If You Want To Screw My Daughter, There's A Few Things You Should Know First.... (51844 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.67 on 104 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JoeyG (View user info) at 2007-03-07 10:56:20 EST
There are awkward moments in every young man's life.
Your first French kiss. Seeing a naked lady other than your mum for the first time. Explaining to the doctor how you happened to end up with a jar of hair gel super-glued to your testicles.
Ok, so maybe that last one was just me.
The point is there are lots of uncomfortable situations on the rocky road of your teenage years, and these all have to be dealt with.
One of the most uncomfortable of these situations, is the 'chat with the over protective father of a new girlfriend.' It's a delicate situation. You must remain, polite, courteous, and have the right answers to all manner of questions designed to trip you up and ensure the chastity belt is well and truly tightened on your beloved.
With most girls, I gave up before it got to this stage. But when I started seeing Clare, I actually thought it would be worth the hassle. We had been seeing each other for about 2 months, and I knew she would bring up the subject sooner or later.
"I think it's time we told my parents about us."
"You sure? How do you think they'll take it?"
"Oh it'll be fine. My Dad will probably want to meet you and see what you're like. It's just...."
"What?"
"My parents can be a little weird sometimes. Just don't freak, ok?"
"Hey, I'll be fine. Parents love me. Trust me."
Clare went away that day and told her parents. I got a call later that night.
"Ok, it's all set. Come round to my place tomorrow and you can meet my Mum and Dad. Just be here for about sevenish."
"No problem. I'll see you there."
I was still only 16 at the time, so I didn't have my driving license yet. I walked the 45 minute journey to Clare's, and mentally prepared for all sorts of questions that might be thrown my way.
So, what are you going to do with your life?
How are you going to look after my daughter?
Are you intentions strictly honourable?
Oh well. Thank God I was a good liar. Just have to keep calm, tell him what he wants to hear, remember to say please and thank you, and let my dazzling charm do the rest. Nothing could be easier.
I got to her house at ten to seven, so decided to hang back for a few minutes. Be punctual. He'll appreciate that. I stepped up to her front door, and pressed the doorbell at 7 on the dot. The house was nice, and there was a smart looking Mercedes on the driveway. Clare's parents obviously did pretty well for themselves.
After a short wait, the door was opened by a short woman wearing a floral pattern dress.
"Hi, you must be Mrs Harrington."
"Hello dear! You must be Joey. Come in, we're expecting you."
She led me through a small hallway and into the living room. Opposite the doorway to the living room was a closed door, which I assumed to be the bathroom.
"This is a lovely house you have, Mrs Harrington."
"Why, thank you! And please, call me Barbara."
I looked around, and noticed that the most important thing was missing.
"Where's Clare?"
"Oh, she just called. She's running late from her swimming class. She should be back in about half an hour. Please, take a seat. Donald will be joining us in a minute."
Before I had the chance to ask where he was, my question was answered. Coming from behind the closed door in the hallway, was a hideous moaning noise.
It appeared that Big Don was taking a shit.
And struggling with it, too. I tried my best to block out the sound, and act normal.
"Can I get you some tea, Joey?"
"Sure, that'll be - "
Another deep howl came from the bathroom.
" - actually, do you know what, I think I'll pass."
I sat down in a comfortable armchair. Barbara sat opposite me in her own chair, sitting absolutely silently, just smiling at me. There was a clock ticking just above my head, and the steady noise was the only sound.
Tick tock! Tick tock!
Well, it was the only sound, apart from the intermittent wails coming from the bathroom, which seemed to be getting worse.
Maybe this is part of his plan!
That was it! The sneaky fucker was trying to psyche me out, catch me off my guard. He was playing mind games. By forcing me to listen to his arduous ordeal, he thought he would make me not take him seriously, and therefore not be good enough for his little girl.
Well, I'll show him.
The minutes ticked by, and the moaning was starting to come unbearable. Just as I thought I was about to go crazy, I heard the joyous sound of the toilet flushing. A few seconds later, Clare's Dad entered the room. I stood up to greet him, and went over to shake his hand.
"Hi, Mr Harrington, I'm Joey."
