Drunken Bus Ride (538 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.43 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by tiaprae (View user info) at 2007-03-12 14:31:01 EDT
My coworkers hate me. Maybe not hate, but they definitely do not give a damn if I live or die.
Thursday night I went to a coworker's for a small get-together. There as some basketball tournament on, I just needed an excuse to drink. I picked up a bottle of vodka and some soda and started sipping.
Within an hour I lost my ability to read.
I poured myself one last drink, not too bad to sip over another two hours, just a few shots. About one fourth way through my coworkers decide they're bored out of their skulls and it's time for them to go to the bar.
I am not 21.
"Uhm...my car's at the bus station thirty minutes from here..." I take a sip of my drink.
"We'll drop you off at the bus station here, you can get back right?" Coworker #1 takes some of my vodka-pepsi mixture. "You need to finish this, we're going now" They pass around my drink and encourage me to chug the remaining 3 shots of vodka. This was not planned out well.
On the way to the bus station, I can feel the immense amount of alcohol coursing through me. I am a lightweight. I'm not ashamed, I blame it on my fragile gender and move on.
"We're here!"
"What?"
The door opens and I'm tossed out. I look up and see a white shape near the bus stop. Hopefully this is my bus. Miraculously I get my bus pass out of my wallet and, while dropping it, eventually make it through the swiper-machine-thingy (I have no clue what the name of this is.)
Riding on the bus, I slowly fade off into sleep.
The bus comes to a rickety halt and I look out the window, trying to make out what station it's stopped at. There are two in between where I need to be. I decide that it can't be my stop when the unforgettable rumbling in my stomach occurs. Oh god...not now...shit...shit...shit...
I have been drunk many times. I've gotten sick from drinking, but the vibrations of the bus mixed with the overwhelming amount of liquor caused something I was not ready for. Luckily it was not explosive.
"Uhm, hey, here," a blur hands me some napkins and a piece of gum.
"Thanks," I can only assume this was not nearly as clear as I had hoped. Two napkins did nothing to help me, and for whatever reason, I stuffed the drenched papers into my purse. I put the piece of gum in my mouth.
I'm at a bus station. I must have gotten kicked off the bus. What happened to the gum? I lean over the bench and empty my stomach again. Ah, I think I figured out the mystery of the gum. How Nancy Drew of me.
I look around. Traces of light and metal, and I see the Jack in the Crack across the street. I am one station away from salvation. What am I going to do when I get to my car? No way I can drive. I can sleep in my car until the garage closes at 2...It can't be past 10 now, that's enough time to sober up, at least enough to drive to the nearest parking lot The realization that I may never make it home hit me as I let my head fall to the side of the bench again. Christ I'm going to get arrested. I'm sure this area has seen plenty of people far worse off than me.
I'm on a different bench, same station. Why is it so fucking cold? It's March for christ sake.
I listen to the ramblings of a man on the bench opposite me. Christ if I can understand the ramblings of a crazy hobo, I'm even drunker than I realized.
"Are you okay?" I look over at him, and then at myself. I have vomit on me. I smell. And I'm moving my body back and forth like an autistic child playing with a teacup.
"I'm uhm...I'm fine, I'm just cold." Lunatic hobo asking me if I'm okay...Not a good sign
A few moments later a bus comes by, "There ya go!" Crazy hobo encourages me to get on the bus. How did he know it was the one I needed?How did I know it was the one I needed?
"Last stop." The bus driver is standing over me as I lay on the seat.
"Oh..." I rub my eyes and look around, my vision has cleared slightly.
"Do you know where you are?" Female bus driver...at least it's none of my usual drivers. "You're in Federal Way." Fuck I missed my stop. Fuck Fuck Fuck .
I trip off the bus and look around. I know I've never been here before. Shit I shouldn't worry, there should be another bus in thirty minutes, I'll just smoke a few cigarettes, I'll get home eventually.
I reach into my purse to check the bus times, the soaked napkins from earlier haunted me. Everything in my purse was dabbed with what was once a cheeseburger and some pepsi. The smell was rancid, and the pages on the brochure were unreadable, even if my vision was clear enough.
"Hey mind if I bum a smoke?" Female voice.
"Yea sure."
"Girl....you're dirty." I look at myself again. I was wearing a sweatshirt earlier...It had shit on it, I took it off, fuck it's cold though.
"Yea...it's been a long night. You wouldn't happen to know when the next 564 or 565 comes by do you?"
"I'll go check." She gets up for a moment while I take a drag, "That was the last one, next one isn't til morning." Shit I don't want to sleep at a bus station.
