Open Your Eyes (435 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.16 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by RyuFu (View user info) at 2007-02-12 15:44:11 EST
I want to look. I'm trying desperately to open my eyes, but there's that voice in my head. It keeps talking to me, screaming at me, pleading with me not to look. It even has a convincing argument: if you block it out long enough it might go away! Yes...yes! That's it, that's it--"je pense, donc je suis." I think, therefore I am. Right. Descartes. The beginning of my philosophical journey all those hazy years ago. Ever since freshman year--with the proper inspiration--I got in that mindset. I can wish shit away. In a way, it kind of worked in the past. I wished my girl would leave me alone, so she did. Forever. I ignored my kid. He doesn't know who I am. Well, that one worked backwards I guess. In any case, in this particular situation in which I found myself wanting to find the inspiration again. I thought I could wish it away.
I really wanted to believe that.
But my heart knows better. Even with my eyes closed, the image they captured before I shut them off from the world was burned into my memory. All I did by closing my eyes was create a vivid negative of the scene in front of me. I trapped it inside my brain.
I can see it even more clearly now. I can smell what I've done. Life works best when contained within the constructs of our bodies. Now this room smells like nothing but life, an all-consuming odor. The particles have lifted themselves into the air and into my body through my nose. The irony is unbearable. I thought my final solution would rid me of this troublesome pest; now I'm left with a clear mind, a mind lucid enough to realize the insanity in my previous thinking. I was kidding myself before.
Oh God Almighty, help me--help me! I can feel it. Life. So warm, so instantly cold. I hate it. I accomplished everything I set out to do tonight. But now I'm stuck. Sitting against the wall, rooted in this spot. If I cared to open my eyes, I'm sure I'd see myself in one of the mirrors sitting in an upright fetal position. The beginning of life, the end of life. Whatever. There's no escape for me at this point.
In the movies someone like myself might have seen past the act and thought the entire thing through. Or else they would have at least had the gall to go out in a glorious gun fight. Not me. I'm just gonna sit here until something happens. I don't have any more control at this point. If I could just will myself to open my eyes...
I thought my act of vengeance would make me feel better. Now all I feel is life oozing all around me. My shoes are completely soaked. None of this is going away. Ever. If only I hadn't made her go away...if only I hadn't gotten so jealous when I saw how that bastard came into her life, raised my kid.
No. "If" is a bad word. It's one of those things that separate us from the animals. That and "why." I know why I did this, but I wish I didn't. I wish I were a wolf or a lion or anything but what I am now. His essence is permeating the air in this room. His body has no use for it any more, at least. Yet, I feel like nothing more than a shell of myself at this point. Goddammit, I'm dying as well! No, it's worse than death. It's a hollow existence I have to look forward to. If only I hadn't taken him from my old girl. If only I hadn't stripped my kid of the only dad he'd ever known.
But they don't know that yet. Well...Hell is waiting for me. Yes, I've changed in all these years since I met her. My darling in Philosophy 101. Okay, time to do it. I've already done it. Okay, where is it? Okay. Ah, the happy knife. Heh, now I'm just stealing from freshman year in high school. I wish she could have loved the man she met back then. She used to. Now she loves this jerk, this asshole. I'll put a stop to that.
I can't live in a world where I'm second to a fake. Yes, it is a happy knife, indeed. God, my hands are ice cold. If I could just get a grip--got it. The neck? The heart? The stomach? Where should I...? Well, it's almost Valentine's Day, let's be poetic?
You bastard! Take THAT--
Life has been let loose. There's no turning back at this point. I think it's safe to open my eyes now. Yes, just as expected, the mirrors are slowly splattering into opacity. It's actually very difficult to see with this dark mist. Or are my eyes going? My mouth tastes like metal...or is it life? Yes, that must be it. That pounding in my head is fading into obscurity--thank God!
That might be a door opening, that might be her coming through. If it is, she's upset that I killed her man. Well, fuck her. I showed her. She left me for a shell of a man. I cracked that shell.
It's toooo bad about...mmmy kid, thoough. I ffffforgot about...that...crrrrrrrrrrrrrap...he'ssss alll alllone with herrrr...maybe he'll.............
User Reviews
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2007-02-13 10:21:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
been working on other projects
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-02-13 00:37:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Given up on the noir?
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-02-12 21:34:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2007-02-12 19:54:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2007-02-12 17:37:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This needed a little more love. Overall, it was a really cool piece and I loved the story telling. The two paragrpahs about the knived didn't flow well. It took me out of it. I got back into though pretty quickly. Finally, I'm not sure I understood the ending. I'm not sure who was talking or what about exactly.
With all that said, I'll end on a high note. I loved how this started. You really captured and developed the guys inner thought process during a breakdown. It was a slow build that led you rather than you leading it.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-02-12 17:33:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-02-12 16:12:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment