A Complete Uberhistory: Corrected Revised Edition, c2007 (3898 hits)
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Submitted by Axolotl (View user info) at 2007-02-26 12:44:53 EST
A COMPLETE UBERHISTORY: 1999 to the present
c2006-2007
Spooner Publishing House
By Axolotl (ie Bernice Hauckman), MA in Bizarre Internet Memes and Minor in History, American University
With Contributions from:
Method (George Papadapolous), PhD of Shenanigans, Columbia, with a minor in Gold Vending
Razor (ie Blackbeard von Pirate), PhD of Intelligence, Duke, with a MA in levelheadedness
Bart (ie Bart, duh.), PhD in Web Design, MIT
Electrictoothsyndrome (ie Brad Pitt), BA in PoliSci from Notre Dame, minoring in conspiracy
Stabkill (ie Quagmire from Family Guy), MA in Death from Georgetown
Michael Jackson, no college. Just a singer.
The following is a true and correct rendition of the history of Ubersite (c1999 Bart Cilfone), written by Axolotl, with contributions and editing from Method. Chapter segues were written by Bart, Razor, and also Stabkill, MichaelJackson, and ETS. Nothing in here is to be taken seriously. Complaints can be registered through the review button.
If you are in here: http://www.ubersite.com//everyone.txt you are eligible to read this post.
1999 (Posts 1 through 14)
The beginnings of Ubersite are shrouded in mystery and darkness known only by the Creator, Bart Cilfone. Looking back through the archives of Ubersite, I make the pilgrimage through the old posts, the never-reviewed, long-forgotten automated submissions, and the original foundations of the site.
Bart Cilfone was a Chicago web designer who had already created BoredatWork.com, and was presumably getting hits from that website from Google. He decided to design a social experiment, in which a forum would be set up, on any subjects possible. Years of hard work (all right, sitting at a computer coding) would be put into this before Uber really got off the ground in 2003, but the early days were some of the most important.
There are many things that are unknown. What's known is that using his default name of Cool Ubersite User before he was registered, Bart Cilfone made the first ever post on November 30th, 1999.
It was called...Harry Caray. http://www.ubersite.com/m/1
It was Uber's first post, and the beginning of what was to become one of the greatest obscure forum websites on the intraweb.
The post itself sucked. It's useful for nothing except spamming to try and get it on heated, for which Thorpe was temporarily banned, I understand. Some of the other masterpieces from Uber's early history are:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/3 Homer Simpson Picture - Cool Ubersite User - 11/30/1999
http://www.ubersite.com/m/4 This is my email test - Cool Ubersite User - 11/30/1999
http://www.ubersite.com/m/10 This is the greatest site I've ever seen - Bart Cilfone - 12/16/1999
All of these, aside from setting the building blocks for Uber, set the building blocks for the shitpost. Bart was playing around with the attachments and email, and left us with these glorious reminders of the history of Uber. Later, he made the first political post: http://www.ubersite.com/m/11 My personal political causes, by Bart Cilfone, 12/18/1999.
From Bart's mouth, however:
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2006-02-28 20:43:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
It's a little more complicated than this, but most of this is close to the truth.
You should read this - http://www.ubersite.com/m/9561 - to get an idea of what Bored at Work was like back then.
What happened there is that what I had at boredatwork.com was way too complicated to use and the site had next to zero traffic. I scrapped it and made it into a list of random seemingly bizarre links connected only by the common characteristic that I thought they were neat. I remember there was a link to a site about hissing cockroaches, audio clips of english phrases for spanish speaking people, and stuff along those lines.
Ubersite didn't exist, but whirlycott and I had built a thing called Interchange which was sort of a threaded newsgroup tool that had a Java applet front end that I wrote which connected using XML to a database app on the server. This was 1998 and we had basically built a modern day web service. I had a forum setup for myself that was linked from boredatwork.com so that people could leave comments about why they were so bored.
One day, Maddox came by and left a comment on the board that said something like "you should link to my site: http://www.xmission.com/~maddox ". So, I linked to his site and he linked to mine and neither of us got any traffic from each other.
I went on my merry path writing Ubersite and at some point Maddox's site started taking off. I never noticed because I had no particular reason to care. I was working on writing things for Ubersite both as submissions and code. The site was dead which is why I had the automated submissions coming in to make the front page of the site feel a little fresher if only for myself. This is basically a precursor to a modern day RSS aggregator only using email rather than XML feeds.
One day, Ryan Donovan emailed me because he wanted me to remove his email address from a potentially embarassing post. Me being the wonderful human being I am decided to oblige and ran an SQL update in MySQL to change the "sender" (aka. author) field on his posts:
UPDATE messages SET sender = 'Ryan Donovan <ryan.at.chiliwhack.com> WHERE sender_id = 9;
For those who know what this means, you may notice a syntax error in that the quoted string is not closed. To make a long story short, my where clause was not used and I accidentally set the sender of every post to be "Ryan Donovan <ryan.at.chiliwhack.com> WHERE sender_id = 9;".
Since MySQL didn't support transactions at the time and I didn't have any backups, I had no idea anymore who had written what, so I just updated everything to be authored by "Cool Ubersite User". The ones that had been submitted tied to user accounts were then updated to the actual authors' names, but the names on the "anonymous" posts were lost.
This wasn't a huge deal, but it pissed me off to the point that I started capturing backups. At this point, it had basically been he and I posting most things along with a handful of things from my girlfriend, her roommate, a guy from Ryan's work, etc. Everything was crap, but it didn't matter. I had lost the history of what had been posted on the site.
One day, this guy Randy emailed me and wanted to post a story of his up on boredatwork.com. I didn't want to deal with hosting his file, so I told him to submit it to the fledgling Ubersite and I would link to that. I put a link to it on boredatwork.com and that was it. I don't even think there were hit counters at the time, but I may have noticed from the server logs that he was getting a reasonable amount of traffic from boredatwork.com which I noticed was getting a decent amount of traffic from the link on Maddox's front page.
I went through and added a handful of Ubersite posts to boredatwork.com as a way of promoting Ubersite and vice versa. That's what started the whole symbiotic relationship between the two, although it was not as significant at the time as it may seem.
It's important to realize though that neither site had much traffic at all. I would run "grep POST access_log" to see if anyone had reviewed anything on the site on a given day - today there are a couple thousand comments per day. There was only one access_log for the server - today it rotates out every four hours and gets over 20MB in that span.
Anyway, I think that takes us up through 2000 and about the first 20 registered users.
Later, it seemed Bart had a bit of bipolar disorder.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/12 Barticus - Cool Ubersite User - 12/18/1999
http://www.ubersite.com/m/13 Barticus is a fool - Cool Ubersite User - 12/18/1999
Only fourteen posts were made in the short time in the first month of Uber's existence, December 1999. Bart was very worried about Y2K, I'm sure, and he didn't want to waste all his hard work when the world's computer's crashed and destroyed Ubersite.
But as far as the early days of Uber are concerned, maybe the early users (masked behind the name Cool Ubersite User) had the right idea:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/8 This site bites it hard, 12/3/1999
Maybe a little harsh...this was the testing grounds of Ubersite. Without this, nothing would be.
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2000 (Posts 15 through 2011)
The year 2000 was a little better for Uber...slightly. Bart tried his hand at humor on January 7 with Poor Cubs: http://www.ubersite.com/m/15.
Because Bored@Work had been around for a year longer than Ubersite, it had already more or less established itself as a website for distracted workers. Bart saw Ubersite as a source of ideas to put into B@W. The first Ubersite post on Bored@Work was Horoscopes: http://www.ubersite.com/m/17, by Cool Ubersite User, 1/07/2000. It's the kind of thing you get forwarded to you in an email, and you flame the sender, but Bart deemed it worthy.
Another Bored@Work post is Medium Schmedium, http://www.ubersite.com/m/105 1/29/00, which is also the first plagiarism on Ubersite! Bart ripped off an idea from Seinfeld and put it on B@W, and garnered in the hits. The level of hits on his early posts is why nearly a million people on the internet have seen Bart's work.
For some reason only messages 15 and 17 show up on the old messages list, but you can manually type in http://www.ubersite.com/m/16 to get Wordplay, by Cool Ubersite User, 1/07/2000. This is the first actually funny post on Ubersite. Marvel and laugh in great mirth.
True, the first posts on Uber were fairly bad. In the early days, it was mostly stuff Bart got forwarded in an email, such as http://www.ubersite.com/m/568 - Windows Error Haikus, 4/26/00. For this, Bart received:
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-07-13 00:27:41 (#)
Ranking: -1
At least you know how to copy and paste from an email.
Other notable posts are "
http://www.ubersite.com/m/617 - Aim Higher! - Bart, 5/03/00, which is the first NSFW post on Ubersite. Kiddie porn, even more. I searched and searched, but couldn't find the first post with NSFW in the title.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/947 - $700,000 to get plastered with Rob Zimmer! - Rob D, 6/21/00. This is special because Ryan Donovan reviewed it. Ryan Donovan never reviews things. He signed up March 23rd, 2000, and has reviewed only few and far between.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/1004 - New Images, Jeano, 6/30/00. Mrs. Jeano (otherwise known as user id #3) wanted to make new images for Uber, but sadly, her site is no longer working and lost to history.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/1251 - Whirlycott, 8/28/00, Telephone Banking. Whirlycott is one of Bart's real-life friends, and he's also the man who fixed Ubersite when it crashed November 11-14 2005. Shlongy discovered this post several years later, and wrote the following:
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-09 21:35:44 (#)
Ranking: -2
Yes, this is true.
What's your point?
You suck ass.
Good old Shlongy (old being the operative word), he always has nice things to say about others. Bart sparked what was perhaps the first political argument on Ubersite with I Am the Illegitimate Child of George W. Bush, http://www.ubersite.com/m/1720, 11/10, during the height of the Election 2000 scandal. People reviewed it 3 years later, and Bart argued with them, telling them they were debating something that happened ages ago.
