Ubertines 07: There's Love On Your Breath (And Blood On Your Hands) (1129 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: twin_human_highway_flares
Rating: 1.94 on 45 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Stagger Lee (View user info) at 2007-02-26 20:22:25 EST
"The sunsets out here take way too fucking long," she said.
I laughed, and she stubbed her smoke out on the dashboard.
"Hey, watch the dash," I said.
"Fuck it," she said, "It's not ours." There was real hostility in her voice, seething just under the surface of her bantering tone.
She was right; the sun had been hovering indecisively around the horizon for ages, unwillingly to admit it was supposed to be night by now. We were driving the back roads down the southern coast. Those pointed trees (palms, elms, pines? whatever) dotted the landscape, growing anywhere they could get a foothold.
She was messing with her rings, her nails, anything she could get; while I drove. I was driving uncertainly, not sure of our destination. She was going to pick the house this time; it was her turn. Around here the summer homes grow thick and fast, and in these months all the summer people went north and did their jobs. We came over the crest of the hill, and where there had been the occasional house set amongst the hills, there were now dozens lining the road. Country suburbia; we didn't usually go for stuff this crowded, but we needed to get off the road, in a hurry.
Now she sat up, peering around in the twilight, trying to discern which house to crash. She looked focused for the first time since we got in the car, her eyes darting from house to house. Most places had lights that came on with a timer, or some such trick to fool prospective "clients" like us.
Four days ago; I stood in a jeweller's, a small place in the back streets of Sydney, feeling dishevelled and outclassed even in such a hole-in-the-wall little store. I was acutely aware that I hadn't managed a shower that morning.
"Now this," the jeweller said, in his best jolly I'm-a-fat-friendly-shopkeep voice, "This piece is fantastic." He reeled of the specs of the ring while he proudly showed it to me. The numbers he quoted me meant absolutely nothing; I just needed to see it. The damn thing was beautiful, simple, and elegant. A tastefully restrained diamond ring, exactly what I was looking for.
"Yeah," I said. "How much is that one?"
He quoted a price that was about six times more than I had, even with my half of the last job we did. I sighed, and placed my gun on the counter. His eyes grew wide, but I don't think he was scared.
"Alright," I said. "I hate to do this, but there it is. Give me the ring."
He didn't move. "This is the fifth time this month," he said, quietly.
"That's not my lookout," I told him. "You're insured."
"That's not the point."
"Of course it is," I said.
He went for my gun. I beat him to it easily and pointed it at his face.
"That's enough," I said, "Give me the fucking ring."
He picked it up, or at least he tried to. His hands were shaking and the ring fell from his fingers, down onto the floor behind the counter. He went down to get it.
"No!" I said. He ignored me and came up from underneath his counter with a revolver in his hand. He was beaten before he started; I could have had lunch and coffee for afters and still shot him. I fired twice, and both rounds caught him in chest. His jolly fat man's face snarled at me as he collapsed backwards. The glass countertop was speckled with tiny droplets of his blood.
I moved quickly around the counter to claim the ring, trying to avoid looking at him.
"There," she said, and pointed to a large, brick house, painted white, on a corner. It seemed to have some distance between it and the other homes; it was set back from the road and there was a decent amount of garden to buffer it. "All the lights just came on one after another. Timer."
"Right," I said. I drove on down the street. "Any idea where we should ditch this car?"
"There was park a few blocks back. Leave it there, that'll confuse them. Let me out, I'll go scout it."
I did as she said, took the car back to the park and left it under one of those pine/elm/whatever trees. By the time I walked back to the house, she was waiting just inside the entrance. She wasn't alone. There was a man, on his knees, a pillowcase stuffed in his mouth and his hands bound behind his back. She was tapping her gun idly against her elbow.
"Caretaker," she said. "Sorry."
"That's ok. Somewhere to put him?"
"There's a cupboard." She saw my expression. "Yeah, yeah, I know, but it's huge and there's a light in there. No windows, you see?"
"Yeah. Take him there."
"Get up," she said to the caretaker. He tried, stumbled. I caught him and steadied him on his feet.
"Lead me there," I told her.
She led the caretaker and I through the house, in silence, til we got to the cupboard. She opened the door.
"You sit here and guard the door," I said. "I'll look for something to keep it locked."
She nodded, and shoved him inside. I winced a little; she was always a bit heavy-handed.
In the back shed I found an old bolt and some tools. I brought them inside and installed the bolt hastily. It was ugly, but it would hopefully keep the door shut; at least for now. We took the caretaker out of there and she sat against the opposite wall and watched him, silently.
When I was done I raided the bookcase and brought him a book.
"You gonna be quiet?" I asked. He nodded. I pulled his gag off and freed his hands. "Just sit tight in there and we'll be out of your hair in a couple of days, max."
He didn't reply. I ushered him into the cupboard and flicked the light on. The bulb sparked and burnt out. I laughed; a bitter, short sound. "Just not your day, is it?" I said. I closed the door as he tried to say something, bolted it with my makeshift bolt.
I turned, and she was gone. I found her in the kitchen. It was bigger than our old apartment. It looked like the kitchen at a restaurant, all gleaming white tile and silver chrome. She was sitting at the bench, tapping her fingers on the counter, still a bit nervous, edgy.
"Got something to ask you," I said.
"Oh yeah?" She seemed more relaxed now that we'd found somewhere, even if she was a bit rattled at finding the caretaker. She was coming down hard on herself, I could see that.
"Don't worry about it," I said. "You couldn't have known. We dealt with it anyhow."
She shrugged, avoiding eye contact. She could never look at me when she thought she'd fucked up.
"Anyway," I said. "Um. I, um."
She seemed amused by this. "What? What is it?"
