The Female Brain: A Man’s Worst Nightmare (plus updated camwhore) (1074 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.33 on 37 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Zod (View user info) at 2007-03-16 03:30:36 EDT
Ever since womankind developed a functioning frontal lobe way back in 1834, men have been struggling to understand its darkest workings. All men love women in one way or another, but they understand this love comes at a price. The soul-crushing depression that a woman can inflict upon a man using nothing but her words is nothing short of a miracle.
These mammary-carrying harbingers of craziness make up roughly 51% of the population on earth, so all we dudes are pretty much doomed to a lifetime of nagging, insanity, and sweet, sweet sex.
But why? Why are women so crazy? Maybe some examples from my personal hell in this arena will help you with your answer.
-My ex-girlfriend, who broke up with me in august, suddenly wants me back. She wants me back really bad. But she's frustrated because I don't want HER back. Why you ask? Because she fucked her old ex boyfriend. Gee, why would that upset me? I have no idea either. I guess I'm supposed to blindly take her back without caring about what she did while we were broken up. That makes sense, right?
-There's this girl I work with. She's amazing. Beautiful, smart, funny, great personality and amazing eyes. We get along great and we flirt all the time. The problem? She has a 3 year old son. I'm 22 and she's 23, and of course the first amazing girl I've met in a while has some serious baggage. Baggage? She's got a 5-piece deluxe all-leather fucking travel set.
-Brittney Spears. Just...just look at her. All I'm gonna say is that if they find her dead inside a drained swimming pool wearing a chicken suit and with Raisinettes, still inside the box, shoved up her ass, a lot of people are gonna owe me a lot of money. I've got a pool going.
I just don't get it. I think I've hit a rough patch with women these past few months. A rough patch or a flaming magma pit, I'm not sure which yet. On a positive note, all women are crazy, but in a highly amusing way. So bring it on ladies, I'm ready for you.
Oh, and here's an updated pic since I haven't posted in like 2 years and people may actually still remember me on here. Or not.
User Reviews
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-03-17 17:23:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know back in the day, when they used to think women's brains would overheat if they got too much education?
DO YOU SEE WHERE IM GOING WITH THIS?!
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2007-03-17 16:59:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2007-03-16 09:17:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck the ex in the pooper then tell her you don't think it is going to work out immediately after finishing.
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i love it when guys start pondering the workings of the female brain.
in a few years, if you are smart, you will realize that it is impossible to figure women out and only then can you truly be at peace.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-03-17 01:05:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
holy fuck its zod.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-03-17 00:47:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have two ex wives. Tell me about it.
Submitted by Targa (user info) at 2007-03-17 00:15:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
magma
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-03-16 23:42:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
was she broken up with you when she slept with him? why did you break up? did you sleep with someone in the interim? just asking.
makes a difference.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-03-16 20:49:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
people are crazy.
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2007-03-16 19:40:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll admit that we're all nuts and that I don't even understand my own kind but you must admit that guys can be pretty difficult sometimes too.
I don't understand the ex-boyfriend thing. You don't want the chick because she fucked her ex but you dated her before knowing that she had fucked him in the past? Unless she fucked him while you were still dating, I don't really see the difference.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2007-03-16 19:08:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yep... still a homo.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-03-16 15:41:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SAME HAIR!!
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2007-03-16 15:32:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If you consider a person hooking up with their ex and suddenly wanting you back a "normal stress of a relationship", then I bet you've had a lot more interesting relationships than I have.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2007-03-16 14:35:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
When you pretend that women are unsolvable enigmas, you make interacting with them more complicated than it has to be. We're humans and want the same basic things. Confused guys who act like all women are comparatively crazy or unstable to hide the fact that they are weak pussies, unable to cope with the normal stresses of a relationship, are really unattractive. Grow a pair.
Submitted by GnarlsBarkley (user info) at 2007-03-16 14:24:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't read it, but +2 cause you're kinda cuteish
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-03-16 13:12:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2007-03-16 11:17:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
turn ghey
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yeah, thats what i was thinking too...
