Eviction (894 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.67 on 47 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Snark << snarkk.at.gmail.com (View user info) at 2007-03-14 13:57:30 EDT
There are thousands of them.
They line the rooftops, power lines and tree branches.
They hop and scuttle over parking lot surfaces and dog fight above in an endless aerial competition.
Their cries are a cacophony in the night as if nature's orchestra is caught in an endless tuning session.
It is an amazing thing to see, if not a bit freaky. Hitchcock got it wrong. It should have been crows, endless amount of them; a meeting of murders, a black feather genocide.
I've read estimates that put their numbers around 10,000 when they are at their peak.
They come in the fall and leave in the spring. They come at the end of the day when the light wanes and weary corporate whores trudge to car or transit. They glide in, in great black apocalyptic flocks to alight and fill the night with their nonsensical chatter, or song, or whatever it is.
This place I work in was their roost long before we ripped out the trees in favor of concrete and glass.
They were here long before men realized there was a market for an IT park built on a flood plane.
When the rain comes and the creek out back swells, cars can be moved and underground parking can be pumped. It's a minor annoyance to a company when they can simply blame it on nature and continue to collect the lease.
Most are gone from here by the time the crows arrive. They usually come at twilight when the night operators begin their shift, just before the last tired executives leave to spend an hour or two with their increasingly unfamiliar families.
I see them quite a bit too. I leave late because I come in late, because the morning light has never agreed with me. I've always preferred the gentle discourse of twilight to the harsh reality of dawn.
I stand by the window in my boss's cubicle and watch the flowing black clouds slide in.
If you wait and hour then go outside it seems as if the world is made of them. They cover every possible surface.
If you wait a couple of hours longer, the maddeningly indecipherable cacophony will begin to peter out like a waterfall suddenly cut off at the source. They stop circling in the air and hopping from branch to branch.
The night becomes still save the endless drone of rubber on cement from the highway nearby. It's eerie to see them fall to slumber like that. It's hard not to suspect that it has something to do with you, as if you're a gunfighter who just walked into the wrong saloon.
They sleep en masse save the odd throaty call of the sick and restless few.
In the morning they are gone but they are not forgotten.
The tree lined sidewalks are spattered with yellow-brown splotches of bird shit. Great glass testimonies of man's rule over nature are streaked with it as well, as is any vehicle that was left overnight.
Executives do not like their beamers defiled so.
Long memos have been written and delivered to the building managers. Meetings have been had and strategies agreed to. Hands have been shook and it has been decided that sidewalk and paint job must be saved.
The crows will be moved and the lease cheques will continue.
Last night they brought in falconers. I didn't stay to watch them work. I had other things on my mind and I left early. I put on my jacket at the end of the day and walked down the street to avoid the minefield sidewalks. My shoes are black. Crow shit doesn't flatter them.
Besides, it's hardly an inconvenience; this changing of my path from work to life. I tend to be pretty laid back about these things and the crows were here first after all. This has been their roost for hundreds (thousands?) of years before we came and put up our giant mirrored boxes.
I got home and made a quick dinner, then poured a glass of wine and retired to my couch and the worries of the day, but my mind kept filling with crow song and I kept turning my eyes to the glass doors of my balcony, half expecting to see a black cloud swing noisily by.
After awhile I forgot about them and finished my evening in some typically meaningless fashion.
This morning I got up and filled my time with the usual diversions that come with the eventual forcing of ones self to go somewhere they'd rather not be; haven't had much passion for the job since we learned the company that bought ours was closing our office.
Truth be told, the passion had left some time before that.
I trudged to work, head down, hands in pockets, Soundgarden blasting away the morning's woes.
I turned the corner from everything else towards work and stopped.
The street before me was wide. The usual morning traffic slid busily by on both sides and the sun shone low in the sky, thawing the crisp air. The falconer and his pets were gone and the sidewalk was covered in a fresh spattering of shit.
Paint Job = 0
Crows = 1
There is a hot cup of tea on my desk and smattering of papers around my laptop. My chair is set to lean back somewhat more than is considered professional. I have nothing to do as usual and I'm perfectly fine with that.
Once in awhile my boss walks by. She glances quickly at me then turns away. She gets nervous when I smile. It's not often she sees me do that.
User Reviews
Submitted by Alter (user info) at 2007-09-26 22:38:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, Comment.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-03-28 17:09:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It wasn't a fluke or a one-off. You're actually good.
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2007-03-26 13:04:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-03-14 18:46:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great read this was, I'm going to listen to some Counting Crows and fall asleep, thanx!!
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This is a freaky coincidence. The wife just returned from the States and a shopping trip. Before leaving, she asked if there was anything special I wanted or that she could pick up for me. I asked her to please try and locate the CD: Counting Crows "August and Everything After"... which she did get... and which I just finished listening to prior to reading this post.
I haven't purchased a CD in close to 3 years. Why did Counting Crows come to mind? How and why did I find this (excellent) post -- long gone from the front page -- at this particular time!? Anyway, damned fine album. Not Soundgarden, which I love too, but still quite good.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2007-03-22 12:52:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Left me feeling a little smug.
I like smug.
Submitted by Benny (user info) at 2007-03-14 22:58:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The other day I was the last to leave work and the whole area was quite and empty. It was twilight and the sky looked like it was threatening to unleash hell. A lone crow flew over and cawed at me. I smiled because it made me think of Necrosiac (and zombies in general).
Seeing that many crows near your work must be a hell of a sight (shame about the crow shit though).
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-03-14 20:09:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
plagiarist
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-03-14 18:46:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great read this was, I'm going to listen to some Counting Crows and fall asleep, thanx!!
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-03-14 17:58:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-03-14 17:51:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I remember walking outside every night and watching a steady flood of bats fill the sky with an endless, moving black column of wings and squeaks. A good ten minutes each time, easy.
Anything in excess is frightening, but someting above you, dark, animal and alive, is just humbling.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2007-03-14 17:15:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've got a whole flock of parakeets outside my window. We also have plenty of crows.
Frankly, I like the parakeets better.
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-03-14 17:02:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate crows.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-14 16:54:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I told bart that if he made any changes, Shlongy would probably leave.
Guess what happened to THAT idea after THAT ultimatum?
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2007-03-14 15:54:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Can't see it happening.
Bart put up a post and mentioned something about changes he was gonna make but not much has happened yet.
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2007-03-14 15:36:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I suppose it's one of the factors of Uber-evolution eh?
Maybe eventually the pendulum will swing the other way...
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2007-03-14 15:27:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A lot of good people have left, it's true.
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2007-03-14 15:26:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Uber needs me in theory...There seems to be an increased population of morons here lately, even more so than usual. My latest offering, as so many before, has gone mostly ignored.
Granted, it's been a while since I've actually written anything, and it is long, and I forgot about the attention span of the average Uberite...
Que cera cera
On the bright side, I've decided to get off my ass and finish up Elemental. Though I do have to read it again; I forgot where I was going with it...
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2007-03-14 15:24:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jesus Desperate_Misanthrope you're really tryin hard aren't you?
That barely makes sense and it took effort.
hehehe
Submitted by DesolateMisanthrope (user info) at 2007-03-14 15:22:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I suppose you haven't heard These quotes before, would that make them COOL?
Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything."
- Ivana Trump, on finishing her first novel
"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."
- Shaquille O'Neal, basketball player, on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece
"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago"
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2007-03-14 15:19:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Kre8rix,
Good to see you back bro! Uber needs ya.
MidnightToSix,
Huh?
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2007-03-14 15:17:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DesolateMisanthrope (user info) at 2007-03-14 15:14:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you act like you HAVE heard a quote more often than not, lamebrain.
==================
Let me break this down for you.