I couldn't find the words, so I pulled the ring-box from my pocket and placed it on the kitchen table in front of her. Now she did look at me, straight in the eyes; her own eyes were wide.
"What the hell is this?" she asked, and her breath seemed to catch in her throat.
"Well...you see...it's...just open it, you're killing me."
She looked in the box and gasped. I remembered the look on her face, the first time I gave her a flower. We were just kids. Hell, we were kids now, just angrier and with less to lose.
"It's beautiful," she said.
"Yeah, I guess."
We stayed like that, for a couple of minutes. Her, looking at the box, staring at the ring. Me, shuffling my feet and trying to look anywhere but at her.
She smiled. "So, you gonna ask that question?"
"Yeah," I said. "I'll get to it."
User Reviews
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-02-14 02:10:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No credit to me. All credit to Powderfinger.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-02-12 21:29:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What a great fuckin' title...
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-02-12 21:11:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-05-21 19:28:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
FORZA MILAN
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-05-21 07:15:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
drogba
lol
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-05-17 19:39:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-04-28 01:35:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
POST SOMETHING YOU TALENTLESS HACK.
*reverse psychologizes*
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2007-05-07 01:18:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-05-07 00:58:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Haha just noticed that. Good one.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-05-06 13:30:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-03-09 20:54:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-03-09 11:42:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah - although there are no easy teams left now.
If we DO go through it's Chelsea in the semis again.
and i don't want to get ahead of myself but we can only play the mancs in..... dun dun duuuuuun.... the final.
<pukes>
=========
We'll build this up and build this up and then BAM we'll both be out in the quarters. That's football.
LOL
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-03 13:48:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nevermind. I'm an idiot.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-03 13:48:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why did I reply to this one??
Stupidass.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-05-03 13:34:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good to see you around, devilface.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-04-28 01:35:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
POST SOMETHING YOU TALENTLESS HACK.
*reverse psychologizes*
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-04-16 07:25:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty good.
Most of what I was going to post has already been written.
Keep it up...
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-04-16 06:55:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-04-16 06:41:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Uh oh.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-04-16 06:40:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Moley Moley.........
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-04-08 23:47:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ever.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-04-08 23:46:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
never
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-04-08 23:45:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Some people shouldn't drink during the week.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-03-21 23:37:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Which is to say, I think you were wrong to think Shlongy has an alter. I didn't say you were an idiot. But if you wanna -2 some more of my stuff, go ahead.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-03-21 23:34:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No, I think you were wrong.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-03-21 23:23:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-03-21 23:11:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Yeah cos Shlongy's SO afraid to -2 people he needs an alter to do it for him.
***************************
So, apparently, you think I'm an idiot???
Cool.............
Take this rating. If I am wrong, lemme know.....
Submitted by Off_The_Wagon (user info) at 2007-03-11 21:57:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty good.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-02-27 19:18:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fandamntastic, as always. Your awesomeness is becoming predictable... try to suck once and a while just to take us unawares.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-02-27 19:03:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yo, thanks lads.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2007-02-27 14:51:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Getting the caretaker a book, but then not doing anything about the light going out, makes for some great character depth.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-02-27 08:53:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great piece of writing, Stag.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-02-27 08:36:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*whimper*
Oh.......Thats ok then
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-02-27 08:24:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-02-27 07:53:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
This is excellent Stagger. Good luck in the final.
Oh, and Lungfish...........Is nothing sacred God damnit?!?!?!
---------
My undying love for you is sacred, Sweetie.
Marriage? Not so much.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-02-27 07:53:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is excellent Stagger. Good luck in the final.
Oh, and Lungfish...........Is nothing sacred God damnit?!?!?!
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-02-26 22:39:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent. Always a pleasure.
I just popped in for a minute and saw your name.
I'm sober, or I'd ask you to marry me.
Sorry.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-02-27 06:19:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A good read every time.
Submitted by Snare (user info) at 2007-02-27 02:20:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Goddamn Stag.
It's like reading early James O'Barr - before he sold out and ran his one concept into the ground with crap sequels and shitty movie adaptions - y'know, the good stuff...
"I have comrades in heaven. I have allies in hell. Say 'Hello' for me Jack" BANG!
"Mother is the name of God on the lips and hearts of all children."
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-02-26 22:58:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-02-26 22:50:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/u/Stagger_Lee/l/twin_human_highway_flares
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all the same couple at different times.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-26 22:48:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is this the same couple as in "Oh Yeah, My Baby's Low Down"? I thought there was a ring in that box..
What I really want to say is I just got my Shins tickets WOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-02-26 22:39:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent. Always a pleasure.
I just popped in for a minute and saw your name.
I'm sober, or I'd ask you to marry me.
Sorry.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-02-26 22:10:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-02-26 22:07:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-02-26 21:30:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks, lads.
==============
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-02-26 21:27:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome. Although, I also thought it was a bit strange that he wastes the diamond guy, but thinks she's being too rough with the caretaker, and then goes and gets a book for him. Maybe, it was because the diamond guy didn't listen to him and thus left him no choice? Anyway, good read.
==============
Mostly it's cos he's a bit of a hypocrite.
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-02-26 21:27:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome. Although, I also thought it was a bit strange that he wastes the diamond guy, but thinks she's being too rough with the caretaker, and then goes and gets a book for him. Maybe, it was because the diamond guy didn't listen to him and thus left him no choice? Anyway, good read.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-02-26 21:19:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry I haven't gotten around to reading and rating more of these, Stagger. Uber's been such a shitheap lately that something like this is refreshing indeed.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-02-26 21:12:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
He blows away the shopkeeper and then thinks she's heavy-handed for pushing
the caretaker. Heh.
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-02-26 20:53:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I couldn't find the words
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2007-02-26 20:49:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
..."Just not your day, is it?"...
great paragraph