got dem blues (517 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.88 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by paul_anthony (View user info) at 2007-03-15 02:05:43 EDT
Man, sometimes life is just too hard for a white man on the blues circuit. I been
pickin' this here guitar for a lotta years, from New Orleans to Chicago and
everything in between. Even spent some time in Georgia and Virginia, but it's
always the same:
"White man, this here is a blues club. What make you think we let you on the same stage
as black men? Black men live the blues, cracker. Yoah fancy gee-tar doan mean
shit to us."
Doan mean shit, indeed. I'd had my ass kicked, my money taken,
been locked up in jail, and fined in court for nothing more than being white. The only
things that survived through it all were my guitar and my need to play the blues.
I slept mostly outside, regardless of the weather, because people in these parts had
little use for a guy of my pale persuasion. Musta gone through three or four pair of Salvation Army shoes,
'cause it was eat or ride the bus, never both. Roadside fruit and vegetable stands were
the main source of food, especially when I was low on money, which was most
of the time. Once I worked all day in a field for the meager pay of a bag full of
barbequed ribs and some chitlins. You ever eat chitlins? Don't.
Oh, before I forget: The best thirty dollars I ever spent was on a plastic, waterproof
guitar carrying bag. Southern rain and 'fancy' guitars don't mix.
....................................................................................................
Same shit, different town, different club. I told 'em the old story, the one where
I say I don't want my share of the tip jar, just a chance to play my songs.
"Hey, niggas, listen at dis! Now the man say he write the blues too. He sho
gots a big mouf, seeins he be the only white guy fo miles around."
I looked around the room, saying nothing. I hoped it would go as it usually did,
where someone took my challenge and gave me a try. My luck was still dead on,
as the lady behind the bar yelled out:
"Mr. fancy guitar-totin' white man, I wants ta hear you play "Crossroads." Not
that shit by Claphead Creamboy, but the REAL one, by Robert Johnson. And
you best be singin' it, too."
The request to play an old blues standard had gotten my foot in the door several
times, but holy shit, no one had ever asked for that song. Even great guitar men
shyed away from that one, because playing like Robert Johnson was tough.
I stood up with my guitar and was about to head up to the stage when the lady
shook her head and pointed back at my chair. Everyone in the place either
smiled or laughed at that, so I sat back down. This was gonna be rough. I
hoped it came off OK, or else I might wind up in the alley out back with my
axe in an anatomically unlikely place.
I strummed the open strings, made one tiny tuning adjustment, and launched the song.
Sometimes my ears deceive me, but this time I thought I nailed it so hard that even
old Robert hisself would have smiled. As I hit the final chord, before I could even look up,
the room exploded in applause. Next thing I knew, people were slapping me on the back,
buying me drinks, and asking how long I was in town. Hell, even the pretty black waitress
was making sexy eyes at me, but I just sang Robert's tunes, I didn't want to end up
poisoned over a woman like he was.
They all wanted more, and the requests were all for standards that I had done hundreds of times.
The hardest one was another Johnson song, "Hellhound on my trail." I told them I needed to find the
can, get some food, and rest my fingers. I figured the food would be good old soul food, but what they
gave me was steak, eggs, and flapjacks. I didn't even think about complaining.
People started coming in by twos and threes, some of them looking at the white dude in the center
of a crowd of blacks. I overheard one guy tell a newcomer to shut the fuck up, 'cause that there
white man could play some real blues. I just wanted to get on the stage and play some tunes
with some other folks, as nothing on Earth beats a good blues jam session.
A guy came in carrying an old stand-up bass, followed by three others bringing in a drum set,
microphones, and a small PA system. No big amps were to be seen, so maybe my acoustic
things would be OK. I had a pickup inside the guitar, but it changed the sound from what I
liked to hear, me being a purist and all.
The first two sets were a mixture of standards and some local compositions, and I had no
trouble following along, most of it being 12 bar blues. I even slipped in a solo on the guitar,
which received nods and smiles from the other players.
The third set started off with another classic, "Dust My Broom," another by the Master,
R. Johnson. Just as we ended the song, the lady behind the bar hollered out once again
in her booming voice, "Hey white man. We wants to hear sumpin YOU wrote. See if you
a real blues man."
"OK," I yelled back. "Here's a little thing I wrote a while back about life and being on the road.
Guys, it's a 12 bar in key of E with an F# on the turnaround. Kind of jazz it up like up in Chicago.
"I call it 'Starvation Blues'.
Well, I'm out in the jungle, Searchin' for some food
I'm eatin' canned gumbo, lots of possum stew (a little beaver when it's fresh)
I'm beatin' the bushes for somethin' to chew
I'm so hungry
Got the Starvation Blues
I can't see straight
I just ate my shoes
But I need meat so bad
I might even eat you (and here's why)
Well, the cows all died, the lake dried up
All the chickens got fried, the dog had pups
My wife she left me, the kids left too
I'm standin' here bangin' my gums at you.
"Play that sax, Joey."
I went to Memphis to try my luck
I met this girl, she wanted to fuck
I took her home, I knew just what to do
I ate that cutie and her sister too
Yeah, I'm so hungry,
Got the Starvation Blues
I can't see straight
I just ate my shoes
But I need meat so bad
I might even eat you!
....
I've been playing in the same club six nights a week for over two years now. . .
User Reviews
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-03-15 20:24:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
u is a good riter
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2007-03-15 19:45:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Shut the fuck up, stok. You fucking alter twat.
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2007-03-15 19:31:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Pussy ass alter.
