A Job Interview Almost Gone Bad (335 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: -1.12 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Chuckdoggydogg (View user info) at 2007-02-15 08:18:53 EST
One day, needing a job, I posted my resume on Monster.com. I wasn't in to much need of a job, as I still had a semester before I graduated, but I was getting low on money, so I figured I'd try the website out.
I get a call one day from an insurance company. It didn't really have anything to do with my major, but I thought, "what the hell, I'll see what it's about." At the moment I'd take almost any job I could get.
I left early because the place was an hour away and I really wasn't sure of where exactly it was. It was a good thing I left early. Remember in the first American Pie when Stiffler plays that joke on Finch and Finch is about to have a liquid explosion in his pants, while trying to find the bathroom? That's exactly how I felt. All of a sudden it just hit me, I gotta shit! I'm on the thruway and have no idea how far the next exit or service area is. I'm hopping around in my seat, each little bump making it worse. Where the fuck can I stop? I start thinking that I may shit my pants. I'm thinking that my new suit will be ruined.
I think about speeding but realize that if I get pulled over that it's all over and my pants will be shit in. GOOD THINKING. About two minutes after making the decision to not drive over 73 in a 65 I see two state troopers doing radar. Had they pulled me over they'd be in for a nice smell when I rolled down the window to give them my license.
I start looking around my car for possible things to shit in? Water bottle? No way, my aim is not nearly good enough. CD case? No, CDs are too expensive. I cannot find anything useful.
When I feel like I'm going to completely explode I see a sign saying that the next service area is 7 miles. O God thats far. And its a service area. I wouldn't wanna sit on those seats dressed normally, let alone in my awesome new suit. The signs start counting down. 2 miles, 1 and a half miles. 1 mile. What the fuck? Where the fuck are you holy toilet?
I finally get to the rest stop and walk really fast to the bathroom. I couldn't run because I was wearing my awesome new suit and I am now too cool to run. I get in there and struggle with my belt. Fucking come off bitch!!! God, what the fuck is wrong with this thing?! As soon as I finally get my pants down it's just like the scene in American Pie, just not loud like that. I can't let everybody know that this cool guy in the suit is exploding all over the stall.
After I am done I head back out thinking I might be late. I'm wondering if I could explain to them that if I didn't stop I'd be coming in with shit running down my leg. Luckily my exit was about 5 minutes down the road and I made it on time.
I got there and realized that there was no way I was getting this job. I was a college kid with no experience and everybody else was in their 40's and looked well experience. I should have just taken my time on the toilet.
User Reviews
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2007-02-15 10:24:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
shit
on
uber
funny.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-02-15 09:55:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.poopreport.com
Go there now, and find your brethren.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-02-15 08:54:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2007-02-15 08:50:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i didn't think it was that bad. shit post thursday? get it? shit! he talked about _actual_ shit! ha!!!!!1111
would have been a 2 if it weren't for this line: "I can't let everybody know that this cool guy in the suit is exploding all over the stall. "
man the fuck up and make some noise bitch
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2007-02-15 08:40:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Na, they just don't hire college kids who reek of shit and have skid marks up their back.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-02-15 08:35:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
wow mate you're hired
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-02-15 08:24:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
reading this made me more stupid than I already was.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2007-02-15 08:21:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
All your posts are awful and adults are supposed to be able to control their bowels.