ADD Delightfulness - The Apology and its Meaning (774 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.7 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by skrapmetal (View user info) at 2007-03-06 09:02:44 EST
Link: http://www.ubersite.com/m/99355
Apology and its Meaning
You screwed up. He did it wrong. She broke it. I spilled that.
I'm Sorry...
...and there it usually ends. We politely accept the words and move on. Except, it's still screwed up, it's still wrong, still broken and spilt. The harm has been done and fault assigned, but no effort has been made to fix the new problem.
There are two parts to a sincere apology. The first part, the "I'm sorry" part, is easy. "I accept the blame for this". Said and forgotten. The second part, the "...and this is how I will make it right" part, is rarely offered. Without the latter, how can the first have any meaning?
Occasionally we will see remnants of the second part of the apology. The man who buys flowers for his wife when he's been working late often. The girl who gets a (likely quite unappreciated) card for her boyfriend after an argument. But in the rest of the world, if no physical injury is involved, there are probably going to be no repercussions for someone's mistake. We accept the situation as it has become: worsened.
Project mangers know to build in 'idiot time' on a job because there will be mistakes that will add time to the schedule. 'Idiot time' exists mainly because those who make the mistakes do not make an effort to fix them. If, for example, a draftsman draws the building incorrectly, there will be extra time involved in redrawing it, in order that the building be actually built correctly. The apology offered by the draftsman should be A) I made that mistake and B) I'll work extra to fix it, off the clock. In this way, once the mistake is fixed, there has been no permanent effect to the timetable, budget, or end product. The only thing left is the knowledge that the draftsman, who is human and can make a mistake like anyone else, has the willingness to make up for the error.
In the previous example, had the draftsman simply acknowledged his mistake and left it at that, he would have lost respect. This because what would be remembered by those also working on the project would be the mistake and the delay it caused. By doing more to fix the problem, the draftsman gains respect. In this case, what would be remembered by those also working on the project would be the effort to negate the mistake's impact. The end result would be as though the mistake had not occurred.
Without the reparation, making an error or mistake only demonstrates one's incompetence, be it momentary or situational. Acknowledging the mistake and then setting things right demonstrates a greater level of human character and pride.
User Reviews
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-11-10 13:38:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by bruzwuld (user info) at 2007-11-10 12:42:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-03-11 15:24:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, how often it does not end with "I'm sorry."
The way the sun was shining on the side of the trailer in my driveway, I thought there was a woman standing out there butt nekkid.
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-03-11 14:52:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by darien_redd (user info) at 2007-03-06 11:42:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I approve of this product and/or service and it's reviews
Yep.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-06 18:40:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There are two things which I am not fond of:
lack of apology OR intent to make reparations, and
apology without followup.
Actions speak louder than words. It's not that I WANT you feel bad, or sorry, but I just need to know that you know where things went wrong. And that you'll remember that, in the future. As will I, when I make mistakes, and do wrong.
That's all.
It's not that hard, really.
Just involves thinking about someone other than yourself.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-03-06 16:57:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-03-06 13:47:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So there! HMMMPHHFFF!
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-03-06 12:53:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've pondered this topic before and couldn't find an adequate way to describe the reasoning behind why empty appologies are useless. This was very good, thanks.
Submitted by AllyJeans (user info) at 2007-03-06 12:45:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If I acknowledged every mistake I made, I wouldn't be able to sleep nights. But I agree with this, in principle. :)
Submitted by darien_redd (user info) at 2007-03-06 11:42:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I approve of this product and/or service and it's reviews
Submitted by tiaprae (user info) at 2007-03-06 11:21:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's frustrating especially when people apologize for things that weren't their fault to begin with, because there is nothing they can do anyway, taking the blame doesn't help.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-03-06 11:19:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Couldn't agree more.
A wise person once told me that there are four parts to making restitution for an error:
(1) Admission of error: acknowleding and describing your mistake. ("I did X and it was a mistake.")
(2) Apology: the actual "I'm sorry" statement. ("I'm sorry for screwing up.")
(3) Request for reconciliation: pursuing forgiveness for committing the error - NOTE I said forgiveness for the error, not responsibility for correcting it. ("Will you forgive me?")
(4) Inquiry on how to correct the error: duh. ("What can I do to make things right?") Sometimes you CAN'T do anything to fix the error. But 90% of the time, you can and should do so.
*jumps off soap box*
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-03-06 10:53:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank you for writing this, i've been thinking about what was wrong with a recent situation of apoligy and no follow up. I couldn't put it into words. this did perfectly.
Thanks again.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-03-06 10:46:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicely put . I never accept apologies just because of that.
Tooling somebody is the shitiest thing on da world.
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2007-03-06 09:20:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Agreed
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-03-06 09:12:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-03-06 09:11:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If you give your draftsman field experience (inspecting, tagging along with a manager, etc.) the idiot time gets greatly reduced.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-03-06 09:08:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Preaching to the choir.