One thing is that there are very few reviews from posts back then, most likely from the few users there to begin with. The only reviews are usually pilgrims who have rediscovered these forgotten posts.
And mercy me, it's the first alter, Jesus!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/1994 - 12/27/00, Damn I'm Special.
This was back when being an alter was original. Now the best we have is Mr_T and Amorphous (Michael Jackson is still cool).
A lot of those ancient posts were movie reviews. Both Ryan Donovan, one of the site's first non-Bart users, posted many of these, as well as Bart.
MOVIE REVIEWS
http://www.ubersite.com/m/61 - Bart, 1/22, The Hurricane
http://www.ubersite.com/m/225 - Bart, 3/04, the Insider
http://www.ubersite.com/m/415 - Bart, 4/04, Erin Brockovich
http://www.ubersite.com/m/457 - Bart, 4/10, High Fidelity
http://www.ubersite.com/m/328 - Donovan, Oscar reviews, 3/23 (This was the first of many Donovan Oscar reviews, and the first in a series that would span seven years.)
http://www.ubersite.com/m/826 - Donovan, Mission Impossible 2, 6/06
http://www.ubersite.com/m/914 - Bart, Big Momma's House, 6/16
http://www.ubersite.com/m/1045 - Me, Myself and Irene, Donovan, 7/07
http://www.ubersite.com/m/1078 - The critic, Star Wars, 7/13. I suppose you could call this an alter if you wished, but the post is entirely shit.
Drumroll please...
You're a Racist, Dr. Seuss - 12/03/2000, by Donovan http://www.ubersite.com/m/1838
In 2000 the post accusing a beloved children's writer of racism and communism was posted by none other than Donovan. After unbroken years on the MVM, it was just recently forced off by Forthewin's MS Paint.
One of the strange things about Uber back then were the random automated posts. Perhaps they're random to me, a recently new Uberuser, but these posts were sent in by spambots and programs like Joke-a-Day. I remember Joke-a-Day and This Day in History being sent to me years ago when I was just a pup...
Let's take a look at some of the automated posts. Message 2000...
"As far as you are concerned, there is no message 2000."
Weeps. What about messages 2001 and 1999?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/2001 - Get off my lap, kid! Dogbyte, 12/28
http://www.ubersite.com/m/1999 - Classic Joke a Day, 12/28, 2000
They're not that great...
In the course of my travels, I found the post that hadn't been reviewed the longest, almost having gone six years without acknowledgement. http://www.ubersite.com/m/538 - Heads-up Newsletter, pulling out navigation plugs, with 2 hits, and no reviews.
Sorry. I've already reviewed it. Find a new ancient post.
Messages 2040-2043 are very weird, especially their dates of posting.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/2040 - Doesn't exist
http://www.ubersite.com/m/2041 - posted 2/21/2002
http://www.ubersite.com/m/2042 - posted 2/21/2002
http://www.ubersite.com/m/2043 - posted 1/10/2001
"As far as you are concerned, there is no message 2040."
...
I hate when Bart does that.
After over a year, Uber hadn't changed much. Bart was still the main poster, supported minorly by Ryan Donovan. He would need a lot more online clout and users before he could manage to put his social experiment into real action.
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2001 (Posts 2012 through 3499)
Some notable posts of the year 2001 were Unhealthy Obsessions by Bart, September 26, 2001: http://www.ubersite.com/m/3112. Donovan made a U2 concert review as well: U2 Concert Review - Donovan - 6/20 http://www.ubersite.com/m/2837.
The first "emo" post was Where Are All the Likeable People? by Bob, 12/01/2001: http://www.ubersite.com/m/3382.
When a national emergency or disaster like Katrina or the London bombings occur, we can usually count on people to post about it. We count on Stabkill to say it was the Arab's fault, Cindy to post something touching, and Habeeb to post a MS paint depicting the disaster. (Naked Pictures of Katrina)
However, it took a week after 9/11 for a post to be made. The usually calm, liberal Bart posted this: To Those Responsible - Bart - 9/17/01 http://www.ubersite.com/m/3088. Looking back on it, it seems funny, as we would soon be going to war with Iraq. Bart seems almost out of character with his usual leftist self there.
Oh no! That evil liberal Bart is breaking the law YET AGAIN! How to get Free Stuff at Target Bart 3/16 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/2350.
Another notable post was Whew, I thought I was alone, by Geek Girl, 2/11/01: http://www.ubersite.com/m/2127. She says that she wasn't the only one "Bored at Work."
August 2001, I broke my arm riding down a bike. Not that you care, but I'd just like to share it. Also in August 2001, the first series was posted by Fevdogg, giving rise to the misconception that Ubersite was a Serious Writer's Forum.
FIRST SERIES - Cougar Trilogy by Fevdogg
8/21 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/3012, http://www.ubersite.com/m/3013, http://www.ubersite.com/m/3014
It sucked horrendously. The last installment had a perfect +2 rating, for some reason, despite its lack of paragraphs. Then Cindy went and dropped a +0 bomb on it.
The last day of 2001, J posted MTV sucks, one of the earlier shitposts: http://www.ubersite.com/m/3499. All in all, 2001 was a very slow year, even slower than 2000. It would take the signups of Razor and Yidele to jumpstart the site into its present hectic level.
Ubersite, after over two years, was still the same minor website that it had always been. Bart's experiment wasn't going so well...people weren't signing up, and he didn't have enough virtual power yet. And you always need more power.
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2002 (Posts 3500 through 4936)
2002 was a little better year for Ubersite. It wasn't just Bart and Donovan talking to nobody in the void, but other people signed up, such as SoxSexSax, who is perhaps the longest-registered regularly posting user.
SoxSexSax graced Ubersite with his post Bestiality: Don't knock it til you've tried it, on February 1st, 2002: http://www.ubersite.com/m/3582.
J started a long tradition in Ubersite by his post Most Canadians are Dickheads, 5/5/02 http://www.ubersite.com/m/3709. Even today, we honor his legacy by making fun of Caulaincourt. Still, we can't be too hard on Canadians. Though we all know Caul, not ALL Canadians are homosexuals. (This line written at height of Pepe La Flamme drama back in 2006)
On May 14, Bart posted his seminal Licking a Bum's Ass http://www.ubersite.com/m/3670. This would soon go onto B@W, and subsequently, the MVM.
The first idiotic music post was done by d_d, on June 17: http://www.ubersite.com/m/3942.
Some new fresh users signed up, including two people who were known for arguing with each other, Razor (registered 6/20/02) and Yidele (7/22/02). While Yidele is more known for going out in a blaze of glory (i.e. posting seventy-six times in one day, all of them porn) he sustained some interesting political arguments with Razor back in the day.
Totally Useless Facts by JP was posted 8/14/02 http://www.ubersite.com/m/4263. This was entirely plagiarized, yet was put on B@W and later the MVM. Goes to show you...absolutely nothing. This carries no lesson in life.
Noob-even-back-then Andy Barr wanted to know how he could correct his mistakes and edit or delete posts he no longer wanted: Uber Upgrade? 8/30/02: http://www.ubersite.com/m/4326. This would be first in a loooong series of these kind of posts.
Jhouston made a post in reply to Donovan's You're a Racist: Dr. Seuss, 10/10/02, http://www.ubersite.com/m/4480. Back then, he didn't even get a negative rating. How things have changed.
Speaking of things changing, Razor posted http://www.ubersite.com/m/4593, The Problem with New Blood Here at Uber, 10/28/02, calls the noobs a bunch of candyasses and says there hasn't been a good argument on in ages ever since he made peace with Yidele. Strange...the noobs that were candyasses back then are now the veterans.
Re: Candy. The user Candy posted an emo post, Serious Issue, 10/30/02 http://www.ubersite.com/m/4610. Just thought I'd throw that in.
Aside from Bart-Bart and Ryan Donovan, some of the more prominent users of this period were Beer_Bong, Yidele, SoxSexSax, JP, PeopleAreStrange, Razor, d_d, and Snoop Pupp. And Firefly. She counts, even though she hasn't posted EVER.
We need to make Firefly post. I guess she can't break her streak now after four years, and the hype would be so big around the post that it couldn't live up to its expectations. But still.
Snoop Pupp was one of our earlier British Uberers, and he complained about the state of the world in Is it me or does everything suck? Snoop Pupp 11/6/02 http://www.ubersite.com/m/4663. He seemed to get into a lot of arguments with other people, and all but disappeared from the site. He was active last October, but to negative ratings.
2002 was a time of change for Uber. It was no longer the sparse collection of Bart and Donovan posts echoing through cyberspace without an audience, but it was devoid of any real posts and users, and wasn't what it was today.
On the last day of the year, two great posts were put onto Ubersite, Things to be in 2003 by Bart http://www.ubersite.com/m/4932, and How to Smoke Weed, by Razor http://www.ubersite.com/m/4935. Both of these posts have become Uber classics in their own sense.
2002 was a turning point indeed. The post that sums up this period the most us What Happened to Ubersite by JP, 12/19/02. http://www.ubersite.com/m/4891
JP complains that Uber isn't what it used to be. In the previous summer, JP stated that there could be as many as 5 posts a day, and a post could get 400 hits and 30 reviews. It's just mind-boggling to see that now, in a time where there could be 40 posts a day, each with 30-40 reviews and +400-600 hits around average, that there was once a quieter, more simpler Uber.
JP never stayed around to see what Uber would become; he left early on in 2003, after leaving Uber with I Hate Stupid People and Totally Useless Facts. Yidele would soon be gone, as would most of the crop of early users. Razor was one of the few that stayed on...back then, Uber was more of a transient forum. People came and went, without too much regret or creativity.
Things change, and in 2003, things would change on Ubersite in a major way. The prominent writers and most of the present-day MVA would sign up in 2003, and usher in a new age in Uber. Bart Cilfone's site would no longer be a few souls muttering to each other in the dark on an obscure forum, but would catch the attention of Maddox, and even other outside sources.
