"Coffee & Conspiracies" (717 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: A_Complicated_Divine
Rating: 1.95 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by kaos-king (antius777) (View user info) at 2007-03-02 11:09:17 EST
ONE - "Static On The TV" - http://www.ubersite.com/m/99243
TWO - "Bastards & Bloodshed" - http://www.ubersite.com/m/99277
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"I'm not sure I entirely like this idea."
I said nothing and sipped my coffee.
"This whole meeting seems a bit ridiculous, if you will," he said as he fidgeted in his chair. "Such a public place? You would think they would have wanted something more private."
"At least it's not some corporate shithole like a Starbucks," I observed.
"You joke, but I'm being quite serious here!" he whined. " I find this whole affair... uncomfortable."
"You didn't have to come along," I said with a smile.
"Oh, bloody hysterical," said Dagon.
I continued smiling as I drank my coffee. It was a redeye blend with enough sugar added to send most into diabetic shock. And creamer, a lot of creamer. It really was more of a hot, intensely caffeinated milkshake; exactly how I preferred my coffee. I idly thought about casting a magic that would allow me to smoke in the establishment, but decided against it.
Instead I sat and watched the former Summerian Deity pout beside me.
"Don't be such a baby," I quipped lightly.
"You shouldn't be such a ass," he replied not looking at me.
I sighed. "Fine. I apologize for making light of your situation."
"That's better."
Eyes rolled, another sip of coffee.
"So you don't find this whole affair... troubling?" Dagon asked.
I shrugged. "Who knows? When the current administration get antsy, they..."
"Oh," came a voice from behind me, "We weren't expecting... company."
I turned to see an older gentleman in a gray seer sucker suit, his salt and pepper beard trimmed long to match his hair. He looked like an aging hippy who had discovered the stock market. This was in direct contrast to the man beside him, younger and clean shaven. Completely bald, he was dressed in a black outfit with wide lapels affronting a long jacket. Looked like a retro fucking zoot suit from the Big Band era.
What a fucking pair.
"Drai... O. Have a seat," I said motioning to the two empty chairs.
"Who is this?" questioned Draimanus. "You look familiar, but..."
"Jesus fuck, Drai," sighed Dagon, "Imagine me green. I only lived upon the same level in the City Of Dis with you for fourteen centuries. The Nox cast a glamour."
"Dagon?" asked the Demon in awe.
"Unfortunately, old friend."
"May I ask why a Summerian Deity of Corruption is spending the afternoon in the city with a Primordial Chaos Entity?" questioned Ophediel as he took his seat.
Dagon and I exchanged weary glances.
"It's a long and occasional obscene tale, O. Needless to say, it ended badly. Dagon has been stripped of his Divinity and molded into his primal essence. He's basically a ghost now."
"And to make matters all the more insulting," added Dagon, "I'm bound to the psuedo-flesh that The Nox wears. So until he grows tired of prancing about the lower planes, I'm his partner."
"I prefer the term 'sidekick,' but every time I say that, the Summerian tears up," I interjected, to which I received the extended middle digit on Dagon's right hand.
Ophediel the Archangel had watched this exchange wide eyed. Draimanus just bit his knuckle while grinning. Now that we had concluded, they looked at each other and shrugged, whispering quickly in Enochian.
"I, eh *ahem*," coughed Ophediel, " I see no real problem that this will, um... present to us. To our, to the dilemma at hand."
Draimanus snickered under his breath.
"Oh, shut up you!" growled Dagon to the Demon.
"That's it," I exclaimed, snapping my fingers in rapid succession three times, "I need a smoke."
Lighting up my cigarette, I peered over the table at the two current Divine Agents. "So," I said, flipping my zippo closed, "What can I... sorry, Dagon and I do for you?"
"Well, you're relatively well connected to the goin-ons of the hierarchy, correct? You keep up on the latest news and affairs?" questioned Ophediel.
"I do my best," I said. "Your crew has a tendency to involve a good deal of red tape in your procedures, but I keep an eye out for the end results."
"You were both aware of the Acolytical Program?" asked Draimanus.
"Of course," said Dagon. "That was quite the big deal. A new batch of Lesser Divine? That took a massive ego that only those currently in charge would... I'll shut up now."
