Big Band to the Big House: True Story (2695 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.53 on 122 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by experima (View user info) at 2007-03-12 02:48:57 EDT
From Big Band to the Big House
Man, I could swing. Not just doing the step-step-back-step dance. I mean getting picked up, pitched left right and center and going flying upside down through the air backwards and landing on my feet like a cat and still dancing. I once kicked out an overhead light accidentally.
Each Wednesday, about seven or eight of us would get together at a local LA nightspot famous for its swing night. We'd all have several martinis (I liked mine gin, straight up, with a twist of lemon) and then dance our asses off. We'd dress to the nines; men with vintage suits and polished shoes, women in red lipstick, pincurls, and an attitude. I'd spend hours combing the antique shops for dresses from the 1940s, and I got some great ones.
One night, I decided to wear the finest, most expensive dress I had ever bought. It was lovely: a slim, black sheath with net-like decolletage, criss-crossed with sequins like a spider web. I couldn't wait. I knew it would be a night like no other.
It was.
We danced. Oh, how we danced. We danced so much I didn't have time for martinis. The entire evening I had one Tom Collins. Someone ordered it for me. Then we danced until the club closed.
My best friend was going to stay with me at my parents' house, not too far away. She left before me.
"The key's under the mat. See you in a bit."
"Okay, I'll see you there."
When I left the club, I was exhiliarated. I was blasting the radio, singing along...until I eventually was doing about 70 in a 55 zone on the empty freeway. It was late. What did it matter?
A bright blue flashing light nearly blinded me. My heart dropped into my stomach.
I lowered the radio. A voice from a bullhorn commanded, "Pull over to the right."
I was shaking. I always shake when I get pulled over by the cops. How much would a speeding ticket cost? 200? 300? Feebly, I steered my car to the right. Bullhorn again.
"No. Get off on the Lake Avenue exit and stop on the shoulder."
I did as I was told.
The officer approached my window.
"License and registration, please."
It's always embarrassing when they ask for these things because I'm always shaking like a leaf. I opened my glove box and dug, a cascade of papers and shit falling all over the passenger side as I searched for my registration. Michael J. Fox would have been more graceful.
"Where are you coming from?"
I found this question rather personal, but I answered anyway.
"You been drinking tonight?"
"Yes, Officer. I had one drink."
"Step out of the car."
"What?"
"Step out of the car."
I have since learned from my experience, and that of many others', that the answer to the question, "Have you been drinking?" is always NO. Get that? N-O. Not, "Yes, but I only had two beers" like most people will answer. Capital N Capital O. If they find out later on their own that you have been, that's their business. Deny, deny, deny. And putting a penny under your tongue doesn't work, either.
I'm just sayin'.
On the side of one of the busiest freeway exits in Pasadena, I was subjected to the Field Sobriety Test. It's as bad as you've heard. I couldn't do this shit drunk or sober, much less scared out of my mind. You at home? Try leaning your head all the way back as far as it will go, closing your eyes, then balancing on one leg for 30 seconds or so. Maybe it was 60. Now try it at 2 AM with two massive policemen watching, in a dress and high heels.
Then they actually did the touch-your-nose thing, which is too gay to even recount. They did the backwards alphabet thing, too. Few people can recite that unless they've practiced for just such an occasion, which I hadn't. I would later wonder: do the ones they deem sober pass this test by saying, "Ah, man, get the fuck outta here, are you kiddin' me?"
They still weren't done with me, so I had to do a Breathalyzerä test. They wouldn't show me the results.
"Can I call my dad?"
"No. Give us your purse."
I thought this was an odd request, but I handed it over. I'd borrowed my mother's old purse that night; it matched my dress. I watched in disbelief? horror? amazement? as they placed her purse on the police car, sloooooowly opening it. They removed each item gingerly, and decorated the hood of their car with them. They took out my lipstick and screwwwwwwwed it up evvvver so slowly, all the way up, then placed it next to the other items. Officer Two scribbled something on a large clipboard every time Officer One did anything.
