SPT: If I Can Smell You From the Kitch (898 hits)
Category: Sound & MusicRating: 1.46 on 50 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2007-03-08 15:29:05 EST
Dear Sirs and Madams,
Below, attached, please find for your consideration a vocal presentation of "If I Can Smell You From the Kitch." As you are already aware, this piece was created in response to Mr. Paul Blakeford's "If I Can't Tell You From a Bitch" which can be found here: http://www.ubersite.com/m/81667. Don't read the Blakeford if you've recently eaten, as it's liable to loosen your bowels and force you to make in your pants. Unless you have a spare pair of trousers around, in which case knock yourselves out. But totally read the Orgasmatron review if you'd like to follow along. It gets me hotter than reading about black hole mechanics, and I don't mean the kind you learn about from some hooker down Crenshaw.
I do hope you enjoy this. I had a lot of fun making it.
Sincerely,
Stephen "Hot Pants" Hawking
PS - All you ladies with a Speak & Spell fetish...hollar at your boy!
If I Can Smell You From the Kitch.mp3 (1 MB) [audio/mpeg]
User Reviews
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-04 10:58:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Take a breath Sacrilicious ;)
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-07-04 10:53:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The Febreze can be used
It's not fresh air to me
But I need something so
I can breathe while cooking breakfast
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-07-04 10:29:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-03-09 10:01:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Many a Chatty Cathy below.
I don't know who pulled all of your strings, but I'm not going to complain about it.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2007-03-09 01:10:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yes
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-03-09 00:04:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I didn't do it. I was only robbing the register. I hope you understand.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-03-09 00:01:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:53:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
So I have learned Stagger once gave a negative rating to Origami-san.
=======
Yeah. that's probably the only one too. I won't deny i'm biased towards people.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-09 00:00:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I know Sacrilicious has retired, but does this mean JonnyX is 'going places' too?
Because I see her rate his shit like gold, too.
Jesus please us.
Doesn't anyone understand the basic principles of supply and demand?
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:56:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm 39. Born in the Summer of Love.
Good night. I mean it.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:53:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wrong Turn at *Lungfish*, I mean. Sorry.
So I have learned Stagger once gave a negative rating to Origami-san.
Lungfish is really 49.
Sacrilicious stands by her man.
I never would have suspected.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:53:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:46:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm Thorpe's alter.
==============
Duh.
Good night.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:47:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
p.s.- Stagger_Lee is Orgasmatron's alter.
======
duh.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:46:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm Thorpe's alter.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:45:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hi lungfish.
Stagger_Lee, that was for SCIENCE. I'm shocked that not one Uberer stepped up to that challenge. I mean, it's Ubersite.
Zebra- In case you haven't heard, The Orgasmatron is Kind of a Big Deal. It's no secret that I support him in all of his endeavors. He's going places, and I'm going to be seated at his right hand when his ship comes in. And there will be Dr Natura and slurpees for everyone. Yes sirree.
Well, I'm off. Goodnight my preciouseseses.
p.s.- Stagger_Lee is Orgasmatron's alter.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:41:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Faux pas. 26 years.
Damn...I'll never live this one down.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:41:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:37:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh Jesus Christ, Stagger.
That was fucking awful.
Yet the overall positive rating serves to prove my point.
As does this:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/94524#2187951
Tammy Wylicious!
=======
Oh, i thought we were talking about ME. I might lose interest if we're not.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:37:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Except I don't think I'll be cranky, unless my back gets worse, which it is sure to do. So yeah, I'll be a cranky old man...in 16 years, that is. I'll still have beer...and Cheez-Its, which I'm eating now, and loving.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:37:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh Jesus Christ, Stagger.
That was fucking awful.
Yet the overall positive rating serves to prove my point.
As does this:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/94524#2187951
Tammy Wylicious!
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:31:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Too late, Lungfish.
I already like you.
An acquaintance of mine wrote a play called "Wrong Turn at Kungfish" which is about a cranky but lovable old agnostic.
You would be perfect casting in a few years when you turn 65.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:31:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Nah, I'm just late to the party a lot of the time.
when I have to rate someone negatively that I like, I try to be nice about it:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/94524#2187286
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:29:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ahahaha Sacrilicious.
I would wager Stagger might sometimes avoid rating the weaker post of a friendly user to preclude hurt feelings.
In real life, friends often give me their work to read, and when if the writing is not good it is terribly difficult.
Not that this is the case here, of course. I really have no idea.
It's the old 'does this dress make me look fat' issue.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:29:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Than again, Mr. Lee is going to be jealous as hell when he reads my sunburning-my-dick story.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:26:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You can flame me, Zebra, if you like. You are certainly a well-spoken individual, and I respect your opinion. I think you must be Bart. Plus, I know I post shit.
I'm tired, my back hurts, and I have salt caked in my eyebrows, which are blond from the sun and not the least bit gray.