Sometimes you notice things, and you wish you hadn't. I couldn't help it. My eye was horribly drawn to Don's crotch, which was clearly sporting a semi stiffy, poking timidly against the material of his trousers. At the tip, was a clear circle of moisture, a clear sign of LPS (Leaky Penis Syndrome - a testimony to the fact that no matter how much you tap, shake or wipe, that last drop will never release itself until the second you put your dick back in your pants.)
"Hi, Joey. I'm Donald, Clare's father. Call me Don. Tea?"
With the horrific noises forgotten about, I accepted their offer of tea, which Barbara willingly poured from the china teapot that was on a glass topped table.
I accepted the cup, and took a long sip.
"So, you wanna fuck Clare, huh?"
At precisely this second, the little wooden bird sprung out of the clock above me to indicate the quarter hour. I shit myself at the sound of the cuckoo in my ear, and dropped the teacup all over the floor.
"I'm sorry, the bird, it made me jump, and - "
"Hey don't worry about that. Barb, can you get a cloth for that." The smiling Barbara left the room and returned with a tea towel to mop up after my clumsy ass.
"Where were we? Oh yeah. Clare. You DO want to fuck her, right?"
"Uh, Mr Harr, I mean, Don, I assure you that - "
"Ah cut the crap. I was a teenager once too, you know. All those hormones, all those.....those... unwanted erections."
Holy fuck. Kill me now.
"Yes, I admit, I do find Clare very attractive."
"Excellent! So it's settled then."
"What?"
"Listen, Joey. We love our daughter very much. And we want to make sure that she enjoys her....... lovemaking. Do you know where the G spot is?"
Oh. My. God. I thought I was prepared for anything he could throw at me. But not this.
"Well....I read this pamphlet once, and - "
"That's great! And what about foreplay. Barb and I have some GREAT stuff, would you like to hear about it?"
"Maybe another time. Look, Don, I don't think I should - "
"Nonsense! I just want to make sure your prepared. Now, as for protection, I recommend these little beauties." He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a pack of ribbed condoms. "These will keep her satisfied, AND give you as much sensitivity as possible."
"Um....thanks?"
"Don't mention it. Oh, and we have a special present for you. Barb, will you do the honours?"
Barbara reached under the table and pulled out a box.
"Go on, open it," she said, still with that unfaltering smile.
I tentatively opened the box. I wished I hadn't immediately. Staring back out of the package was the strangest looking dildo I had ever seen. It was bright green in colour, and resembled a complicated T.V antennae.
"I....I....I don't know what to say...." I picked the item out of the box, wondering what the hell all the extra arms were for.
"Don't mention it. Clare will thank you for it, trust me," said Don.
"That's right!" Said Barb. "Don tried it out on me, and it was to die for!"
I dropped the artificial penis and recoiled in horror.
"Relax, Joey! Quick, I think her coming. Do me proud, son!"
I hastily put the plastic dick back in the box and slid it under the chair just as Clare came into the room.
"Hey, I see you've met my parents. Everything ok?" Don was the first to reply.
"Sure honey, everything's fine. Right Joey?" He winked in my direction.
"Sure....everything's....... fine."
Ok, what the fuck just happened. This is just all part of the test. It has to be.
Clare led me upstairs, and into her bedroom.
"Hey, I hope my folks weren't too hard on you. I know they can be strange sometimes."
Ain't that the fucking truth.
"It was ok, I guess. You guys seem pretty close."
"Yeah, we are. Hey, how do you fancy staying over for the night? I'm sure they wouldn't mind."
As long as I don't have to go back downstairs and face those lunatics, that's fine with me.
"Sure, that'd be great!"
We goofed around for a while, and eventually time came to go to bed. Clare had slipped into a cute little nightie, and she flicked off the lights before climbing into bed next to me.
Within seconds, we were getting down to it. Heavy kissing led to the wandering of hands, and her little night dress came off in one fluid movement. I had hooded up with one of Don's ribbed rubbers, and soon enough, I was inside her. Things were going hot and heavy, and the bed covers had slipped to the floor, leaving us naked together in the middle of the bed.
