"Bastards & Bloodshed" (673 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: A_Complicated_Divine
Rating: 1.86 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by kaos-king (antius777) (View user info) at 2007-03-01 11:01:41 EST
I put my fingertips to the cracked tan paint on the exterior of the door and stopped time.
"My Lord, what is that stench?" asked my companion floating down beside me.
"I'm assuming it has something to do with whatever is in the apartment," I replied. "Yet another reason why it isn't a complete clusterfuck that you're stuck with me."
"I see," he said, folding his arms across his chest, "I take it you want me to..."
"Oh, indeed!" I laughed.
The former Divinity sneered at me. "You really are a bastard."
Dagon adjusted his belt and unbuttoned the corduroy jacket he had taken to wearing. With an exaggerated sigh, he leaned in and phased his insubstantial form half way through the door into the apartment. He quickly popped back out.
"Ah, bloody hell. How close are these friends of yours?"
"Don't be a prick. What's the situation?" I asked, impatiently.
"Well, there are two Razorveins and, um..." Dagon trailed off.
"Spill it."
"... and fucking Belial."
This information sent me into a little coughing fit. It was what I deserved for trying to swear and laugh at the same time. Fucking Belial.
"I really hate that guy," I spit out once I had regained my composure.
"He's an Infernal King, I doubt he has many close buddies."
"True. I know Asmodeus hates him, same with Astaroth," I mused.
"How's 'Roth been doing? He's a fair-tempered bloke, I always got along with him. Had him over one time for..."
"We're stalling," I said.
"Absolutely," stated Dagon.
I ignored him and opened the door. He muttered some ancient Summerian under his breath behind me as I surveyed the madness within the living room. Belial stood directly to my right, a Razorvein on each of his sides. Across the room, huddled in abject terror, were a collection of grad students and other twenty-somethings. Belial had one of his mucous dripping tentacles out stretched and wrapped around Jenna, the youngest girl present. Lying on the floor between them was an delicate, ornate glass box.
Belial loved that old glass box trick.
The Demon Prince I could deal with; he wasn't all that particularly bright. I was more immediately concerned with the two Hell Beasts he had tagging along. Razorveins were quite the nasty sort, all that glistening flesh wet with microscopic blades. One casual touch would flay the skin clean from a human. Not my problem, but something I had to keep in mind for those about to urinate themselves on the other side of the apartment.
No, I was going to have to render the Razorveins incapacitated before I traded wit with Belial. I could take them on directly, (something that would be passingly entertaining) but the resulting release of energies and general destruction would defeat my purpose of even trying to save the students; they would surely be slaughtered in the mayhem. Nope, I only saw one course of action...
... I reached out and took a firm hold of Belial's out reached appendage.
"Ewww!" said Dagon coming up behind me, "You don't know where that's been!"
"Shut up, Dagon. I'm about to restart time so be ready."
"Ready with what, you insufferable..."
"With your mouth," I replied as I stepped back out of my perpendicular timestream.
Screaming and crying from one side, laughter and grunting from the other. Suddenly all but silence. Belial's many, many eyes went wide and the Razorveins tensed up.
"Stop them, NOW!" I commanded, gripping his tentacle tight, "Or I'll release so much antithetical force into you, Satan won't be able to find your sub-atomic particles."
Both Belial's feeble right arm and his massive left one lifted to bring the Hell Beasts under his control.
"Now, release the girl."
Hissing from three mouths, booing from two and mumbling something from the last, he disentangled his tentacle from Jenna and weaved it back. The Demon slickly wrapped it multiple times around my fist and let it pulse. A tongue slithered out and fluttered at me.
"Fie! Fie and negativity! You have to claim, no jurisdiction here!" came Belial's voices.
"Last time I checked," spoke up Dagon, "The Nox had the full blessings of The Morningstar. Had coffee together down in Gehenna Palace just last month, I recall. Pleasant evening with the Prince of Lies."
"Summerian," whined Belial in his voices. "So sad shell Summerian! Ghost, ghost, ghost!"
"If you're trying to provoke me, you're doing a poor quality job," said Dagon as he examined the stereo. "This shithead here is much better at it."
"Ooh!" squealed Belial. "The Nox and Dagon? Linked, wed and bonded? How precious!"
"That's right, Belial," I growled, "Say I'm 'wed' to this green-skinned former Devil again. See how how the building blocks of reality feel being reconstructed inside your flaming skull."