By the end of 2002, there had been almost five thousand posts on Ubersite. By the end of 2003 there would be almost twenty-two thousand. Razor says the following about the 2002 era where he joined Ubersite.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-03-02 12:04:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
This was pretty good, but being one of the only people who actually posted on Ubersite during this time, I have some things to add...
* You could not only review, but post on Ubersite without having a username. If you dig back into the time between March and June of 2002, you'll find not only plenty of reviews by me but actual posts that are by "Razor" that predate my official signup. I actually know the first day I came to ubersite, and although the users script is failing at the moment, I think I would have been around user 50.
The thing that finally prompted me to create my username on Ubersite is that someone who had written a post was bitching because it had gotten a lot of play, but they weren't on the MVA. (At that time, you could literally break into the MVA with like 500 hits).
bart told them tough shit and to actually create a sign-in name. I took his advice even though it wasn't directed at me.
* There was a list on the left side of the page that has long since gone the way of the dodo, and for good reason. It was called the "Most Often Reviewed" list, and it contained the messages that had, over the existence of Ubersite, gotten the most reviews.
That list was as legendary in its time as the MVM and the MVA. You can see a legacy image of it here: http://ubersite.com/addtab.html
The problem was that the most reviewed posts didn't neccessarily correspond to the things that had generated the most discussion - as everyone knows, two people can sometimes argue (or kiss each other's asses) back and forth on the same post tons of times.
It caused problems with the most heated list too... you could literally just review yourself on up to the top.
Additionally, before long the MOR was mostly filled with brilliant titles like "I HATE NIGGERS".
bart eventually axed the most viewed message list and added some checking in the heated calculations to stop that from happening.
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2003 (Posts 4937 through 21862)
2003 was a new age in Ubersite, and though it was Uber's first "modern" year, there were some differences from today. There were still automated submissions, though they played a much smaller role and would be soon fazed out. There was a 1 megabyte limit on attachments, and bitmaps were very rare.
Multiple +2s or -2s from the same user could affect the post's average rating, and -2 spamming was not punishable by bannings (yet). Nobody had been banned at all so far, although a certain user called Drink_DDT would soon rectify that.
There was no account verification, and anyone could sign up instantly. On that matter, there was no need to sign up at all, anyone could make anonymous comments under the default name of Random Joe.
On February 6th, 2003, a man called Hidden101 signed up. A month later on the 27th of March, Loki registered, and on April 3rd, JMG came onto Uber. We have three so far...
Antluvdog signed up the day after JMG, and to the delight of some, hatred of others, Squattail registered three days after that with the name Cornbeefantelope. Drink_DDT came five days later. April was a productive month.
Squattail and Drink_DDT had some fun with the site in its early years. Drink_DDT's major offense against Bart was the nsfw-less Recognize These People? 4/21 http://www.ubersite.com/m/6647. -2ing the entire front page was not yet punishable, but after their shenanigans, Bart banned Drink_DDT in a sudden display of power. He then posted on it, sparking a large argument: Should DDT be unbanned?, 4/25/03 http://ubersite.com/m/676.
The main problem was that DDT's stated goal was to break up the community bonds that Ubersite had formed. The new users were friends—exchanging emails and AIM names in the very small Ubersite of 2003. DDT's purpose was to -2 the entire front page and break up the peace. Today, things would be different, but back then users like Hidden101 and Razor cried for his banning.
Squattail decided to stay out of trouble, but he was back to his old ways. Through his successful career in late 2004/early 2005, and his returns as Dategrape, Adolfhithere, Transformer, Pannerplant, and most importantly in autumn of 2005, Squattail (aka ProfessorFuckFace) refined the meaning of the word "troll" and created some of the most hilarious and offensive posts ever. He was a comic genius in the eyes of some, and a despicable flamer to others. However, in the early days of 2003, Squattail was not yet a practiced user, and his attempts at trolling were heartfelt, but weak. He had a penchant for Goatse, however.
Mickginny registered on 5/7/2003, and soon after that began his Red On the Head series. Though he never attached an NSFW tag to any of his nude portraits of the female form, he wasn't banned due to lack of restrictions.
Tom signed up 5/18/2003, Iddqd on 6/22/03, Bigmike on 6/17/03, and Apollo brought his massive, swollen British head here 6/25/03.
Since there were far more people on Uber, the population was harder to control, and certain people (DDT, Squattail, etc.) made a sport out of pissing Bart off. One of these people who ran into Bart's restrictions was Anthony Rizzo, who posted the Neverending Thread 6/30/03 http://www.ubersite.com/m/9564. It was meant to be a post that never stopped being reviews, and rose to well over 2500 reviews, until Bart capped it. It hasn't been reviewed in two years, and recently Re 16 y/olds bypassed it as most reviewed.
Altering became an art form on Uber. The original alters were the best, such as Kristyswan and McBain, who practiced what became alter tradition on Uber like -2ing the entire front page, posting racist redneck propaganda, and obviously fake camwhores such as McBain's What I Look Like, 7/31/03 http://www.ubersite.com/m/11094. Still wanna talk shit?????
Maddox of internet fame developed some kind of bond with Bart, most likely a gay one. They shared links on their websites, and Maddox actually posted on Uber in the summer of 2003: Out of Juice - 7/24/03 http://www.ubersite.com/m/10638. This was met with disdain by most of the Uber population, and Apollo88 took it upon himself to create a better version: Out of Juice, 5/7/04 http://www.ubersite.com/m/32446.
New user Iqqdq got into an argument with Maddox on one of his posts in July, and he refused to believe it was the real Maddox. Maddox put up http://www.maddox.xmission.com/iddqd making Iddqd part of the juggernaut.
Reallybored registered 8/21/03, and the next day MickGinny posted his most viewed Redhead yet, Redhead number 12 http://www.ubersite.com/m/12594. This was the first post I saw on Uber, and lord, was it a fine one.
Around the 4th of September, Razor began his series, http://www.ubersite.com/m/13355 Uberpulp, case of the Low Sodium Monkey, one of the first in a long line of Uber-related posts.
September was a good month for registration. On the 12th, Willzone signed up, and Gibberish signed up the next day.
On the 18th of September, 2003, Uber shrunk in horror as a giant among men registered: Method. He would soon unleash a wave of alters upon the site, and become one of the sites more prominent leaders. Method understood the workings of Ubersite perhaps better than everyone, and would use scripts and bots to play around with ratings later in his Fat Man post, but for now, he was satisfied with hitwhoring with things like Naked pictures of my 8-year-old daughter, 9/23/03 http://www.ubersite.com/m/12815
Word association, bitch! the classic Mickginny post was made on 9/24/2003 http://www.ubersite.com/m/14593. It has never gone out of circulation, and has been consistently reviewed ever since then.
Another classic Uberuser showed up on 9/26/03. Calling himself Christpuncher. after a Simpson's gag, he at first wrote long wordy articles about sports and communication, and eventually found his niche: MS Paint.
Christpuncher, later calling himself Habeeb Thomas, made his first MS Paint: Future art-part one http://www.ubersite.com/m/15046 on 10/1/03. He would be the quintessential Uberuser: loud, obnoxious, and not afraid to post his horrifically hilarious ideas. He would soon develop a fascination with peeners and verjiners not to be rivaled until Fetish. Habeeb is a rich, loud mouthed example of quintessential white trash. He drinks beer 24/7, and watches Nascar and football religiously (Was quoted once on a prank phone call saying in an uncharacteristically timid voice, "Could you please leave me alone? It's the Lord's day, for crying out loud, I'm trying to watch the game.")
Jimbo registered and made his classic Badass Australian cows post 9/29/2003 http://www.ubersite.com/m/14857. It would soon rise onto the MVM. It's very rare today that a first post could get on B@W, but back then, with less material to work with, Bart took what he thought was best.
And then on October 12, Urbane Mischief entered Ubersite. We all know how she left it.
DJMattB241 started a proud Uber tradition that October and held Shit Post Thursday as a contest. In http://www.ubersite.com/m/16861 on 10/24/03 he goes over the various posts made that day, and the tradition has continued. Ever since then, people have posted absolute shit every Thursday, no fail.
Jonukah registered on 10/26/03, and on 11/4 he posted his masterpiece If I cum now, will it be too soon http://www.ubersite.com/m/17812. Hell, why provide a link to it? It's number 1 on the MVM right now, and most likely will be forever. With over 400,000 hits, he secured himself a instant place on the MVA, and fame throughout the internet. His post is one of the most-plagiarized on other forums, and one of Uber's greatest classics.
Matt Maiorano came to Uber 11/16/03 to be met with older, more experienced users mockery. He survived through it and became one of Uber's beloved writers.
JoeAverage posted his brilliantly sexist Women: SHUT THE FUCK UP 11/18/03 http://www.ubersite.com/m/18763, which has recently made a comeback. He was the predecessor of people like Fat Tony, and his satire (at least I hope so) influenced Ubersite in countless ways. He felt justified in disrespect and crimes against women.
Speaking of crimes and disrespect against women, the rape-obsessed troll Koolmang signed up December 1st, 2003. I suppose in a way he became one of Uber's most beloved/known writers, except that it was people like Squattail and Spiral Abraxis that admired him. Squattail and Koolmang had a falling out, however, despite their mutual hate of Jews, and were at each other's throats for a good while.
There were a great deal of amazing trolls back then in this period, the likes of which have never been matched. Squattail and Drink_DDT were the originals, but Koolmang, Spiral_Abraxis, Enraged Baboon, Cigar and Degreeless would soon arrive, with all of their alters (Koolmung, BannedKoolmang) in tow. The closest we have to that in modern times is Shlongy and Fetish, and perhaps some of the less creative alters that do nothing but -2 spam.
Some of their more creative inventions were the phrase WTF IM NOT READING ALL THAT?!?!?!, and I'd do ya...in the pooper. On a long-forgotten post, the user Crash (Hidden101's roomate) invented the Uber-original quote Attn: Ghey Menz. That now appears on UrbanDictionary, and has spread outside the realm of Uber.