Now, to any 16 year old, sex is always awesome. So awesome, that it consumes your entire thoughts, and when you actually get some, it's like you slip into another world.
It was magical! Fantastical! Beautiful! It was all conquering!
In fact, it was so engrossing and unbelievable, I didn't even sense the other presence until the light was flipped on.
"Hey, you guys! Will you keep it down a touch, you're going to give me and your Father a run for our money!"
I froze in mid bang, my bobbling ass coming to a standstill. I looked at Clare for some idea of what to do.
"Sure thing, Mum."
What????? I know they were close, but this is wrong.
"Hey, Joey, nice butt!"
"Um....thank you Mrs Harrington."
"It's Barb," she said stepping closer into the room. "Do you work out?"
"No, I just - "
"Hey Don, come and get a load of Joey's butt."
"No, please, I'll - " Don poked his head around the door.
"Hey, nice tush! Do you work out?"
"NO!"
"Mum, can you get me some water?"
"Sure, honey! Joey, can I get you anything?"
I was still poised in the middle of the bed, bollock deep in Clare while this conversation was going on around me.
"I'm fine. Thank you."
"Oh Joey," said Don. "You left this downstairs." He threw the luminous dildo onto the bed.
"Cool!" This was Clare. "Does this mean I can stop borrowing Mum's?"
"It sure does, sweetie! You make good use of it, now!"
Don and Barb left the room, shutting the door behind them. I jumped of Clare as if she had just turned into a zombie.
"You share your Mother's dildo?"
"Sure. You've never used your Dad's porno mags?"
"There's a slight difference!"
"It's cool though. I have my own one now!" She held the device aloft, like a barbarian holding his sword high after a mighty kill.
"I think I better leave."
"Oh. Ok. You'll call me, right?"
Sure, next time I want a family gang bang, you'll be top of the list!
I walked home and pondered the evenings events. I'm all for increasing family relationships.
But the mother / daughter discharge combination is a step too far.
It's times like this I wish I had a therapist.
User Reviews
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2008-03-11 16:28:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2007-04-18 13:20:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Newty (user info) at 2007-04-15 11:28:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was so creepy and it made me laugh so much.
Submitted by Miss.Sassy (user info) at 2007-04-15 10:44:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
pretty good!!
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-04-13 17:58:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats on B@W
Submitted by LongestPants (user info) at 2007-04-04 14:13:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, that was creepy.
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2007-03-22 16:20:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's not as bad as my life.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-03-21 09:48:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this is so fuckin weak.
baw has officially jumped the shark.
Submitted by MidnightToSix (user info) at 2007-03-18 15:02:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
B@W? It boggles the mind...
Submitted by ThatsGodToYouBitches (user info) at 2007-03-18 14:45:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-15 00:07:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lishy...I'm peanut butter and jealous :)
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-03-14 23:52:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yay, B@W!
I have a friend named Joey G, and he e-mailed me that he was bored at work. WEIRD.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-14 23:40:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
congratulations on B@W (again)
but I must say...cactus-shaped toys hit all the right spots love. at the same time. whilst vibrating. try and match that.
ps disregard last night's email. chardonnay gets me ancy for the phone. speak to you at the weekend.
:)
Submitted by comrad (user info) at 2007-03-14 23:22:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny, but I dont believe it.
Submitted by _God (user info) at 2007-03-14 19:05:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...effin a, man. That's all I can really say to this.
Oh, and congrats on B@W.
...effin a.
Submitted by TempermentalTypist (user info) at 2007-03-14 08:05:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dude... dude... DUDE! Thats a "devil feels sorry for you" kinda day. Congrats on B@W. Condolences on the irreparable mental trauma.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-03-13 15:45:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
3 B@Ws in 4 months!
I'm starting to think you might be bart's alter.
Submitted by tech-junkie (user info) at 2007-03-11 04:34:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Shenanigans, but good ones. The cheeky and fun kind
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2007-03-10 21:44:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your stories are fantastic.
Submitted by greEn_uGly (user info) at 2007-03-10 11:58:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-03-07 17:01:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DesolateMisanthrope (user info) at 2007-03-07 16:57:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
this format is getting old.
