Life lessons at a young (ish) age..... (833 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.93 on 48 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Apollo (View user info) at 2007-02-16 10:45:27 EST
I know it seems as if I take about my Awesome here a lot but Awesome is such a big part of what I am. I've never really known anything else.
From a very early age it became apparent that I was cursed with a huge dose of Awesome. Initally here on Ubersite I tried to hide it but it came too difficult, I was losing track, the self depreciation was wearing thin and I got angry. WHY should I hide my Awesome? I should embrace it. So I did.
It was hard at first. People on Ubersite can be very mean. Every day I face ridicule here on Ubersite. You people don't think I notice all the veiled comments? You think it is EASY pompously lording it over the peasants?
You don't know the half of it.
Truth is I've been Awesome all my life. I could read at the age of 3 months. By 5 months old I was richer than Shlongy with a bigger penis that Sicosemen. By 8 months i'd slept with more women than Caulaincourt. When I reached the age of one well, one hate's to brag but I beat Tiger Woods at mini golf. Before Jared did.
This post will explain why all the insults don't bother me.
The truth is I've always tried to be friendly with people I cross paths with but there's no point. I'm better than them. Sure we may look the same outwardly (except for the fact that I am better looking than you) but inside I am just looking down on you from my Kingly perch.
Have I mentioned I am Awesome?
As some of you may know (my fellow uber-elite mostly) I am getting married next summer. Do you know how difficult it is for Awesome people to find fellow Awesome-ites?
Very.
So I didn't bother - i'm marrying a non-Awesome, my parents aren't very happy, they thought I'd marry and breed with a bone fide Awesome and breed Super Awesome spawn.
Sadly that option wasn't realistically available to me you see all the Awesome is stored in my cranium. The more Awesome you are the larger your head. My mother was in labour for six weeks with me - she pushes her cunt flaps around in a wheel barrow even now. Super Awesome children just punch right through the mother's stomach, call her a whore, and are named President immediately. I'm not sure I could deal with that.
Actually of course I could.
I'm Awesome.
User Reviews
Submitted by ikari_shinji (user info) at 2007-06-24 22:14:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck off and die.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-02-17 14:18:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-02-16 21:39:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
Dear Mr. Awesome,
You misspelled deprecation in the fourth line...
no i didn't old egg - seppos say deprecation (on accoutn of being retards) and pure blood Brits say depreciation (on account of being awesome).
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-02-17 00:24:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-02-16 21:39:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
Dear Mr. Awesome,
You misspelled deprecation in the fourth line...
________
Dear Mr. Bubba,
STFU
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-02-17 00:08:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The more Awesome you are the larger your head. My mother was in labour for six weeks with me - she pushes her cunt flaps around in a wheel barrow even now.
---
special
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-02-16 22:06:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a large head.
I'm awesome.
Yup, that math works.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-02-16 21:39:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dear Mr. Awesome,
You misspelled deprecation in the fourth line...
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-02-16 20:48:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Timmaaaaah (user info) at 2007-02-16 20:15:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Eng gerrrrrr land
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-02-16 19:44:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
:(
Awesome is MY word.
Submitted by Abbey (user info) at 2007-02-16 16:35:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel sorry for your mom.
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2007-02-16 14:26:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-02-16 14:12:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
Sadly that option wasn't realistically available to me you see all the Awesome is stored in my cranium.
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well, you do have an enormous head
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-02-16 14:12:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sadly that option wasn't realistically available to me you see all the Awesome is stored in my cranium.
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well, you do have an enormous head
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-02-16 14:04:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Thompson (user info) at 2007-02-16 13:26:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'll tell you what I told the man who tasered his baby in the news a few weeks ago-
Well done, mang. Well done.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-02-16 13:02:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I opened a can of worms.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-02-16 12:51:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-02-16 12:26:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
of course!
erm....hold on
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2007-02-16 12:25:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ah but have you sucked more dicks than Caul?
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:54:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:40:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:12:49 (#)
Ranking: 1
Well, they don't call me Mr. Capable for nothing.
==============
I call you mr. capable and I've never received compensation you jew bastard.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:37:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah that was kind of the point you dumb bitch
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:36:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
at least you don't have an huge ego about it
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:32:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
or "awesome"
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:32:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you didn't use the word "Ubersite" enough
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:28:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by odin (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:27:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:23:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ok
Submitted by Manitou (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:18:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:12:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Well, they don't call me Mr. Capable for nothing.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:11:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:01:44 (#)
Ranking: 1
I have a question:
Is Fat Tony mexican? Or at least, are people calling him a mexican? What I really need to know is, is a reference to immigration problems and fat Tony funny at all?
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yes, yes, and, if capably done, yes
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:10:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:01:44 (#)
Ranking: 1
I have a question:
Is Fat Tony mexican? Or at least, are people calling him a mexican? What I really need to know is, is a reference to immigration problems and fat Tony funny at all?
he is an american -italian allegedly but looks like a fat mexican and hates to be refferd to a a mexican.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:06:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:52:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Too bad you're British, immediately negating any awesomeness you may have possessed.
The only British person that's awesome is Doctor Who.
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Youre such a g(r)eek Method *rearranges action figures*
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:03:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Time is a factor.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:01:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I have a question:
Is Fat Tony mexican? Or at least, are people calling him a mexican? What I really need to know is, is a reference to immigration problems and fat Tony funny at all?
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:00:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I was awesome.
Unfortunatly I'm just pathetic.
:----(
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:58:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this reads like something i'd write, only not as good or true
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:54:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
TIME LORDS RULE!
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:52:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Awesome
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:52:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i wasn't going to tell you this Method but I'm a time lord.
I eat Daleks for breakfast.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:52:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Too bad you're British, immediately negating any awesomeness you may have possessed.
The only British person that's awesome is Doctor Who.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:52:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It was only a matter of time. Congrats on getting to it first.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:51:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
idiot
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:51:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Goddamnit have this because I clearly can't use pronouns right.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:51:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Watch out. Your Awesome load might shoot straight through him and blow a hole through her back.
I mean her.
I mean good luck.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:50:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:48:31 (#)
Ranking: -2
Gay.
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Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:47:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome
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Awesomely gay. Self felatory madness!!!
MADNESS!!!
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:50:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Being so awesome must be a curse
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:48:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Gay.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:47:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome