On Joblessness (4820 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.29 on 553 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by coley (View user info) at 2007-03-11 15:01:06 EDT
This has been a really fantastic month, this March. Let's see...so far, my computer has decided it won't access the internet where I do all of my banking and bill paying (but somehow the roommate's laptop and wifi are working?), I lost my debit card for a week (until finding it, strangely in my bathrobe pocket), my left rear blinker died, the lady I have been taking care of for four years died (leaving me suddenly very unemployed), I was told that I couldn't qualify for food stamps because I'm a student and have to work 20 hrs/week or more to qualify ("Yet," I clarified, "If I WASNT a student, I could get them? WTF?" minus the WTF of course) and well that's all I can really think of right now.
It's all really quite crazy. I'm one of those people that kind of likes to know what's coming up. What's next. I like to have a bit of a master plan, if you will. Not the one for world domination; we all know the first rule about that one is that you don't talk about it. Six months ago I was married, working full time as a caregiver, going to school full time and applying for/planning on starting the nursing program this fall. Now I'm divorced, unemployed, not sure if I'll be able to stay in school next term (at least not all three of the courses I'm enrolled for) and might not have much of a shot at getting into nursing school.
I was thinking about getting a dog just so it could run away.
Then I would write country songs.
The funny thing about all of this is that it really sounds quite bad on paper. Or on the screen, if you will. Yet, in between all the busy work (name change paperwork, filing for unemployment, the job hunt, schoolwork, the gym) I'm really not that terribly unhappy. Sure, I'm having my moments of panic in regards to finances, but I've taken the "homeless person" school of thought and run with it. For those of you not "in the know", that means one spends what little finances they have on alcohol and drink themselves silly trying to forget how utterly fucked they are.
This works quite well until the next day, where you are completely immobile and can feel the individual pulse of each of your dehydrated eyeballs thumping in your skull. Then it sort of sucks.
On the upside I did a great deal of grocery shopping right before I lost my job. Probably the best, most awesomest grocery shopping I'd ever done. See, this grocery shopping was all for ME. Just me. So I could buy whatever I wanted. What a concept, I know! Now I'm eating vegetable soup with garlic flatbread and dammit, it's good; even if the soup is getting cold because I'm a loser and am too busy blogging about nothing on this degenerate website.
There are a great deal of wonderful things about being unemployed. You can sleep in, all the time (except for when I have to go to class). You can procrastinate just about everything you would normally have to get done (doing the dishes, cleaning the house, paying the bills, bathing, getting out of bed for days on end) because "hey", you think, "I can do that later. It's not like I have to work." That's also my new favorite way to respond to friends wishing to make plans. "Hey! I don't have to work tomorrow!" I must admit though, after a week and a half, it's not quite as funny any more.
I like to think of this "time off" as a learning experience.
I've discovered that I own twelve different shades of nail polish, blackberry moonshine from the Appalachian foothills in Virginia is frighteningly strong but strangely good, dancing with strangers at reggae shows is safer than previously thought, being a James Bond-girl shadow dancer at a black tie charity event is more glamorous-sounding than it actually is (though getting recognized after the fact by that kid in my spanish class was a bit amusing), I'm as bad at singing karaoke as I was in 2006, and some people are really, really awesome.
I'm thinking that, although things really aren't so bad now, they will only get better. And oh, everything is more tolerable to get through when you think of it in terms of a story you get to tell later on.
"I remember when I was jobless and dancing in spiked-heel boots, drinking moonshine with strangers..those were the days...."
User Reviews
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-01-09 16:35:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Hi Coley, I think I remember reading this way back then.
Hope thangs are better now
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-01-09 16:17:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-04-08 05:41:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy now missy!
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-17 17:57:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This post must remain on Most Heated for another week.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-17 17:56:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Course' I dry humped a dog in Manhatten once, too.
I mean a real dog.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-17 17:56:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The most interesting place I've ever banged a chick has to either be on top of the parking structure in downtown Ann Arbor, or on top of an active volcano in Tepic, Nayarite, Mexico.
I guess I'm gonna have to go with choice B there.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-17 17:54:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to be 39 on March 22. How fucking depressing is that? Nobody told me I ever have to grow up and get old.
Fuck me.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-17 17:53:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Whatever that means.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-17 17:53:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't want no blarney stone neither.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-17 17:53:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bich has gotta be rich though. Don't want to pathetic street tramp from Dublin now.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-17 17:52:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm an American but my ancestors came from Ireland. My surname is McInerney. I wanna marry an Irish chick. With red hair and green eyes and a kick ass accent.
Mmmmkthnxbye.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-17 17:51:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2007-03-17 15:12:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. Thats a devil-feels-pity kinda thing.
And 540 reviews (at the moment), was there a gang bang or something i missed?
Submitted by bluemami (user info) at 2007-03-17 01:29:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I understand about the food stamps! I actually do work 12 hours a week but because I am a graduate student, and we technically don't have work study I am sol!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-03-16 22:44:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There's a show about the Mütter Museum coming on the Travel Channel in a bit- naturally I thought of you.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:20:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is still going?
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2007-03-16 08:46:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/99737#2348414
Well, how about maybe drawing a picture of him?
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-03-16 01:40:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Yeah. Remember this time. It's a corner stone. Nice post.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-03-15 16:23:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Coley, your new job is to vote for Sanjay, help him win American Idol and bring joy to the entire Indian Subcontinent: http://www.ubersite.com/m/99741
Step to, trollop.
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2007-03-15 15:37:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
THES HAS BEN A RILLY FANTASTIC MONTH THES MARCH!111!1! WTF LATS SE.SO!1!!1!!!111!11!1!1 LOL FAR MAH COMPUTER HAS DECIEDD IT WONT AC3S TEH INTARN3T WHERE I DO AL OF MAH BANKNG AND BIL PAYNG (BUT SOMEHOW TEH ROMAETS LAP2P AND WIFI R WORKNG)??!???? OMG WTF I LOST MAH DEBIT CARD FOR A WEK (UNTIL FINDNG IT STRANGALEY IN MAH BATHROB POKET) MAH LEFT R3AR BLINKAR DEID DA LADY I HAEV BEN TAKNG R OF FOR FOUR Y3ARS DEID (LAAVNG MA SUD3NLEY VERY UNEMPLOYAD) I WAS 2LD TAHT I CUDNT QUALIFY FOR FOD STMPS B/C IMM A STUDANT AND HAEV 2 WORK 20 HRS/WEK OR MORE 2 QUALIFY (Y3T I CLARIFEID IF I WASNT A STUDENT I CUD GET THAM?!?!!! OMG WTF LOL WTF?!?!!?! OMG WTF MINUS TEH WTF OF COURSE) AND WEL TAHTS AL I CAN RILLY THINK OF RIGHT NOW
ITS!1!11 OMG WTF LOL AL RILLY QUIET CRAZY!!11!!11! WTF IMM ONA OF THOSE PEOPLE TAHT KIND OF LIEKS 2 KNOW WUT COMNG UP!1!!111 OMG WTF WUT NEXT!111!1!1! WTF I LIEK 2 HAEV A BIT OF A MASTER PLAN IF U WIL!!111!!!! WTF LOL NOT DA ONE FOR WORLD DOMINATION WE AL KNOW TEH FIRST RUL3 ABOUT TAHT ON3 SI TAHT U DONT TOK ABOUT IT!1!!!!! OMG LOL SIX MONTHS AGO I WAS MAREID WORKNG FUL TIEM AS A CAERGIEVR GONG 2 SKOOL FUL TIEM AND APLYNG FOR/PLANNG ON STARTNG DA NURSNG PROGRM THES FAL!!1!!!!!! NOW IMM DIVORCED UNEMPLOYED NOT SURA IF IL B ABLA 2 STAY IN SKOOL N3XT T3RM (AT LAAST NOT AL THRE OF DA COURSES IMM ANROLED FOR) AND MIGHT NOT HAEV MUCH OF A SHOT AT GETNG IN2 NURSNG SKOOL
I!!!1! WTF LOL WAS THINKNG ABOUT GATNG A DOG JUST SO IT CUD RUN AWAY
THAN!111!1!!! WTF LOL I WUD WRIET COUNTRY SONGS
TH3!1!1! OMG FUNY THNG ABOUT AL OF THES SI TAHT IT RILLY SOUNDS QUIET BAD ON PAEPR!!1!! OMG OR ON DA SCREN IF U WIL!!!1!!11! OMG WTF YET IN BTWEN AL DA BUSY WORK (NM3 CHANGE PAEPRWORK FILNG FOR UNAMPLOYM3NT TEH JOB HUNT SKOOLWORK TEH GYM) IMM RILLY NOT TAHT TERIBLEY UNHAPY!!1!!111 OMG WTF SURA IMM HAVNG MAH MOMENTS OF PANIC IN REGARDS 2 FINANCES BUT IVE TAEKN TEH HOMALES PERSON SKOOL OF THOUGHT AND RUN WIT IT!1!!!!1!! WTF LOL FOR THOSE OF U NOT IN TEH KNOW TAHT MEANS ON3 SPENDS WUT LITLE FINANC3S TH3Y HAEV ON ALCOOL AND DRINK THEMSELV3S SILY TRYNG 2 FORGET HOW UT3RLEY FUKAD THAY AER
THIS!!11111! WTF LOL WORKS QUIET W3L UNTIL TEH NEXT DAY WHERA U R COMPLET3LEY IMOBIEL AND CAN FEL DA INDIVIDUAL PULSE OF 3ACH OF UR D3HYDRAETD AYEBALS THUMPNG IN UR SKUL!!!1!!! LOL THEN IT SORT OF SUX
ON!!1!!!11 WTF TEH UPSIED I DID A GRAAT D3AL OF GROC3RY SHOPNG RIGHT BFORE I LOST MAH JOB!!!1!!11! OMG LOL PROBABLEY TEH BST MOST AEWSOM3ST GROC3RY SHOPNG ID EVER DONA!!!!! WTF SE THES GROC3RY SHOPNG WAS AL FOR ME!11!111 LOL JUST M3!!1!!1! SO I CUD BUY WUT I WANT3D!!!1!!1 OMG LOL WUT A CONCEPT I KNOW!1!!!11! WTF NOW IMM EATNG VEGETABLA SOUP WIT GARLIC FLATBREAD AND DMMIT ITS GOD 3VEN IF TEH SOUP SI GETNG COLD B/C IMM A LOSAR AND M 2 BUSY BLOGNG ABOUT NOTHNG ON THES D3GENERAET WABSIET
TH3R3!!11!!!1 LOL R A GR3AT DEAL OF WONDERFUL THNGS ABOUT BNG UNEMPLOYAD!11!!!!!! OMG WTF LOL U CAN SLEP IN AL DA TIEM (3XCEPT FOR WHEN I HAEV 2 GO 2 CLAS)!!!!11 LOL U CAN PROCRASTINAET JUST ABOUT EVARYTHNG U WUD NORMALY HAEV 2 G3T DONE (DONG DA DISHAS CLEANNG TEH HOUES PAYNG TEH BILS BATHNG GATNG OUT OF BD FOR DAYS ON END) B/C HAY U THINK I CAN DO TAHT L8R!!111 OMG ITS NOT LIEK I HAEV 2 WORK!!1!!!11 OMG LOL TAHTS ALSO MAH NU FAVORIET WAY 2 RASPOND 2 FREINDS WISHNG 2 MAEK PLANS!111!1!! OMG WTF LOL HEY!11!!!1 OMG WTF LOL I DONT HAEV 2 WORK 2MOROW!11!1 WTF I MUST ADMIT THOUGH AFTER A WEK AND A HALF ITS NOT QUIET AS FUNY ANY MORA
I!1!!11!!! WTF LIEK 2 THINK OF THES TIEM OF AS A LEARNNG EXPEREINCA
IVA!!1!!!1!1 OMG LOL DISCOVERAD TAHT I OWN TWALVE DIF3RENT SHAEDS OF NALE POLISH BLAKBRY MONSHIEN FROM TEH APALACHIAN FOTHILS IN VIRGINIA SI FRIGHTANNGLEY STRONG BUT STRANGALEY GOD DANCNG WIT STRANGERS AT R3GAE SHOWS SI SAEFR THAN PRAVIOSLEY THOUGHT BNG A JMES BOND-GIRL SHADOW DANC3R AT A BLAK TEI CHARITY EV3NT SI MORE GLMOROS-SOUNDNG THAN IT ACTUALY SI (THOUGH GATNG RECOGNIEZD AFT3R TEH FACT BY TAHT KID IN MAH SPANISH CLAS WAS A BIT MUSNG) IMM AS BAD AT SNGNG KARAOKA AS I WAS IN 206 AND SOM3 PAOPLA R RILLY RILLY AEWSOME
IMM!11111!1 OMG LOL THINKNG TAHT ALTHOUGH THNGS RILLY AERNT SO BAD NOW THEY WIL ONLEY GET BTER!111!! OMG WTF AND O EVERYTHNG SI MORA 2LERABLA 2 GAT THROUGH WHEN U THINK OF IT IN TERMS OF A S2RY U G3T 2 TEL L8R ON
I!1!!1!!! OMG LOL R3MAMBR WH3N I WAS JOBLES AND DANCNG IN SPIEKD-HEL BOTS DRINKNG MONSHIEN WIT STRANG3RS.THOS3!11!!!111!1!1 OMG W3RA TEH DAYS..!!!1!11111!!!1!!1111!1!!!11 OMG WTF
Submitted by Timmaaaaah (user info) at 2007-03-15 07:47:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Coley get a dog like Alfie......
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-03-15 07:24:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
oh jesus meh
<3
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-03-14 17:36:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
213 heat?? That will not do.
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-03-14 14:45:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck finding a job.
From the sounds of the rest of your posts, you've got a diverse skill set and so you should be able to find something.
I hope your dog, if you get one, doesn't run away....
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-13 11:34:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That was lovely, Timmmaaaaahahhahhahaahaahhhaaaamamahahaamaahhaha.
Submitted by Timmaaaaah (user info) at 2007-03-13 04:23:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Coley
Ooh Coley
Hey Coley
Ooh Coley
Tell you Coley what I wanna do
Ill build a house next door to you
Can I see you sometime
We can go kissing through the blind
When you come out on the front
Listen to my heart go bumpity bump
I need you baby and thats no lie
Without your love Id surely die
Hey Coley
Ooh Coley (ooh-ooh)
Hey Coley
Ooh Coley (ooh-ooh)
Hey Coley
Ooh Coley (ooh-ooh)
I said hey Coley
Ooh Coley (ooh-ooh)
woooo
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2007-03-13 02:12:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Coleyo Coleyo!
Paging Miss Coleyo to the Gabbly Chatter.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-13 02:02:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I now have TWO (shitty) jobs, suck that, bitches!
PS I love you all.
Submitted by nyxmar (user info) at 2007-03-12 22:21:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Coley, I'm sorry to hear about all that. Even though I went to jail and had to keep mexicans from humping my leg I think you had the worst week. I'd send you some drinkin cash, but my lawyer took it all. Remember youre an orc of Mordor, and nothing could stop them, oh wait, didnt they all die. Bad analogy...
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-03-12 22:18:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've got something to add to the list.
15. Watched porn while watching porn on my computer.
Multitasking at it's finest.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-12 18:54:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"3. Brushed my teeth while watching porn"
fucking fantastic.
also fantastic: rorrim/messmind's list
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-03-12 18:41:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i Just came from the city where i had :
9 beers
4 joints
1 coffee
1 steak^ fries
in reverse order...
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-03-12 18:39:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-03-12 16:06:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
NEEDS MORE TABARNAK !!!!!!!
Uber on its most insanest !
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-03-12 18:37:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah c'mon people ! this is ridiculous !
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-03-12 18:26:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A small list of the things I've done today.
1. Watched porn
2. Got out of bed
3. Brushed my teeth while watching porn
4. Listened to these disks from thousands of years ago which they used to call "records"
5. Watched porn
6. Played the guitar
7. Watched porn
8. Tried to track down the elusive monster which lives outside my house
9. Shook my fists in anger as the monster once again eluded me
10. Wondered what I should do if I ever see it
11. Upon reaching that realisation, I celebrated my new train of though by watching porn
12. Checked uber to see if anybody posted anything related to or showing NSFWness of any kind
13. Wondered how the hell this post got to where it is
14. Watched porn
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-03-12 17:40:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Timmaaaaah (user info) at 2007-03-12 16:27:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lusts after coleys boney kneesssss
------
'boney knees'?
Pshaw, I lust after that tight rack she sports - it's just the right size for foolin' with in the back of a 1984 Trans-Am Z-28...
Submitted by DesolateMisanthrope (user info) at 2007-03-12 17:40:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
don't worry, my job sucks. I hate having to tell people what to do all the time.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-12 17:18:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Please continue to review this
when I return home this afternoon from my NON JOB I will have nothing better to do than read your insults and come-ons.
Submitted by Timmaaaaah (user info) at 2007-03-12 16:27:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lusts after coleys boney kneesssss
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-03-12 16:24:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WOO!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-03-12 16:06:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
303 heat. Holy crow.
NEEDS MORE TABARNAK
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-03-12 16:05:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This will never leave most heated, it shall go on forever.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-03-12 14:46:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
511
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-12 14:24:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AAAANNNNND 510.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-12 13:45:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
You should give back that account because you suck at it.
Submitted by jade_digitalmedia (user info) at 2007-03-12 13:34:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh dear.
let me know if you need an underwear and ramen care package. :)
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2007-03-12 13:25:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
SIMMER DOWN SHLONGY, THE PRICE IS RIGHT WILL BE ON IN 20 SOME-ODD MINUTES, RELAX AND TAKE YOUR METAMUCIL
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-12 13:19:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I ALWAYS think of the broads, and their needs, feelings, and all that other mindless crap.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-12 13:16:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You do realize that if you marry any of those other guys that I'm taking you to court over custody of this post.
This post is *our* baby. Nobody else can take care of it but me, or you, and if you marry some other jackass, expect a long, long, costly, dramatic court battle, sugar-pants.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-12 13:15:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You better be nice to me, G.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-12 13:13:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HOLY BEJESUS I DID
and it didn't even hurt.
I think I'm getting sick :(
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-12 13:12:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No no, not stupid. Very Adam Duritz-ish.
or something.
WHERES THE CHEESE, G?
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-12 13:11:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You just popped your 500 reviews cherry.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-03-12 13:10:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hahahahaha.
at least your friends take advantage of you properly.
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2007-03-12 13:10:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i am a fan of feta as well.
georgine here i could take or leave either way, though the clothespins DID look lovely.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2007-03-12 13:07:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Stupid clothespins, I was drunk = (
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-12 13:05:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
PS I actually really, really like feta. :'(
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-03-12 13:03:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-03-12 12:20:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is that fish I smell?
Yep, mackarel's in the air.
Shut your legs, Noonie.
--------
i
hate
you
-ee noonie
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-12 13:03:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Georgie, I'm well aware of who you are.
And might I say you look fantastic with clothespins in your hair.
DUN DUN DUNNNNNN
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-03-12 13:01:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How the hell?....
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2007-03-12 12:59:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
smells of feta in here
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2007-03-12 12:57:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This isn't really Zakalwe, you stunned cunt, it's your absolutel favorite person in the whole wide world.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-12 12:51:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
zakalwe, with your silver tongue and dreamy compliments, I may just have to choose you out of the four marriage proposals I got in the last 24 hrs.
Who knew internet guys were so hard up for chicks who were bigger losers than them?
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2007-03-12 12:48:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Would you move to NY and marry me? I don't care if you have a hairy chin and a vicious overbite, I think your cans are fantastic.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-12 12:47:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh my god, Shlongy; again you are so selfless...thinking only of helping me....I mean, however did you know that my mortgage company is now accepting hits in lieu of actual cash?
I'll get one off to you right away..actually I'll send 4 or 5 in case some don't turn out.
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2007-03-12 12:46:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-12 12:29:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-03-12 12:04:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Efficiency of language. Psh. If I was good about that half of my poems would be 14 lines or less.
====
In that case I'll have to side with CrankMonkey, who continues to struggle with the bitter bile of bart's spanking.
===
Indeed.
I have established Sundays as my day of the week to ask Mr. Cilfone to unban me. Thus far I have regaled him with stories of yardwork and baking cookies, keeping in mind that a pleasant demeanor in combination with lively small talk about my day to day life should be the key to an unbanning.
Next week, I'll describe all the things I plan on planting in my vegetable garden this year. Do you suppose Bart is a fan of organic gardening, mr. stripey horse? Perhaps I should detail instead the renovation of this gorgeous mantel piece that sits above my dining room fireplace? Is woodworking more his speed? We'll see.
I figure he'll see the human side of me and decide, 'Hey, this guy isn't so bad after all. I guess I should let him continue to squander his time mindlessly on my website.'
So far, no dice.
Good thing I am able to remain steadfast in the face of seemingly impossible odds.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-12 12:43:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
coley- you got 2400 hits for what basically amounts to, a worthless, pretty shitty, post.
Just think of what you could garner with a bra and panties shot?
If that's too much for you to handle during this emotionally fragile time you're going through, how about you just email ME one?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-03-12 12:33:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hear Saruman is hiring berserkers, check it out
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-12 12:30:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-12 12:29:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Try something short for a change. (haha Sacrilicious)
====
hehe....heh. hehehhe heh.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-12 12:29:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-03-12 12:04:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Efficiency of language. Psh. If I was good about that half of my poems would be 14 lines or less.
====
In that case I'll have to side with CrankMonkey, who continues to struggle with the bitter bile of bart's spanking.
Brevity might improve some of your poems.
Try something short for a change. (haha Sacrilicious)
I, for one will be glad to frequent the 14 lines or less Origami-san check out line.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-03-12 12:20:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is that fish I smell?
Yep, mackarel's in the air.
Shut your legs, Noonie.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-03-12 12:09:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm not poetic
i don't have gay genes in me
orgasmatron does.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-12 12:08:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
inion: that review should have been a haiku.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-03-12 12:07:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
no they'd be haiku.
idiot.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-03-12 12:04:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Efficiency of language. Psh. If I was good about that half of my poems would be 14 lines or less.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-12 12:03:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I appreciate it very much.
And I do have some aggression in me; I just save it for more rewarding activities.
*shifty eyes*
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2007-03-12 12:02:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
either way, coley, i hope things look up for you soon and certainly didn't want to give the impression that i felt otherwise. i don't harbor ill wishes for anyone, especially someone who goes out of their way to be as non-aggressive as you seem to be at this, the most aggressive of sites.
good luck and blah blah blah.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-12 11:56:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No apology is needed, though I appreciated the gesture. Also no cheering is needed, believe it or not. I'm really doing quite alright but found the whole situation a bit amusing...perhaps that's what makes me so damned weird...that I would find it amusing rather than panic-inducing. Not that I haven't had a few moments of panic..but they are brief and fleeting and for the most part I'm getting a lot done with my extra free time in the meanwhile.
Shlongy, that is so selfless of you. A true saint.
And Pie, I think I'm busy enough with our crimefighting...no job needed...right?
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2007-03-12 11:51:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-03-12 10:23:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2007-03-11 17:18:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck off?
wow, you're pretty harsh.
[blah blah blah]
you fuck off, cunt.
---
We'd all do well to remember that from time to time we're harsh and rude, and from time to time we're not. All of us.
This place is riddled with quite enough posturing and hypocricy as it is, wouldn't you say?
---
Yes, we certainly are.
AND, I would also say 'certainly' to the question posed in part two of your review.
I'd say that you could have combined the two pieces above to say that we (uber collectively) are harsh, rude, posturing hypocrites a good deal of the time. This would have shown a great efficiency of language.
Like this: 'We'd all do well to remember that from time to time we're all harsh, rude, posturing hypocrites. Agreed?'
Now then, are you trying to imply that I was guilty at the time of reviewing of being a harsh, rude, posturing hypocrite? If so, let's not beat around the bush, but come face to face with the issue.
Dancing with words is dangerous, as we all ascribe meaning - implications - motive, to words when they aren't necessarily there. Then, through further tiptoeing through the minefield that is language, we become more confused, contributing to the whole murky mess and making it worse.
Either way...
I offered the poster an apology.
As much of one as I intend to offer anyway.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-03-12 11:45:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*Brings on unneccessary heat..*
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2007-03-12 11:08:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*wonders whose turn it is to camp on here now*
Oh, MINE?!
*starts fire*
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2007-03-12 10:23:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, good luck with all that.
At least you don't have a job to hate.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-03-12 10:23:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2007-03-11 17:18:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck off?
wow, you're pretty harsh.
[blah blah blah]
you fuck off, cunt.
---
We'd all do well to remember that from time to time we're harsh and rude, and from time to time we're not. All of us.
This place is riddled with quite enough posturing and hypocricy as it is, wouldn't you say?
ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT FOREST FIRES
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-12 08:16:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If you're desperate enough for a job, perhaps a blow job for Shlongy will help lift your spirits.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-03-12 06:33:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1.33 on 468 reviews & (2233 hits)
(dreams on...)
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-03-12 06:32:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-12 03:09:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm jobless too.
With a face like that, you don't need a job...
Sweet jesus, this honey is a smash !
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-03-12 06:14:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It'll get better lovely. If it doesn't go outside and hunt mountain rats!
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-03-12 05:28:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy good jumping green Jesus!
Now THAT is what I call impressive. Nice fucking run Coley - you stud (ette).
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-03-12 05:21:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
My favourite internet woman below.
|
V
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2007-03-12 04:51:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OMG I <3 COLEYOLEYO! Sorry things are shit right now but at least you don't have cancer! And...um....you have lovely eyes! Ok, that's my attempt at cheering you up.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-03-12 04:07:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh, i dont take it seriously. i just like putting shit on people who pay lots of attention to females on the internet. it makes my pants fit nice.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-03-12 03:46:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Iddqd, stop taking it so seriously. It's like when Australia tries to say something at the UN. Every other nation smiles and pretends to listen, but really there's more important things to pay attention to. Like when the tea is being poured.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-03-12 03:38:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well if thats the case, then at least you stand a pretty good chance of succeeding SOMEWHERE.
pwnd.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-12 03:36:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks Bertram, me too.
Iddy: notice the disgustingly large percentage of reviews that are, in fact, mine..
What does THAT mean? that I want in my own pants?
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-03-12 03:33:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you know i think the easiest way to find out if someone on the internet is in fact female is to see how many reviews they get on an ubersite post.
its like you losers can smell the cunt through the screen, youre that hungry.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-03-12 03:29:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, that all sucks. I hope you find a job before total physical and mental collapse.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-12 03:19:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
is this the twilight zone?
I got three marriage proposals today.
albeit online ones, but ones nonetheless.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-12 03:09:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm jobless too.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-03-12 03:08:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Will you marry me?
If for no other reason than you can save some money on insurance?
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-03-12 01:52:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Red this is for you judging my musical tastes.
Not Big
Now listen I think you and me have come to the end of our time,
What d'you want some kind of reaction?
Well ok that's fine,
Alright how would it make you feel if I told you that you never ever made me come?
In the year and a half that we spent together,
Yeah I never really had much fun.
All those times that I said I was sober,
Well I'm afraid I lied,
I'd be lying next to you, you next to me,
All the time I was high as a kite.
I could see it in your face when you give it to me gentle,
Yeah you really must think your great,
Let's see how you feel in a couple of weeks,
When I work my way through your mates.
Chorus
I never wanted it to end up this way,
You've only got yourself to blame,
I'm gonna tell them that your rubbish in bed now
and that your small in the game.
I saw you thought this was gonna be easy,
Well your out of luck.
Yeah lets rewind, let's turn back time to when you couldn't get it up,
You know what it shoulda ended there,
That's when I shoulda shown you the door.
If that weren't enough to deal with,
You became premature.
I'm sorry if you feel that I'm being kinda mental,
But you left me in such a state.
But now I'm gonna do what you did to me,
I'm gonna reciprocate.
Chorus
Your not big your not clever,
No u aint a big brother
Not big what so ever.
Ahhhhhhhhh etc.
I'm sorry if you feel that I'm being kinda mental,
But you left me in such a state.
But now I'm gonna do what you did to me,
I'm gonna reciprocate.
Chorus
Submitted by garudave (user info) at 2007-03-12 00:53:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great post.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-12 00:51:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ax: Rose Hill Drive? Did they suck?
I hav ea friend of a friend who keeps talking about them. IF they suck, it would give me something new and fun for me to make fun of him for.
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2007-03-12 00:47:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:27:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Forensic-
Leather dye would work better than paint because it soaks in, but that would be hard to spell the name unless you've done it before.
Paint is difficult on something like a leather jacket.
-------------------------
I disagree; acrylic paint works fabulously on leather. (Make sure the surface is clean and oil-free first.) After it dries, spray a clear, non-tacky fixative over the whole design to seal it in and keep it from peeling. I've even removed and repainted the same leather over a few times and it was totally fine.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-03-12 00:43:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rose_Hill_Drive - they opened for us
I'm guessing they're the amserican version of Wolfmother, because they were derivative and unoriginal. every song sounded like War Piggs, and the guitarist had only technical skill and noemtotion.
aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgg gogoghnght.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-03-12 00:38:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i raise my hatt ot he neew constitution
rais mye fist for themy generation revolution
i something something something
WONTGGET FOOLED AGAIN
woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-12 00:34:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ax, you're like the little brother I never wanted.
ER GOT I MEAN GOT
Yeah.
DRINK WATER! Take it from the girl who spent all day yesterday counting the pulse in her eyeballs and alternately trying not to die.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-03-12 00:33:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I'm STILL AWAKE it bust be because I was on Wikipedia to find out who the CUNTS were that opened up for the who tonight, tell them to cut their hair andd dturn down the volume on the bass guitar, I don't need my heart vibbrated out of my chest thnaks.
My dad wasss showing me pictures of the Who he took in 1978 at the Passaic theater, 8th row. i wihs keith moon didnt hav edied.
the line in My Generation I hope I die befofre I get old is particularly ironic, but Townsshend was good on stage.
shortly will i lay my incommensurate maxilla upon my delicattte pillow and dritft into fairly land.
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-03-12 00:32:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Axolotl tell your physics teacher to use lube first though, otherwise thats just mean.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-12 00:24:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHAH thanks Ax, <3 ya. Have fun in the AM.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-03-12 00:21:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BUT IT IS YOUR FAULT YOU ARE HOMELSSSS saiys Ronald Reagen! the compasionate conservatrix.
But you got 33332 reviews on a Sunday afffternoon. so that means some thing I guess. I just got back from the Who concert, and I'lll be dragging whats's left of my left out f of bed in five horuss to go to the gulag (aaak school) and get my ass reamed by physcis teacher.
but chin uP! and do not listen to cuntry music, unless it's hank william.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-12 00:20:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HA
good call.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-03-12 00:13:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
But...but if your chin's not up then whatever I'm going to put on it will just run right off.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-12 00:09:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wisher: I can't do that whole "let rich people pay for you" thing for 2 reasons:
1) I don't know any rich people, and
2) I'm not used to/very comfortable having people pay for me..much less EXPECTING them to..but it sounds nice anyhow.
Britt: I'm not sure why or how, but good.
Steak: I'm blaming you for my joblessness, whorebag. :D
OMan: I thought you were always saying HEAD DOWN..not chin up....?
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-03-12 00:07:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:51:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:43:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thorpe, what's a G-spot?
----------------------
type of fish
----------------------
Lies! Its an imaginary land like Narnia or Cleveland.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-03-12 00:00:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy crow that's a lot of reviews.
Chin up, cole slaw. Jesus and I heart you.
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2007-03-11 23:43:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just join the Legion and change your name to Coley Colimbus Derivismus. They will pay you money and give you a chance to erase some of that criminal history.
Submitted by BrittInToledo (user info) at 2007-03-11 23:42:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This actually helped me. for real.
thank you.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-03-11 23:25:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
CAUTION!!!
Very sad and pathetic waste of time below.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-03-11 23:07:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My favorite WHOREBAG has recognized me as "really awesome"
I told you she would die. I totally called it.
What about with strangers at reggae shows is dangerous? Reggae is peaceful music.
There is almost nothing more glamorous than being a ames Bond-girl shadow dancer at a black tie charity event. That is the high point of your life.
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2007-03-11 23:04:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i've never had a "job" job, but I did work at Hooters for half a day, even tho I don't have big hoo-hoos, and refused to wear pantyhose. They let me go before 3 pm after I sat a platter on the floor~ but it was 50 pounds and drunk tourists punks were snatching hot wings off it so I just said, Act like dogs then eat like dogs. The punks liked but my table didn't?
I'm pretty much a loser, but have fun in the ongoing process (as I was telling Bart other day}. The only thing I really have principles about/can't stand is name dropping. About joblessness, however, what I've discovered is to hook up w/ rich people and let them pay/invite u to everything, especially dinner. That's easy in a resort town. Oh that's right, Im a whore, too. (a waist~up ho, tho}. Man, I really suck at this adult~world thing. I need someone to set lenient boundaries, like that huge black man in Pulp fic did for Uma. He let her go on a date with John Tra-fuckin-volta. God
~ you're the girl who had toilet in yard post? That was cool, but gave me bad memories cos during Katrina we literally, for 3 weeks, had to go outside. I still say old tee shirts make better ass~wipers than toilet paper, but that's just me.
More funny posts! especially ones that make me feel better about not having a "life" life.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-11 22:34:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-03-11 22:01:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-03-11 21:48:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ew, that's nasty. One way to insure I won't be putting out is to liken my anatomy to seafood.
******
Tuna Fish from Sacri-Lish?? So Delish...
============
Somebody call the internet police.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2007-03-11 22:20:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
shut the fuck up
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-11 22:07:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not the girl, of course. the old guy.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-11 22:06:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Gross below.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-03-11 22:01:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-03-11 21:48:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ew, that's nasty. One way to insure I won't be putting out is to liken my anatomy to seafood.