---------------------
As are stupid emo fuckwits who really should live up to expectations and hit the vodka and sleeping pills.
Remember, the trick is to slit ALONG the radial artery, not across.
Just some friendly advice.
------------
i thought he was a rapper/gangster
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2007-03-09 11:39:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Now THAT was funny/
Submitted by Timmaaaaah (user info) at 2007-03-09 07:49:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Was her mum sexy?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-08 15:42:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-03-07 16:35:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-07 13:42:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey...write something for me...we'll post it under the Shlongy trademarked moniker, and let's see how it gets rated.
Deal?
----------------------
Deal.
I'll just need a full and detailed history of all your past, and all your personal info.
Oops.
You don't already have it? That's strange...the rest of Uber does for some pathetically sad reason.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-08 15:41:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-03-07 16:35:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-07 13:42:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey...write something for me...we'll post it under the Shlongy trademarked moniker, and let's see how it gets rated.
Deal?
----------------------
Deal.
I'll just need a full and detailed history of all your past, and all your personal info.
Submitted by Zackstersmackster (user info) at 2007-03-08 09:01:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice story...but I would have eaten the chick first...it would have been better to be caught in the act of that.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-08 03:08:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2007-03-08 02:23:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bart did a good thing with that update last week.
You did a good thing right now.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-08 01:15:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Reminds me of the time my high school boyfriend's mother inquired as to the frequency of our oral engagements; then questioned technique and reasoning. SO very comfortable...not.
I call my battery-powered friend "the cactus".
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2007-03-08 00:38:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Television -- teacher, mother, secret lover!
-- Homer Simpson
Treehouse of Horror V
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-03-07 22:26:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-03-07 22:21:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Not getting enough dick rammed in his mouth or shoved up his ass below.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2007-03-07 21:46:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
In the more unbelievable stories I kind of expect a point
this all seemed very anti-climactic
still, not bad
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-03-07 21:39:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-07 21:09:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-03-07 16:39:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-07 16:36:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It might've been better to set up the first surprise by actually taking out the little jokes in the very beginning.
You know, like giving yourself a nice setup before the punch line.
Then you could keep topping yourself, I guess.
But it just didn't quite work for me.
It wasn't poorly written or anything, just a little too obvious in my opinion.
This situation has been done a million times, so it's hard to make it original.
Worth reading
--------------------
You know, at first I thought you were an ass...
-------------------
same genus mate
Submitted by Draco (user info) at 2007-03-07 21:09:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Was the mom a MILF in any sense of the word?
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-03-07 20:23:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DesolateMisanthrope (user info) at 2007-03-07 16:57:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
this format is getting old.
______
So are your incessant -2s, alter. Why don't you strap on a pair and -2 it under your real ubername?
Submitted by damunzy (user info) at 2007-03-07 19:26:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Enjoyed.
Submitted by manic_impressive (user info) at 2007-03-07 19:11:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by DesolateMisanthrope (user info) at 2007-03-07 16:57:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
this format is getting old.
__________
SO ARE THE INCOHERENT CONSPIRACY THEORIES YOU FUCKING WANKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-03-07 18:35:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*looks in back pocket*
"yup, a +2 in there for Joey"
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2007-03-07 18:13:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I got your next post covered: http://www.ubersite.com/m/99491 .
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-03-07 18:08:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-03-07 17:56:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i was looking for the right response, but pff had it covered for me...
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2007-03-07 11:05:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
man what a dumb cliche american pie ripoff post this turned out to be.
----
son of sideburns?
---------------
I deny any parental connections.
Unless I can sue, successfully.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-03-07 17:56:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i was looking for the right response, but pff had it covered for me...
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2007-03-07 11:05:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
man what a dumb cliche american pie ripoff post this turned out to be.
----
son of sideburns?
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-03-07 17:39:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
made me laugh, as always Joe. Keep it up.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-03-07 17:07:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-03-07 17:01:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DesolateMisanthrope (user info) at 2007-03-07 16:57:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
this format is getting old.
---------------------
As are stupid emo fuckwits who really should live up to expectations and hit the vodka and sleeping pills.
Remember, the trick is to slit ALONG the radial artery, not across.
