Buying back a self sold short (576 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryRating: 1.68 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Hookhand (View user info) at 2007-03-14 05:07:52 EDT
"I'll pick you up at 6," he says
He knows she will be late
And though the thought should irk him so
He thinks he'll like the wait
When he arrives at 6:05
She isn't ready, quite
He thinks "Well, isn't this the way
to start the fucking night."
They pull up to the club, and yet
He knows they won't be able
To go inside and see the show;
They've lost their fucking table
Sure enough, the hostess says
"It's now a quarter past.
The reservation was for 7"
Her smirk says "Kiss my ass"
Now 60 of his hard earned bucks,
pissed down the fucking pot
Determined to make the best he says
"The evening isn't shot"
"Let's take a walk, or chat somewhere
Let's picnic like it's day
A comedy club was no place
to converse anyway"
She simply frowns, furrows her brow
The look that says it all
"A picnic is a cheapskate's date
so take me to the mall"
"So I can watch you try on shoes?"
He asks inside his head
"And hold your purse and buy you shit?
I'd rather be fucking dead"
And so the mall it was, that night
He held her fucking purse
While she tried on dress after dress
and he sat and smoked and cursed
1 hour Neiman Marcus, Sak's
1 hour Macy's alone
Every new store the fucking whore
went into made him groan
"The date from hell!" He dubbed the night
"This night will never end!"
"This is the last blind date I do
I'll kill my fucking friend"
"This girl is great!" That asshole said
"She works in a Salon
and if you play your cards just right
you two will get it on!"
He checked his watch. It's 10:02
He wishes he were dead
And though it's not quite time to sleep
He'd rather be in bed
"The things we men will do for sex"
he mumbled at his shoes
"I could be at home jerking off
And I'd save money, too."
"Instead I'm at a fucking mall
Here with the Dragon Queen
She may be cute, but not enough
to be that fucking mean"
And so he rose, her purse and coat
Fell from his upturned lap
"This date is fucking over, NOW"
She looked like she'd been slapped
She didn't speak for seconds while
She grasped at a retort
He smiled, smug, his hands on his hips
arguments were his forte
"I'll take you home, I'm not a jerk"
before she could reply
"But this date is my worst date yet
And that is not a lie"
"You criticzed my aftershave
You criticized my car
And when I thought I'd heard enough
You took it way too far"
"You made us miss that standup act
And come to this damn mall
We did the shit you wanted to,
And you can suck my balls"
"No one has ever talked to me
this way" was her reply
he grasped her hands firmly in his
And looked her in the eye
"Well it's about time someone did
you mean, self-centered bitch
I guess I'm not your usual date
Stupid, desperate, rich"
"Well I refuse to take your shit
and frankly, furthermore
I'd say you should apologize
for how you've acted, whore!"
His shoulders heaved, his color drained
He stood there shaking, spent
She uttered not a single word
Just stood there, reticent
And so he held his elbow out
For her to take his arm
Miraculously she complied
Avoiding further harm
They left the mall, he drove her home
in silence, deafening
And yet he grinned from ear to ear
So unused to winning
He walked her as far as her door
then made an about face
And walked to his car, whistling
the tune "Amazing Grace"
She watched him get into his car
and drive off down the street
She sat on her front stoop and cried
while staring at her feet
He beat off twice that night all told
his ego was unbruised
A man who'd found his breaking point
decided not to lose
One more worthless, sexless night
To dates with useless chicks
Blind dates, chicks from the internet
just desparate for dick
The next morning he woke up
Strolled into his cafe
And asked the waitress for a date
then turned and walked away
She dropped her tray and grabbed his arm
while cups and saucers fell
A stunned look plastered on her face
A look he knew quite well
"You come and eat here every day
and not ONCE have we talked
what made you stroll in here today
and give me such a shock?"
"I'm not who I was yesterday"
He stooped, helped clean the mess
"I asked you on a date, Suzanne,
Does dropping shit mean yes?"
He reached her house at 6:05
She bound toward the car
and asked "Where are you taking me?
I hope it's not a bar"
Two tickets to a standup show
Were sitting on the dash
He said "A picnic by the lake?"
"I thought you'd never ask!"
And never once did she complain
or make selfish demands
And when rain drowned the picnic out
they sat wet, holding hands
She talked less than his previous date
they talked through looks alone
it wasn't forced, it wasn't sad
he said "I'll drive you home"
Maybe she'd invite him in
He really didn't care
He drove fast with the soft top down
the wind drying her hair
We sell ourselves so short, sometimes
We forget who we are
Resigning ourselves to e-skanks
Or girls we meet in bars
We put up with horrendous dates
Feign interest in crap
All so we don't go home alone
To watch some pron and fap
But being patient sometimes pays
Someone is out there, sad
Who's waiting for a date from you
he best you've ever had
Don't settle for an easy lay
To feel you're not alone
Don't sell yourself so short, tonight
Navigate the unknown
Don't woo her with bad poetry
(That only works for me)
A simple conversation starts
What could be Chemistry
And as you go about your day
And run into new chicks
It could change your life to say
"I'll pick you up at 6"
-2 away
HH
User Reviews
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-03-15 05:43:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's because all Jasons are dicks, Jason.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2007-03-15 02:36:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have never had a post get over 1.75. :(
I only know this because Darko told me.
You're a dick, Jason
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2007-03-14 19:52:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Now I have over 200 hits. I'd call you a crybaby, but I'm just glad you told everyone I wasn't fat
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-03-14 19:25:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lengthy, but fuck 'em if they're impatient right?
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-03-14 18:53:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I refuse to read this, and despite your rating you have under 200 hits right now.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-03-14 18:52:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 "pick you up at 6"
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-03-14 18:52:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
auto poetry -2 die.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2007-03-14 17:41:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I took too much Aderall and this came out. After I wrote this (It IS too long) I was playing video games and all of my thoughts were in this meter. Drugs are bad, kids.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-03-14 16:16:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-03-14 15:52:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Way to go.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-03-14 15:48:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ok, sure, I'll bite
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-03-14 14:51:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very nice, I'm quite glad I read this.
Thanks.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-03-14 14:33:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i approve
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-03-14 14:17:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by TheCrystalShip (user info) at 2007-03-14 13:22:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't read it, too long. Someone please summarize.
Submitted by TheCrystalShip (user info) at 2007-03-14 13:22:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Is this about stock trading?
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-03-14 13:11:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2007-03-14 12:53:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i really liked this, just when i thoguht it was going to end, it went on...in a good way
Submitted by ticklish_squirrel (user info) at 2007-03-14 12:19:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know where a girl would get off expecting a blind date to take her shopping... never pulled that one myself...
Great read, bud! Loved it!
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2007-03-14 08:10:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A bitch-slapping AND a life lesson! Classic.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-03-14 07:57:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liiike.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-03-14 07:25:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by pobz (user info) at 2007-03-14 07:17:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't think i was going to bother reading it, but glad i did
Submitted by dblogg (user info) at 2007-03-14 06:40:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll Give Respect for that. good job.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2007-03-14 05:09:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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