******
Tuna Fish from Sacri-Lish?? So Delish...
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-03-11 21:48:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ew, that's nasty. One way to insure I won't be putting out is to liken my anatomy to seafood.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-03-11 21:46:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You need and can handle this...
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-11 21:33:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well Stagger you are an entertaining writer, but you do not have a fish sandwich between your legs.
Sorry.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-03-11 21:28:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
424 reviews?
FOUR HUNDRED AND TWENTY-FOUR REVIEWS? I thought it was a glorious day when I got 70. Fucking hell.
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2007-03-11 21:26:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You need to get a kiln or whatever you glassblower people use and open up "Coleyo Magnifico's Glass Thingums That Either Look Cool or If Used Right Give You an Orgasm". That'd be a kickass store.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-03-11 21:25:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
jesus fucking christ. what excuse do the rest of you have for this?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-03-11 21:05:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/99589
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:56:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Coley, why do you have a fish in your pants?
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:54:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You'd have to ask her
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:51:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why does Coley have a fish in her pants?
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:51:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:43:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thorpe, what's a G-spot?
----------------------
type of fish
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:50:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It keeps going and going and going and going....
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:49:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-11 15:08:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Never schedule a class before 10 am. That is my wisdom.
--
No, the secret is, have the first class at the same time every day. My first class each day is at 8, and it's a lot less difficult than the 9 and 11 ones.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:46:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This post is a bit scary
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:43:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thorpe, what's a G-spot?
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:42:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:40:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What's a G-spot?
Ask Thorpe.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:40:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What's a G-spot?
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:39:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well Jesus Coley you can't give up now. It's up to 410. Let's keep it going!
It's a Coley-A-Thon, to help the kids with drooling problems!
Coley's Kids!
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:38:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ahahahaha
I thought I would make it #400 just for the heack of it, but it appears the more eager beaver beat me to it.
You should go ahead and lay down with him, Coley.
Although dollars to donuts he won't find your g-spot.
See you around.
Good luck with the job search, etc.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:38:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think it's hilarious that a Scottish kid is screaming "GO BEARZ WOO!"
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:38:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
On the off chance that you want to catch some cock, I'm here for you.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:37:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yes yes GOODNIGHT LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
I"M HERE ALL WEEK
sadly
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:37:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
damn you all!
FG: come take the bike out of my shed....I'll give it to ya for free if you come get it....
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:36:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and THAT is 400+ good night ladies and gentlemen!
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:36:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
TA DAAAAA
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:36:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had a 1987 HD Sportster. I got it for a steal in 1995. Had to sell it when I got divorced.
I've been sad ever since.
:****(
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:36:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:36:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
AAAAAND 400!!!
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:36:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Go bearz woo!
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:35:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tattoo shops do that stuff all the time. They can design a tattoo and put it anywhere you want, actually.
If they don't have a blank patch you can get one at a craft store, probably.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:34:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh jesus please hit 400 this is getting pathetic...er MORE pathetic....
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:34:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OH OH ONLY THE LONELYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:33:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
tattoo artist? to make a patch?
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:33:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And then, of course, you get a tattoo above your ass to match it.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:32:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
nobody cares that I lost my job, Director. They're just lonely....
*cue music*
OHHH
LOOK AT ALL THE LONELY PEEEOPPLEEE
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:31:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would go to a tattoo artist and have them design something for you.
They might even be able to put it on for you or advise you of someone who can.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:31:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Apparantly, a lot more people care about the fact that you lost your job than they do that poor Richard Jeni ate a bullet.
:-(
Life's a bitch.
Then you marry one who never puts out and you get blue balls and she eventually files for divorce and takes everything you've worked for your entire life and demands child support and alimony and eventually your alcoholism becomes so horrific that you wind up blowing your own head off which in turn traumatizes your children and scars them for life and bankrupts your parents because they can't afford the burial, the bills, or the emotional burden associated with your suicide and then you go to hell because, after all, you did commit suicide and you're tortured by demons ramming pitchforks up your ass for all eternity while your flesh is burned and prodded non stop for ever and ever and ever and ever.
Fuck me.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:31:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
mmmmmmmmmmsloth
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:31:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks Zebra. I like the patch idea better. If I get tired of it, I can always take it off.
I just need to find a company that will make it for me.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:30:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck jobs, sloth gets what it wants because it didnt earn it
Id like the loving though.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:29:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Zebra's so helpful :D
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:27:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Love and JOBS
GIVE US JOBS
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:27:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Forensic-
Leather dye would work better than paint because it soaks in, but that would be hard to spell the name unless you've done it before.
Paint is difficult on something like a leather jacket.
I would suggest making a patch which can be sewn directly onto the jacket for a project like that.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:26:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well hey man. Losers need love too.
:-(
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:25:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Director:
we're losers.
:(
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:24:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dear sweet Zues.
Almost 400 reviews.
It is now my solemn mission in life to ride this post to 400.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:24:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Honestly I'm kinda scurred of bikes. I had a friend that got into a head-on and died on easter day, 1999.
I blame the bike because it was either the bike, or him and I can't blame him now can I.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:22:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HA HA!
Before Forensicgirl hated me she told me to stop by and pick her up for a ride "bitch."
Is that still on Forensic or am I banished from the mysteries of your hands wrapped around my belly forever?
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:20:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/68780
I had that bike for three weeks and then crashed the fuck out of it. I was unhurt but so badly shaken up that I sold it.
Turns out I'm a big fat fucking pussy.
:-(
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:19:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll have to get out there and take a look at it. I know it's old.
I know it's Japanese.
Okay I think it is.
Anyway I also know it needs a lot of work....
how badass would that be?
Somehow I don' tknow that I'm cut out for being a badass biker bitch....
