The Origin of Unfunny Comedians (357 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.2 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by InkyFingers (View user info) at 2007-02-15 14:08:25 EST
Teagan could hear his father's footsteps. They fell heavily, like a troll or an ogres as he neared the locked door. Teagan pulled the covers over his head, sealing the protective shell that kept him safe from monsters. Board creaks informed him that father was nearing. There was a banging on the door and Teagan heard glass ringings as a bottle tapped the wooden barrier.
"Teags" it's dad, open up.
Silence.
"C'mon buddy. I got another story for you."
Teagan lowered the cover. He couldn't remember enjoying any of his father's stories, but felt compelled to comply.
"Teags, c'mon buddy, open the door." implored his father. "Wanted to tell you about the movie star I saw today. I met Captain Underpants. He was at the toystore."
"Okay, I'm coming." replied Teagan, now thoroughly compelled. Teagan hopped out of bed. His oversized jammies bunched at the ankles when he landed. He was still a little scared of something, but not his dad. He couldn't figure out what it was, couldn't put it into words. He turned the lock on his door and twisted the white painted nob with specks of brass showing where use had worn away.
"Hey buddy!" sputtered his father nearly falling through the doorway. Teagan stepped back, fearful of being fallen on.
"Hey Dad!"
"Hey, why don't we have a seat on your bed and I'll tell you about Captain Underpants!"
They moved to the bed. Teagan pulled his Captain Underpants book off the shelf and brought it to his father.
"Yup, that's the guy. I met him today at the toy store and in the morning I'll have a present for you."
"Captain Underpants is real?!"
"He sure is, Teag. And he wanted me to tell you he said hello and he knows what a good boy you've been."
"Really?"
"Yeah! Hey, why are you wearing your sponge bob jammies. We should get you into your captain underpants shirt. Here." and he reached to Teeagna's chest for the zipper at his throat. Slowly he unzipped down to the ankle. "Okay, step out buddy and I'll get your shirt."
Teagan stepped.
"Are you happy Teagan?"
"Yeah, I'm happy, dad" replied Teagan.
"You know daddy works hard to make you happy, right buddy?" explained his father, putting one hand on his face which extended from cheek to behind the ear.
Teagan nodded, feeling uncomfortable again.
"You want to make daddy happy too, right?"
Teagan nodded slowly, feeling anxious.
"Why don't you tell daddy a joke, Teags? I've heard your jokes buddy and you are the funniest kid I've ever met. Lemme hear one of those jokes, buddy." his other hand reaches to the rim of Teagan's underpants and slowly pulls them to the floor.
Teagan is thrilled to be thought of as funny and wide eyed thinks for the funniest joke he can remember. But, somehow, he's almost crying and feels whimpish for this failing. "How do you make time fly?"
"I don't know, Teags. How DO you make time fly." he replies, looking at his sons naked body.
"Throw a clock out a window!" he replies grinning hugely at his father, then shuddering as tears well up in his eyes. He wants to curl up on the floor or get back in bed. But that's not what you do when you're talking to someone.
"Tell me another one." answers the father, resting his hands on Teagans shoulders.
"Why is six afraid of seven?"
Dad is too busy looking at his naked son to reply. He pulls him close.
"Daddy, DADDY! Why is six afraid of SEVEN? Why aren't you listening to ME!"
User Reviews
Submitted by sizzlemctwizzle (user info) at 2007-02-15 19:33:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by jfreakman (user info) at 2007-02-15 19:18:58 (#)
Ranking: -2
He turned the lock on his door and twisted the white painted nob with specks of brass showing where use had worn away.
_________
-2 for just that sentence alone. What the hell? Terrible descriptors paired with terrible word usage.
Submitted by jfreakman (user info) at 2007-02-15 19:18:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
He turned the lock on his door and twisted the white painted nob with specks of brass showing where use had worn away.
_________
-2 for just that sentence alone. What the hell? Terrible descriptors paired with terrible word usage.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-02-15 16:45:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you're weird.