I'm sad because, alas, I will not be able to get drunk and fuck around on Uber this weekend. Next weekend, for sure.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:23:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-08 22:57:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
But we must agree to disagree about Mr. Lee's generosity.
He has definitely been sucked off into the vortex.
And why not?
From what I've seen, I imagine it to be a lovely experience.
===
Agreed, on all points. Though, with all our intarweb affections, I do wish Stagger would rate more of my posts. I mean, the ones that aren't utter shit.
Oh. Right.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:23:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Lungfish is a perfect example.
Such an agressively agreeable motherfucker makes it hard to descend to negative numbers, even for me.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:23:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:14:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You were correct not to answer my questions last night, Mr. Lee.
--------
What questions?
--------
And with your skilled evasion this evening my esteem for you only grows.
-------
Naturally. Like George Best nutmegging a Leeds defender, that's me.
-------
You aren't the elusive DesolateMisanthrope, are you?
---------
No, a misanthrope is one who hates humanity. Good heavens, no, Charlie, we're a family.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:20:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like everybody.
Not really.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:18:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm presuming, Mr. Lee, your preference is stirred, not shaken.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:14:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You were correct not to answer my questions last night, Mr. Lee.
And with your skilled evasion this evening my esteem for you only grows.
You aren't the elusive DesolateMisanthrope, are you?
If so, I want to see the transformation for myself, as did your intrepid monster-seeker.
Drink the potion whilst I observe.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:04:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
And yeah, Lish, I think Zebra's just a bit of a stirrer.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:02:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I love it when people say "Mr Lee". Makes me feel like a character in the matrix.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-08 22:57:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sacrilicious:
I was just joshing with Stagger last night.
I remembered a comment he made awhile back related to ratings, but I'll be damned if I can remember exactly where or what it was.
While true my jest was mostly at the expense of you and your crew, I certainly meant no harm, and I think Stagger took it in the spirit in which it was intended.
Human nature dictates pretty reliable if somewhat general biases and a certain loss of objectivity is inevitable here. The more warmly or disagreeably one feels about any particular user certainly factors in.
No matter the reasons for such feelings, it basically just boils down to liking someone and acting on one's feelings.
No way to avoid it, really.
The reason you give for your surprise re: Stagger in particular is the very reason I was joking with him.
I am certainly no more or less objective as a human being than anyone else, although I have of late tried to at least explain when I give a lower rating since people seem to appreciate it a bit more.
Which, I suppose, is what I'm doing with this response to you.
But we must agree to disagree about Mr. Lee's generosity.
He has definitely been sucked off into the vortex.
And why not?
From what I've seen, I imagine it to be a lovely experience.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-03-08 21:39:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-08 21:20:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Tiny victory below.
===
I was surprised to read your comments to Stag last night, because of all people here, especially those who are friendly with certain users, Stag has never been particularly liberal with his ratings.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-08 21:20:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Tiny victory below.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-03-08 21:14:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
indeed.
Submitted by AllyJeans (user info) at 2007-03-08 18:17:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My dog's ears are infected. Always are. :(
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-03-08 17:28:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by AllyJeans (user info) at 2007-03-08 17:15:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You had me at Snatch. :)
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-03-08 16:31:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
normal man, suuuure...
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-03-08 16:19:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WHERE'S MY RING?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-08 16:09:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Those were the ones I liked.
So what's that, 6 out of, lessee, you post once every 18 hours...6 out of 490 posts?
Not bad.
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-03-08 15:48:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-03-08 15:39:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I'm just a normal man..."
aaaaahahahahahahahaha
This is SO going in my voicewhore project.
Hm hm..I just cutted "tabernac"...
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-03-08 15:47:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Have I ever truly posted about "Shlongy?"
I've involved "Shlongy" in about four pieces - the dramas and that Uberia Wars thing that fizzled out like a queef in a hatbox - and maybe one or two of my self-serving review posts. Beyond that I think you may be off your meds, Werthers.
I DO however have something in the works that you may enjoy.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-08 15:44:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This sounds like synthesized McCallum.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-08 15:43:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Not true, Buckwheat.
I have given you plenty of +2's.
Remember all those times your posts were about Shlongy?
Check the stats. It's all there in black and more black.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-03-08 15:39:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I'm just a normal man..."
aaaaahahahahahahahaha
This is SO going in my voicewhore project.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-03-08 15:39:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Lately? Let's be honest, Labia, and go with never.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-08 15:39:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Is this related to Marshall Crenshaw?
Him, I enjoy.
You? Not so much. Lately.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-03-08 15:38:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-12-29 13:11:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:43:00 (#)
Ranking: -2
If I Can Smell You From the Kitch
---------------------------------------
I fucking love you, O-Tron- marry me?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-03-08 15:35:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Crenshaw hookers give you syphilis, that's why I only use La Cienega hookers.