I said: "Cool"
I said: "hadn't heard the quote before." because I hadn't.
It's pretty simple.
You suck at this.
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2007-03-14 15:16:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice work man
I was at work the other day and there were a couple crows perched in a tree and they yelled at me every time I took a step; when I stopped, they stopped. It was weird.
I think they were pissed that I took their parking spot.
In other fowl related news, every morning when I show up to the office, there's a goose on top of the building that just sits there and yells to itself.
Yesterday it just fell off the building.
That is all, carry on.
Submitted by MidnightToSix (user info) at 2007-03-14 15:16:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
4 and 3 and 2 and 1 the robbery don't stop until i get done
Submitted by DesolateMisanthrope (user info) at 2007-03-14 15:14:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you act like you HAVE heard a quote more often than not, lamebrain.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-03-14 15:13:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice stuff
or
Bringing Balance to a Shlongian Universe
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2007-03-14 15:06:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ahahaha
You are a troll after all.
Did I say I was surprised?
try harder
Submitted by DesolateMisanthrope (user info) at 2007-03-14 14:59:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2007-03-14 14:53:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Drama is life with the dull bits cut out.
Alfred Hitchcock
=============
Cool, hadn't heard the quote before.
____________________
and who are you? the quote master, should I find it unfathomable that you haven't heard THIS quote?
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2007-03-14 14:53:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-14 14:50:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Drama is life with the dull bits cut out.
Alfred Hitchcock
=============
Cool, hadn't heard the quote before.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-14 14:50:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Drama is life with the dull bits cut out.
Alfred Hitchcock
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2007-03-14 14:44:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
har
k
Now I'm bored again.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-14 14:40:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Like you didn't encourage me to do that, Snarkie-Poo.
Personally, I was only going to -1 you until I read your whiny, albeit fairly accurate statement.
Lighten up...I thought we were friends?
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-03-14 14:35:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I AM NOT ACCUSTOMED TO SEEING THIS TYPE OF WORK HERE
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2007-03-14 14:21:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-14 14:19:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
the usual "Didn't read this -2 die"
=========
See, now there is a troll for you.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-03-14 14:20:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't read this -2 die
OK I LIED. Some nice imagery here.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-03-14 14:19:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
My friends live over on Nanaimo and they fly over every night in waves.
It's hella creepy.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-14 14:19:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
the usual "Didn't read this -2 die"
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2007-03-14 14:17:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I read today that the West Nile virus is less than 40 miles south of the border. It will be here this year and there will be repercussions for the crows well beyond what destroying their roost might have done.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2007-03-14 14:14:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2007-03-14 14:13:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you cannot find them because they aren't there snarky
in case you were previously unaware, this is our newest troll
==============
Well at least it isn't the usual "Didn't read this -2 die"
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-03-14 14:14:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Over the past few years, our crow population has gone from 400,000 to 4 million
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2007-03-14 14:14:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DesolateMisanthrope (user info) at 2007-03-14 14:11:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
to be honest I only noticed one, but usually where there is one there are others.
_________
If you wait *and hour then go outside
-----
Ah thanks.
Submitted by tiaprae (user info) at 2007-03-14 14:13:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Well written...crows freak me out though
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2007-03-14 14:13:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you cannot find them because they aren't there snarky
in case you were previously unaware, this is our newest troll
Submitted by DesolateMisanthrope (user info) at 2007-03-14 14:11:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
to be honest I only noticed one, but usually where there is one there are others.
_________
If you wait *and hour then go outside
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2007-03-14 14:10:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Can't find the spelling errors, please point them out.
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2007-03-14 14:07:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-03-14 14:04:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this and wished it had been longer and a tiny bit less precious.
But very well done.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-03-14 14:03:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by DesolateMisanthrope (user info) at 2007-03-14 14:03:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
occasional spelling/grammatical error, inconsistent pace, worst of all some sentences were crude while others were cultured.