"No, you're absolutely right," said Draimanus. "A lot of entities questioned the move. Regardless, it was done. Now, do either of you know about the 'Black Light Initiative?' I see from your faces, no."
Draimanus sighed, then continued. "The initiative was a type of exchange program. A set number of Acolytical Angels were sent to reside in Hell and vice-versa. They were told that they were suppose to cast off their heritage and learn the ways of their new homes, enveloping themselves in the New Light or New Darkness."
"That doesn't sound like it would be very successful," I said with a raised eyebrow.
"You misunderstand," smiled Ophediel, "That was exactly the point. Satan and Yahweh were trying to prove that both Good and Evil were base elements, fundamental structures of reality. The Acolyticals were never meant to succeed."
"Bullshit!" I spat. "Good and Evil are both simply a matter of human taste. They are in NO way essential to the Meta-Cosim. Numena has no need for such feeble and petty things as... wait."
"Are you done with your rant now?" asked Ophediel.
"Did you say SUPPOSE to fail?"
"Yes. There was one, one single Acolytical. Kyleliel, born of the Shining Light and taken into the Deep Black. This being soaked in the Darkness like a sponge, wallowing in the perversion, rage, hatred and..."
"They get your point, O," said Draimanus.
"Ah, yes. Anyhow, Kyleliel was subsequently found 'incorrect' as an Acolytical, and therefore banished to Earth. Fallen, she now has the psuedo-flesh of a young woman and, well..."
Silence at the table.
"Why are you telling me this, Ophediel?" I asked very slowly, very carefully.
"Right then. Well, the Powers That Be were hoping that perhaps... oh you know, if you could possibly, if you had the time... well, eh... take care... of... her. Kyleliel. Um, actually, it's just Kylee now."
Silence at the table.
Broken by the roars of laughter from Dagon.
"On dear, this is fucking priceless! You want The Nox to baby-sit a newly flesh-suited Fallen Angel who got her jollies playing at being a Demon? HA! This is more glorious than the time that Soggothian Priest had you naked and..."
"I will throw out all your DVD's," I growled at Dagon, who promptly shut up.
"Come on," spoke up Draimanus. "This isn't a long term project. We just need you to keep an eye on her until she gets accustomed to the realm. What the fuck else did you have planned that was so important?"
"Besides ignoring Dagon?"
"Will you just meet her?" asked Ophediel.
My coffee had gone cold. It had become forgotten during the exchange. Cold coffee was thick and just not as good. God damn it. God damn everything.
"Fine," I muttered.
"Excellent!" exclaimed Ophediel, and in a burst of white light we were gone.
Once the spots before my eyes faded and I could see again, I gave O a dirty look. I hated teleporting with other individuals. I peered around the room to see a small, but pristine apartment. A television was flickering, but on mute. Out the window I saw snow coming down.
"Where are we?" I asked.
"Chicago," replied Draimanus.
"So," asked Dagon, "Where is she?"
"Kylee has recently discovered sleep, so probably in bed," shrugged Ophediel. "Follow me."
I followed Ophediel down a short hallway to a door, already regretting my decision. What the hell had I been thinking? Who was I to take care of some stumbling, idiotic woman-child with a Fallen Angel inside? This whole thing was a comedy or errors.
Ophediel knocked on the door. "Kylee, are you awake?"
"Just so you know, she really hasn't..." The ArchAngel began as I flung the door open.
"... got the hang of clothing yet." he finished.
I stood there and stared at the young woman who laid sprawled out across the sheets. She was quite thin, but not unattractively so. Her black hair was chopped haphazardly around chin length and and gathered in a mess around her face. Upon her back, I could see the markings of her Fallen status; the tattoos of ashen wings.
Then, suddenly, she rolled over onto her back and looked up at me.
This was not the semi-retarted, clumsy fleshling I had envisioned. This was a beautiful young woman, who had the Will Of Divinity still glowing in her eyes, both fierce and proud. This was the Acolytical who had defied the Creators and gone rogue, carving an entirely new place for herself in the Pantheon.
She stretched out a slim arm in my direction and wiggled her fingers at me in way of a greeting.
"Hello, The Nox," she sighed in a voice deeper than I would have expected. "It would seem you're here to be my temporary caretaker. My name is Kylee."
Dagon wedged his way in the doorway, glanced at Kylee then at me. Glanced again at Kylee, then at me. The Summerian's grin broke out wide, both mischievous and knowing.