Then they handcuffed me.
"You're under arrest for Suspicion of Driving Under the Influence of Alcohol..."
They did the whole Miranda rights thing, shoved me in the back seat of the patrol car, and the tow truck they'd apparently summoned at some point arrived, marked up my windshield in white grease paint, and took away my car. They bagged my mother's purse, they bagged its contents, and away we went.
"Can I call my dad?"
"No."
At the station house, as I assume it's called from reruns of "Law and Order," they sat me in a little room and told me to wait. Wait for what? I'd find out later.
I had yet another Breathalyzerä test. Why? Again, I'd find out later.
Officer Two continued to scribble. I was finally allowed to call my dad. He was upset, of course, but really he was more concerned about how upset I was. I love my dad and I'll write about him later.
Back to the story.
It was time for the holding cell for me. The pen. The drunk tank. The detox.
The woman (admitting? committing?) me asked, "Do you have AIDS?"
Oh, my God. This was really happening.
"No."
And so shown to my room.
It was a little concrete-block-and-glass square, about eight by ten feet, filled with other unfortunates of the night. The worst thing about it, as far as I could see, was the fact that through the glass, I could see a door marked "Strip Search."
Holy shit.
Not long after I was put in, with my regulation greyish blanket, another young blonde girl came in, fresh from a night of clubbing. Could it be they were...gasp...profiling? Maybe not....but we got along well. I try to make friends wherever I go!!!
I digress.
A skinny black woman in loose clothing, foaming at the mouth, was marched in about an hour after me. The officers threw her against the glass of the holding cell. Her face was smashed, her eyes, rolling up in her head.
"Don't make us strip-search you, now. You better cooperate."
They called her by her first name. Repeat customer. They tossed her like a pile of rags into the room next to me. She told me why she was in there, why they'd picked her up. I listened. I offered her my blanket. She gratefully accepted, and, within a moment, was sound asleep.
I knocked on the glass. No one heard. I knocked again.
"What is it, blondie?"
"Excuse me, but is there another room I could stay in? Any room at all. I don't think I'm supposed to be here."
I gave the guards a good laugh. They also laughed when I motioned for a drink of water.
"Oh, she wants another drink, does she?"
More laughter.
I decided then and there that I'd make the best of my situation. I started dancing. Step-step-back-step. Step-step-back-step. I practiced all night, dancing in my holding cell, careful to not disturb the crack addict or any of my other roommates.
Step-step-back-step. All night.
Officer one had apparently told my parents I'd be released by six AM.
They released me at five.
They gave me a "possessions bag." My possessions bag was a plastic bag with the police department's name on it containing items from my mother's purse. Her purse was impounded, along with my car, although in two different locations. I would have to retrieve, and pay for, both.
I had to wait outside the courthouse for a an hour after they released me, waiting on my mother on a park bench at five AM, holding my possessions bag in heels and a sequinned dress. Again, holy shit.
Oh, yeah. Before I left, after being served a "breakfast" that I once again donated to my crack-addicted friend, Officer One explained a lot to me. He really answered my "wtf???"
"When you were doing the second Breathalyzerä at the station, I had to go to the captain and ask permission to hold you. You were under the legal limit for alcohol, I mean you passed the breath test, but I had a rookie partner with me who really needed to learn how to process a DUI. Everything by the book, you know? That's why we had to keep you overnight. See ya, kid. Take care."
I wasn't drunk. I was a teacher!
I still had to appear in court for the citation. The judge decided that, although he couldn't legally find me guilty of Driving Under the Influence, he would play my dad and "teach this little girl a lesson" in as patronizing a way as possible, in front of about thirty other defendants awaiting their sentence.
"You were going 73? What if a little old lady was walking across the street? You could have hit her!"
My inexperience with the American justice system kept me from saying what I thought years later.
