I am ubersite's most overtly pathetic user (1614 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.2 on 89 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by shandythedog (View user info) at 2007-03-08 20:01:33 EST
It has been previously established (http://www.ubersite.com/m/95201) that Caulincourt narrowly outshines Shlongy as ubersite's most covertly pathetic user.
I would now like to present my claims as ubersite most overtly pathetic user.
There is so much evidence to choose from - my repulsive flabby beer gut and the mess i have made of my marriage and my employment being the obvious ones.
But rather than go into a big list, I'll just relate one little anecdote - The Stains on the White Satin Sheets - which should prove beyond any doubt that I am the most pathetic cunt on this website, and probably in the whole world.
................................The Stains on the White Satin Sheets.................
Last week, at the age of 43 years and 42 days, it occurred to me that I had never slept between satin sheets. Why should I deny myself this pleasure, I thought. (Presumably this is how more affluent men in the throes of mid-life crisis justify the Harley Davidson or Ferrari.)
So I went to the mall. Firstly I searched in a department store, but could only find cotton sheets. I was too embarrassed to ask the shop assistant if they had satin sheets. She was a pretty young thing, and I knew she would inwardly laugh at a repulsive fat ginger-bearded sexualy-neutered creature such as myself buying such an item.
Finally I found some in another shop, on special reduced to $95 dollars. I secretly wanted to go with black or purple, but was too pathetic, so got white (telling myself it was more tasteful).
I have now been sleeping, naked, between the white satin sheets for about a week. It does feel rather nice, I suppose. Although I think I caught a cold last night.
Today I discovered some stains.
What are these stains? Cunt juice? Saliva? Shit? Some other evidence of the nights of wild passion and sensual indulgence that satin sheets are designed for?
No.
It was sun dried tomato pesto from a large plate of pasta i had been eating for morning tea while playing "Star Wars Pod Racer" (an outdated game that only cost $9.95) on my ex-wife's laptop while she was at work.
"That's not so pathetic!" i can imagine you crying out "at least it wasn't tomato sauce from a triple size quarter pounder or something. Sun dried tomato pesto actually sounds quite sophisticated and un-pathetic"
Well, that might be because you think I personally dried some tomatoes from my organic vege patch and then followed one of Jamie Oliver's recipes to make the sun dried tomato pesto.
In fact, my only two attempts to grow tomotoes, about six or seven years ago, both failed miserably and I've only made pesto once in my life (and I was so proud of this that I made isaac write about it in his class homework book so the teacher and other parents would be impressed).
no, the sundried tomato pesto comes in a jar and was probably made in bangladesh. my ex-wife (who i still live with because i am too pathetic to stand on my own two feet) bought it. i don't even like it, but thought a mid morning snack of pasta and sundried tomato pesto was less pathetic than a triple quater pounder from macdonalds.
Which of course is even more pathetic.
User Reviews
Submitted by bobotheclown (user info) at 2007-03-13 02:20:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
don't use meaningless subterfuge
the fact is your hero agrees with me, therefore you are WRONG
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-03-12 19:28:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
'mostly harmless'
dumbass
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-03-11 22:14:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
page 66 of mainly harmless:
north and south are arbitary terms
i rest my case
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-03-11 21:20:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-03-11 17:03:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-03-10 04:25:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
btw apollo, is assume you agree that Douglas Adams is an authority on everything?
yes.
although i think I know where this is going.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-03-11 16:37:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-03-11 16:36:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2007-03-11 10:55:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Meh you wish you were pathetic but at best you're average and at worst you're subpar. You're curse is mediocrity. +2 cause God knows you need something
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-03-10 07:19:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-03-10 05:17:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
are you insinuating that DA might not be an authority on everything?
---
not at all, on the contrary
i am just waiting for apollo's rubber stamp on that statement before i move onto my next point, based on page 64 of the novel i am currently reading
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-03-10 05:35:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I could beat you.
God it sucks that i could, but i can.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-03-10 05:17:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
are you insinuating that DA might not be an authority on everything?