Sideburns and Tom Sorrell both registered 12/6/03, and the comedic genius Spooner signed up 12/9/03. Then came Fat Tony on 12/12/03, to the disgust of the Uber population. He soon carved out a place for himself on the MVA, and became known as a misogynistic, racist troll.
Some other prominent people who joined in the year 2003, by date of arrival, starting with the earliest: Istaros, Darthawesome, Phinch, Yes, Zoidberg (perhaps Uber's first gay man?), Judoka, Lisa...
*deep breath*
...Nitty, Shadow, Bellebrown, Kracka (definitely first black dude), Electro (first autist), Coley, Russizm (first...Russian? Never got this guy's name), QueenAshlee, Ainkara, Sebcharrot, Potatomanjack, Ingsoc, Gascs, DeathMetalDude, Herpes, Siren, Ladyplural, Nerfherder, Shandythedog (first guy who ejaculates upon hippos), William Q Percy, Always an Eagle, Death Jester, Hairycoo, Wardy, Eatmecompletely, Fungah, Whataefag, Domenad, and Blitzkreig_Bob.
2003 was truly Uber's climactic rise into prominence. In previous years the number of users had been under four hundred, and few posts as well. By the end of 2003, there were 4500 users and over twenty thousand posts, each of them lovingly crafted by their creator.
Many authors such as Fat Tony, Habeeb, Loki and Squattail had established themselves and carved out a place for themselves on the Uber totem pole. Much of the present MVA had arrived, and Method was preparing to unleash such a reign of terror from his alters, the very foundations of Uber would tremble.
In light of the multiple trolls and variables in the population of Uber, Bart saw the need to wield more power. You could now get banned, and -2 spamming was frowned upon. Alters were coming into their own, and the Uber of 2003 would be very recognizable to the Uber of 2006.
In Razor's own knowledge,
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-03-02 13:10:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
These posts are starting to freak me out. They are like reading about Ubersite in a slightly different universe, where most of what you talked about happened, some of it happened kind of differently, and other important things that happened didn't get mentioned.
This must be what it feels like to see a made for TV movie about yourself.
Some things I thought I'd point out or mention:
I think Loren1 is an important person to mention, because she was one of the integral members of the first little "uber-clique" that formed... while in retrospect I can acknowledge that it was a clique, it was also something more important:
The idea had really begun to gel that Ubersite was more than just a place where you would just go and read random shit by random people. It began to be a place where you would see the same people again and again, and before long you were talking with them more than once in a day, email addresses and IM names began to be exchanged, and a very "Cheers-like" feeling developed.
DDT was the first person who really challenged that although he became one of us in the end.
bart has never revealed this to anyone so far as I know, but I am willing to throw it out there now.
I'm a large part of the reason DDT got banned. I wrote bart a really long email about how this guy was fucking up Ubersite and how the community of people that had begun to form around Ubersite was getting ticked and would leave if he was just allowed to be... MEAN... to everyone without any reprecussions. I basically told bart his MVA list was going to leave if the guy kept it up... I'm not proud of this at all in retrospect but I swear it made sense at the time...
It was only a day or so after I wrote it that that pic went up and bart banned him.
Here's a post I wrote two years ago declaring the "Modern Uberversary" to be February 12th, 2003. I think it's pretty relevant as a snapshot of the time... my thoughts about Uber have changed in a lot of ways since then
http://www.ubersite.com/m/25430
It's funny, I mention the first Ubercon in there, even though there was no phrase "Ubercon" at the time.
There was also a rather embarrassing incident where somebody wrote something anti-semitic, and I set up a script to give him a -2 and loop one thousand times... I didn't get banned for it, but I did get in quite a bit of trouble and I made a public apology.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/10153
What's funny is that the reason I did it is because back then one thousand -2s from the same user counted as - 2000, not -2, so I thoguht it was guarantee that he would never have a better rating than -1.99
I also think towards the end of this year that bart changed the formula on how ratings were calculated so that the author of a post couldn't affect the rating... which made a lot of people feel better about their own post.
I have a lot more to add, but my lunchbreak is over. More later.
In closing this segment, I'd like to share with you a phrase that was invented during this time of opportunity and love...
-2DIE!
---------------------------------------------------------------
2004 (Posts 21863 through 55642)
2004 was in the eyes of some a high point of Uber. There were intelligent discussions, hilarious posts, original and creative users, and attention from outside Uber. There was a great influx of posts and registered members, and Uber went through some beneficial changes. The Uberboard was invented, allowing anyone to put up a message at a cost, and anonymous comments were forbidden. The very first Uberboard message, somehow posted mere seconds after Bart actually implemented it, said as follows: "Naked pictures of my 8 year old daughter."
Method really is on here 24/7.
An email was then sent from Bart to Method saying "What the fuck is wrong with you?", to which Method replied "My bad, homo."
The very first uberboard message was taken down soon after, as soon as Bart figured out how to actually take it down. He had never had to do it before, obviously.
In the eyes of others, 2004 was bad. The reason anonymous comments were blocked was because of spammers and trolls like Koolmang and Fetish. There was drama, shitposts, Vermin, and rape, both literal and figurative. ProfessorFuckFace was banned and came back, as was Koolmang and other trolls. Gibberish died (?), following rumors from a certain user, StonedSilly.
Incidentally, this was around the time StonedSilly's mom signed up to Ubersite, becoming the first MIWF (mom I wouldn't fuck) http://www.ubersite.com/m/40587. And then there was Kristen. Ah, Kristen. What can be said about Kristen that we don't already know? Let's not forget, she is THE reason for Eric Rice's existence on ubersite. http://www.ubersite.com/u/kristen.
And then it all came to a crashing halt http://www.ubersite.com/m/42964.
...and Lojope was raped...pass it on.
The first bad sign was on January 14, when I Have a Kristen Fetish signed up to Ubersite. If there could be a more hated man, I've yet to see him. Fetish spent most of his early posts hitwhoring his way to hundreds of thousands of hits and trying to hit on the Uber-wenches, unsuccessfully. Kristen was a popular user on Ubersite, and strangely IHAKF made his user name devoted to her. We'll call him Fetish from now on.
The second bad sign was when a user called Russizm posted http://ubersite.com/m/19856 Gellieman Aicha, which was picked up by Ebaumsworld and nearly crashed the site, shooting Russizm up the MVA and pissing off Bart dramatically.
Some drama began when a new user, Lord of the Post http://www.ubersite.com/u/lordofthepost created a series called Uberia 1/17 http://www.ubersite.com/m/23306 that chronicled the lives of Lord Bart and the Uberites, his trusted servants and warriors. However, Razor saw this as a direct copy of his idea from UberPulp http://www.ubersite.com/m/13355 some months before.
The idea of Uberpulp was that the characters of Uber were starring in a pulp detective novel, and Lord of the Posts was that they were set in a medieval era; Razor felt this an infringement on his creative rights and posted Dear Lord of the Post: Fuck You 3/3 http://www.ubersite.com/m/26865. It was posted to mixed reviews; most people (whataefag, Phinch) saw Razor being defensive and unfair, while it was only Firefly who agreed with Razor. It set off a bit of drama, and Lord of the Post eventually discontinued his series - after a year.
Phinch posted his much referred-to Bitch, Moan, Sigh 1/27/04 http://www.ubersite.com/m/24173; in other threads, other users got in trouble at their jobs or in their relationships due to their posts on Uber. After being begged over and over again to let people delete their posts and reviews, Bart replied with a long post: Deleting Things 2/19/04 http://ubersite.com/m/25979. In the discussion that followed, it was decided that for freedom of speech and liability reasons, there would be no deletion of posts.
JMG scored his first major hit with Beware the Clitoris Ring on 2/23/04 http://ubersite.com/m/26219. Tom posted his now-famous and plagiarized all over the internet Exploiting peer to peer networking: I have lost all faith with humanity 4/5/04, http://www.ubersite.com/m/29438. It is always showing up on other forums, and is one of Uber's crown jewels.
In April 2004, I_Have_A_Kristen_Fetish had his hits removed due to the fact that he was spamming on a post. In retaliation, Fetish posted a scat porn picture, and Bart searched his email and made his website public. This was the beginning of the Fetish era, as we saw on Fetish's site numerous pictures of unknowing underage girls. Bart immediately deleted the post to cover up the mistake, but the address was out.
Fetish began posting images of himself driving shitty motorbike http://stuff.ubersite.com/1075683214435119006/1/powerbrakehq.mpg and he says this is his last post: http://www.ubersite.com/m/29076 The comments that follow:
Caulaincourt : "I've been having some loose stools lately...will you feast on them ?"
polyamorousaj: "You're a fucking turd. Good riddance."
kai070169: "Im hoping this is a suicide note."
The first Ubermadness started up in April 2004, fueling the myth that Ubersite was a serious writers' forum. This myth was soon broken by Zakalwe, registered 5/8/04, who posted nothing but porn for a year until getting banned. The young Scotsman had a fine taste, and posted beautiful pictures of the unclothed female form, most prominently Luba, an object of his desire.
Though Uber was thriving under its many new users and benevolent dictator, there was a user called Gascs who rebelled against the Creator. In Ubersite's next evolution, 6/3/04 http://www.ubersite.com/m/34913, Gascs announced the creation of his new website, http://www.pulsehead.com, created from the stolen source code of Ubersite. Though Bart reluctantly approved this project, Gascs was met with the bile of Uber, and denounced as a traitor
Pulsehead is nowhere now. There's about five posts a day, which is around where Uber was in the beginning. Due to the lack of an outlet like Bored@Work, it is not expected that Pulsehead will grow. The users are either on Uber as well, or just trolls.
Comicbookguy signed up on 6/4/2004, and began regaling the internet with his tales of Indian shenanigans and such. He joined Kracka as one of the few dark-skinned Uberusers. Enraged Baboon became an interesting troll when he posted Bart is a Fucking Queer 6/25/04 http://www.ubersite.com/m/36749.