"Why the fuck would an old lady be crossing a six-lane highway at two-o'fucking clock in the morning?"
"Yes, sir." I replied. (No, that's the first bit of fiction this has in it. I just stood there.)
"I can't just charge you with speeding. You need to be taught a lesson you can't drive that fast with no consequences. "Speed Contest." Next."
Speed contest? Do any of you know what that even means? Drag racing. Because I was not drunk, I was charged with drag racing, on an empty, completely deserted highway, at two AM.
Holy shit.
Looked cool on my record for a few years but I got it expunged.
Now, my second arrest.....
Um...anyone up for a speed contest?
Oh, and my friend slept all night peacefully at my house-for those of you who like to tie up loose ends. Thanks, pal!
User Reviews
Submitted by iambetteratit (user info) at 2008-06-25 15:24:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2008-04-20 01:44:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-11-14 16:57:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I did. I had five hours to kill.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-11-14 16:10:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've experienced this more than I like to admit, quite ashamedly as well. It's not fun and I'm willing to bet that you didn't practice any dance steps in the drunk tank. It would have been funny if you actually did that but I'm sure you didn't.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-11-13 21:48:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
that simultaneously sucks and blows. arrested for walking??? "make a name for himself?"
sounds familiar.
i shall now read your post.
thanks, MWG.
xx
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-11-13 20:14:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's seven shades of wrong.
I got arrested after having 2 beers, walking across a crosswalk. I didn't stagger, I didn't sway, but I had a backpack on me with 2 more bottles inside. They didn't do a breathalizer, but just took me in anyway.
My prohbation officer at the time for the only real charge I've ever gotten (see: A Promised Story), ended up telling me that she had dated the guy, and he was a rookie, just trying to "make a name for himself."
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-11-09 19:32:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-09-13 17:32:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it looked cool when i made it....
then it scrunched up.
let me try again.
--------
|------|
|------|
--------
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-13 17:26:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If that's a box, you may want to pay your gynecologist a visit...stat.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-09-13 17:05:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ah, shit. that was supposed to be a box.
epic fail.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-09-13 17:04:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
______
| |
| |
------
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-13 15:27:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
When are you going to show Shlongy your box?
I'm getting impatient and no one wants to see what happens when I lose it.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-07-28 04:16:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"the answer to the question, "Have you been drinking?" is always NO."
God, I learned that when I was sixteen. Either you don't have friends that love you, or you don't have enough alcoholic friends. Either way, your loss.
Also, I am jealous of your ability to swing dance, bitch.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-07-23 19:25:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lousy drunks.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-19 16:01:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks!
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-07-19 15:24:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-07-08 16:59:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hi, S!
Submitted by Sydney (user info) at 2007-07-08 16:44:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hi xprma!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-06-22 00:58:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
not if you step-step-back-step
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2007-06-22 00:53:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Getting arrested is for the slow of step.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-06-20 17:40:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lousy drunks.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-06-19 22:48:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LisaD (user info) at 2007-06-19 19:10:14 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by LisaD (user info) at 2007-06-19 22:07:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
useless cunt below
Submitted by LisaD (user info) at 2007-06-19 22:07:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by LisaD (user info) at 2007-06-19 22:07:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
useless cunt
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-06-08 16:41:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh, I get it. YOUR 3,000th. MY 812th.
ohhhhhhhhh.
doesn't take me long to catch on....nurr.
thanks! :)
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-06-08 16:38:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks, Ih8! come back in about ten minutes for the 4,000th!
:)
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2007-06-08 14:37:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Guess what? You get my 3000th review...congratz!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-06-08 14:21:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
y th4nk y0u, 4 l1ttl3 m0r3 t1m3!
Submitted by a_little_more_time (user info) at 2007-06-08 13:53:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
4ll j00r s70r13z r t3h w1n.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-06-07 22:58:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thank you also, PC. glad they unbanned you.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-06-07 22:47:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-06-07 22:27:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
thank you, PD.