"Hey! Now that wasn't entirely..." started Dagon.
I shot Dagon a look that shut him up.
Training my concentration back on the matter at hand, I said, "Now, what are we going to do about this little situation, Belial?"
"Fie! Vexing! My box is of me and my box was opened. The Nox knows the rules! I get to claim a soul, get to caress the nubile flesh."
"Well then, I suppose I'll just have to obliterate you then in some fashionable manner."
Belial giggled like a little girl. "Lucifer not be pleased if The Nox breaks our treaty, and besides... Razorveins so, so hungry! Hear their tummies growl!"
My eyes narrowed. This was growing complicated. I hadn't expected Belial to prove so resilient to my threats. His point about Satan was well made; Lucifer would frown upon my direct interference. And even if I chose to go down that path and destroy Belial, I still had the two Hell Beasts at hand. For his last act, the Demon would undoubtedly command the two creatures to massacre everyone in the room.
Stalemate.
"Oh, Jesus fucking Christ!" swore Dagon loudly. "Do I have to do everything for you, including plot out your misadventures?"
I ran my free hand hard down across my face. "Oh tell me wise one, I take it you have some sage advice to impart?"
"As a matter of fact, yes. You'll owe me for this one; big! And you know EXACTLY what!"
"Fine, we'll go..." I sighed.
"Excellent!" clapped Dagon, as he strolled over to the horrified students who had been watching the whole series of events unfold in confused silence.
"Hello, dear," he said to a pretty redhead girl nearest the kitchen, "My name is Dagon. I was a Summerian deity once, worshipped by millions. Isn't that nice? Unfortunately, now I'm little more than a shade, a shadow of my former glorious self. Why, back millenia ago..."
"DAGON!" I roared.
"Um, yes... quite so. Well, It would seem I'm now a bit, shall we say, 'ineffectual,' for lack of a more proper term," he said to the redhead as he passed a ghostly hand through her mid-section, causing her to elicit an eek.
"I know! A terrible thing. So if you could be a sweetheart, could you go into the kitchen there... yes, that's right.... and retrieve one of those obscenely large knives on the counter. Go on now, that's a dear..."
The redhead returned from the kitchen carrying a long butcher knife like it was contagious with the Black Plague.
"Very good, now if you could just deliver that gruesome instrument to to our occupied friend in the middle of the room..."
The redhead froze. Dagon sighed.
"I'll, I'll do it honey," said a large guy with a shaved head.
The bald young man took the knife from the shaking girl and slowly crept towards the middle of the room while the Demon hissed, "What scheme, what scheme?"
"Thanks, Eric," I tried to say gently, nodding at the young man who looked on at me in fear.
Leaning against the bookshelves, Dagon was all smiles. "Now comes the fun part. Well, at least fun for me! Come here."
I maneuvered my way over to the Summerian, careful not to lose my hold of Belial.
"And?"
"And now you get to slash your hand wide open!" grinned my ghostly companion.
"What? I'm not gonna do..."
Belial started screeching and cursing in Enochian. Flailing about, he tried to pull free and the Razorveins grew dripping with deadly moisture. The Demon knew what was up, even If I didn't, and he didn't like the option I was taking. Good enough for me. I sliced deep into my palm, welling and spraying red all about.
"Now," said Dagon quickly, "Press your bloodied hand against the wall and claim this domicile and all within it in your name. Claim it in your right as a Divinity!"
I have to admit, I let out a short burst of laughter as I splattered my bloody hand on the white paint, suddenly remembering the ancient magics. In the spaces between moments, I declared my Divine Right, whispering my secret names to the stone, wood and plaster. As an incarnate I had spilt my essence here, as an avatar I had named this place my temple. As a deity, and as this one of my many homes, all those within who had souls now were my disciples; and forever under my protection.
I released Belial's tentacle in victory as his howls of rage met my ears.
"Damnation unto The Nox!" screamed Belial in all his voices. "Eternal torment and..."
"You are trespassing in the House of The Nox," my voice echoed from all parts of the apartment. "Flee, or be annihilated in my honor."
Squealing like a piglet, Belial evaporated in a plume of brimstone along with the two Razorveins.
And then the sobbing commenced.
