Now Clean that Shit Soccer Mom (748 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.44 on 33 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JamieT (View user info) at 2007-03-05 05:23:59 EST
I have four brothers, I am the second youngest.
There was quite a big gap between me and my little brother and the two oldest boys, about 10 years actually.
Growing up we lived in the outskirts of a fairly wealthy neighbourhood, the neighbourhood was full of soccer moms - although we didn't call them soccer moms back then, I think they were called mini van moms or something similar.
I always hated this one mother in particular, they were one of the wealthiest families in town and although the dad was kind of cool, the mom was a stuck up bitch, even though I was only 12 I noticed the look on her face when she asked me questions and the general dislike she held for my family in general. My two older brothers had a different dad to me and my little brother and this seemed a point this slut of a mother would ask about every week when I would play with her son Mike.
Once we were playing at my house and my mom got us mcdonalds or burger king for lunch, about a week later I was at Mikes house and he was asking if he could go to my house for lunch.
"What?" she snorted "So they can feed you fast food again?". Stupid bitch, she didn't think I could grasp the sarcasm in her voice, like there was something so wrong with burgers for lunch? Fuck her.
One Saturday morning I awoke to a thunderstorm, it was raining constantly and I couldn't wait to go outside, I rang Mike and we agreed that we'd meet up at his house and play in this ravine that would have been covered in mud, a few weeks before we had made a tobogan and we wanted to slid down the hill of mud while it was soaking wet.
My mom would only let me go if I took my younger brother along, as soon as the rain stopped I ran off to Mikes house with my 8 year old brother Jeremy in tow.
We ended up playing in the ravine for hours and went back to Mikes covered from head to toe in mud. Mikes mom ha a fucking fit when she saw him covered in mud, she didn't even look at us even though we were shivering and cold. That bitch took Mike inside to run him a bath and made us wait on the drive while she called our mom. My brother had scraped the mud from his shoes and was throwing it on the porch to see what happened. I knew better then to throw mud on the porch but let him do it anyway.
Mikes mom eventually came out to see if my mom had arrived yet she saw the mud everywhere and freaked, she threw a rag at my brother.
"Now What?" said Jeremy
"NOW CLEAN THAT MUD" she yelled at him, and stormed off inside
Jermey looked like he was about to cry.
"Don't worry" I said, "I'll clean it up"
"NO..." cried Jeremy "I need to poop and I don't wanna ask her"
I didn't know how long mom would be and I sure didn't want to ask Mikes mom if we could be let inside... What to do in such a predicament?
Jeremy was grimacing now - the poor litte guy was about to explode, I took the rag she had given us and walked with Jeremy over to the gap between the porch and thei garage, I carefully laid out the rag and told Jeremy to take a dump in the middle of it.
"No way" He said screwing up his nose, but about a minute later he was hovering over the rag and laying the biggest turd an 8 year old can manage.
Suddenly I heard Mikes mom out the front.
"Look - their mother came to pick them up and thats it, no thank you for the phonecall or thankyou for watching the little shits, hmph - and look at this fucking porch!" said the bitch.
Fuck that bitch, she made us stand out in the cold covered in mud while her fucking son took a bubble bath. She Must Pay.
I took the Rag which was now holding a steamer and walked towards the porch.
All the rage in my little 12 year old body was pumping through my veins, she had insulted my mom and my little brother. As I reached the porch all I could think of was the snooty look on her stuck up bitch of a face.
I took the rag and smeared my brothers shit all over the front door and around the porch, to finish it off I smeared the rag all over the small windows either side of the door, the stench was fucking horrible!
I turned around to see my mom pulling into the street.
"Run to the kerb Jeremy" I yelled, before kicking the door a few times.
"Now What?" the bitch answered looking down at me, narrowing her eyes like hawk looking for prey,
"NOW CLEAN THIS SHIT BITCH" I yelled and threw the rag at her.
I took off down to the car and jumped in,
"Quick mom - Mikes mom and dad are fighting and we better go"
Mom drove off down the street as me and Jeremy looked out the side windows, Mikes mom was wrestling with the rag and screaming her head off.
When we got home there were 5 messages on the answering machine.