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2007-06-07 21:55:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-05-12 00:38:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
paisley park is in your heart
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-05-12 00:09:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Y THANK YOU
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-04-21 18:27:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BEST STORY EVA!!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-04-14 02:54:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hi rob!!! How are you? wb
hiya LF too. :)
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-04-14 02:13:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
She could have been... it was just a drive-by wooo!
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-04-14 00:52:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-04-10 01:38:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hi rob! how are you?
=======
Oh...well, goodnight then.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-04-14 00:51:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Um...I think she was talking to me, Rob.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-04-14 00:38:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WOOO!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-04-14 00:13:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hiya :)
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-04-10 01:38:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hi rob! how are you?
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-04-09 14:40:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hi!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-04-03 23:58:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thank you, LF.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-03-31 21:49:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
By the way, to be honest, I failed one sobriety test in the mid-90s, but I knew one of the cops and I caught a break. Lucky...and stupid.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-03-31 21:47:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Finally read it. Enjoyable.
I've passed two field sobriety tests. Thank God they didn't give me a breathalyzer test, or however the fuck you spell it.
You're right...it's scary. I won't drive anymore even if I've had just one drink. I'm very lucky to have never had a dui, or, more importantly, hurt somebody. Drinking and driving was a way of life in the '80s. There were many times I didn't remember driving home. Stupid...and lucky.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-30 13:33:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
haven't finished yet JG :)
will wb soon btw
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-03-30 09:12:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by diavola (user info) at 2007-03-30 04:07:13 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
thank you rob
I'm writing now :)
--------------
Under experima or diavola?
Or do I have to wait and see......
Submitted by diavola (user info) at 2007-03-29 23:07:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thank you rob
I'm writing now :)
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-03-29 22:31:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was exceptionally well written.
Shitty luck, eh.
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-03-22 18:35:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-19 19:44:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
zebra guesses right. you live here too?
sideshow, I'm not sure that was their reason to steal my money...since they also stole some music I had in there, too :(
-------------
Those bastards!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-19 21:57:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
D--respect them? for this one, I entertained the idea of suing the city for false arrest or false imprisonment, whichever one qualified.
I was told by someone who knew about such things that if I did, my car would become an unofficial police target. I don't know if that's true, but it discouraged a very young and naive girl from protesting how I was treated.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-19 21:41:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Unreal. The legal system in this country is just fucked up beyond repair.
And we're supposed to respect these assholes?
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-19 21:31:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
marty and elaine! I forgot about them. they rocked! kind of...
thanks, Director. yes, speed contest does involve two cars. But they had to charge me with SOMETHING right?
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-19 21:06:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yep.
used to go by the Dresden to see Marty and Elaine afterwards for the whole Swingers experience.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-19 21:01:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Doesn't there have to be another car involved in a drag race?
Just curious.
Sounds like you did alright. Handled yourself well.
Interestingly, the cops in Missouri and here in Ann Arbor were much nicer to me than yours were. Perhaps because, in both cases, they were hideous women that I was extremely polite and articulate towards, despite being blinded out of my gourd.
Anyway. Now I *really* wanna bone ya.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-19 19:44:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
zebra guesses right. you live here too?
sideshow, I'm not sure that was their reason to steal my money...since they also stole some music I had in there, too :(
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-03-19 19:19:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, that is unfortunate that they stole the money from your purse that was in the car when your friends got arrested. However, their stance is that the money was probably profit from drug sales and theus illegal, so they confiscated it.....of course that is what they'll tell you....
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-19 18:45:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That would be the Pasadena PD.
My guess is the Derby on Los Feliz.
Submitted by _God (user info) at 2007-03-19 18:23:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gotta love LAPD...