Submitted by jojo747 (user info) at 2007-03-10 05:08:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-03-10 04:25:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
btw apollo, is assume you agree that Douglas Adams is an authority on everything?
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2007-03-10 01:39:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
its sad, but i wouldnt say pathetic
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-03-09 20:29:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
easy way to check:
who has sucked the most penis?
and fucked the most relatives?
Normal /= Caul.
I wuv you fwenchie.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-03-09 16:49:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you are an aging hairy weirdo with weird paedophile fantasies.
i am a young ordinary man with an overall decent life, so far.
normal > you
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-03-09 16:44:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
that's odd, i though zakawale was an official member of my Fan Club
there's only one way to settle this caul - an exchange program. you come over here and spend six months slopping pesto on the lonely satin sheets, and i'll spend six months over there lusting after smelly negroes in the gym, or whatever it is you do.
then we'll have the basis for a clear comparison.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-03-09 16:38:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
and this famous comment from electro is a way of calling you a retard.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-03-09 16:37:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i understand that shandy. but the truth is, it is impossible that you wouldn't want to be me. :-)
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-03-09 16:28:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2007-03-09 12:07:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2006-04-09 06:25:38 (#)
Ranking: 0
And yes, my shirt rocks. Wherever you go, always look like you came back from a vacation
----
what does this mean?
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-03-09 16:27:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-03-09 09:24:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-03-08 20:18:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
finally we have a mutal feeling, caulincourt!
i feel exactly the same way about you!
===
no you don't.
your assumptions that i'm pathetic come from resentment, envy.
----------
actually, my comment was nothing to do in particular with patheticness
it was merely that "you make me happy to be me"
in other words, i feel glad to be me, rather than you
just as you apparently feel glad to be you, rather than me
seeing me on ubersite makes you think "thank god i'm not that cunt"
and seeing you on ubersite makes me feel the same way
so we have something in common
that is all
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-03-09 15:59:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-03-09 15:24:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-03-09 13:39:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-03-09 11:52:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sfaggy here pretty much has a lock on most OVERTLY pathetic
===
and you've been disqualified because you would kill all the competition, you immeasurably pathetic creep
------
when are you going to quit obscessing over me Alain...ever?
===
i have hope that my first attempt at shenaningans will catch on and you will be our next IHAKF charicature.
:-D
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-03-09 15:24:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-03-09 13:39:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-03-09 11:52:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sfaggy here pretty much has a lock on most OVERTLY pathetic
===
and you've been disqualified because you would kill all the competition, you immeasurably pathetic creep
------
when are you going to quit obscessing over me Alain...ever?
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2007-03-09 13:56:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I was planning on arguing with you, but wow that post was convincing. I'm not even gonna try and state my case. So...good job?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-09 13:42:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Yeah...you tell him Caul.
So, is Shlongy "Number 1" or are you?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-03-09 13:39:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-03-09 11:52:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sfaggy here pretty much has a lock on most OVERTLY pathetic
===
and you've been disqualified because you would kill all the competition, you immeasurably pathetic creep
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-03-09 12:25:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by zimm0r (user info) at 2007-03-09 12:24:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
!FIRE! !FIRE! !FIRE!
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2007-03-09 12:07:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2006-04-09 06:25:38 (#)
Ranking: 0
And yes, my shirt rocks. Wherever you go, always look like you came back from a vacation
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-03-09 11:52:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2007-03-09 01:32:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
It has been previously established (http://www.ubersite.com/m/95201) that Caulincourt narrowly outshines Shlongy as ubersite's most --- covertly --- pathetic user.
You're a fuck up.
------
Sfaggy here pretty much has a lock on most OVERTLY pathetic
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-03-09 11:49:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-03-08 22:09:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One day, will I be in the same situation? With my sheets stained with dried tomato, sitting alone in satan sheets?
-----
SHEETS OF SATAN
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-03-09 10:37:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
mmm... satin sheets...
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-03-09 09:24:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-03-08 20:18:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
finally we have a mutal feeling, caulincourt!
i feel exactly the same way about you!
===
no you don't.
your assumptions that i'm pathetic come from resentment, envy.
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-03-09 09:09:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
........you're 43, divorced, still live with your ex-wife, and play star wars pod racer. You are a sad man indeed. I'm think I'm gonna cry.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-09 08:41:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought I was? Make up your mind, shitforbrains.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-03-09 07:55:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-03-09 04:10:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
did i mention my ex-wife is asian?
that makes it more pathetic still doesn't it?
you know, not only a woman, but a supposedly subservient and obedient chink, and yet she is wearing the pants?
----------------------
This has to be the most pathetic retarded under the thumb situation in the history of pathetic retarded under the thumb situations.
I applaud you.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2007-03-09 05:21:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I was too embarrassed to ask the shop assistant if they had satin sheets. She was a pretty young thing, and I knew she would inwardly laugh at a repulsive fat ginger-bearded sexualy-neutered creature such as myself buying such an item."
---
That is pure class.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-03-09 05:14:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sounds like your ex can...
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-03-09 05:00:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i think it might only be double quarter pounders, berty
even that is a bit extreme though - i've only tried it once
(i'm too pathetic to handle that much meat)
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-03-09 04:58:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yes, that is exactly how she speaks to me
and whenever she does, i suffer a bout of nervous diahrea
and i think she used to be a man as well
i iniated the divorce when i caught her cheating on me with my five year old son
normally i would have been too pathetic to even manage that, but i was stung into action when she looked up at me and said "i fuck him because he cock big than you"
that hurt my feelings
but at the divorce court the judge ordered me to drop my pants and compare my penis size with my 4yr old son. when it was discovered that his cock WAS in fact bigger than mine, he awarded the house and all assets to my ex-wife
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-03-09 04:38:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-03-09 04:10:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
did i mention my ex-wife is asian?
that makes it more pathetic still doesn't it?
you know, not only a woman, but a supposedly subservient and obedient chink, and yet she is wearing the pants?
--
Well well my ex is an asian She-he; who I'm too embarrassed to divorce due to the stigma attached to people finding out about me being ghey!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-03-09 04:36:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In Australia you can buy tripple quarter pounders!?
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-09 04:25:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-03-09 04:10:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
did i mention my ex-wife is asian?
that makes it more pathetic still doesn't it?
you know, not only a woman, but a supposedly subservient and obedient chink, and yet she is wearing the pants?
===========================
Ok, ok, but who instigated the divorce? You? Or her?
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-09 04:23:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
SHRANDY YOU COME HERE YOU FUCKING GUY!!
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-03-09 04:15:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
does she yell at you, like, "SHRANDY YOU COME HERE YOU FUCKING GUY!! YOU RIKE RITE SHREETS SO MUCH YOU MAYBE RAKE YOUR BED. RY YOU PRAY POD LACER ON MY WRAPTOP!!!??? ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHH!!!"
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-03-09 04:10:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
did i mention my ex-wife is asian?
that makes it more pathetic still doesn't it?
you know, not only a woman, but a supposedly subservient and obedient chink, and yet she is wearing the pants?
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2007-03-09 04:08:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-03-09 03:51:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2007-03-09 03:34:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-03-09 01:13:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
every night before I go to bed I pull on an old pair of acid-wash jeans, don a white t-shirt, roll up the sleeves, mousse up my hair and rock out to Footloose. I 'woo' a fair bit, lots of handclaps and standing posed on toes, and when the chorus starts I'm all "Loose! Footloose! Kick off your Sunday shoes!", then I run from the lounge-room to the kitchen in that gay way the dancers do, you know all stepping out and skipping like, then I'm "Oowhee!" [head appearing from behind the microwave with my best stunned gollywog mammy face], "Marie!" [appears from behind the fridge], "Shake it, shake it for me!" [heading back into the lounge-room arms held out forward and shaking pretend boobs], "Whoa! Milo! C'mon, c'mon let go!" [finger-clicking and dancing kevin bacon], "Lose your blues - everybody cut footloose!!!
[soft and slow build up] "everybody cut everybody cut.." [running up stairs, taking two at a time, pausing and turning quickly]
"everybody cut everybody cut.." [bit higher, still running up stairs]
"EVERYbody cut EVERYBODY cut.." [building now to a raucous crescendo, and I've nearly made the bedroom]
"EVERYBODY CUT FOOTLOOSE!!! DAH DAH-DAH dun-DUN!!" [head appears from around bedroom door] "yeah!"
_______________________
I have actually witnessed him perform this atrocity...it's pretty gay.
-----------------
*you're* gay
like a massive gay stupid gay
___________
astounding.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-03-09 03:52:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You sound pretty pathetic but I fancy giving you a run for your money. The challenge is on!
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-03-09 03:51:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2007-03-09 03:34:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-03-09 01:13:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
every night before I go to bed I pull on an old pair of acid-wash jeans, don a white t-shirt, roll up the sleeves, mousse up my hair and rock out to Footloose. I 'woo' a fair bit, lots of handclaps and standing posed on toes, and when the chorus starts I'm all "Loose! Footloose! Kick off your Sunday shoes!", then I run from the lounge-room to the kitchen in that gay way the dancers do, you know all stepping out and skipping like, then I'm "Oowhee!" [head appearing from behind the microwave with my best stunned gollywog mammy face], "Marie!" [appears from behind the fridge], "Shake it, shake it for me!" [heading back into the lounge-room arms held out forward and shaking pretend boobs], "Whoa! Milo! C'mon, c'mon let go!" [finger-clicking and dancing kevin bacon], "Lose your blues - everybody cut footloose!!!
[soft and slow build up] "everybody cut everybody cut.." [running up stairs, taking two at a time, pausing and turning quickly]
"everybody cut everybody cut.." [bit higher, still running up stairs]
"EVERYbody cut EVERYBODY cut.." [building now to a raucous crescendo, and I've nearly made the bedroom]
"EVERYBODY CUT FOOTLOOSE!!! DAH DAH-DAH dun-DUN!!" [head appears from around bedroom door] "yeah!"
_______________________
I have actually witnessed him perform this atrocity...it's pretty gay.
-----------------
*you're* gay
like a massive gay stupid gay
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2007-03-09 03:34:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-03-09 01:13:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
every night before I go to bed I pull on an old pair of acid-wash jeans, don a white t-shirt, roll up the sleeves, mousse up my hair and rock out to Footloose. I 'woo' a fair bit, lots of handclaps and standing posed on toes, and when the chorus starts I'm all "Loose! Footloose! Kick off your Sunday shoes!", then I run from the lounge-room to the kitchen in that gay way the dancers do, you know all stepping out and skipping like, then I'm "Oowhee!" [head appearing from behind the microwave with my best stunned gollywog mammy face], "Marie!" [appears from behind the fridge], "Shake it, shake it for me!" [heading back into the lounge-room arms held out forward and shaking pretend boobs], "Whoa! Milo! C'mon, c'mon let go!" [finger-clicking and dancing kevin bacon], "Lose your blues - everybody cut footloose!!!
[soft and slow build up] "everybody cut everybody cut.." [running up stairs, taking two at a time, pausing and turning quickly]
"everybody cut everybody cut.." [bit higher, still running up stairs]
"EVERYbody cut EVERYBODY cut.." [building now to a raucous crescendo, and I've nearly made the bedroom]
"EVERYBODY CUT FOOTLOOSE!!! DAH DAH-DAH dun-DUN!!" [head appears from around bedroom door] "yeah!"
_______________________
I have actually witnessed him perform this atrocity...it's pretty gay.
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-03-09 03:21:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Another honor i am willing to live without...
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-09 02:51:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I KNOW you're Australian, dumbass.
I didn't mean "we Americans" as in you and I, I meant as in "We Americans..." That is, the Americans over here. In America.
Christ! You make my head hurt.
Right now that dumb ditz who married your dumbass Steve Irwin "I'm A KRIKEY" guy is on television, and she's a dipshit too. She has an American accent though. Did he marry an American?
She actually LOOKS like that guy.
Fucking Australians.
You guys suck.
Blow me.