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-03-16 12:57:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-03-16 11:35:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Slash (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:38:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by GaidinCanuck (user info) at 2007-03-16 05:05:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Also:
1) Hot
2) Available
3) Sane
-Pick two.
I don't know who first proposed this theory, but I've tested it out time and time again. It's very true.
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If a woman is 1) Hot, and 3) Sane, that means she's not 2) Available, right?
Wrong.
Not available = already taken = SOMEONE had to have scored that bitch
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Maybe she was insane when the other guy got in there when she was available....but that fact that she is taken made her sane all of a sudden....
Women are crazy like that.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-03-16 11:23:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2007-03-16 11:17:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
turn ghey
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Too late for that.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2007-03-16 11:17:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
turn ghey
Submitted by MidnightToSix (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:38:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I was floored with the brilliant insights contained herein.
Submitted by Slash (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:38:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by GaidinCanuck (user info) at 2007-03-16 05:05:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Also:
1) Hot
2) Available
3) Sane
-Pick two.
I don't know who first proposed this theory, but I've tested it out time and time again. It's very true.
-----
If a woman is 1) Hot, and 3) Sane, that means she's not 2) Available, right?
Wrong.
Not available = already taken = SOMEONE had to have scored that bitch
Submitted by tiaprae (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:21:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's true, we are crazy
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:16:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
>>>
But she's frustrated because I don't want HER back. Why you ask? Because she fucked her old ex boyfriend.
>>>
Would it have been better if she fucked her young ex-boyfriend?
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2007-03-16 09:55:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
silly.
women like shoes, big cocks and pasta.
what's so hard to understand about that?
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2007-03-16 09:17:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck the ex in the pooper then tell her you don't think it is going to work out immediately after finishing.
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2007-03-16 09:12:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What a whore. KILL HER. Also, I can't believe you tried to take over Lex Luthor's body. What the fuck were you thinking? I guess you didn't know that Clark was given the crystal from the Phantom Zone and all, but still. Pick a lower-profile target next time.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2007-03-16 09:02:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HI STEVE WE MISS YOU
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-03-16 08:59:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
on the other hand, women do not have exclusivity on craziness. most men are just as messed up but it shows less because we're not as emotional. IMO
Submitted by odin (user info) at 2007-03-16 08:58:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-03-16 08:56:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
-There's this girl I work with. She's amazing. Beautiful, smart, funny, great personality and amazing eyes. We get along great and we flirt all the time. The problem? She has a 3 year old son. I'm 22 and she's 23, and of course the first amazing girl I've met in a while has some serious baggage. Baggage? She's got a 5-piece deluxe all-leather fucking travel set. """
i went through that. the baggage is not as scary as it seems. give it a try and some time.
Submitted by drgoatcabin (user info) at 2007-03-16 08:03:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You look like a frat, encino man.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-03-16 06:10:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by GaidinCanuck (user info) at 2007-03-16 05:05:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Also:
1) Hot
2) Available
3) Sane
-Pick two.
I don't know who first proposed this theory, but I've tested it out time and time again. It's very true.
Submitted by GaidinCanuck (user info) at 2007-03-16 05:03:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
First of all, what kind of monster are you to not blindly trust your ex enough to take her back? It's obvious she needed some time apart to do her thing, and you're just being a typical unsympathetic male who can't understand that she fucked her ex for you. FOR YOU! Don't you get it???
Seriously though... I hear ya brother. Them bitches is crazy.
/BTW: I didn't need a sarcasm tag for that first paragraph did I?
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2007-03-16 04:08:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ugh. I've been singing this song all month.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-03-16 04:01:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liken women to cavemen that don't like steak.
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-03-16 03:39:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Women are fuckin nuts, and they make my brain hurt.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2007-03-16 03:33:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you're an ugly retarded bitch you should take what you can get