Between undulating ass cheeks--dead squirrels (fixed) (428 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: -1.11 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by B. Anderson <kick_in_your_mouth.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2007-03-01 20:51:02 EST
Ranting...I am not a ranting person but lately things have been pissing me off...that or I'm just starting to see things a different way. I was doing mostly fine, keeping all my feelings bottled up, until today walking back to my dorms. I was on my sweet path to slowly killing myself when BOOM! I got caught walking behind a girl. Not just any girl but a girl who was wearing sweatpants. That doesn't bother me...the fact that she was also either wearing a thong or going commando. I looked at her ass and thought of the one time I went to the sea. In the waves that were rippling underneath I saw everything that has been bothering me lately. I saw the epiphany of me never seeing a dead squirrel. I saw the rejection of the most pleasurable thing I can give a man, a blowjob, from a virgin. I saw a whole year of no sex flash before my eyes in the space between her ass-cheeks.
I was on my way back to the dorms sometime earlier this week. I was looking at all the sweet fat squirrels that are constantly running and playing around the campus. The realization hit me like a goddamned fever. I have never once, in my entire 20 years on this wasteland, seen a squirrel-corpse. I found this very odd and started asking all my friends whether or not they have ever witnessed this. They have ALL seen a dead squirrel at one time or another, generally on the side of the road smushed flat by a vehicle. Why have I missed out on this part of life? And more importantly than that, why did I start to think about why I have never seen a squirrel-corpse while looking at all the happy squirrels? That seriously makes me reconsider certain aspects of my life.
When my brother and I were little children, fresh out of kindergarten, my mother would take us to cemeteries. Yes, she took us to playgrounds as well, but to cemeteries often. Most people find this an odd parenting style. Being aware of death at such a young age. Knowing that when people die, they get buried underground with only a piece of stone to mark where they are, and their life. The persons whole like is summarized in several lines, written in stone, that only the family members, and morbid minded people such as my family, look at.
"Moses T. Smith.
Behold and see as you pass by
As you are now so once was I.
As I am now so you shall be
Prepare for death and follow me."
Could it be that my whole outlook on life, my obsession with all things undead, my love of Romero, my sex on the cemetery (on several occasions) all stem from this childhood playtime? I think so. I view death differently then most people. I did not cry at my Grandmothers funeral, at Will Lodrinis' funeral, or at some other funerals. I try to be strong for their (or my) family members and friends who need a steady shoulder to cry on. Not only that, I know the world to be a horrible place to live in, so dying is a good thing...right? I find cemeteries very peaceful places to be. I could, and have, slept in one. I love being surrounded by the dead bodies of the fallen. Who can they tell my secrets to, what can they say about me, what can they do to me? Nothing. Sweet nothingness.
I got refused by a virgin. He refused a blowjob. My specialty and he turned it away as he would turn away...what....food? I doubt it. That one act of shunning me from doing what I so love to do made me think of everything that has been lacking in my life recently. I miss sex. I was once addicted to it. Yes, but I am not a slut, I have had one sexual partner in all my years, but we did almost everything. I "celebrated" my one year celibacy on Valentines Day. Like that day isn't hard enough when you're single, and looking for a special nerd to spend your breaths with. There is something beautiful in the act of kissing. Something divine in the act of hugging. Something sweet in me giving a blowjob. Sure, I have fooled around with some men, talented ones if I may say so, within this year on no sex, but it's different when you're in a relationship, a lasting relationship with one nerd. Pleasure is always a good thing, but getting pleasure when you both love each other is a completely different experience. It's much like how masturbating using your finger and masturbating using a vibrator are two completely different experiences. Both extremely pleasing, but still different.
When my eyes finally left her undulating cheeks and I had some time to think about all those things that were encompassed in those sweatpants. I don't have much of a choice in what happens in my life. I must wait for my nerd in shining armor (literally) to come sweep me away speaking Klingon, Al-Bhed, or HTML. I must wait for someone to find me as I really am, awesome, amazing, brilliant, coherent, dazzling, enrapturing, fucking fuckable, gorgeous, hot, intriguing, jack-off material, keep-worthy, lovable, must-have, non-returnable, of-the-same-material-as-the-gods, pleasing, quotable, reasonable, sexy beast of a woman, trustworthy, undeniably sweet, voluptuous, wild-in-bed, XXX, young at heart, and zealous. Can a man find all these things in me? Will it matter? Will he be taken already? or not have a heart, as so many of the good men I have met are lacking in- that of which I want so desperately to hold, and keep in my heart cage with my 1/10 of a heart until the day I die...
See what one ass can do to a woman? Damn woman are bitches.
User Reviews
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-03-02 16:26:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"Damn woman are bitches. "
Jesus Christ.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-02 16:25:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
words....ummmmm...words....words....
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-03-02 16:04:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I misplaced my HUGE BLOCK OF TEXT... have you seen it?
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-03-02 15:56:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Time to re-evaluate your life.
Start by ending it.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-03-02 14:51:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-03-02 08:02:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Once I was walking on campus and a sqirrel ran out of the bushes, right under my boot. I crushed it's head when I stepped. It made a sqeeking sound along with the crunching of its skull under my Vibram sole and it just spasmed and shit itself, twitching and dying on the sidewalk. It had a black tail. I think it was emo.
Submitted by Timmaaaaah (user info) at 2007-03-01 23:04:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
There is one singer called Shakira... sorry I laugh because in Kazakhstan this word means vagina. For example, 'Can I touch your shakira?' or 'I have seen your wife's shakira, it hangs like the mouth of a tired dog.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2007-03-01 21:24:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Having now read all your posts, I feel that I must let you know that you're falling behind on the approved "whining like I'm being drilled for oil" emo annoyance timeframe.
You should have posted a carefully photoshopped picture of yourself by now. Guidelines are as follows:
*Artistic shot of your face, half covered by hair.
*Changed to black and white but with the lips colored red, or "crimson" as your people like to refer to it.
*Some pithy little phrase written in black script across the bottom right hand edge, something like "I want the world to die and leave me breathless" or "To touch my soul is to know me."
Get onto that, would you? Thanks.
I'm rethinking my rating to 0 because you are, at the very least, entertaining.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2007-03-01 21:13:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Pitiful.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-03-01 20:55:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-03-01 20:55:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Fixed?
Bullshit!