Submitted by mitchmarron (user info) at 2007-02-15 16:28:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-02-15 15:56:50 (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't think Dane Cook's funny. Write about him.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-02-15 16:03:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Carlos Mencia podía oír los pasos de su padre. Cayeron pesadamente, como un troll o los ogres mientras que él acercó a la puerta bloqueada. Carlos Mencia tiró de las cubiertas sobre su cabeza, sellando la cáscara protectora que lo mantuvo seguro de monstruos. El tablero lo cruje informado que el padre acercaba. Había el golpear en la puerta y Carlos Mencia oyó los ringings de cristal mientras que una botella golpeó ligeramente la barrera de madera. "Teags" es papá, se abre. Silencio. "compinche de C'mon. Conseguí otra historia para usted." Teagan bajó la cubierta. A le no podría recordar gozar de cualesquiera de las historias de su padre, sino del fieltro obligan que se conforme. "Carlos, compinche del c'mon, abre la puerta." imploró a su padre. "deseó decirle sobre la estrella de cine que vi hoy. Satisfice a capitán Underpants. Él estaba en el toystore." "aceptable, estoy viniendo."
Carlos contestado, ahora obligado a fondo. Carlos saltó fuera de cama. Sus jammies de gran tamaño agrupados en los tobillos cuando él aterrizó. Él seguía siendo el asustado poco algo, pero no su papá. Él no podría calcular fuera de cuál era, no podría ponerlo en palabras. Él dio vuelta a la cerradura en su puerta y torció el nob pintado blanco con las motas de la demostración de cobre amarillo donde el uso había usado lejos. "hey compinche!" farfulló a su padre que caía casi a través del umbral. Carlos caminó detrás, temeroso de ser caído encendido. "Hey Papá!" "hey, porqué no tenemos un asiento en su cama y le diré sobre capitán Underpants!" Se movieron a la cama. Carlos quitó su libro de capitán Underpants del estante y lo trajo a su padre.
"Yup, de que es el individuo. Lo satisfice hoy en el almacén del juguete y por la mañana tendré un presente para usted." "capitán Underpants es verdadero?!" "él seguro es, Carlos. Y él quisiera que le dijera él dijera hola y él sabe cuáles ha sido un buen muchacho usted." "realmente?" ¡"sí! Hey, porqué es usted que usa sus jammies de la sacudida de la esponja. Debemos conseguirle en su camisa de los calzoncillos del capitán. Aquí." y él alcanzó al pecho de Teeagna para la cremallera en su garganta. Él desabrochó lentamente abajo al tobillo. "aceptable, paso fuera del compinche y yo conseguirá su camisa." Carlos caminó. "está usted Carlos feliz?" "sí, soy feliz, papá" Teagan contestado. "usted sabe trabajos del papá difícilmente para hacerle compinche feliz, adecuado?" explicó a su padre, poniendo una mano en su cara que extendió de mejilla detrás del oído. Carlos cabeceó, sintiéndose incómodo otra vez. "usted desea hacer a papá feliz también, a la derecha?" Carlos cabeceó lentamente, sintiéndose ansioso. ¿"por qué usted no cuenta a papá una broma, Carlos? He oído que sus bromas compinche y usted es el cabrito más divertido que he satisfecho siempre. Lemme oye una de esas bromas, compinche." su otra mano alcanza al borde de los calzoncillos de Teagan y tira lentamente de ellos al piso.
Carlos se emociona para ser pensado en mientras que divertido y eyed de par en par piensa para la broma más divertida que él puede recordar. Pero, de alguna manera, él casi está gritando y siente el whimpish para este fallar. "cómo usted hace la mosca del tiempo?" "no sé, Carlos. Cómo usted hace la mosca del tiempo." él contestó, mirando a su cuerpo desnudo de los hijos. "lance un reloj fuera de una ventana!" él contestó hacer muecas enorme en su padre, entonces estremeciéndose como se rasga bien para arriba en sus ojos.
Él desea encresparse para arriba en el piso o conseguir detrás en cama. Pero eso no es lo que usted hace cuando usted está hablando con alguien. "dígame otro." contesta al padre, reclinándose las manos en los hombros de Carlos. "porqué es seises asustados de siete?" El papá está demasiado ocupado mirando a su hijo desnudo para contestar. Él tira de él cerca. ¡"Papá, PAPÁ! ¿Por qué está seises asustados de SIETE? Porqué no es usted que escucha MÍ!"
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-02-15 15:56:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't think Dane Cook's funny. Write about him.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-02-15 15:29:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-02-15 15:18:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Poor.
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2007-02-15 15:00:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What does it matter? The rating doesn't count douchebag.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-02-15 14:45:59 (#)
Ranking: -2
Because 789.
Don't +2 your own posts - that's masturbation.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-02-15 14:45:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Because 789.
Don't +2 your own posts - that's masturbation.
Submitted by InkyFingers (user info) at 2007-02-15 14:45:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
uhm... no replies? wtf is going on?
Submitted by InkyFingers (user info) at 2007-02-15 14:13:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The character Teagan can be replaced with: 90% of todays comedians