibo?
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-02-12 08:10:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2007-02-12 08:08:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Arika borwha.
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2007-02-12 08:02:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-02-12 07:50:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-02-12 07:46:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hell yeah.