One of Ubersite's unwanted brushes with the outside world occurred when Tom Sorrell posted Blink-182s lead singer hit me in the face with a water bottle on 6/15/04 http://www.ubersite.com/m/35873. Due to the amount of hits it garnered, it attracted google hits from people looking up Blink-182, and many fans of the band came and argued/flamed Tom's post due to his dismissal of the group.
It became a battle between the well-known registered users and a plethora of Random Joe anonymous comments from Blink-182 fans, and the post was even noted on forums at http://blink182.com. Yeesh. Goes to show you, you gotta stay away from those Blink fans. They're hardcore.
A new level in alter was registered on 6/21/04, with LittleMiss69, a young lady who talked in nothing but AOL speak, and found nothing on Ubersite but hatred and revulsion. She was quite a popular alter for a while, but after claiming that she was dying of cancer Gibberish had given to her, she was banned. Sorry Method.
Another one of Method's alters was the 10,000th user, Anti-Bart, who on July 4th (just a coincidence) posted http://ubersite.com/m/37509, one of the greatest pieces of wit on Uber. However, Method forgot to log out and revealed himself as the creator. Method engaged in a lot of Uber-shenanigans that summer, the greatest being Always Let a Fat Man Burn 7/08/04, http://www.ubersite.com/m/37922. By writing a script to automatically +2 his post and placing it on the Uberboard, he received over 600 reviews and +2s from unsuspecting users, including Bart himself. This type of loophole was soon fixed, but Method gets credit for trying.
Let Christ into your life and abolish fags or burn in hell http://www.ubersite.com/m/37725 was the title of a long-winded post by Christian evangelist JeremiahC on 7/7/04. Disgusted by people like Habeeb, Squattail and Shitfuck who always seemed to be doing non-Christian things, JeremiahC told us all to repent or burn in hell. We didn't. He was an alter in the end, as usual.
Another Uber classic: Mary Kate Olsen doing crack pic, by Patrick 7/14 http://www.ubersite.com/m/38407. Uber took great joy in spamming this loser. It is now on the worst-ever list, where it deserves to be.
Gibberish turned MS Paint into an art form that summer with posts showcasing his heart, such as his masterpiece I Am the Unholy Master of MS Paint 7/15/04 http://ubersite.com/m/38520. While Habeeb had only done cartoonish pornography, Gibberish proved himself to be an unholy master by creating ten feet of pop culture mayhem. Another classic post from this era was Rizzo's 7/15/04 I popped a boner...all I got was this lousy t-shirt http://www.ubersite.com/m/38540.
Due to Squattail's insatiable flaming and trolling, he was banned in late July, but soon signed up for another account 8/11/04, ProfessorFuckFace, and posting the exact same kind of material, only better and more refined. While Squattail veered more toward Goatse and NSFW pornography, ProfessorFuckFace had a more delicate method of trolling, and infinitely more humorous.
Fetish began making fun of Caulaincourt, and most despicably, he posted a picture of a coffin in reference to Tom's dying father. This is where the fun begins. An anti-fetish alter was made, and Fetish created Equalizer to bring his scores back up. With thanks and credit to Stabkill, here are some hate posts from that era:
Yellow-Man's http://www.ubersite.com/m/28869 Yellow-Gas Attack. Victim: I_Have_a_kristen_fetish
Bargled's http://www.ubersite.com/m/36525 "Blink 182" Salutes I Have A Kristen Fetish"
Kent Weirdo's http://www.ubersite.com/m/40962 How Fetish Learned to Masturbate
ETS's http://www.ubersite.com/m/42463 Fetish vs. The Prostate Gland
I_have_a_kristen_fetish_'s http://www.ubersite.com/m/42700 Top 15 Ubersite Users...
An unknown alter's http://www.ubersite.com/m/42820 I Love Fetish!
I_have_a_kristen_fetish_'s http://www.ubersite.com/m/42889 Fetish Explores His Sexuality and Scores!
I_have_a_kristen_fetish_'s http://www.ubersite.com/m/42934 My REAL camwhore debut! 100% Real
Caulaincourt's http://www.ubersite.com/m/43581 Caulaincourt, mon bel amour
Caulaincourt's http://www.ubersite.com/m/44347 Eric Rice's Obsession part II
ETS's http://www.ubersite.com/m/47447 Fetish Boxing Match Challenge (übercon)
Quagmire's http://www.ubersite.com/m/49295 Confession of a Child Molester
Quagmire's http://www.ubersite.com/m/49326 My History Of Theft
Electro's http://www.ubersite.com/m/50814 Have you ever wanted to Bitch-Slap Fetish?
Quagmire's http://www.ubersite.com/m/50842 The History Of Eric Rice (AKA Fetish)
Electro's http://www.ubersite.com/m/50890 Koolmang and Fetish... PWNED
Adamdidit2u's http://www.ubersite.com/m/51041 Fetish or Eric Rice VS. HeMans Trap Jaw
Stabkill's http://www.ubersite.com/m/51113 A Long Time Ago, In A Galaxy Far Far Away...
Electro's homophobic http://www.ubersite.com/m/51316 BATTLE: Bart VS Fetish & Koolmang
enraged_baboon's http://www.ubersite.com/m/52264 Do you want fetish banned from Ubersite?
Stabkill's http://www.ubersite.com/m/52705 Getting to Know® ERIC RICE (FETISH)
Degreeless's http://www.ubersite.com/m/54638 Eric Rice: child molester or innocent bystander?
Shlongy signed up 8/2/04, and Tigerilly the next day. Uber would never be the same with the two of them around. Jack McCallum came on 8/16, and Adamdidit2u on 8/30. In August 2004, Ubermadness II took place, and I believe Jack McCallum won...? My research is incomplete in that section.
And then it happened, the post that started it all, responsible for innumerable bannings, hit-reductions, and removals from MVA, as well as the loss of respect for humanity.
On 8/3/04 Lojope made a tremendous mistake by posting Path of Thorns: Healing Sexually After Rape. http://www.ubersite.com/m/40524. This started it all...even well over a year later, the word "rape" in a lot of our minds is associated with "Lojope." Koolmang endlessly derided Lojope, spamming her posts, and eventually beginning RapeMadness.
RapeMadness occurred for the first time in September 2004, where people like Koolmang, PFF, Fetish, Method, Tuesdaydelay and Degreeless posted, the subject line being Rape. There were about ten of these posts in a row, and Bart threatened bannings after Lojope complained about it. Fetish stopped trying to rape Lojope, and turned his attention back toward trying to rape 16-year-olds.
Speaking of 16-year-olds, Wazza posted the greatest sentence of all time in his post Re - 16 y/olds 9/07/04 http://www.ubersite.com/m/44213. We all know it by heart now, but it deserves repeating.
What the hell man if they are comin at you , means they want something ,more better you look after them and take care of them then they get on the street uh?
Nobody recognized his genius until it was too late. It is now the most reviewed message, with over 3000 reviews.
Rad1101 signed up 9/19, and Cabaret Girl (again, proven to be Method) posted I'm looking for a boyfriend http://www.ubersite.com/m/45677 on 9/21.
I Have a Kristen Fetish began his oh-so-successful-and-very-normal series Users I'd Like to Suck the Piss Out Of that September 23rd, with http://ubersite.com/m/45940. He got onto the MVA, while other trolls like ProfessorFuckFace had to make do with excellent but mostly underrated posts like Sim Jesus 10/3/04 http://www.ubersite.com/m/46896.
On a sadder note (if true), Gibberish, the master of MS paint, declared he had cancer and would be leaving Uber: http://ubersite.com/m/48465 10/14/04. Though some insist he still lives on in StonedSilly (http://www.ubersite.com/m/52322#974300), I prefer to believe that Gib has gone to the great pixilated paintshop in the sky. StonedSilly made http://www.ubersite.com/m/51824 on 11/16 about his death, which was later shown to be false. The real fate of Gibberish was never known. Stonedsilly told everyone that Gibberish had pancreatic cancer. He had received a call from Gibs brother at one point who told him Gibberish had died. Chaos ensued.
First to respond on the scene was Habeeb Thomas, who posted a tasteful tribute to the MS-paint master 11/16 http://www.ubersite.com/m/51854. Next in line was ProfessorFuckFace, who showed Gibberish pulling his ass inside out ala Goatse, displaying his pancreatic cancer 11/17 http://www.ubersite.com/m/51869. Slypher posted 11/18 where he refuted Gibberish's death, passing it off as an attention stunt
http://www.ubersite.com/m/51979. No one will ever know...
In October 2004 the trolls grew very active. PFF, Fetish, Spiral, Cigar, Degreeless and Koolmang were all hitwhoring up a storm, and raping everything in sight. Spiral Abraxis got 90,000 hits alone for his Bart and Ariel post 10/15/04 http://www.ubersite.com/m/48569. Thankfully, these hits were discounted from his hitcount, and he was soon banned. Not even Bart's Happy Halloween 10/31/04 http://ubersite.com/m/50208 could satisfy these demons.
Koolmang began RapeMadness once more, this time with "Lojope got raped, pass it on" as the post. Each was under Election 2004, and he got out all his alters to help him out. Poster_boy_koolmang, Banned_Cigar, Stevendurle, Equalizer, Banned_Koolmang, Untitled_User, Dead, The_Nipper, Koolmung and Convicted_Child_rapist all joined in on the fun as well as Degreeless, Cigar and Spiral. All involved were banned immediately, excluding Lojope.
Koolmang, tenacious bugger that he was, used proxies to bypass ban, spamming Lojope to try and get her posts on most heated. Though she hated her posts being heated, Fetish and Koolmang both tried to get three on at the same time. Account verification was set in place, and Bart manually verified accounts once a day. In desperation, Koolmang used Random Joe to spam Mickginny eight hundred and fifty-six times. Anonymous comments are over. That was the end of Random Joe, who was discarded 11/4/04. Great alters like Shlongy's gay lover were silenced.