Just some friendly advice.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't forget to die when you're finished.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-03-07 17:01:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DesolateMisanthrope (user info) at 2007-03-07 16:57:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
this format is getting old.
---------------------
As are stupid emo fuckwits who really should live up to expectations and hit the vodka and sleeping pills.
Remember, the trick is to slit ALONG the radial artery, not across.
Just some friendly advice.
Submitted by DesolateMisanthrope (user info) at 2007-03-07 16:57:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
this format is getting old.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-03-07 16:39:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-07 16:36:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It might've been better to set up the first surprise by actually taking out the little jokes in the very beginning.
You know, like giving yourself a nice setup before the punch line.
Then you could keep topping yourself, I guess.
But it just didn't quite work for me.
It wasn't poorly written or anything, just a little too obvious in my opinion.
This situation has been done a million times, so it's hard to make it original.
Worth reading
--------------------
You know, at first I thought you were an ass, but over time you've grown on me.
One of the few people who actually make sense.
Fair play.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-03-07 16:37:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-03-07 14:56:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Swell post. Do you work out?
-----------------
100 butt clenches every night.
It made me the man I am today.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-07 16:36:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It might've been better to set up the first surprise by actually taking out the little jokes in the very beginning.
You know, like giving yourself a nice setup before the punch line.
Then you could keep topping yourself, I guess.
But it just didn't quite work for me.
It wasn't poorly written or anything, just a little too obvious in my opinion.
This situation has been done a million times, so it's hard to make it original.
Worth reading.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-03-07 16:35:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-07 13:42:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey...write something for me...we'll post it under the Shlongy trademarked moniker, and let's see how it gets rated.
Deal?
----------------------
Deal.
I'll just need a full and detailed history of all your past, and all your personal info.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-03-07 16:32:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome
Submitted by odin (user info) at 2007-03-07 16:19:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2007-03-07 16:07:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
: )
Submitted by Blinkish (user info) at 2007-03-07 16:05:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you know this got me thinking about the first time my dad realized i wasn't 'innocent' anymore.
what is it with men and their daughters .... anyway
he bought me condoms, and a porno mag
and offered to talk to any guy i felt was 'special' to me
i started laughing so hard i nearly pissed my pants
then i told him i was gay
we never spoke of it again
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2007-03-07 15:50:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GaidinCanuck (user info) at 2007-03-07 12:08:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
However, a dad actually carving my name into a bullet... Now that gave me a challenge!
__________________
When I was in high school, I met this girl's parents. Her dad took me into his room, showed me a gun, and said if I was good to her, I wouldn't see it again.
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2007-03-07 15:38:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I rarely agree with PFF, but he nailed it below.
Submitted by TheScaryGuy11 (user info) at 2007-03-07 15:17:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I lol'd.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-03-07 15:17:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
heh
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-03-07 15:07:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Complete and utter bullshit - but humourous bullshit.
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2007-03-07 15:02:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd kick an orphan for you. Hilarious!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-03-07 14:56:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Swell post. Do you work out?
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-03-07 13:56:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2007-03-07 11:10:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shenanigans, but humourous shenanigans.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-03-07 13:53:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahhaha
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2007-03-07 13:51:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You did at least "finish" right?
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2007-03-07 13:49:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Yazoon (user info) at 2007-03-07 13:44:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice job
i wish he added a bit more to the part where the parents go into the room .
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-07 13:42:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey...write something for me...we'll post it under the Shlongy trademarked moniker, and let's see how it gets rated.
Deal?
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-03-07 13:26:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GaidinCanuck (user info) at 2007-03-07 12:08:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
However, a dad actually carving my name into a bullet... Now that gave me a challenge!
__________________
Damn, that's pretty fuckin' hardcore there!
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2007-03-07 13:22:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-03-07 13:15:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hehehe
Submitted by DarthFaded (user info) at 2007-03-07 12:52:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I read this over my morning coffee half asleep and I busted up laughing.
Obviously Shenanigoats, but frigging hilarious.