Fag.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-03-09 02:22:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-09 01:53:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And yes. Pathetic, isn't it Danger? Living with his ex-wife. WTF? If anything he should do like we Americans do and fly an airplane into her mother's house, or put on adult diapers and drive 900 miles to FLorida to confront and try to harm her new lover.
---------------
err... i'm not an american, i'm from queensland.
okay i'll be an american
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-09 02:17:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i very much prefer your reviews to the actual post old egg.
perhaps i shall make a practise of waiting until you've a solid go of things and twenty or so reviews before rating and thus make an attempt at tipping the scales more to your liking.
otherwise could you anticipate the responses and include them in the post itself for my convenience?
whichever you prefer, of course.
.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-09 01:57:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
At the very least he should kill her and cut her body into a bunch of pieces like that guy here in Michigan did.
http://www.miamiherald.com/509/story/32427.html
What the fuck is wrong with you Shandy?
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-09 01:53:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can hear my neighbors fucking.
THey're fat and ugly.
<shudders>.
As usual Danger-Ranger is cracking me the fuck up.
And yes. Pathetic, isn't it Danger? Living with his ex-wife. WTF? If anything he should do like we Americans do and fly an airplane into her mother's house, or put on adult diapers and drive 900 miles to FLorida to confront and try to harm her new lover.
Fucking loser.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-03-09 01:50:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-03-09 01:13:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
every night before I go to bed I pull on an old pair of acid-wash jeans, don a white t-shirt, roll up the sleeves, mousse up my hair and rock out to Footloose. I 'woo' a fair bit, lots of handclaps and standing posed on toes, and when the chorus starts I'm all "Loose! Footloose! Kick off your Sunday shoes!", then I run from the lounge-room to the kitchen in that gay way the dancers do, you know all stepping out and skipping like, then I'm "Oowhee!" [head appearing from behind the microwave with my best stunned gollywog mammy face], "Marie!" [appears from behind the fridge], "Shake it, shake it for me!" [heading back into the lounge-room arms held out forward and shaking pretend boobs], "Whoa! Milo! C'mon, c'mon let go!" [finger-clicking and dancing kevin bacon], "Lose your blues - everybody cut footloose!!!
[soft and slow build up] "everybody cut everybody cut.." [running up stairs, taking two at a time, pausing and turning quickly]
"everybody cut everybody cut.." [bit higher, still running up stairs]
"EVERYbody cut EVERYBODY cut.." [building now to a raucous crescendo, and I've nearly made the bedroom]
"EVERYBODY CUT FOOTLOOSE!!! DAH DAH-DAH dun-DUN!!" [head appears from around bedroom door] "yeah!"
but I'm not as sad as you shandy, I stopped living with my ex-wife when she kicked me out.
----
this presesnts a serious challenge
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2007-03-09 01:32:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
It has been previously established (http://www.ubersite.com/m/95201) that Caulincourt narrowly outshines Shlongy as ubersite's most --- covertly --- pathetic user.
You're a fuck up.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-03-09 01:13:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
every night before I go to bed I pull on an old pair of acid-wash jeans, don a white t-shirt, roll up the sleeves, mousse up my hair and rock out to Footloose. I 'woo' a fair bit, lots of handclaps and standing posed on toes, and when the chorus starts I'm all "Loose! Footloose! Kick off your Sunday shoes!", then I run from the lounge-room to the kitchen in that gay way the dancers do, you know all stepping out and skipping like, then I'm "Oowhee!" [head appearing from behind the microwave with my best stunned gollywog mammy face], "Marie!" [appears from behind the fridge], "Shake it, shake it for me!" [heading back into the lounge-room arms held out forward and shaking pretend boobs], "Whoa! Milo! C'mon, c'mon let go!" [finger-clicking and dancing kevin bacon], "Lose your blues - everybody cut footloose!!!