Meanwhile, the idea came to Squattail's to -2 every single post by Fetish. In retaliation, Fetish wrote a script to -2 posts with idiotic comments, and was banned. He played with scripts and bots, pushing PolyamorousAJ to MVA, eating up bandwidth and generally hurting the site. It came upon Bart-Bart to expose Fetish as the pederast that he was.
Bart made Fetish's name (Eric Rice) and website public. On his website was a section devoted to Eric stalking his "fresh meat" with a digital camera - young teenage girl's. He would sneak up on them in the mall, and take shots of their asses or up their skirts. He had an entire part of his website devoted to underage flesh. His mugshot can be found here: http://www2.ubersite.com/m/42934. Lojope translated one of Caulaincourt's comments, and posted that Eric was a child molester. The damage was done, try suggesting the name Eric Rice in google, and the first things that will pop up are Eric Rice child molester: http://www.google.com/webhp?complete=1&hl=en.
On 11/23 the post Questions about Fetish http://www.ubersite.com/m/52426 was made, in which Squattail and Fetish had one final flame war. Fetish's last real post was on 11/19, his Holy Grail of Hitwhoring. http://www.ubersite.com/m/52187. He was soon after banned permanently by Bart, but attempted to DoS the site with his PING OF DEATH. See ya, Eric. As of February 2006, Eric's website at http://mackin1.servebeer.com:443/ is still active.
Download your very own Eric Rice icon: http://stuff.ubersite.com/1093562206524515466/1/eric.ico
While all this rape and bot shenanigans were going on, the normal people (i.e. Thorpe and Williamson) were getting drunk: We're drunk ya faggots 11/21/04 http://ubersite.com/m/52261. Funnily enough, this is #1 on google for the search "We're drunk faggots." Other normal people were masturbating RIGHT NOW! (i.e. Hidden101, 10/27) http://www.ubersite.com/m/49854.
The Ha Ha Rabbit phenomenon began in November 2004, started by Happy Tree Friend http://www.ubersite.com/u/happy-tree-friend. Over the course of two days, every one of his many multiple posts was a hitwhoring title followed by HAHAHA!!!!RABBIT! GK replied 11/18/04, with No Rabbits in this post, by GK http://www.ubersite.com/m/52100. Look what they started...
Michael Jackson, arguably the greatest alter, and apparently a 23-year-old blonde Danish girl (go figure), signed up 12/7/04, and Chris Evans, another great alter wrote his classic and much-parodied Fuck nerds, jocks get what they want because they earn it 12/15/2004, http://www.ubersite.com/m/54375.
On 12/21, Yidele, the ancient Uberuser who had been around forever, went out in a blaze of glory. He posted animated pornography seventy-six times in a single day, and was subsequently banned, and his hits erased. That ended 2004 on a sour note.
Some other prominent people who joined in the year 2004, by date of arrival, starting with the earliest: Falco, Creep-Firebombing, Fartsmeller, Polyamorousaj, Caulaincourt, Mikethescottish, Circe, Netprophet, Shitfuck, Echoboxing, D0s, DonovanMD, Filthy Assistant, Zakalwe, Munkeypants, ETS, Agent_Smith, Lechuga, Brnd_nkd (got into a large fight with Habeeb), Teephphah, sg, Pentameter, Lordofduct, Donkeyontheedge, Chroniclysm, PhallicCymbals, Funnyascancer, Mynameistim, G-Prime, Williamson, Wazza, G-Prime, Hadtobedone, JonnyX, Jeaneee, Mandapanda, Jgreening, Thecaes, and Manicmother,
It had been an interesting year. Y HELO THAR had made its run on Uber, as did Emus, Fluteboys, and Habeeb's caw-ing birds. The search function reduced, and tougher restrictions were placed on posts and banning. Bart could ban you for neglecting a NSFW tag, or for a litany of other reasons not told. 2005 hopefully would be better.
Also in 2004, a user called Captain Foamy began harassing certain posts...
2004 was the peak of Uber:
Users registered on Ubersite
1999: 1 - ? (Users 2-10 not logged)
2000: 11 - 19
2001: 20 - 50 (51, 52, 53 not logged)
2002: 54 - 393 (394 - 406 not logged)
2003: 407 - 4605
2004: 4606 - 15120
2005: 15121 - 24393
2006: 24394 - 25575 (As of the end of march 1st)
Averages per day registration:
1999: Around .002
2000: Between .002 and .004
2001: Between .008 and .009
2002: Between .928 and .969
2003: 11.501
2004: 28.726
2005: 25.402
2006: 19.683 (Up to March 1st)
Of Ubersite's current population (25592) :
.03% registered in 1999.
.03% registered in 2000.
.1% registered in 2001.
1% registered in 2002.
16% registered in 2003.
41% registred in 2004.
36% registered in 2005.
4% registed in 2006.
Ubersite peaked in 2004 without question.
Speaking of 2004.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-03-06 11:31:09 (#)
Ranking: -2
Falco, Creep-Firebombing, Fartsmeller, Polyamorousaj, Caulaincourt, Mikethescottish, Circe, Netprophet, Shitfuck, Echoboxing, D0s, DonovanMD, Filthy Assistant, Zakalwe, Munkeypants, ETS, Agent_Smith, Lechuga, Brnd_nkd (got into a large fight with Habeeb), Teephphah, sg, Pentameter, Lordofduct, Donkeyontheedge, Chroniclysm, PhallicCymbals, Funnyascancer, Mynameistim, G-Prime, Williamson, Wazza, G-Prime, Hadtobedone, JonnyX, Jeaneee, Mandapanda, Jgreening, Thecaes, and Manicmother,
----------------
Any one of these people have contributed WAY more than fucking Shlongy. Jesus...CIRCE! Shitfuck! FA! MONKEYPANTS! DONKEY! TEEPH! PHALLIC! All these people are footnotes to fucking SHLONGY!?!?! WTF?
Come to think of it, -2 just for that. And I'll -2 the next one if you bloat Shlongy's contribution even futher than it already has been bloated.
You should be calling this a history of uber's stupid dramas now. I thought it was going to go further than that. My mistake, I guess. You should rake in the hits though.
2005 (Posts 55643 through 81744)
2005 was a year of drama. A fight between Shlongy and Jimthefiend ended in Jim's banning, and Shlongy's personal information being spread all over the internet. Urbane Mischief gave pictures of her vulva to Vulva, strangely enough (yeah, like no one's every made that joke before. Funny, Axolotl); and Wiggles posted them online. Apollo and Caulaincourt were seen doing the dance of joy from Perfect Strangers together.
The first drama of the year began with Carol Richards, who signed up 1/28/05 http://www.ubersite.com/u/carolrichards. She was some kind of fembot alter who made a list of all male chauvinist pigs on Uber and wanted them to change. This was when she claimed that all Habeeb has ever done was cartoon pornography. Not so! Read his third post. She also used hitwhore tactics to get her insidious message across.
She left sometime in February or March, but she came by to "check up" on us later.
Meanwhile, Circe got a bunch of Uber wenches together and for a Valentine's Day present posted The boobs of Uber: Happy Valentine's Day, 2/14/05 http://www.ubersite.com/m/59505. It was a catalogue of lovely breasts, the most famous of which were Tigerilly "Soapy Tits" beshowered mammaries.
While the REAL men were enjoying lovely lady lumps, tool Dripping Abscess http://www.ubersite.com/u/drippingabscess was befouling Uber with his "gothic" poetry and -2 spamming. People began to hate him, but Ladyplural would make a tribute post to him later...
One of the more interesting pieces of Uberdrama happened when Jgreening lost his job because of an idiotic Electro post that he had not labeled as NSFW: Fucking Electro, I swear I might have to find you and end you 2/25/05 http://www.ubersite.com/m/60656. You can search the title if you're interested in fucking Electro, whether in reference to Jay Peg or if you seem to find Electro's bloated teenage body attractive.
Electro responded with sarcasm and dismissiveness, entirely unaffected that because of him a man had gotten in trouble. His poor apology merited THE greatest hate post in the history of Uber, by Ingsoc: I love electro, and you should too http://ubersite.com/m/60691 2/26/05. This is the ultimate hate post, covering every single base.
He tore Electro apart in vicious hatery, and set the example of hate posts everywhere. Electro's response was to stare at the pretty flowers on the wall.
On March 4th, Jack McCallum carved a place for himself in Uber lore by starting the After the Pandemic series: http://www.ubersite.com/m/61238. The idea was to create a great deal of zombie posts, which was continued by McCallum in Smith: The End of the World, The Caes in his own series, and Axolotl (yep, me) which is still being continued. Other Uberers did it as a one-shot deal, but it was good overall.
On March 7th Filthy Assistant posted Nature: It's fucked up http://www.ubersite.com/m/61429, which was put up on B@W and is now one of the most viewed posts. The next day, one of the most disgusting posts in Uber history was created by Jarvis (now banned). With the appropriate title NSFW NSFW THE MOST DISGUSTING THING YOU WILL EVER SEE NSFW http://ubersite.com/m/61506, it was a compilation of a gentleman cutting off his own penis. I'd advise you not to click there.
Blitzkrieg Bob's post The Ultimate Weapon for Exacting Revenge on Co-Workers 3/14/05 (woo my mom's birthday) http://ubersite.com/m/61908 got Uber a mention in a paper, I can't remember which. It was also featured on Slash.org, as well as CNN or Fox I think. It was also a fairly cool post; I tried to make one of the cardboard guns, but I had the wrong kind of materials. <Weeps>
One of the posts I remember from this period was Wazza camwhores! by Thorpe, 3/20/05 http://www.ubersite.com/m/62304. It featured Thorpe, looking like a 12-year old, among other things. He fought people with a plastic bat as well. This posts leads me to believe that I like Australians in general.
