Life Lessons in Your Twenties...Thanks Whoever Gave Me Their Bone Marrow (1565 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.84 on 77 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Big boTTOM girls they make the rockin' world go round (View user info) at 2007-02-16 08:57:06 EST
I know it seems that Tigerlilly writes about her leg a lot here and that's because she does, God how I wish her other leg would drop off or she lost an arm so we could hear about something different!
Just kidding.
Truth is that Tiger's post very much struck a cord with me and, although I don't know anyone called Rett and I never dated the captain of the Football team (always the bridesmaid), I felt a lot in common with my own harrowing tale of illness and recovery.
Or, to start this tale again:
I know it must seem as though I write about my cancer quite a bit here. Truth is I write about my cancer because it's a big part of who I am .I was twenty five years old when I was diagnosed and since then it's been lurking away in my mind, colouring my life a different shade of tumourous grey. Now that I've come clean here and have stripped myself of all my defences, there is more to tell and I'm not done yet.
Now, when I returned triumphantly to Ubersite I was literally only days away from being discharged from hospital and I was, as you would expect, rather ebullient.
I was quite happy to post about what had happened to me and receive the expected jokes, insults and casual violence that Ubersite doles out to weed out the weak from the strong.
Fortunately for me I, like the Tiger herself, am a giant braying stag of an Uberer and thus can take my beating like a man.
Even when ETS said that I was better of dead and that my contribution to future society was null and void, I replied with a hearty "yeah, well...you shut up!"
These insults roll off me like water off....off... a bundle of grease proof paper (Oh, do you think you can do better?!) and, again like Tiger, I actually find them quite amusing when they're clever. Cancer boy doesn't cut it but when someone (I remember not who) declared that I should be respected for my ability to recharge a mobile phone from 5 yards with my head, well that sort of thing has just got to be giggled at.
Unfortunately even after multiple doses of radiation and dangerous chemicals my super powers are yet non existent.
Stan Lee has broken my heart.
So that's nearly two years since I was diagnosed and for most of that time I have been in remission, long may it continue.
The sad fact is however that I now measure my life in units of time.
If I live two years, I'll probably live five.
If I live five years, I'll probably live ten.
If I live ten years I'm pretty much in the clear.
I will be 35 before I'm in the clear, just in time for a midlife crisis, WOO!
There are things I can't do now that I'm pissed off about. Most of my class are going on expeditions to Trinidad or Ecuador or Tobago and the like and I can't go. I'm not allowed to travel abroad for two years after my bone marrow transplant.
That sucks watching everyone getting excited about going to the jungle to prod frogs.
Also I'm not allowed to perform any experiments or interact too closely with animals.
That's right, I'm a zoologist that can't do any science or work with the thing he's studying!
Go cancerous suck WOO!
Can't have kids thanks to the harsh dose of radiation I received.
They put a couple of squads on ice though, so tiny malevolent TTOMs are still a possibility.
On the upside though, one thing I'm not allowed to do for two years is work, so I've got a reason for being a lazy student bum rather than just an excuse.
The excuse is that I'm lazy.
And so life goes on.
I have check ups every now and then and my super fast recovery combined with my continued good health has led more than one doctor to remark that my progress is no less than astounding.
They keep taking extra blood to test for whatever mutant healing factor I seem to have picked up.
Sometimes my pelvis hurts where they took the bone marrow aspirations from. Man those were painful.
It's part of who I am, it won't ever go away.
Such is life, when our deity's plan for us was "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke."
Peace out.
User Reviews
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-03-19 15:59:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know it means quite little coming from an imaginary internet troll such as myself, but I'm very, VERY VE-fucking-RY glad you didn't die.
Seriously.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-10-16 21:48:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I totally got the Ursidae before even scrolling down. Too many Jasper Fforde novels I guess.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-25 14:39:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I missed this, darlin.'
World=better with you in it.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-02-22 07:40:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Snare (user info) at 2007-02-21 19:43:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
Thinking of you TTOM, too talented to fuckin' die....