I quickly cast a magic to wipe the memory of the past hours from all those assembled. While they sat in stasis, I healed my wounded hand and saw to embedding the bloody print into the wall so it wasn't visible. All in all, a pretty damn good conclusion. I had saved the day, gained a new (if not small and ratty) temple, and eight new completely clueless acolytes. Pretty damn good, indeed.
Except...
"I'm so excited!" exclaimed Dagon as we exited the apartment.
I said nothing in return.
"I so came through for you back there," he said.
"I know," I replied with a grumble.
"And you would have been right fucked without me," Dagon observed.
"You're absolutely correct, thank you."
"Now, you promised..." started the former Summerian deity.
"Yes, Dagon," I sighed. "We can go see that new Nicole Kidman chick-flick you've been babbling about."
"Nicole is so damn attractive," mused Dagon as the two of us wandered back to my car.
User Reviews
Submitted by PhillipTheGreat (user info) at 2007-06-17 22:58:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
!
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2007-04-16 16:55:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yep, love your writing.
mmmhmmm
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-03-06 16:39:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
pretty good!
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-03-05 17:37:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-03-05 16:41:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-03-01 11:10:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Despina (user info) at 2007-03-01 11:08:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
u have horible grammer and spelling but this was a good story i liked it
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ahhhhhh the irony
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-03-02 11:20:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This one is good too. Now for part 3
Submitted by I_love_Kracka (user info) at 2007-03-02 09:37:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2007-03-02 04:10:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by eric_the_bread (user info) at 2007-03-01 22:38:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
Deserves a +3
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indeed
Submitted by eric_the_bread (user info) at 2007-03-01 22:38:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Deserves a +3
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-03-01 19:57:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-03-01 15:18:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very nice. I could see this being turned into a "Tales From The Crypt" episode easily.
Submitted by Alcoholocaust (user info) at 2007-03-01 14:57:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
again- very very good. I like these a lot. the imagination and imagery more than make up for a couple of minor spelling or grammatical errors.
(double how in there somewhere too- "See how how the building blocks")
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-03-01 14:46:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm getting quite tired of your apostrophes.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-03-01 14:33:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Weeeeeeeee.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-01 14:00:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-03-01 12:52:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ghola - You shut up, you.
St. Jimmy - I tried to reflect that The Nox was a relatively normal individual in most cases. His banter with Dagon was an attempt to bring a real human element to these two. I dunno about the "chick-flick" line, but I DEFINITELY agree that I should redo that last bit about the car. I think you're right in the assumption that The Nox wouldn't be bothered; unless they were stealing one for some ridiculous reason...
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2007-03-01 11:59:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
astaroth is from soul calibur too
good story
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-03-01 11:34:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
First of all, excellent story. Very enjoyable.
But the end...
""Yes, Dagon," I sighed. "We can go see that new Nicole Kidman chick-flick you've been babbling about."
"Nicole is so damn attractive," mused Dagon as the two of us wandered back to my car. "
I see what you were going for here and it's a good idea, but I think the Nox's last statement was too wordy and after having read the story, I found it hard to imagine the Nox saying the phrase "chick-flick". Just seems a bit too campy for such a grandeoise (sp?) character.
And, the Nox has a car? The Nox doesn't seem like the kind of entity that would get around via automobile. For my money, I would change the last bit to "as the two of began walking toward the nearest multi-plex." My $0.02, but what do I know? This was way better than I could have done.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-03-01 11:29:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
your grammEr does suck. spell/grammar check doesn't catch everything. or even close.
i liked your story though.
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-03-01 11:28:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2007-03-01 11:26:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pure.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-03-01 11:24:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you know why
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-03-01 11:17:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-03-01 11:10:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Despina (user info) at 2007-03-01 11:08:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
u have horible grammer and spelling but this was a good story i liked it
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ahhhhhh the irony
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Joke or not, I really do get this all the time.
I don't understand...
I run everything through spell-checker and proofread every submission before posting.
Obviously some stuff gets past me, (like Past - Passed. Grrr...)
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-03-01 11:11:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I beat these guys one time in a fiddle playin' contest down in Georgia.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-03-01 11:10:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Despina (user info) at 2007-03-01 11:08:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
u have horible grammer and spelling but this was a good story i liked it
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ahhhhhh the irony
Submitted by Despina (user info) at 2007-03-01 11:08:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
u have horible grammer and spelling but this was a good story i liked it