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-19 17:48:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
mess...thanks for the poetry :)
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-19 17:43:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
just read your comment sideshow. I don't remember having a conversation, just being scared out of my mind and staring at all the computer equipment they've got up front...
oh, and when my friends got arrested, the police stole the money from the purse I'd left in the car. sweet.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-19 17:34:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah, they played there all the time back then :)
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-03-19 17:27:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Music tips, if you don't know them already: Big Bad Voodoo Daddy and/or Cherry Poppin' Daddies.
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-03-19 16:53:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-14 21:54:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh, I was polite to them. But apparently the new guy on the job had to get trained that night, so...
I was so polite, in fact, that I forgot to mention they let me sit (handcuffed) up in the front seat of the patrol car.
sideshow you are LUCKY you got out of those situations unscathed.
I was once in the car with some friends who I didn't know were amateur drug dealers. They dropped me off and within ten minutes they had been arrested on drug charges and the car was impounded (along with the things I'd left inside). They were convicted on five felonies and two misdemeanors. I was lucky that night, I suppose...
they weren't.
----------------
I guess dealig with the cops is one of those situations where you either win and feel really lucky, or you lose and feel like crap. That is insane that your friends got felony charges and you had just been dropped off by them. But I guess you had a bit of luck that time, so this time, not so much.
I hate how they have to 'train' a rookie cop on an otherwise innocent person because they have the opportunity.
Did you at least get a chance to have a good conversation with the police while they let you sit in the front seat? Most cops are pretty nice once you get out of the 'cop / criminal' relationship and back into the 'two normal people in society' relationship.
Anyways, I'm starting to go on tangents here.
Nice writing, I hope to see more of yours on here, because your writing is good whereas a lot of the other stuff on here is crap.
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2007-03-19 13:32:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i am not offended by anything you do here, zebra. don't flatter yourself that anything you do here impacts me in anything other than the most superficial of ways.
as far as being a crusader against an uber clique...well i'm having trouble deciding if that is even more pathetic than belonging to one yourself.
i engage with you here because you amuse me. nothing more. the assumptions you make about others actions, about their motivations, are laughable.
obviously you take this place far too seriously, so i'm going to have to make a decision about whether i should stay away from you in case any of the crazy may rub off on me.
yikes.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-03-19 10:36:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like to reference to one of the 1st ratings i ever gave you :
The last line really applies!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/99022#2322904
If it all works out, i will release the new voicerewhoremix tonight...
(if it works out.But it looks good...)
have a good day/week!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-19 09:56:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you, Ror/Mess and thank you also, Zebra.
For making Uber a nice place.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-03-19 09:10:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-16 12:29:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hmm...cryptic.
Cryptic indeed. And i can assume, you got the message in it!
Feel honored, that you were the first entity evar, that i wrote a poem for !
(I've must have been impressed by your picture...OOOh , that animal inside me..)
Also, i was quite surprised by some of your additions to the site, you have some serious teeth and fangs!
Etwas germanisches zum absluss, fur heute:
Pinokkio habt keiner nose.
Ihr weiss das nicht.
Uber ganz seine gesicht,
Sehen wir nur enormisches rosen...
Forgive me for not spellchecking my rambling...(this is quite crap, but it sounds nice, i think..)
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-18 23:59:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
experima, I was just having a little fun with scourge because I find his manner amusing.
I enjoy giving him a little taste of his own medicine, but he doesn't always handle it with aplomb.
I was jesting with Stagger on his post, and Stagger joked with me right back. scourge was offended I guess.
But this was a good post, and deserving of a +2.
The story probably could have been exaggerated a bit (more?) for comedic value, but I don't believe you intended it as a particulary comedic post.
I read it more as an amusing true(?) anecdote with some humorous elements.
Again, don't mind me. I am picking on scourge precisely because he is in the uberclique, who I think rate and behave sometimes with hypocrisy. This is fine with me, but I reserve the right to pick on those who pick on others.
If I picked on new or disliked users, that would make me a bully.
