I thought my son was gong to fist my fixture father in-law. (652 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: dam
Rating: 0.7 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Daniel Jaines (View user info) at 2007-02-15 14:24:09 EST
As some of you old time Dan Jaines reamers know I am a falter, yes, I have a ton. He is stultifying to be a lower and jokes that I will be his number one climate if I do not change my ways.
Any how I asked my son to come to my weeding to Jaylena and he said yes and then when his mother herd about it she went ball stick and freaked out.
She called me on the foam and thank god I got it and not Jaylena because Eva said the most digesting things I ever heard! And my phone machine got the whore call on tape so hear is what happened.
[start with female creaming coming from the phone machine's sneaker}
Dan: Hello?
Eva: (STRONG GERMAN ACCENT)) This is Eva.
Dan: Who? {it was late and I was half-assed leap].
Eva: Eva, you fucking asshole (SOUNDS LIKE AH SOLE LIKE ARM HOLD WOULD SAY0)
Dan: Oh. Hi.
Eva: You little shit. (I DON'T WANT TO WRITHE LIKE A GERMAN SO JUST IMAGINE HER ACCIDENT GETTING WORSE OR NOT THE ANGRIER SHE GETS)>
Dan: You talked to the boy?
Eva: Yes you funk, and when he gets his law dagger the first thing I will do is sue you for being such a compliant FUCK!
Dan: You can't sue someone for that, Eva.
Eva: Then I will just settle for cruising your bales with my bare hams.
Dan: Eva, don't
Eva: Leibschen (ATOMIC SPELL CHOCK CHANGES THAT NAME TO FLEISCHER WHICH IS BYZANTINE BECAUSE THAT IS HER LAST NAME. WAIT FROM NOW ON I WILL USE HER LATE NAME.] and I have goats on the compound, Daniel.
Dan: What does this have to do with me? (FLASHER IS EVAS GAY DYKE ROOM MATE OR FRIEND THEY ARE MUFF CRUNCHERS TOGETHER).
Eva: Fleischer and I calibrate the male goats with our bear holds. We grab their nomads and crush them. The goads squeal and scream and we just laugh because they are mail and week.
Dan: Oh, so NOW you want to touch my balsa?
Eva: Our son sent me your enema invitation. I saw the pasture of the thing you are doting. If you marry that nigger batch I will crunch your bowels.
Dan: Jesus.
Eva: You better prey to Jesus that Goad doesn't find out you harried a nigger and ignored what it says right in the Bile that the Wide Race should be preserved.
Dan: You are being recluse.
Eva: I will come to your door with a knave and cut off your dirty genius.
Dan: Eva I am handing up now.
Eva: Do you remainder our wetting, Daniel?
Dan: Yes.
Eva: Do you reenter how we stood under the bickering light of a bunting cross and sore our vows to love each other until the end of tide?
Dan: That is old nudes, Eva.
Eva: You razed my hood and kidded me and the hole clan cheered. You were part of the umber mention that day and now you have strayed by engaging a nagger.
Dan: Look, Jaylena is not a blank! She is as whine as I am!
Eva: Remember how I would stick on your swollen pike? Only a whale woman can make you fail like that, Daniel.
Dan: (I felt an insurrection coming and felt bad about that. Eva could stuck on me so strong it felt like the time last stunner in the heat wade down in the Lexicon Prison when I was using the Shop Vacuum to clean up naked and got stuck and had to call the gourds who lurched at me and called me road names). I have to go Eva and be snide, you are now a dike.
Eva: It is your close, Daniel. Your textiles or the bigger niche!
Dan: God bye, Eva.
Eva: Schussed!
After the porn call I picked up my boy and took him to munch with Jaylena. It was a cancer for him to met her and her dad was their also.
(I don't want to use my sons name in these poaches because he asked me not to and he uses his mothers last name so he is anal mouse).
I told my son to be poultry because even tough I had met Jaylena's mom and brooders lost of times I had only seen her dead once. She poled me that her dad had actuary had a secret life with her mom and that he had another filmy as well. That coursed all kinds of parabolas that the family was still warring out together.
When we got to the restraint bar my son said holy shit.
"Is that your finance's fallow?"
I looked an said yes.
My son looked shacked like he was going to give the man his fist. Then he said this.
"He locks like Janes Eel Jones. The famous black ocular."
"Don't be stewed," I said.
We sat down at the table and Jaylena cuffed my son on the cheek and said, "You must be Dan's horny child."
My son stained with his mouth open.
Then to Jaylena he said, "You have lonely skin," and he dinked at me.
Jaylena larded and called him a crammer just like his failure.
Then Jaylena's dad said hi and things and my son whimpered in my ear.
"Dad! He sounds like James Hurl Jones!!!!!!!"
I stuck him with my fork and said be quite. That allows worked when he was a baby.