[soft and slow build up] "everybody cut everybody cut.." [running up stairs, taking two at a time, pausing and turning quickly]
"everybody cut everybody cut.." [bit higher, still running up stairs]
"EVERYbody cut EVERYBODY cut.." [building now to a raucous crescendo, and I've nearly made the bedroom]
"EVERYBODY CUT FOOTLOOSE!!! DAH DAH-DAH dun-DUN!!" [head appears from around bedroom door] "yeah!"
but I'm not as sad as you shandy, I stopped living with my ex-wife when she kicked me out.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-03-09 01:11:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
there are about 33,000 other people vying for the same distinction. Maybe it's 33,000 minus one, because I am awesome. If one thing is for certain, it's that I am Ubersite's least pathetic loser.
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:50:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Should have bought the red one's. but then you wouldn't have seen it and then you wouldn't have posted this, and I would have not read it and wasted some time not working. and then...
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:49:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You make a compelling case.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:29:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My brain just fluttered through multiple words and phrases that can be spelled with "covertly pathetic"
Thank you.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this is superb
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:26:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2007-03-08 21:50:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
There's nothing "Covert" about it, you goddamned retard.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand the most idiotic review of the year award goes toooooooo!
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-08 22:58:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU LIVE WITH YOUR EX-WIFE!
HA HA!
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-03-08 22:45:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I might have been able to give you a run for your money in the overtly pathetic category, until your mid-life crisis gave you a boost.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-03-08 22:28:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
director, spahnum has some weird compulsion to minus 2 me all the time
i have no idea why - although i once saw him on some post or other delusionally accusing someone who minus 2'd him of being me.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-03-08 22:26:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-03-08 22:09:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One day, will I be in the same situation? With my sheets stained with dried tomato, sitting alone in satan sheets?
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omg, it DOES sound quite pathetic, doesn't it
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-03-08 22:09:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One day, will I be in the same situation? With my sheets stained with dried tomato, sitting alone in satan sheets?
To echo Hidden - time will tell.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-08 22:08:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have to say, I'm widowed, and twice divorced. BUT I DON'T LIVE WITH EITHER OF MY EX-WIVES.
That is pretty goddamned pathetic, dude.
Odd to see you and Fagnum going at it. I thought Uber-Aussies had a united front against us "Yanks/Seppos/Imperialist Pigs/Trailor-Trash/Americans and Limeys/Cockneys/Redcoats/British and French-Canadians?
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-03-08 22:01:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
also, fleghmsap, just out of curiousity, what sort of pleasure do you get in minus 2ing all my posts?
what motivates you?
if you find my posts rubbish, why waste your time reading them?
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-03-08 21:53:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
can you actually read, spahdnfleghm?
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2007-03-08 21:50:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
There's nothing "Covert" about it, you goddamned retard.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-03-08 21:45:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i think he was driven to suicide by method, apollo and caulincourt
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-03-08 21:10:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Where DID jaybig go?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-03-08 21:09:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah Shandy, you're like an abused puppy...
I enjoyed this. You must not be drunk.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-03-08 20:48:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, since you put it that way...
Submitted by manic_impressive (user info) at 2007-03-08 20:45:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shandy, Apollo is far worse than you. Chin up.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-03-08 20:42:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2007-03-08 20:38:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
am i doomed to suffer the same fate? only time will tell.
----
wisdom beyond his years!
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-03-08 20:39:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-03-08 20:36:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm pretty sure there are a few folks here who are more pathetic.
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jaypeg has gone now
also, bare in mind i am competing in the OVERTLY pathetic category, not the COVERTLY pathetic category
if the belts were unified, i'm not sure which one would actually be the MOST pathetic.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2007-03-08 20:38:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
am i doomed to suffer the same fate? only time will tell.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-03-08 20:36:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm pretty sure there are a few folks here who are more pathetic.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-03-08 20:35:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm fairly sure I'm overtly pathetic.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-03-08 20:29:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-08 20:17:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
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my instincts tell me this Zebra cunt might actually give Caulincourt and Shlongy a run for their money in the Covertly Pathetic category
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2007-03-08 20:18:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
finally we have a mutal feeling, caulincourt!
i feel exactly the same way about you!
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-08 20:17:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-03-08 20:14:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you made me happy to be me
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-03-08 20:10:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You made me cry.....