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:18:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Depends on what kind it is. Hell girl, fix it up and ride it!
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:17:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
JESUS BULLFUCKING CHRIST THORPE!!
YOU AND YOUR GODDAMNED ISSUES WITH SPELLING ARE ENOUGH TO DRIVE A FELLER TO FILE FOR DIVORCE!
NUNNERY.
OK?
HAPPY NOW?
GET THEE TO A MOTHERFUCKING NUNNERY GODDAMNIT!!!!
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:16:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Does anybody know anything about old crappy motorcycles?
I have one collecting dust in the shed in my backyard and would like to magically turn it into some amount of cash.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:15:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Still, fuck puffy paint and fuck glitter! ;)
I've got black leather chaps too.
And ur just an anfry jelous bitches.
;) ;)
Fuck puffy paint!
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:15:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm planning to have "Forensic" painted on the back of my motorcycle jacket.
============
That actually does sound pretty cool.
If I saw a chick on a Harley with "Forensic" on her jacket, I'd think, "Holy shit. I'll bet that's one tough bitch!"
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:15:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A nunery?
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:13:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish
A)I knew where my camera was
B) I was on my computer
C) you could post images in reviews
Because I would take a picture of me with my puffy paint and glitter glue collection of crafty supplies and a big thumbs up to show you, FG, that puffy paint RULEZ~!!11!!!!1!
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:12:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I keed, I keed Director. Mine heart is yours and all that.
Okay now don't kill yourself.
PS FG: you can't change the subject when there wasn't one in the first place :)
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:12:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck puffy paint!
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:11:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know why, but the idea of FG hunched over a leather jacket with puffy paint is hilarious to me.
HAHAHHH'
shh let me pretend it will be puffy paint....
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:11:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
weeeeeeeeeeep.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:10:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Change of subject: does anyone know how to paint on leather? Not unfinished leather but like in motorcycle jacket leather.
I'm not going to do it myself but I just want to know if paint will actually hold on finished leather.
Talk about loser-ish, I'm planning to have "Forensic" painted on the back of my motorcycle jacket. Someone suggested it to me and I think it sounds like a fine idea, Bubba.
Looks like I'm riding bitch again.
I want another bike of my own goddammit! :*(
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:09:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Poorly, what with your non-sucking-up rating of a big fat zero on that last rating.
Now any chance you had is out the window.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:08:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No no no Coley. T
hey'll just realize that I'm a pathetic worm trying to seduce young college girls on the internet by camping their posts and trying to be all witty and shit.
Uh...how's that working by the way?
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-11 20:05:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-11 16:32:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Everyone's gonna click on it, and be like "yay, she lost her job, what a fucking loser" and then see that, as usual, I camped the shit out of it and nobody had anything better to do and then anyone that hasn't already figured it out will finally realize that heat =/= quality.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-11 19:57:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THORPE!
GET THEE TO A NUNERY!!!
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-03-11 19:54:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bizarrely kept my attention.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-03-11 19:46:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-03-11 19:30:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Noonie - how many slaves do you have?
-----------
Her rape slaves bring all the rape to the yard and theyre like rape rape rape rape rape rape
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-11 19:43:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-11 19:37:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's like the Vagina Monologues around here sometimes.
You know if you girls stay on this post too long your menstrual cycles will synchronize.
================
I'm starting to cramp up.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2007-03-11 19:41:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
good luck with that.
and 400 reviews in 4 hours on a sunday. wtf indeed.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-11 19:37:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's like the Vagina Monologues around here sometimes.
You know if you girls stay on this post too long your menstrual cycles will synchronize.
Ten Hut!
Forward
March
Left
Left
Left
Right
Left
My back is aching
My skirts too tight
My tits are swinging
From the left
To the right
To the left
Left
Left
right
left
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-03-11 19:30:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Noonie - how many slaves do you have?
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-11 19:27:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
FG: I'm a big fan of the freaky shit. I'd prefer avoiding boredom. It appears as though the local community college offers a phlebotomy course, but the hours aren't any good for me..then there's a training school with better hours, but the price isn't listed (which always makes me nervous). We'll see..especially if I don't make the nursing program cut again this year.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-03-11 19:26:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the madam always takes care of her little slaves.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-03-11 19:25:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, and don't work for donation facilities (whole blood, plasma, etc.). You'll quit from boredom.
And I suggest not working for places like LabCorp. or LabOne. A lot of them get the shit jobs like collecting blood at nursing homes. That's a miserable phlebotomy job. Trust me on this.
If you want to be right in the middle of things, seeing all the freaky shit, then work for a hospital laboratory. Preferably a trauma hospital!
YeeHaww!
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-11 19:23:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
inion speaks from experience. I'm chained to her floor RIGHT NOW, but she has me addicted to this stupid post instead of heroin.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-11 19:23:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-03-11 19:19:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-11 19:17:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nobody would have me anyway.
I can't even convince a student who loses her job by killing her patients to give me a blowjob. How am I gonna convince some chick to marry me?
---
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flunitrazepam
=================
OH I'M BAAAACK IN THE SADDLE AGAIN!!!
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-03-11 19:22:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ghb.
then once she's out keep her chained to the floor and addicted to something like heroin. she'll do whatever you want.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-11 19:20:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-03-11 19:19:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-11 19:17:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nobody would have me anyway.
I can't even convince a student who loses her job by killing her patients to give me a blowjob. How am I gonna convince some chick to marry me?
---
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flunitrazepam
======
GOLD
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-11 19:19:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hang on a second...I'm busy mailing out invitations to the pity party....
Okay seriously I DID find a bag of confetti whilst taking down my miniature Christmas tree...THIS AFTERNOON.
*I* am ubersite's most overtly pathetic user!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-03-11 19:19:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-11 19:17:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nobody would have me anyway. <