I think FlakMonkey is just upset because I rated his silly post to unban one of his alters with a -2.
And if I'm completely honest, this was more of a +1, and I did +2 it just to get scourge's goat.
I like it that he is offended by that, actually.
I almost re-rated with a 0 to even it out with my true opinion, but I decided at the last minute to just leave it as is.
But you write well, in my opinion.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-18 23:34:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wtf?
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-18 23:32:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wasn't even aware that this was going on.
Seriously.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-18 23:26:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dance monkey dance.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-18 23:25:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Zebra, you are my most respected. Full stop. And I know you have very little respect on uber. If you are for real, experima.at.gmail.com
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2007-03-18 23:20:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sure zebra. you got me pegged, pal.
i wonder how often you search on my username? seems to me it's fairly often as your replies follow mine ever so often. did i hurt your feelings by painting you as the fool so often? it makes a bit of sense really...stag pointed it out and then you penned that simply scathing review about his behaviour here and ever since you feel the need to tag along behind me in the effort to prove yourself..
would it help if i told you you were a big smart fellow and that you got the best of me? would it?
okay, you're the coolest internet guy to ever hit the block. you had my number from day one.
no, really. you're the best.
some helpful advice: the knight in shining armour routine doesn't suit the little persona you've developed for yourself. you're straying a little too far from your lone wolf tough guy shtick with that.
you gonna make it through the night alright if i leave now, pal? i have some shit to do.
let me know, okay?
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-18 22:52:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahahahaha
whiney douchebag below, still bitter his precious user name is being withheld.
Plus, his webcock is ENORMOUS.
(but it's all an act, so don't for a moment equate his behavior to that of adolescent males or anything like that)
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2007-03-18 22:48:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
get the picture?
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2007-03-18 22:42:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
so, you're too chickenshit to even leave a solid -2 retal rating? i mean...i rated a BLANK post with a -2. you certainly cannot argue it was worth anything else, can you?
on to my visit here.
why even bother going to my post at all if you're going to vacillate like that? make a decisoin and stick with it.
like this -1 of mine for instance.
i decided this post was worth a 1 upon thoroughly reading it. (this is something you should write home to your kids about in and of itself as i rarely bother to read most things here all the way through. there are few people here worthy of that attention from me and YOU have certainly not proven yourself to be one of them. i would normally have avoided it altogether, but you visited my last post to let me know you had some issue, so i figure you needed some recognition of my awareness of your existence and i generally aim to please when a needy person makes a plea like that.)
BUT part of the rating process around here is social interaction as well...and my impression of you is one of a cowardly person who needs to couch their condemnations...to make sure the ycover their bases...to try and lighten the sting JUST IN CASE.
well, i hate those people. wishy washy behavior is SO frustrating. so obnoxious.
because of that hate of mine, i should -2 this.
but, as a fair man, i just did some handy math, taking into account the intrinsic value of the post at hand, and arrived at this fair decision.
-1
hint: the important part of this review can be found between a set of parentheses.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-16 12:29:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hmm...cryptic.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:19:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Indeed! Although i use my rorrim-alter for some naughty purpose, and if my messmind character wasn't a early user, i would leave it behind....I'll probably be gone for the weekend, so some
german shit to keep the machine on the right pressure :
Spiegelsalle, welches geheimnissen erhalten sie fÜr mich ?
Ich habe keine ahnung was ist hinten diesen augen...
Kunte ich das fragen...?
Naturlich nicht! Das mysteriose macht diese Sagen.
Have a fab weekend !
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-15 12:35:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
just done the one under diavola. you have two names, I have two names :)
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-03-15 12:16:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-15 11:58:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
not an alter.
Can't really recall, where you state it yourself.... researching.....
OK, i'm wrong : http://www.ubersite.com/m/99022#2324491 ; i thought you stated it there...
My mistake ! Entschuldigen sie mich, bitte ! Time to read daviola, now...