On April 2nd, the Pope died, and the shenanigans began. On the 3rd (my birthday woo) Snuggles the Assassin posted A view in heaven http://www.ubersite.com/m/63341, which features Pope John Paul II, Johnny Cochran and Terri Schiavo having an orgy, featuring the classic quote, "If the dick don't fit, you must feed the bitch." Dr. Pimpossible posted Pope Idol, which doesn't deserve the low rating it has 4/23 http://www.ubersite.com/m/64875.
Shandy the Dog posted his seminal (in many ways) Hippos Don't Swallo http://www.ubersite.com/m/63516 April 4. It features Shandy's erect penis ejaculating into the mouth of a toy hippo. This would start an entire series, with Shandy splooging on angels, globes, and other various objects.
Corn Nugget posted 5/12 her highly-reviewed post Shiloh http://www.ubersite.com/m/66204, in which she alleged that she had become pregnant by Shiloh (http://www.ubersite.com/u/screamfeeder). This started a massive discussion where nobody seemed to be able to mind their business, least of all Mystiamoon, as seen in this, the most psychotic review on Ubersite: http://www.ubersite.com/m/66204#1324706. Mad, that one is.
For various shenanigannery and undue heatedness, WhatTheHell was banned 6/6 after this post http://www.ubersite.com/m/67896. Also banned was Zakalwe. Zakalwe had made quite a name for himself posting porn, but Bart felt he took it a bit far after http://www.ubersite.com/m/66041 5/10/05 Hardcore animated sex. It was an anime babe being penetrated in x-ray, and...ah, just look at it yourselves. My words can't do it justice.
And that is the reason that Zakalwe has posted no porn. On 5/23, Ladyplural delivered a hate post directed at Dripping Abscess: For you, Dripping Abscess http://www.ubersite.com/m/66930. I thought it was disgustingly brilliant, although there was a mixed reaction. Truly awesome troll Professor Fuck Face decided to kill himself the next day: http://www.ubersite.com/m/67037.
Fat Tony started the infamous South Park Bandwagon 6/2/05 http://ubersite.com/m/67650 by posting a picture he had taken of his screen, presumably because he didn't know how to use PrintScreen. For the entire month of June, EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON UBER posted what they looked like in South Park. I missed it by just a few days...
Spooner posted his classic Liberal Agenda 6/5 Spooner http://www.ubersite.com/m/67824, which was instantly put on B@W. Half the people loved it, and the other, less subtle, half found the irony a bit much. On June 8th, Uber was changed forever, as the greatest poster in all six years signed up, someone so great that I have to delve into my large collection of superlative adjectives to describe: me! Wooo go Axolotl, and bears as well.
I registered, posting The Kicker. I'm not going to link it here, I'm not that much of a whore. I was back then, and linkwhored my post all over the front page, earning some pwnage from the rest of Uber. One of my favorite posts was made the day after I registered, 6/9: Bobby Noooooo by Jack: http://www.ubersite.com/m/68161. Absolutely hilarious.
A new alter, Transformer http://www.ubersite.com/u/transformer, was registered, one of unusual creativity. He would imitate a user everyday for a bit over a week, and try to fool people. He was fairly good, except for spamming Adam. The idea has recently been brought back up by alter Amorphous http://www.ubersite.com/u/amorphous, who is either Method, Habeeb, Apollo...
Method, researcher premier of Ubersite, found that Electric Tooth Syndrome and Filthy Assistant were the same person, in You Internet people are fucking creepy 6/15 http://www.ubersite.com/m/68618. I was right convinced for a while, but somehow Method was proved wrong. It seemed so airtight, too...started a nice bit of drama. SG the Platypus Master attained B@W with Damn You Google! Google is my new arch enemy 6/28 http://www.ubersite.com/m/69481. I recall it starting a large bandwagon...
Though Ha Ha Rabbit appeared back in November 04 such as No Rabbits in this post GK http://www.ubersite.com/m/52100, it was resurrected in summer 05. People would post something like "A Nipple and a Bowl of Jello" or "This is Urbane, what's going on in my life" and have nothing in the content but a picture of a rabbit. A fucking rabbit. God, you guys are reTARDed!
Habeeb scored once again with his insightful A Thing to Do On a Warm Summer's Day (?NSFW?) 7/1 http://ubersite.com/m/69743. It was a picture of a young lady vomiting all over a young man's knob, to say the least. The Beeb was banned for what was the sixth time, I believe. And then, London was bombed 7/7. Cindy created the main discussion post on that, the simple Bombing in London today http://www.ubersite.com/m/70103. Brendan posted his guide to banning 7/15 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/70803. He could have added Beeb's post onto that...
Ubermadness III started, and there were some notable posts, especially by Electro. "Whom killed him and why?" was the tagline of Paid In Full, 7/15 http://www.ubersite.com/m/70816. The phrase is not used as much anymore, but it was funny as hell when it came out. Shitfuck mocked pretensious UM titles in the uproariously random Soup's On 7/18 http://www.ubersite.com/m/71031. SOUPS ON, BITCHES!!!
Also, people started saying "sauce." Long story, which even I don't get. Kai and Sphagnum's fight came to somewhat of a conclusion in Fagnum's Big Day 8/4 http://www.ubersite.com/m/72496. It was a fairly good hate post, but now the entire country of Laos kates Kai, because they apparently had a king called Fagnum...
Jimthefiend joined Uber and settled into a bitter rivalry with Shlongy. They would fight on each others' posts, bringing Jim 60,000 hits in a matter of two months. Their fight came to a criminally hateful conclusion when under an alter, Jimthefiend posted Shlongy's personal information 8/12 in Guys, I Need You To Make a Prank Phone Call http://www.ubersite.com/m/73055. Bart immediately deleted this tool's post, but it's still in google's cache. Jim was suspected, but the damage was done.
Jimthefiend began to post pictures threatening Vulva, and researched a picture of Vulva's sister and posted it with encouragement to rape her. That was apparently the last straw, as he was banned immediately after. Apparently he's doing time for child porn.
People began making posts in reference to Shlongy's 80s punk band, and Bart made a new rule that anyone mentioning Jeff's - eep, I mean Shlongy's - name would be banned. It was an updated version of the Eric Rice treatment, except that Shlongy really didn't deserve it. Fetish was a rapist, Shlongy's a cool cat.
More drama occurred when MyNameIsTim broke up online with Krissi 8/17 http://www.ubersite.com/m/73351. It sparked a massive discussion, and it eventually had to be taken off heated. I don't know these people, so I'll keep my opinions to myself on this one. Spooner thankfully punctuated the infighting with Idiots Discuss Complex Subjects 8/17 http://www.ubersite.com/m/73335, but the worst was yet to come.
Urbane Mischief had sent naked pictures of herself to Vulva, who (unsure about this) began sending them around people's email inboxes. They made their rounds before Wiggles posted them in Naked Pictures of Urbane Mischief NSFW 8/21 http://64.233.179.104/search?q=cache:2M9BilYAD7wJ:www.ubersite.com/m/73568+&hl=en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=1. That's the cached post; I don't feel too bad about giving this out, as the picture is broken. I'm sure many others, including Bart, have saved the rotting oyster on their hard drives.
While Urbane resigns Ubersite in one final grab for attention, WhatTheHell returns and brings a ray of light by posting Ubersite is awesome 8/31 http://www.ubersite.com/m/74252. Teephphah is offended by the child rape, for some reason. Even better, ProfessorFuckFace returned from suicide with Squattail's First Children's Book 9/1 http://www.ubersite.com/m/74404.
September was a bit better without Urbane. Comedic writer Wtaystrm posted At Least My Generation Have Excuses 9/13 http://www.ubersite.com/m/75036. On 9/16, Method asked the question, What Does Method Do When You Send Him a Video of You Stripteasing? http://www.ubersite.com/m/75337.
William Q Percy scored a B@W with the Pornographic Language of the Oil and Gas Industry 9/23 http://www.ubersite.com/m/75751, which featured a donkey killing a mountain lion while some dogs watched.
ProfessorFuckFace was back and up to his same old talented trolling. He posted Uberhistory 9/16, a more condensed version of mine http://www.ubersite.com/m/75308. 9/19, PFF sent up his Best MSPAINT EVAR! http://www.ubersite.com/m/75459 which now has over 95,000 hits. Is it better than Forthewin's? You decide.
Arguably PFF's greatest post, Generic B@W Post was submitted 9/27 http://www.ubersite.com/m/76012. However, he soon fell into his own bitter, cynical ways, posting about rape over and over 10/8 http://www.ubersite.com/m/76691. After listing hacks to an internet game, he was once again banned.
15-year-old D-Prime had started D-Prime Madness in August, but had revived it again for October. Apparently though, he decided not to finish it, wasting the time of many Uberusers. He would thankfully soon be gone.
Pen_Name posted 11/4 Remembering Fallen Heroes http://www.ubersite.com/m/78386, which was put on B@W. However, an even post was Habeeb's Urbane in 50 Years 11/7 http://www.ubersite.com/m/78554. Beeb was banned for the SEVENTH time.
On the Friday of 11/11, Fartsmeller was having some problems putting attachments on his posts. He posted the same thing about twelve times, but the attachments weren't working for anyone. That night, the posts themselves failed. The weekend of 11/11-11/14, whenever someone posted, not only would it not appear on the front page for several minutes, it would have no text.
Was this a test to Bart's virtual community? Was Bart purposely taking away posting capabilities and making us converse in reviews? In any case, Thorpe got pissed, both at Uber breaking and at advertisements being put on Uber. He and some others decided to spam http://www.ubersite.com/m/1 to get it on heated, something that Thorpe and Williamson were temporarily banned for. ETS posted some B@W stuff, and Tigerlilly got 5000 hits on a blank post. Bart's friend Whirlycott came in to fix Uber, and we could once again waste our time at work.
Also, Orgasmatron wrote Shenanigan Pie http://www.ubersite.com/m/79919 which was recorded by Captain Thorns.