Crazy hobo #2 walks by. He stopped in front of us and started trying to signal. High pitched voice, inaudible, I thought maybe a deaf-mute, but I can't really be sure.
"What was that?"
"He was telling us that we shouldn't be smoking in a bus shelter. If a cop sees it's a fine, that we should smoke across the street."
"Oh..." I can only assume she was wondering how I became fluent in retarded street person. I'm sure she had her guesses.
"Fuck that though, I'm not moving, if a cop comes I'll put the thing out."
My helpful acquaintance gets up to look at the bus times again. I need to find some place warm, my limbs are in danger of falling off. Didn't what's-his-face work at a Shari's in Federal Way? Depending on where I am I bet I can find something I start walking.
Two blocks and I found a Denny's. I've never been so happy to see those red neon lights. I walk inside, ask the waitress to call me a cab and order some fries. Thank god I'm going to make it home
User Reviews
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-03-13 09:00:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Too bad I didn't know you were around Seattle when I was out there a month ago on business. You could have shown me all the GOOD bars.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-03-13 04:00:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think we've all been there at some point.
+2 because I had to take the bus once.
It was horrible. I feel for you.
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2007-03-12 19:27:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No offense, but let me break this down: "I went out with friends and got really drunk & stupid."
I've read at least a hundred versions of this same post here on Ubersite. Hey - I used to do that when I was young too, but I'm at least 20 years too old to find this sort of thing entertaining.
Still - I'm glad you made it home alive and didn't get rolled or hurt.
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-03-12 19:10:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was on the bus once.
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-03-12 19:03:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ouch that hurts....
Been there, done that, in a different city and trying to find out where the fuck I am because I've been deserted by my friends....maybe I desserted them by getting kicked out of the bar, but that didn't change the fact that I was lost and cold in an unfamiliar city....
Submitted by tiaprae (user info) at 2007-03-12 18:35:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Johnny- only 2 more weeks and the bus will be a rare occasion for me...hopefully...if all goes right...which it likely won't
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-03-12 17:42:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to ride the 202 to Mercer Island every day...
Submitted by tiaprae (user info) at 2007-03-12 17:18:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was relatively amazed at this as well. I did lose a sweatshirt...a pretty expensive one. Only thing I really worried about was the bus pass, which is not mine, and would have cost about 10x more money than I had to replace. Luckily it managed to survive.
Submitted by Timmaaaaah (user info) at 2007-03-12 17:08:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
im amazed you never lost your purse and or your sanity, sounds horrible! But hey you have met some new friends.
Submitted by tiaprae (user info) at 2007-03-12 16:51:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Timmaaaaah - Some how I made it home. I had to replace everything that was in my purse (as it was either covered in or reeked of vomit, and every muscle in my body was sore (I'm not sure why, I decided I was either gang-raped or beaten at some point, or the throwing up caused muscle contraction...either way)
Submitted by Timmaaaaah (user info) at 2007-03-12 16:35:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
did you get home or are you living your life on the streets wandering into net cafes?
Submitted by tiaprae (user info) at 2007-03-12 16:25:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-03-12 16:09:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ahhh the memories.
the worst is being drunk on a bus and needing to pee cos it's not polite to pee on the bus (unless you're in australia - they have low standards)
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Vomit has a strong smell...so does piss though, so I'm not sure which is worse.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-03-12 16:09:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ahhh the memories.
the worst is being drunk on a bus and needing to pee cos it's not polite to pee on the bus (unless you're in australia - they have low standards)
Submitted by tiaprae (user info) at 2007-03-12 16:06:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-03-12 16:04:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah she's broker than you.
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Shitty
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-12 16:05:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-03-12 16:04:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah she's broker than you.
Submitted by Kale (user info) at 2007-03-12 15:59:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by tiaprae (user info) at 2007-03-12 15:48:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sicose - One day you should compile all of the random sexual what-nots you say and sell them to the girl-challenged.
Adam - Seattle area
Inion - Tell her I'll babysit I need some kind of income
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-03-12 15:18:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
federal way in washington?
wait a shari's... you must be in washington.
my babymama lives in federal way.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-03-12 15:17:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
what city is this?
Submitted by MidnightToSix (user info) at 2007-03-12 15:07:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I was all set to slam this for whining....
But instead, yeah, that was pretty shoddy treatment. Can't trust your well-being to anyone it seems.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-03-12 15:05:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lies Below. Everyone knows Simon doesn't read.
l
l
l
V
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-03-12 14:58:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Another great story that I pretended to read. Would you like to 69 with siran wrap?
*I do read your stories, just don't tell anyone.*
Submitted by ChalupaTres (user info) at 2007-03-12 14:54:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Crazy, you should have demanded the bum take you to his leader.