Have a fab day !
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-15 11:58:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
not an alter.
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-03-15 04:44:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-14 21:58:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"noch niet gemacht"
messmind--what's this bit mean
there's a misspelling in that one...Niet=dutch for 'nicht' (mixed up..)
It would translate into "Not done yet" ...
I just find it curious, that i never see you on my posts...
But since you're an alter, not extraordinary strange. I'm also appalled about your sister-alter 'despina', and still wondering, who your main-uber character is...
Thaught you were axolotl for a while, but your styles are too different.
Maybe i should invest some research-time, here...
Greetz, have a fab day !
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-14 21:58:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"noch niet gemacht"
messmind--what's this bit mean
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-14 21:54:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh, I was polite to them. But apparently the new guy on the job had to get trained that night, so...
I was so polite, in fact, that I forgot to mention they let me sit (handcuffed) up in the front seat of the patrol car.
sideshow you are LUCKY you got out of those situations unscathed.
I was once in the car with some friends who I didn't know were amateur drug dealers. They dropped me off and within ten minutes they had been arrested on drug charges and the car was impounded (along with the things I'd left inside). They were convicted on five felonies and two misdemeanors. I was lucky that night, I suppose...
they weren't.
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-03-14 17:42:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hopefull you learned you lesson.
I used to get nervous when I'd get pulled over by the cops, but now I know how to out smart them.
The last time I got pulled over, I was speeding, I had 7 people in a 5 seat car, there was 6 of them drinking, we had been smoking weed, we had coke, weed, and E on us. After getting let off with some warnings, they let me drive away with my overloaded car!
The time before that, I was pulled over for speeding again. I had drank a few glasses of wine and I had smoked some dope. My eyes were red and my breath smelt like booze. They found my pipe and my weed, but they let me keep my pipe. The called a tow truck for my car, and I told them it wasn't necessary. I demanded a breathalyser and I passed, 0.02, well under the limit of 0.08. I took the speeding ticket to court and got it reduced by half.
I've been pulled over almost 40 times, and I've only gotten 6 tickets (5 for speeding, 1 for a seatbelt violation), 1 court appearance for drug charges (which was dismissed), and 1 24-hr license suspension, for driving while over-tired.
You just have to be polite and in control of the situation. If you aren't in control, they are, and they will fuck with you.
Shitty that you got charged for 'speed contest'.
+2 for swing dancing!
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-03-14 05:26:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-03-14 05:07:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ein rating fÜr ein von meine posts ist schön !
(haben sie noch niet gemacht!{aber nicht vergessen})
Translate that one, will you ?
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-13 23:58:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HOTT
more.
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-03-13 22:11:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wir sind Schaufensterpuppen .
i just love that word ;'Schaufensterpuppen'.
And i just thought up; 'morgenspaziergang'. German has grace....C YA!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-13 12:59:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
write more stuff in german...
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-03-13 05:09:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-12 19:19:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it's valid to me, maniak :)
You're nice, and would be great to do 300 km/h with, on the foresaid autobahn.
Hmm, Arousing ! You would make me drive on the edge . That would be great !
Thank god, you can't see my red cheeks !
Yes, i just got pwnd...
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-12 20:27:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sorry: carolinian
I was north, you are south. Hilton Head was my vacation destination. Peel-your-own shrimp was a thrill for me.
Asheville.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-12 20:17:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
especially from a fellow caroliner who knows what I look like.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-12 20:15:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that was gay, Shlongy. I expected more from you.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-12 20:10:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This was way too fucking long and lacked any "compelling drama".
On the other hand , you DO have a pussy so I'm in a quandary as to how to rate.
Nah...this story blew.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-12 20:07:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And why does my rating go down by half after one -2?
especially when he didn't read/rate. Retaliatory -2s....
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-12 20:03:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I love Tool.....and that song.........
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-12 20:00:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Stinkfist" is my absolute favorite Tool song. I don't know who this tool is, however.