Big C got my Dad four years ago, my sister's currently terminal and Mum has just been diagnosed....
Cancer's a cunt.
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Fucking hell dude, thats a whole load of shit that the universe has doled onto your plate.
Not much I can say to that except hope everything turns out well.
Submitted by Snare (user info) at 2007-02-21 19:43:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thinking of you TTOM, too talented to fuckin' die....
Big C got my Dad four years ago, my sister's currently terminal and Mum has just been diagnosed....
Cancer's a cunt.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-02-21 19:01:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sooooo glad I'm over and done with the 20's...
Submitted by kan1729 (user info) at 2007-02-19 11:11:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
With all that radiation and chemo, I imagine that your cancer has been through a lot. I can't wait to hear about its hearting breaking story of survival and loss.
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2007-02-17 19:00:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Way to not die. Thats usually my biggest goal of the day, and that cancer stuff is pretty douchebaggish.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-02-17 17:36:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good post, by the way. I hope you live to be 100. The world needs to hang on to its good inhabitants.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-02-17 13:43:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-02-17 10:19:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-02-17 07:05:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-02-17 00:14:44 (#)
Ranking: -2
Too many plus 2's here for surviving cancer
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If you think you can do better Id be more than willing to point you in the direction of some intense radiation.
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Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-02-16 23:48:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to try to impress you guys on the internet by saying that I do animal behavior research
Impressed yet? I'm sure you are because everyone loooooooves and adores scientists!
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Actually I'm impressed since thats one of the fields I'm interested in going in to and I DO adore scientists,
Scientists RULE!
GO SCIENCE WOO!
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-02-17 00:14:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Too many plus 2's here for surviving cancer
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-02-16 23:48:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:13:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
I nominate Bob as the biggest, most arrogant, smug "rub it in your face" cunt on the planet.
"You went jet skiing? My dad owns 12 and has the guy from the dealership in his pocket! That's so cool!"
"You're going to college? I'm going to an incredibly expensive university, and my parents are paying every penny!"
"You're getting a new car? Awesome, me too! I'm getting a brand new 2006 BMW 6 series, fully loaded and fully paid for!"
"You took a trip to Belize? My dad owns Belize, what a coincidence!"
The worst part is, you don't even realize what a fucking cunt you are.
Stop bragging constantly, your pompous attitude and insecurity is shining through. People generally don't like assholes like you, but you're just too wrapped up in yourself to realize that they fucking hate you and talk shit behind your back about how much they despise you.
__________________
STFU Method, why would I brag about being a scientist?
Oh yea, really fucking glamourous.
I'm going to try to impress you guys on the internet by saying that I do animal behavior research!
Brilliant fucking idea!
And yes I went to Belize, but I didn't do jack shit except set up camera traps in the middle of the fucking jungle for 20 days so I could calculate the population density of various animals there.
Impressed yet? I'm sure you are because everyone loooooooves and adores scientists!
And yes George, it's fairly obvious that I'm not the most liked person in the universe. Thank you, any fucking shit for brains could realize that. My whole fucking life has been changed. I'm now going to be the greatest, most egoless, super-dooperest person ever!
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2007-02-16 22:23:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"These insults roll off me like water off....off... a bundle of grease proof paper (Oh, do you think you can do better?!)"
Like water off a duck's back.
Nice post, man. I'm glad you made it out okay, you're a funny dude and you seem like a nice guy, too.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-02-16 19:35:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-02-16 15:50:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sober ha ha tricked you
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-02-16 14:05:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-02-16 14:05:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2007-02-16 13:57:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not allowed to work for two years???
Lucky!!!!
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-02-16 13:53:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just fling a caber at it, you'll be ok.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-02-16 13:47:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't beleive I didn't get credit for *cries chemo tears*
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that IS funny, dude
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-02-16 13:20:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-02-16 13:14:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
4. one might be temted to battle oneself starwars style in the mirror.
--------------
ahahhahahahhaha!
hmmm...