Submitted by Snare (user info) at 2007-03-15 19:19:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You shit on Bubba two times, white trash?
If you were shooting for shit you wouldn't catch a whiff.
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2007-03-15 16:52:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-03-15 06:15:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-03-15 05:51:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You are a fucking thief...
http://www.ubersite.com/m/86971
And thieves get a -2..... A dark spot on your record...
-----------------
You aren't even an ORIGINAL fuckwad, you pathetic twat.
HAHAHAHA!
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2007-03-15 16:50:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by paul_anthony (user info) at 2007-03-15 07:21:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
oh fag boy
-------------
Peter Rabbit would be wise to stay out of Mr McGregor's garden.
You got something against me, pussy, just say it. Fucking cocksucker.
Submitted by tiaprae (user info) at 2007-03-15 11:14:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
*shakes head*
Submitted by paul_anthony (user info) at 2007-03-15 11:08:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2007-03-15 09:39:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Why is this still on the front page?
__________
Because I poured my heart and soul into this piece
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2007-03-15 09:39:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Why is this still on the front page?
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-03-15 08:53:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hmmmm...well, it seems you have betrayed my trust in you. That's okay, the people I hire do it all the time.
ps, you're fired.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-03-15 08:25:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Timmaaaaah (user info) at 2007-03-15 07:44:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
funny guy
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-03-15 07:32:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know what you are trying to do, but it may have worked...temporarily.
Submitted by odin (user info) at 2007-03-15 07:28:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
fuck yourself, you really are a tosser
Submitted by paul_anthony (user info) at 2007-03-15 07:26:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by odin (user info) at 2007-03-15 07:22:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Maybe I'm missing something, but what exactly is funny?
I've read your stuff, it's not great, so why start ripping other peoples's stuff?
oprh is right, you are a fuckstain.
________
Its not stealing I only borrowed it. I'll give it back later.
Submitted by odin (user info) at 2007-03-15 07:22:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Maybe I'm missing something, but what exactly is funny?
I've read your stuff, it's not great, so why start ripping other peoples's stuff?
oprh is right, you are a fuckstain.
Submitted by paul_anthony (user info) at 2007-03-15 07:20:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by odin (user info) at 2007-03-15 07:15:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You really are a cunt. Why go back and fuck someone else's shit?
____
bwuhahah haha ha ha ah ah aha hahaa !
Submitted by odin (user info) at 2007-03-15 07:15:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You really are a cunt. Why go back and fuck someone else's shit?
Submitted by paul_anthony (user info) at 2007-03-15 07:07:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-03-15 07:05:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You fucking sad little lying fuck.
How purile, how fucking sad, that to try and get back at me, you go and negatively rate all my posts.
Getting too hot for you, you pathetic kike-homo bitch?
You have contributed nothing original, nothing funny, nothing worthwhile, yet you somehow find purpose by rating my stuff down?
What a sad pathetic cock/phone moneky you really are.
I am quite touched that I have got to you enough for you to waste your time by going back through my profile. You know you are worthless don't you? I feel pity for you, I really do, that to make your mark you have to sully not only my stories, but blatantly rip off someone else's as well.
Go back to your boyfriend, or was that your mummy, and get away from here you scum sucking, smegma licking, foul cunt of a creature.
I feel dirty just communicating on one of your posts.
Just think, and we can only hope, that you will also come to the same conclusions I have, but unlike your fore-fathers, you will walk willingly to the gas orthe oven, and end the miserable, wretched expereince that has thus far been your life.
__________
Tee hee hee
LOLZ111
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-03-15 07:05:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You fucking sad little lying fuck.
How purile, how fucking sad, that to try and get back at me, you go and negatively rate all my posts.
Getting too hot for you, you pathetic kike-homo bitch?
You have contributed nothing original, nothing funny, nothing worthwhile, yet you somehow find purpose by rating my stuff down?
What a sad pathetic cock/phone moneky you really are.
I am quite touched that I have got to you enough for you to waste your time by going back through my profile. You know you are worthless don't you? I feel pity for you, I really do, that to make your mark you have to sully not only my stories, but blatantly rip off someone else's as well.
Go back to your boyfriend, or was that your mummy, and get away from here you scum sucking, smegma licking, foul cunt of a creature.
I feel dirty just communicating on one of your posts.
Just think, and we can only hope, that you will also come to the same conclusions I have, but unlike your fore-fathers, you will walk willingly to the gas orthe oven, and end the miserable, wretched expereince that has thus far been your life.
Submitted by 8track (user info) at 2007-03-15 06:55:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow dis grate1
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-03-15 06:15:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-03-15 05:51:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You are a fucking thief...
http://www.ubersite.com/m/86971
And thieves get a -2..... A dark spot on your record...
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-03-15 05:53:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck me! What a piece of shit you really are.
Low, so very very low.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-03-15 05:51:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You are a fucking thief...
http://www.ubersite.com/m/86971
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-03-15 05:38:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Plagarist scum dog:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/99717
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-03-15 05:33:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Where did you steal this one from?
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-03-15 04:17:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"White man, this here is a blues club. What make you think we let you on the same stage
as black men?
All that crap about colours, and everything turns grey or off-white. Yuk.
Play on, blues man !
(maybe tonight i'm going to the 'out of the blues', and get pissed.It will make me think of this...)
Submitted by Mike-Mc (user info) at 2007-03-15 04:16:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-03-15 03:56:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to +2 this because I can't feel pissed off at the lack of reviews I'm getting if there's something with no reviews underneath it.