"Dont leave Jo'burg airport" (633 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.33 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <mitchmarron.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2007-02-16 11:02:41 EST
-What do you mean don't 'leave' the airport.
-Just trust me bru, you' just connecting from London to Pe'th via Johannesburg. You' a foreignah, and you' whaahte. You don't want to leave the airport mate. People get stabbed there for a pair of socks. They smash you' ca' window as you' driving just to steal you' watch. Stay inside, just trust me and do whaat ah tell you.
I was going to visit a South African friend who'd relocated to Sydney, and I had a 9hr layover in Jo'burg (freaking Qantas.)
Get my bags through customs, re-check them all the way to Sydney, and grab a seat.
I look at my watch.
8h34min to go.
Just me and my daypack... staring through the glass double doors to Johannesburg.
Damn.
Dude! I've been around... traveled all over. I can definitely handle myself. And by that I mean I'm a surprisingly fast runner.
The double doors are right in front of me.
I look around, the airport is crowded and reeks of urine.
A small child is screaming in the seat next to me.
Screw this.
I take my first step through the double doors and I can feel hot air on my face.
Oh right, seasons are reversed.
My back foot isn't even caught up to the outside when a skinny African grabs my pack from my shoulders.
-I take you' bag sah, whe'e are you stayin, get in the ca' and lock the doo', yawh.
-I'm alright I'm just going for a walk thank you.
-Hahaha a walk in Jo'burg, come come get in the ca'.
At that moment another man appears and also grabs my backpack.
-Come with me I have better prices, I take you' bag, where to sah?
-No I'm just going for a walk, I've only got a few hours here, I'm not staying anywhere.
Both men look at each other, then one gives me a look that chills my spine... the kind of look JR Ewing would give to Cliff Barnes as he's about to sell him a dried up oil well at full price.
-Yawh go ahead, you stretch you' legs English.
-I'm American actually.
-Yawh even bettah.
One gets on his cell phone as they walk away together, whispering, and throwing glances back at me.
I took another deep breath of Jo'burg air, kept it in, and slowly exhaled.
I then walked back inside and spent the next 8+ hours reading ubersite for a whopping cost of 350 Rand/hr.
People suck.
User Reviews
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-02-18 00:30:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-02-17 04:47:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
Phuzzy,
I have been to both countries and you cannot be serious if you think Aus is on the same level racism wise as SA.
Besides I've been to Conneticut ya'll, You guys have no idea WTF goes on there on a saturday night...
Someone got shoved, in the back RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME once.
============
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
_______
PLEASE don't laugh HBTS.
YOu have no idea what its like to live in an all white affluent amercian suburb, we have to deal with shit like people swearing and ethnics driving through our neighbourhood occasionally.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-02-17 04:47:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Phuzzy,
I have been to both countries and you cannot be serious if you think Aus is on the same level racism wise as SA.
Besides I've been to Conneticut ya'll, You guys have no idea WTF goes on there on a saturday night...
Someone got shoved, in the back RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME once.
============
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-02-17 04:16:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You forgot to call them niggers.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-02-17 03:51:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
indignant
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-02-17 02:07:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2007-02-16 12:03:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
they chose to run to places like Australia where apartheid has been going on for years
________
Phuzzy,
I have been to both countries and you cannot be serious if you think Aus is on the same level racism wise as SA.
Besides I've been to Conneticut ya'll, You guys have no idea WTF goes on there on a saturday night...
Someone got shoved, in the back RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME once.
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2007-02-16 18:38:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha, nice ending.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-02-16 14:03:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-02-16 13:40:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
good thing SA doesn't have the Bomb any more.
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2007-02-16 13:12:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well I don't know much about S.A., I've never been there. After reading this post, I googled 'Joburg and crime' and got quite an eyefull. Obviously crime has been a problem, and the officials there haven't been shy about recognizing the problem, admitting it, and have instituted multiple anti-crime initiatives.
Still, it goes against the grain to be scared and stay indoors. When I was younger I once lived in a high-crime neighborhood where gunfire wasn't that uncommon, and I've walked around a lot of third-world cities, particularly in Mexico. I just refuse to stay indoors with the blinds drawn. I haven't been shot or stabbed yet, and it always pays to be cautious. I'm not in a position to judge or fault mitchmarron, but I can't see it. I'm not a tough guy, just a stubborn bastard.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2007-02-16 12:40:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmmm... angry Andrew? Never seen that.