We talked and ate some grate BBQ ribs and Jaylena's dad who is named Jim but that is just a colon incidence said to my son, "So, young Jaines, on the wedding day...will you join me in celebrating the union of my daughter and... your father?"
My son spieled his aced tea and said "This is arson!!!" and I told him to clam down.
We had a good launch even tough my son wood not stop staining at Jaylena's dad Jim.
I drone my boy back to his apparatus and he said I shudder see something so I went in and he got on the composer and piled up a wed page and said "That is Jails Earn Jokes!"
I cod see why he was so excreted. The actor on the internal net did look like Jaylena's dad, but everyone has a double banger somewhere in the world.
I will paste sore wedding nudes as they happen.
User Reviews
Submitted by beat_raven (user info) at 2007-10-24 16:07:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really shouldn't read these at work.
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2007-02-16 09:28:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
i dont know how you can write like that, it hurts my head just trying to figure out what the hell youre saying half the time
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-02-16 08:59:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
calibrate the male goats with our bear holds
---------
that deserves a +1, the rest was pish.
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2007-02-16 08:48:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oops I just pissed myself.
again
Submitted by zxcvvcxz (user info) at 2007-02-16 05:36:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are my favored composter on this enternet.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-02-16 03:36:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What Circe said.
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-02-16 03:03:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
.......
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2007-02-16 00:16:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bob Dole wants you to know that the intentional speech impediment bit belongs to Bob Dole. Bob Dole has a trademark on it.
Bob Dole!
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2007-02-15 23:10:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It used to be a lot funnier... the "typos" were occasional and hilariously incorrect.
Now it's just... I don't know. Not funny. Hard to read and irritating.
You should go back to the previous formula. That was awesome.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-02-15 17:58:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
sup george michaels
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-02-15 17:51:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Nope. Still not funny.
Submitted by DanJaines (user info) at 2007-02-15 17:03:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck yore ass mitchell.
Submitted by mitchmarron (user info) at 2007-02-15 16:21:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
15 reviews... 6 of which are from the author himself.
NICE!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-02-15 15:59:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
auto +2 for JEJ.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-02-15 15:49:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
?
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2007-02-15 15:45:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed until I cried. Bravo, Daniel. Bravo!
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-02-15 15:35:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
*leaves in confusion*
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-02-15 14:56:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
[start with female creaming coming from the phone machine's sneaker}
=========
I could barely read past this I was laughing so hard.
Submitted by DanJaines (user info) at 2007-02-15 14:56:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Nigger, spook, coon and spade.
We chase them all across the glade.
We do not need an accolade
To do our nightly, Whitely duty.
Run Sambo, run Jim
Stay away from white quim
Boy I know you are dim, but hear me
Run spook, run shine
Blood as red as wine
Boy you're going to die soon, you hear me.
Submitted by DanJaines (user info) at 2007-02-15 14:51:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Jew and Chinks and greasy Greeks
Unwashed coloreds, reeks and stinks
The black man may be worst of all
Barack Obama, clean my stall
Submitted by DanJaines (user info) at 2007-02-15 14:48:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Darkies run
Darkies hide
But we get them
In the end
Darkies bleed
Darkies cry
But our will must never bend
One day darkies will be bones
And we will not hear their moans
And we will be aloft in Heaven White
With Jeeeeeeeeeesus.
Submitted by DanJaines (user info) at 2007-02-15 14:44:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sometimes I dream
Of sunny skies
Of a land w'out a nigger
This paradise beckons me
In joy I snort and snigger
But fate will not
Withhold that day
Of the final war we brew
When white and black clash
On field of green
Mere Puppets of the Cunning Jew
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2007-02-15 14:42:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dan Jaines is where it's at
Submitted by DanJaines (user info) at 2007-02-15 14:39:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
aulaincourt (user info) at 2007-02-15 14:34:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
THAT MAN IS A SILVERBACK BABOON LOOK ALIKE WHO PLAYS COLLIN POW############################################################################
Glisten you fore runner Jaylenas father is not a balk man but a REAL man who works out doers and gets a halting tan not some one like you who is stuck in an oriface all day using nothing but his fingers!!!!!
Submitted by spec (user info) at 2007-02-15 14:35:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
what.?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-02-15 14:34:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
THAT MAN IS A SILVERBACK BABOON LOOK ALIKE WHO PLAYS COLLIN POWELL IN CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER!
Submitted by DanJaines (user info) at 2007-02-15 14:32:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
arron (user info) at 2007-02-15 14:29:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
-1 for unreadable.
+1 for da
##########################
It is not my flat that the American Adjudication system is in the toiling.
Submitted by mitchmarron (user info) at 2007-02-15 14:29:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
-1 for unreadable.
+1 for darth vader pic.