Submitted by jade_digitalmedia (user info) at 2007-02-16 13:09:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-02-16 09:13:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-02-16 09:10:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-02-16 09:07:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
i <3 zach.
well and you too. even if you don't glow in the dark any more.
-----------
well...BITS of me do
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GLOW WORM!!!
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sweet!
1. you don't even need a flashlight to find your way to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
2. you can make your sex partners eyes light up, literally.
3. fuck night lights when you have a glow in the dark wang.
4. one might be temted to battle oneself starwars style in the mirror.
*ponders if another dose might make it vibrate on command*
then you would truly be a superhero :)
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-02-16 13:09:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was Ace.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2007-02-16 12:59:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Plus, I think this whole chemo business would help you hook up with Catholic girls. You know, kind of the "natural" birth control.
Try it anyway. You might get slapped but if not then you're in there.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-02-16 12:53:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
<3 Anansie
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-02-16 12:42:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:13:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
I nominate Bob as the biggest, most arrogant, smug "rub it in your face" cunt on the planet.
"You went jet skiing? My dad owns 12 and has the guy from the dealership in his pocket! That's so cool!"
"You're going to college? I'm going to an incredibly expensive university, and my parents are paying every penny!"
"You're getting a new car? Awesome, me too! I'm getting a brand new 2006 BMW 6 series, fully loaded and fully paid for!"
"You took a trip to Belize? My dad owns Belize, what a coincidence!"
The worst part is, you don't even realize what a fucking cunt you are.
Stop bragging constantly, your pompous attitude and insecurity is shining through. People generally don't like assholes like you, but you're just too wrapped up in yourself to realize that they fucking hate you and talk shit behind your back about how much they despise you.
-------------------------------
http://gamekillers.ca/profiles/oneupper.html
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-02-16 12:40:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Eye beams? EYE BEAMS?! You know how I feel about fucking Cyclops!
Eye beams...
Submitted by Black-Affronted (user info) at 2007-02-16 12:38:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A few more radiation doses and your bound to get those lazer eye beems you always wanted mate!
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2007-02-16 12:28:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well I'm glad you're still around.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-02-16 12:19:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Such is life, when our deity's plan for us was "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke."
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:54:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:32:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Anybody who outballs cancer has my vote
------------------
agreed.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:53:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:32:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Anybody who outballs cancer has my vote.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:15:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
headbutting of course?
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:03:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:53:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
wait a second...
a SCOT bought a round?
I'm not having that.
------------
Well we're both Scottish, so one of us had to.
We resolved the problem in the traditional Scottish way-casual violence
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:01:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:29:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
Let me know when they clear you to start working and traveling.
Cause I'll pay some footie hooligans to break your leg, so that you still have free time for Uber posts.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He's a jock, I'd do it for free.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:53:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
wait a second...
a SCOT bought a round?
I'm not having that.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:52:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice post.
I'm impressed with how blasée (sp?) your are about all this. You've got to be one of the most unaffected dudes on here, and I respect that immensely.
Plus, you bought the first round. Always a point in someone's favor.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:47:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i didn't want my ass analyzed...
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:47:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
okay:
You are fat.
Method - your turn.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:46:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ooh ooh analyze me!!!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:45:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Plus, I don't need to be analyzed
I wear my pathology on my sleeve.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:44:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
no, I was completely serious.
that analysis of bob was spot on.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:37:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you being sarcastic? Because if you are, I'm going to be forced to internet analyze you too.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:36:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
method has probably the greatest insight into human character on the internet I have ever seen in my life.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:29:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Let me know when they clear you to start working and traveling.
Cause I'll pay some footie hooligans to break your leg, so that you still have free time for Uber posts.
Submitted by scum101 (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:24:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.geocities.com/bold_leadership_4_a_better_world/
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:21:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'M glad you didn't die.
that's all I have to offer. I'm tired.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:21:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
what Method said i'd just like to add:
People are smoking MARAJEWANA in COLLEGE! I'm so insular I consider it wrong at COLLEGE!