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-02-16 12:26:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know too much about Africa, never been there. I've heard some pretty bad shit about it. Although the same could be said about anywhere in the world. Hell I'm in fucking Iraq, we don't go outside the razor wire without at least 10 people, full body armor, and 210 rounds each. I'll be damned if I'm gonna go walk around in a city i'm unfamilar with unarmed, by myself. I'd rather sit around and read Habeeb posts for hours on end, than get knifed in an alley.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-02-16 12:20:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ignorance.
Submitted by mitchmarron (user info) at 2007-02-16 12:19:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"scared little fucks".
That's what you called them... friends of mine.
And I saw their scars.
Do I give a shit about my tone with you, abstract internet user?
Please.
And you're dead wrong about their reasons for leaving. At no time did they ever refer to "Kaffas" or whatever derogatory term you people have for blacks.
They don't blame the blacks, they never have... they just have seen too many horrors hit too close to home (i.e. close friends and family.)
So they packed up their things and left the country where they were all born and raised for generations.
They love SA, and still root (american term) for SA in rugby and cricket.
They just can't live there anymore, out of fear for their lives.
After hearing their stories, I'd be hard-pressed to argue with them.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2007-02-16 12:03:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Firstly, don't take that tone of voice with me, jerk. I was actually being civil to you, if you'd read the third review.
Secondly, any doctor in any city in the world will tell you horrible tale of the trauma ward and all the nasty things they've seen. In fact, I bet ten of your American dollars every single one of them, worldwide, has a relative that has been in a smash and grab, or was a victim of some sort of assault.
Any city in the world.
My point, Mitch, was that it really grates me when the type of people that left SA circa 1994-1997 just bitch and moan and give the rest of the world the impression it's the most dangerous city in the world; simply because they decided to run when the country became democratically governed.
It's those type of people that felt their wealth and status bubble might get popped, not their VCR. SO instead of facing change in the country of their birth, they chose to run to places like Australia where apartheid has been going on for years, the goverment just hasn't named it or made it official policy. Easiest way to justify that move? Run the country you just left into the ground.
Hell, you'll probably just write me, and this review off. I don't care. But I do think that even though you were only there for a couple of hours, you missed a great opportunity to explore a small part of Africa, and history.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:56:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've seen worse shit happen in north las vegas
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:56:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
waaaa
Submitted by mitchmarron (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:50:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:41:50 (#)
Ranking: 0
i fucking hate the scared little fucks that ran away becasue 'omg the black peeple are comingz' and have to justify the fact that they ran by making up lies about the country they left.
-----------------
The friend I went to visit, a friend of his got raped because according to a rumor going around, "having sex with a virgin takes away AIDS".
He worked in a hospital, so he saw a lot of bad shit, and he got the backstories of all the assaults he treated.
His family didn't relocate until his mom was stopped at a red light in Jo'burg. A man came up to her locked car, smashed the window and ripped the necklace from her neck. It was worth about 30 US dollars, just a cheap silver necklace. It ripped her neck so bad she still has a deep scar from it.
She had to be taken to the hospital because shards of glass got lodged in her eye and ear canal.
She still has the scars to prove it.
His aunt also got assaulted while shopping at an outdoor market.
"scared little fucks" indeed.
You'd better pray to the god of shit-talkers this doesn't happen to your family, cause then we'd actually find out how you'd handle it.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:45:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Your friend, not you.
You, if you'd asked, I would have met at the airport and taken you for beers to kill time before your flight.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:44:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait a minute, you spent 8 hours reading Habeeb posts?!?
Dear God man! You are lucky to have survived!
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:41:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i fucking hate the scared little fucks that ran away becasue 'omg the black peeple are comingz' and have to justify the fact that they ran by making up lies about the country they left.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:40:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh please.
they're called cab drivers.
sissy.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:39:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
:)
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:38:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you'd have ridden your bike away screaming bret you fucking faggot.
then you'd have come DEAD LAST
Submitted by Manitou (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:37:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
heh. I'd've nunchucked both of those toothy fuckers.
Submitted by Dexter-Brown (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:37:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:21:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're lucky, two more steps and that Phuzzygish guy would have probably raped you and given you AIDS!
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:21:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Four words for you and you'll be fine:
Monkey Steals the Peach.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:12:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
pussy
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-02-16 11:07:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Going back inside was a very, very smart thing to do.
I've heard some gruesome shit about the goings on down there.
You're safer in Detroit, dude.