"Ooh," he said, "I do believe you're right fucked."
User Reviews
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-06-11 11:11:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what else would I give this?
fantastic
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2007-04-16 17:03:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by eric_the_bread (user info) at 2007-04-11 01:45:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Every one of these deserves at LEAST a +3, maybe 4
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-03-06 16:45:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The more I read, the more I want to read more and have the story continue...Keep 'em coming!
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-03-05 17:44:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-03-05 17:08:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Still good. I'm so glad I waited to read these all. I'm in an airport, and having a good series to read is REALLY helping...
and I saw a chick in a Target yesterday with tatood wings on her back... I almost snapped a picture with my crappy cell phone for you, but I thought she'd be creeped out.
It fit this story SO well though
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-03-04 00:12:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*you* can find...
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-03-04 00:11:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In the previous installment there were comments about grammar, spelling, etc.
As someone said, spell checkers won't catch everything, especially if it is a real word,
albeit the wrong one.
I present these in the kindest manner possible:
Summerian - Sumerian
Hippy- Hippie
Occasional- Occasionally
Suppose- Supposed
I'm sure can find the instances to which I refer. Once again, in the kindest
manner, Get Your Shit Together!!
:D
(great story)
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-03-03 11:07:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-03-03 01:21:59 (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes Ghola, but I've seen your Flixster ratings...
You pretty much hate everything.
I've never seen so many films rated with 1/2 stars.
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the marjority of everything is crap. why settle?
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2007-03-03 02:50:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
When's the next installment?
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-03-03 01:21:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes Ghola, but I've seen your Flixster ratings...
You pretty much hate everything.
I've never seen so many films rated with 1/2 stars.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-03-02 23:55:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"gravitas" thinks that you could have written the number 23.
(i thought it was campy and dumb)
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-03-02 23:18:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You include the most amazing photographs in your posts.
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-03-02 16:19:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2007-03-02 15:43:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that picture is hot. i need a wide-angle lenssss..
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-03-02 14:35:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2007-03-02 13:57:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good series so far.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-03-02 13:36:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Knock it the fuck off with the apostrophes! The stories are good though. Hey, I was thinking that, erm, you know, maybe we can play sword fight later..?!?
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-03-02 12:10:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I will throw out all your DVD's,"
Great line. Great story. Looking forward to future installments.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2007-03-02 11:38:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The basic criticism I made of the first installment still stands, but FUCK I love this story.
Demons and Acolytes and Good vs Evil, surrounding the line "I will throw out all your DVD's."
That's just awesome.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-03-02 11:36:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-03-02 11:34:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-03-02 11:32:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
I havent read this yet, as I'm still at work and wont appreciate it fully.
KK is best enjoyed at home with a nice cold beer, and some atmospheric music.
+2 because I have a feeling I wont be disappointed.
--
Joey please bear in mind that it is friday. I will appalled if you do not venture down to a public house and partake of enough alcohol to drop an elephant before the dreaded 'I really fancy a Kebab because they taste so good' moment.
Shame on you!!
*shakes head in disgust*
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No need for worry. I will indeed be heading out for a few cold ones. But I will also be having a few before I go out....and, most likely when I get back in, aswell.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-03-02 11:36:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is getting good.
Submitted by Alcoholocaust (user info) at 2007-03-02 11:35:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the human element you give these characters is great... almost comical at times
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-03-02 11:34:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-03-02 11:32:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
I havent read this yet, as I'm still at work and wont appreciate it fully.
KK is best enjoyed at home with a nice cold beer, and some atmospheric music.
+2 because I have a feeling I wont be disappointed.
--
Joey please bear in mind that it is friday. I will appalled if you do not venture down to a public house and partake of enough alcohol to drop an elephant before the dreaded 'I really fancy a Kebab because they taste so good' moment.
Shame on you!!
*shakes head in disgust*
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-03-02 11:32:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I havent read this yet, as I'm still at work and wont appreciate it fully.
KK is best enjoyed at home with a nice cold beer, and some atmospheric music.
+2 because I have a feeling I wont be disappointed.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-03-02 11:26:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Boner for the picture.
er..
Bonus.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-03-02 11:26:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn you are good. Always a good read Kaos.
I like that picture too.