Submitted by stinkfish (user info) at 2007-03-12 19:48:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
fuck this?
Submitted by stinkfish (user info) at 2007-03-12 19:48:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
fuck this?
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-12 19:40:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh, yes I am...
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-03-12 19:36:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm pretty sure you'd be a fun partner in crime.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-12 19:19:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it's valid to me, maniak :)
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-03-12 19:18:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-12 18:07:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yay! mails!
*sips chardonnay at 3 in the afternoon*
"let me take you to a place you wanna go : it's the good life!"
Sound's great, there!
Und : 'Geswindigheitsmaniak!' - i didn't spellcheck that ! Is it even a valid word ?
C YA!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-12 18:07:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yay! mails!
*sips chardonnay at 3 in the afternoon*
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-03-12 17:50:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-12 17:45:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
PS it's 92 degrees here right now
---------
That's it, rub it in!
I've just seen my central heating bill. It's not pretty. I've just drunk the remains of a bottle of ouzo in disgust.
Right, I'm hitting the sack.
Check your e-mail tomorrow, I'm sure you'll find a jealous pre-work mail from me :)
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-12 17:45:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
holy shit. death guess rate?
that would be a cool name for a band, though... :)
PS it's 92 degrees here right now
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-03-12 17:40:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-12 17:34:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You did what???
-----------
I work for a life insurance company. Our latest task was to make an semi-accurate estimate of how many people on our books are likely to die in the next month or so. We have to submit our "death guess rate" to our re-assurrers, who cover 80% of our payouts.
It was lil' ole me who got the task.
I got a whole load of figures and stats from our underwriters. From my judgement, I concluded we're likely to get over 1000 claims in the next month or so, with potential payouts around the quarter million mark.
I feel like the grim reaper.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-12 17:34:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You did what???
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-03-12 17:27:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-12 16:31:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey Joey...they hired me! I start tomorrow apparently :)
---------------
See, I told ya! Congrats!
Now I no longer have to bore you on how much work sucks.
Actually, maybe I will, because your job sounds so much better than mine.
Today, I forecasted the deaths of over 1000 people before the end of the financial year. I feel like I should have a scythe or something.
Submitted by zimm0r (user info) at 2007-03-12 17:10:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Incantion Spell Binding of Zephyr Realm!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-12 16:33:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's hot that you speak German, rorrim/messmind ;)
Ich bin ein Geswindigheitsmaniak!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-12 16:31:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just noticed that the "TM" symbol turned into an "A" with an umlaut. It's supposed to be BreathalyzerTM :(
Thanks btw everyone.
Hey Joey...they hired me! I start tomorrow apparently :)
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-03-12 15:57:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
unlucky darling
Submitted by yhywstudios (user info) at 2007-03-12 12:44:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MidnightToSix (user info) at 2007-03-12 12:13:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Who's house? Run's house.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-03-12 09:47:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Strangely captivating.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-03-12 07:07:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Let's meet on the highway from Oberhausen to Berlin, and speed our asses off !
Preferably in oktober, so we can get pissed before noon, without drawing attention!
Wir fahren' auf den autobahn !
(If they had only won the right war, we would never had speeding tickets...History's a bitch!)
Ich bin ein Geswindigheitsmaniak!
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-03-12 03:53:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow.
I totally see a different side to you!
I've been arrested a few times, all for petty things. It was never a pleasant experience. But that's a story for another day.
I could go on and on about the faults with the justice system.......but I wont. I think they're all plain enough for everyone to see.
All I'll say is that I feel for you, and every other person who has gone through this kinda thing.
Speed contest? Hell yeah.
Bring the Tom Collins :)
(Sorry, couldn't resist, you know what I'm like)
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-03-12 03:04:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BadSamaritan87 (user info) at 2007-03-12 02:55:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That is entirely shitty, but I'm glad to see that there's a story here, at least.