Tigerlilly began the TMI series 11/16 http://ubersite.com/m/79333, telling personal information about Uberusers. She would ride this heated series onto the MVA, displacing Gibberish and Smurfs.
Suddenly, thanks to a young, upstart called Orgasmatron, poetry became cool. Whereas in the past, poetry would be met with -2die, violent, sexually repulsive poetry like 11/23 Gobble Gobble, Beak and Wottle http://www.ubersite.com/m/79734 became the fashion.
People like Captain Thorns, MandaPanda, and I tried our hand at some poetry, and Orgasmatron started his trend of leaving derisive poetry in bad posts. November was good...
Habeeb was allowed to come back 12/4. He was so excited about his unbanning, he posted a picture of a man with a huge penis, labeling him Bart http://www.ubersite.com/m/80382. Banned for the EIGHTH time.
On 12/7, Wtaystrm posted Jesus stopped me getting a job http://www.ubersite.com/m/80577, a classic which soon went on B@W. Christmas time was here, and people were getting into the holiday spirits, such as Ubermas 2005, and my Holiday Songs from Uber Post.
In the days leading up to Christmas, the Uber Tree bandwagon started, where people posted Christmas trees filled with Uber-related things (goatse, Lemonparty, emus, rabbits, autists). On a quiet note, 2005 ended.
Some prominent people who signed up in 2005 were Thorpe, CaptainThorns, Pantsarestupid, Kaos-King, Unabonger, Sphagnum, Joedaddy, Confuzitron, Ozzy, Pokeypecker, Vulva, Xcuses, Axolotl, Ghola, Orgasmatron, Rainelark, AverageDan, Krissi, Forthewin, Nellypaal, CystMaster, Retrospect, Redskieslookfake, Foolproof, Highvoltage900, MistressFist, and somewhere in there, ScourgeoftheSeas.
As a bonus for WTF I READ ALL THAT?!?!?, here's an Uber easter egg for you lot.
http://www.ubersite.com/stats/, which is the stats page of Uber.
http://www.ubersite.com//, which is the Uber directory
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/users, which is all users on Uber
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/stats.cgi, which is another stats page
Thank you all! 2006 coming up shortly!
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2006-03-07 10:21:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
What! No mention of my former alter ego?
2005 was a huge year for MJ:
1. Bart testifies http://www.ubersite.com/m/65816 & http://www.ubersite.com/m/66048
2. First alter to get on bored at work http://www.ubersite.com/m/67599
3. Found innocent of wrong doings http://www.ubersite.com/m/68491
4. Kicked out of Uber madness and sexually harrassed by William Q Percy http://www.ubersite.com/m/71008
5. Found Bart's menu for editing bored at work http://www.ubersite.com/m/73265 & http://www.boredatwork.com/bart_barts_secret_menu.cgi
6. Fake banning http://www.ubersite.com/m/76209 & http://www.ubersite.com/m/78145
2006 (Posts 81745 through 97276)
2006 started out like any other year on Uber. Alters flamed, Fat Tony acted like an idiot, and Habeeb was still banned for the 8th time. Sadly, a long-time Uberuser had died during New Years. As reported by Corn Nugget in Rest In Peace ITM January 4th, http://www.ubersite.com/m/81873, Insanethemind had died New Years' Day.
But things kept rolling onward. Stevie_Says got on BoredAtWork for the 324th time with Jowly McJiggles Is Not an Appropriate Name for the New Intern, 1/11 http://www.ubersite.com/m/82229, and Cyst_Master took over Ingsoc's place as chief mocker of Electro, as seen in Electro Gets Cystfucked! 1/19 http://www.ubersite.com/m/82592.
1/11 Badassmofo started the Uber Awards http://www.ubersite.com/m/82204, where Uber was able to decide the best noob, worst alter, most likely to be a greasy 15-year-old, etc. and he would eventually post the results. Hopefully soon...Corn Nugget scored a hit with BoredAtWork? Nevar! 1/12 http://www.ubersite.com/m/82259.
With all this going on, Squattail emailed Method to ask if he could lend him an alter. Method obliged, giving Squattail the password for his alter ZeroBootFuck. Squattail then posted 1/16 What Really Happened to Bart's Dad http://www.ubersite.com/m/82406, showing a man crushed to death after trying to have sex with a chicken or a goat or something. Bart was pissed, and banned both ZBF and Method. He would eventually be let back, but for now, he was lost.
Apollo showed his ability to generate instant heat in Who On Uber Isn't On Prescription Medicine? 1/24 http://www.ubersite.com/m/82850, which sparked some kind of silly English conversation. I didn't follow it, I don't speak English.
January 24th also heralded the return of Hidden101, with Ruin Someone's Happy Moment http://www.ubersite.com/m/82819. The premise was that we make fun of ugly babies...for a long description, see Ganging Up On Babies Is What We Do Best: http://www.ubersite.com/m/83190. Nobody realized it then, but this would cause a hell of a lot of trouble seven months down the line...
Now, I never knew that Tigerlilly only had one leg. For all the time on Uber, I had thought she was a normal, two-legged lady. But when she posted Go fuck yourself I'm nice 1/26 http://www.ubersite.com/m/82911, I realized that the Tiger I knew and loved had no left flange.
HadToBeDone and Caulaincourt were apparently mocking her by calling her "a hopalong cyborg-legged crippled robo-wench," or something to that effect, and TIGER showed her ability to generate instant heat. There was a massive online fight (best kind of them all!) and eventually the post just died. And then, Tiger posted 2/1 Office People Can be Strange http://www.ubersite.com/m/83259, creating more heat, and getting on BoredAtWork. Her life was complete.
But a better poster returned! Habeeb came back 1/28, and started brewing up shenanigans...Davros posted 2/6 I was Sexually Assaulted on the night Bus by a Chav and it Made Me Feel Happy in my Special Place http://www.ubersite.com/m/83511, one of the better articles on BoredAtWork.
Habeeb posted 2/10 Endo-Meat-Tree-Oh-Sis! http://www.ubersite.com/m/83800, showing he still had his paint skills. Caulaincourt posted I Have Only One Grudge with My Parents http://www.ubersite.com/m/83823, where he revealed his silly French name, Alain LeFlamme! He was mocked for weeks afterward...
2/13, Donitsu tried to get the Uberdirectory up and running http://www.ubersite.com/m/83903, and the next day, Ladyplural posted Boobs of Uber, a far cry from the first one http://www.ubersite.com/m/83922. I find piercings of nipples disgusting. 2/15 Please Don't Show Me Your Peepee by Saxon http://www.ubersite.com/m/84079 got on BoredAtWork, causing Caulaincourt to leave the hilarious comment that when he was young, his mother used to barge into his room shouting at him to let go of his pen0s. Apollo posted Apollo Poor Old Caullynochumscourt http://www.ubersite.com/m/83899, where he outed Caulaincourt's Myspace, and MS Painted a penis into his mouth.
Those fucking French.
------------------CONFESSION TIME------------------
On 2/16 Morph Morph Morphe Ejaculate http://ubersite.com/m/84135 by the new alter Amorphous was posted. Amorphous' goal was to copy Uberusers' writing styles, such as transformer had done. He flamed people with +2s, pissed off Thorpe, pushed one of Ghola's posts to 1st heated by reviewing it 40 times in five minutes, and generally fucked around.
I am Amorphous, and he was my alter. I was intrigued by the idea of transformer, and decided to try it out for my own. Aside from posting in Orgasmatron's or Habeeb's style, being an alter, I decided to use it for good, not evil. I never gave out -2s, except to one person.
I outed myself once http://www.ubersite.com/m/84289#1849069 in one of my own posts by forgetting to log out. Thankfully, nobody read that post! Thorpe discovered my secret, and a few other people guessed me.
Anyway, I Goatse'd Bart-Bart, and got banned. Amorphous is dead, R.I.P.
It was fun while it lasted. http://www.ubersite.com/u/amorphous.
----------------CONFESSION TIME OVER-------------------
Forthewin posted the Ultimate MS Paint 2/17/06 http://www.ubersite.com/m/84167, which got on heated...got a lot of hits...was posted on CollegeHumor...and other sites...and eventually got 500,000 hits. Shlongy, Adamdidit2u and HadToBeDone questioned the legitimacy of the post, but Forthewin posted proof of being done in MS Paint. He's now 7th on MVA, and he registered last July. Weeps. The post is 1st on MVM as well.
They say you're not a noob when you get beebed, and on 2/17, I was http://www.ubersite.com/m/84218. Beeb also did the REAL Ultimate MS Paint 2/18 http://www.ubersite.com/m/84244, which was ENTIRELY done in MS Paint. Amorphous posted Orgasmatron-style the Tale of Mary Therese 2/22
http://ubersite.com/m/84397, and Retrospect dropped Rate This Girl 2/27 http://www.ubersite.com/m/84613, raking in hits.
On 2/28, Tigerlilly posted Michael Jackson TMIhttp://www.ubersite.com/m/84661, which ascertained that Michael Jackson was a 23-year-old Danish girl with blonde hair. Who knew? (My bet is that it was Method's sister.) Razor started Ubermadness up again http://www.ubersite.com/m/84924, and so did Beeb 3/6 http://www.ubersite.com/m/84930.
On 3/6 http://www.ubersite.com/m/84935 in the wake of the Las Vegas Ubercon, Jgreening posted a masturbatory tribute to the Ubercon, resulting in some of the funniest replies to any post. Sphagnum, Method, Apollo, and Badassmofo ripped into our beloved JayPeg, and the funniest part was he thought they were joking. Method responded in turn on 3/16 with http://www.ubersite.com/m/85454, his invitation to the AC Ubercon, no dipshits allowed.
On 3/3 or thereabouts Axolotl (sorry for third-person ref) posted The Day The Emus Cried http://www.ubersite.com/m/84829 which yielded the first-ever appearance of the phrase "My name's Electro and I like chockomut ice creams." Also, around that time, my Uberhistory was posted. Whor