After I explained to mom that she wouldn't let Jeremy take a shit and I didn't know what else to do with the rag she took our side. Mike and I weren't friends after that incident though.
User Reviews
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2008-02-12 06:58:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2007-09-23 09:08:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-09-23 06:33:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm waiting on the email man!!
Submitted by jfreakman (user info) at 2007-03-06 04:15:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Good first post, definitely better and more well noticed than mine.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-03-05 22:40:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-03-05 18:21:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-03-05 17:51:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-03-05 17:29:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
He called the shit "poop!"
Submitted by paul_anthony (user info) at 2007-03-05 17:02:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
She gonna SHIT when she finds that SHIT
oops, I guess I haven't watched Billy Madison in a long time
Submitted by 8track (user info) at 2007-03-05 16:47:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-03-05 08:30:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
Good, not great first post. Clean up the mistakes and I think you'll make a fine addition here. Don't fuck up, because I'll make you pay.
____________
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaa!!!!!
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2007-03-05 16:40:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Welcome to Uber, I suppose.
Submitted by tiaprae (user info) at 2007-03-05 15:53:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Maybe it doesn't sound completely true, but I don't think I care. I laughed my ass off.
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-03-05 14:43:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking awesome....i like hearing about people getting what they deserve.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-03-05 14:31:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ha ha ha
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2007-03-05 13:11:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-03-05 07:54:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautiful.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-03-05 12:53:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GMCrayon (user info) at 2007-03-05 08:52:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I call you Jamie without you flipping the fuck out?
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hehehehe
This was good. When I was a little kid, my dad and my best friend's dad were the coaches of our little league baseball team. One day, I went over to his house to see if he wanted to play with a wiffle bat and tennis ball, but he and his family were not home. So my brother and I just played in his back yard. I hit a home run through his parents' bedroom window, and tore off out of their yard.
Later that night, we had a playoff game. Before the game, his parents came up and talked to me and told me that what I did was wrong, and that we should not play in their yard if they were not home. They were nice about it, and I learned my lesson. Then we lost the game by one run in the last inning after controlling the game until then. His father told my father that he was a terrible coach and that he was not dividing the responsibilities evenly and it was his fault that we lost, despite the fact that his son was the pitcher who gave up nineteen fucking runs in the final inning. We were not friends after that, and I think it was because I broke their window.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-03-05 12:29:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-03-05 08:30:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
Good, not great first post. Clean up the mistakes and I think you'll make a fine addition here.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2007-03-05 12:25:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Rang false
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-05 09:50:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
My parents would have beat the shit out of me for that.
And if that had been my house, I would have prosecuted you for destruction of property and vandalism.
Eat the rich and all, but that's just wrong, man.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-03-05 09:48:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like something I would do.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2007-03-05 09:19:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I can't give this a +2 as it was really not easy to read, but clean it up a little and you will do well here.
Welcome.
-Dave
Submitted by GMCrayon (user info) at 2007-03-05 08:52:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I call you Jamie without you flipping the fuck out?
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-03-05 08:30:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good, not great first post. Clean up the mistakes and I think you'll make a fine addition here. Don't fuck up, because I'll make you pay.
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2007-03-05 08:19:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Balls of dried mud, you have.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-03-05 08:15:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good first post. It reminded me of me when I was that age.
Keep it up.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-03-05 07:54:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautiful.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-03-05 07:01:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No way that happened. Welcome to uber.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2007-03-05 07:01:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You were a very misbehaved 12 year-old, weren't you?
That's fucking hilarious to me.
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2007-03-05 06:30:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by 8track (user info) at 2007-03-05 06:19:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Hermano...
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-03-05 06:03:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Everything you ever wanted to know about JamieT
User id: 30371
funny 7= 3 +4 &3 3 3 (3's and 7's are magical numbers !)
Registered on or around: 2007-03-04 23:03:37
# Messages posted: 1
# Reviews written: 0
# Times these posts have been reviewed: 2
# Hits: 0
Average rating of all messages: 2
Some start ! Wilkommen zu Uber !
You must still be very young, if that's a recent story.
Uber has potent chemistry, be careful what to taste or consume !
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-03-05 05:42:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fight the power.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-03-05 05:28:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Go team