It reminded me of when I got the talk from my girlfriend's parents at 17. I had just finished having the whole dual parent "you'd better use protection we aren't putting her on birth control, I know I can't stop you but not in my house" typical, mortified parents finding out that their little girl is becoming a woman, talk. Then I thought we were done.
Nope.
Her step dad asked me to help him with something in the garage. THen as soon as no one else was in earshot he turned to me and said.
"Look I don't like this, but I know I can't stop you. Just remember that you don't always have to have sex. But when she gives you a blow job, don't come in her mouth. Also there are flavored creams and lubricants that You can use... Sometimes Teri and I.."
ENTER Girlfriend...
We never got around to finishing what TERI AND HIM sometiems do which I am thankful for... I mean he was a stepdad so I am sure that the line of acceptable conversation regarding what he tells the guy screwing his daughter is kind of blurred...
Never gonna forget that day.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-03-07 12:45:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-03-07 12:43:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wannabe limey below
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-03-07 12:35:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cheers.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-03-07 12:34:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2007-03-07 11:10:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shenanigans, but humourous shenanigans.
===
Why are all the Americans trying to act all British with the superfluous U lately?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-03-07 12:26:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You tried to do too much with this, edit it down a bit next time.
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-03-07 12:25:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jade_digitalmedia (user info) at 2007-03-07 11:52:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-03-07 11:35:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lies! You know you've never slept with a girl.
-----
OMG!! he's not a virgin!!! *shock* my image of JoeyG is shattered!
------------
Jade my love, everyone on uber is a virgin.
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2007-03-07 12:24:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HA. HA. HA. HA.
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-03-07 12:23:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was funny....and yet scary at the same time.
Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2007-03-07 12:19:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad, but I wish this was true.
Submitted by GaidinCanuck (user info) at 2007-03-07 12:08:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've been in situations like that. Well, not *quite* like that, but similar.
And let me tell you... There is nothing so disconcerting for a teenage boy than to be having sex with his teenage girlfriend at her home while her parents are in the next room. And they're not only OK with it, they encouraged it. Takes all the damn fun out of it.
However, a dad actually carving my name into a bullet... Now that gave me a challenge!
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-03-07 12:06:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-03-07 12:03:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny stuff, I hope this isn't true. In the event it is, you are a pussy. Clearly that chick was a freak, you probably could have gotten a 2 chick 3 way out of her and one of her most other sexually adventurous friends. Man that funny, I'm laughing my ass off.
Submitted by tiaprae (user info) at 2007-03-07 11:52:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jade_digitalmedia (user info) at 2007-03-07 11:52:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-03-07 11:35:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lies! You know you've never slept with a girl.
-----
OMG!! he's not a virgin!!! *shock* my image of JoeyG is shattered!
Submitted by sweetcheebs (user info) at 2007-03-07 11:46:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this is why I come here.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-03-07 11:45:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel abit violated after reading this. Just NO. WRONG.
Submitted by MidnightToSix (user info) at 2007-03-07 11:44:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
AHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH
not funny
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-03-07 11:44:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
funny funny stuff
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2007-03-07 11:41:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2007-03-07 11:40:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
if this story is true this is the best thing ever.....excuse me EVAR!!!!!!!
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-03-07 11:35:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lies! You know you've never slept with a girl.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-03-07 11:18:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nothing I say can do this justice, so I'll leave you with a +2.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-03-07 11:16:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"You share your Mother's dildo?"
"Sure. You've never used your Dad's porno mags?"
"There's a slight difference!"
-----------------------------------
I smell shenanigans, but that little interchange earned this a +2.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-03-07 11:14:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn first thing I have read here for a few days. Excellent as usual JoeyG.
You can borrow my therapist if you like; I'm kind of eager to get away from him to be honest.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2007-03-07 11:10:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shenanigans, but humourous shenanigans.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-03-07 11:06:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-03-07 11:06:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2007-03-07 11:05:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
man what a dumb cliche american pie ripoff post this turned out to be
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-03-07 11:05:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2007-03-07 11:04:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No comment is just SO appropriate.
-Dave
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-03-07 11:03:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-03-07 11:03:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
THE ARISTOCRAT!
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2007-03-07 11:02:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...I'm not suprised.