Can't beleive I didn't get credit for *cries chemo tears*
:(
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:20:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Another +2 because I just found the Queen reference, and read the filename.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:19:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Life rocks.
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:19:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-02-16 09:02:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
-2 LIVE!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:13:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I nominate Bob as the biggest, most arrogant, smug "rub it in your face" cunt on the planet.
"You went jet skiing? My dad owns 12 and has the guy from the dealership in his pocket! That's so cool!"
"You're going to college? I'm going to an incredibly expensive university, and my parents are paying every penny!"
"You're getting a new car? Awesome, me too! I'm getting a brand new 2006 BMW 6 series, fully loaded and fully paid for!"
"You took a trip to Belize? My dad owns Belize, what a coincidence!"
The worst part is, you don't even realize what a fucking cunt you are.
Stop bragging constantly, your pompous attitude and insecurity is shining through. People generally don't like assholes like you, but you're just too wrapped up in yourself to realize that they fucking hate you and talk shit behind your back about how much they despise you.
-------------------------------
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-02-16 09:48:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
on the same note, it was really fun going to Belize last summer to camera trap ze animals there.
living is more important than going to Belize though.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-02-16 09:46:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
youre a zoologist? awesome
ive done a heck of a lot of animal research at various zoos over the past 4 years.
kickass.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:07:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I envy you, as odd as that sounds.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:07:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-02-16 09:25:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
Go cancer remission woo!!! Kick its ass!
Most people are scared of getting cancer. Cancer is scared of getting TTOM.
~~~
Indeed. I'm terrified.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:01:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
skate it off ;)
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-02-16 09:48:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
on the same note, it was really fun going to Belize last summer to camera trap ze animals there.
living is more important than going to Belize though.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-02-16 09:46:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
youre a zoologist? awesome
ive done a heck of a lot of animal research at various zoos over the past 4 years.
kickass.
Submitted by Manitou (user info) at 2007-02-16 09:46:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My cancer brings all the cancers to the yard and they're like, cancer! cancer! cancer!
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-02-16 09:37:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If I were you I would go around beating the shit out of smokers on a regular basis.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-02-16 09:30:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-02-16 09:29:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The super TTOM rules us all!!!
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-02-16 09:28:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
TTOM love.
Didn't read it actually. No time. Getting ready for work. Will do so tonight when I'm drunk.
Damn.
I guess I had time to read this, but not anymore.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-02-16 09:25:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Go cancer remission woo!!! Kick its ass!
Most people are scared of getting cancer. Cancer is scared of getting TTOM.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-02-16 09:18:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
squads
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-02-16 09:13:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-02-16 09:10:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-02-16 09:07:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
i <3 zach.
well and you too. even if you don't glow in the dark any more.
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well...BITS of me do
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GLOW WORM!!!
Submitted by BubbaEarl (user info) at 2007-02-16 09:10:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yes
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2007-02-16 09:10:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So many +2's here....
+2 "Fat Bottom Girls" reference
+2 Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke
+2 Being in remission. Fuck cancer right in its ear.....if...if it has ears. If not? erm.....fuck it anyway.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-02-16 09:10:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-02-16 09:07:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
i <3 zach.
well and you too. even if you don't glow in the dark any more.
-----------
well...BITS of me do
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-02-16 09:07:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i <3 zach.
well and you too. even if you don't glow in the dark any more.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2007-02-16 09:07:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My older sister survived childhood leukemia... she and I never have gotten along, and I remember very clearly the day that she smacked me in the head with a frying pan for saying that whoever donated their marrow to her had a right to know that their good will was wasted on a horrible human. I do believe I followed it up with a very mature "Obviously God wants you dead, or he wouldn't have given you terminal cancer to begin with". I beleive I was 12 at the time.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-02-16 09:04:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 million.
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2007-02-16 09:03:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WOOOO ursidae!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-02-16 09:02:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
-2 LIVE!