Krumpiloffinhakkin! (589 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.65 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by CATAL (View user info) at 2007-03-11 03:18:26 EDT
Greetings! I am rightly called Saint CATAL The Ephemeral Of Infinite Something-Or-Other, Destroyer Of Things Found, Head Honcho Of These Things That I Do, Killer Of Norman The Gross Spider I Found That One Time, Unifier Of The Great Peoples Of Zarganthia And Mexico But Not The Mexico South Of The United States An Entirely Different Mexico, Keeper Of His Holy Sacredness And Let's Be Honest - Sheer Awesomeness, Preacher Of Truths And Falsehoods, Prophet Of Himself And Maybe Others That I'm Unaware Of, Teacher Of The Sage And Insane Chrythises Chaotologist Extraordinaire, He Who Will Not Be Mocked By Anyone Except Those Who Mock Him, Interpreter Of Things He Understands Naught, Sinker Of DikshunairyDryver, Creator Of Worlds Located Within Non-Existence, And He Who Does Other Things Too.
I shall be addressed thusly at all times otherwise I shall not pay attention to those who address me, unless they address me in some other fashion; it doesn't really matter. Second and secondmost, I express my deepest sympathies to all those who are not me. Must suck. Anywho, onwards and upwards, or just in any direction really, or even just stay still, I don't discriminate.
I would like to address a very important issue permeating do-gooders/goodey-goodies/rat bastards and people of such and other ilk across the universe, but the version sung by Rufus Wainwright, not the Beatles. Interesting sidenote on Rufus, that in the movie Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, Rufus never states his name, and that Bill and Ted learn Rufus's name from themselves. Much like the way I learned my own name, except with no time traveling, although there is a phone booth involved. But to the issue at hand - the spreading of truth.
The spreading of truth is an incredible affliction infecting more and more people everyday, especially considering all this propaganda from various churches, temples, mosques, wigwams, government buildings, pagodas, teepees, pavilions, arenas, the Coliseum, subway stations, and most importantly: books. Because truth is in fact wrong and intrinsically untruthful in the spreading of truth we are in fact lying. Real truth is a existential impossibility as stated by the Chief Fellow and Professor of All Things Untruthful at the University of JimJam, Mexico (but not the Mexico south of the United States, an entirely different Mexico) - me.
It is his contention (my contention) that in order to combat this problem of untruthfulness spreading through the spreading of truth we must spread untruthfulness directly and strive to know nothing. As Socrates stated, true knowledge is in knowing that one knows nothing. So in knowing nothing, we will achieve true knowledge and then know the truth and be able to not spread it accordingly, because spreading this truth would only lead to more untruth. In order to achieve this state of knowledge through knowing nothing, we must spread nothing, or failing that, spread untruthfulness and lies so that we do not spread lies by trying to spread the truth. But since the spreading of truth is in fact untruth, we shall intersplice the truth and untruth interchangeably and arbitrarily and quite chaotically or sporadically or really in any way you please because, lets face it, it's all the same nonsense. Since this is what we all already do, I would like to commend you all for your valiant efforts. Adieu.
- Pope CATAL the Ephemeral, Episkopos and Saint Second Class of the Paratheo-anametamystikhood Of Eris Esoteric, KSC
User Reviews
Submitted by Snare (user info) at 2007-03-11 23:09:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
All this post needed was a little more self-aggrandisement....
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-03-11 19:09:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-03-11 17:32:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Booyakashah.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-03-11 16:24:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-03-11 16:24:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-03-11 14:45:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-03-11 12:48:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*weeps quietly*
Sir I am undone.
I must now leave Ubersite forever.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2007-03-11 11:51:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
joyously partake of a hot dog on Friday for me.
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2007-03-11 09:22:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I AM POOTS. LETTER GO OF SPIDER IN THE DRAIN BEAUSE I FELT SORRY FOR IT ONLY TO WAKE THE VERY NEXT DAY TO A HUGE SPIDER BITE ON HIS FOREHEAD.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-11 08:25:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy is up early this morning.
It's scary to know that somewhere in the world right now there is a Shlongster who is awake in a pink robe and bunny slippers, slurrping coffee and eyeballing his sleeping old lady's crotch.
<shudder>
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-03-11 07:37:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There is only ONE true pope!
The Space Pope!
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2007-03-11 05:56:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Strange? Well I contend that you are all strange, and that I am quite perfectly normal, or maybe not. It doesn't really matter.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-03-11 04:33:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very strange.
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-03-11 04:21:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are a strange man indeed.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-03-11 03:38:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well SOMEONE has a feather in his cap tonight, doesn't he?
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-03-11 03:24:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not sure why I enjoyed this, but I did.
I'm going to bed. Goodnight.