Unheard (517 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.11 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ghola (View user info) at 2007-02-27 21:21:54 EST
"What are you doing?"
My father has his pants unzipped and he's standing at the corner of the church, facing a blank patch of concrete building.
My mother is still standing by our car with a New Living Testament tucked underneath her arm and pressed against her pastel yellow dress.
His piss sprays the clean white building. It leaks down and puddles in the pine straw below.
I smack my gum and stare at my watch.
"Someone will see."
He shakes out the last few drops and zips up.
"You ought to wash your hands."
He turns around. His grey suit is wrinkled and bunched around his elbows.
There's a yellow blotch on the building next to the marquee that reads "It's just like Dairy Queen. You'll love our Sundays."
We go inside and sit on the second pew. My father lifts his hands when the choir begins to sing and my mother mouths the words. I lean forward, but I can not hear her singing.
User Reviews
Submitted by carbon (user info) at 2007-07-27 22:07:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ikari_shinji (user info) at 2007-07-26 16:21:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2DIE FUCKING BITCH
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-05-10 16:28:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was fucking outstanding.
Enjoyed it thoroughly - beautifully described cut scene - a flash back in a movie perhaps.
Wonderful.
Submitted by snag (user info) at 2007-05-10 16:15:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Great post!
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2007-02-28 13:41:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-02-28 13:35:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
pew pew!
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-02-28 12:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by tiaprae (user info) at 2007-02-28 11:54:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Really interesting
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2007-02-28 11:07:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know why, but this was somewhat disturbing
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-02-28 09:08:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Heh.
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2007-02-27 23:23:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've pissed in a few parking garages (never tried to explain it away with uromysitisis though).
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-02-27 22:50:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Aight.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-02-27 22:48:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I like it.
MORE MORE MORE
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-02-27 22:47:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-02-27 22:46:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
more please
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2007-02-27 22:38:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ghola is the Daniel Johnston of ubersite.
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2007-02-27 22:34:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
like it leaves you in the story.
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2007-02-27 22:34:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
its great but i'd also love to see more of the same. although, it does leave you with an agonizing 'damn, its over' feeling.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-02-27 22:10:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-02-27 21:28:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If this is for your class (ie with limits on the length) then this was good, if a bit purposely ambiguous.