A detailed description of my killing spree at a gaming convention (MY CONTEST POST) (1020 hits)
Category: NewsRating: -0.15 on 41 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by zimm0r is my BITCH (View user info) at 2007-03-16 09:56:36 EDT
In response to:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/99742
Die, faggot.
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My refined hatred for all things gaming/trekkie/babylon-5/Magic: The Gathering/Lord of the Rings/Diablo/Elder Scrolls/WhiteWolf/Shadowrun/D&D etc. finally got the best of me when I opened my Sunday paper that morning to a full-page advertisement for a gaming convention that was coming to my town that next weekend.
The headline alone caused me to see red:
"August 12-14!! Klingons, Mages, Evil Enchantresses and Dwarves alike! Come behold the splendor of greater Seattle's 3rd annual For All Gamers convention!"
The ad went on to describe the festivities that would be enjoyed at the get together of these plebeian little fucking imbeciles.
"This years FAG convention will be hosted by Ed Tobias, co-creator of the original Mortal Kombat and Mortal Kombat series of video games! Ed will be facilitating workshops geared towards helping YOU win more at the games you play! Tickets are limited so contact your local TicketMaster office before August 10th! THIS EVENT WILL SELL OUT!"
That's it. I had had it.
These goddamned dice rolling, mouth-breathing nerds would not be allowed to convene within 50 miles of me or anyone I knew and I had a fucking job to do to ensure that law was upheld.
I kept a small arsenal of personal firearms and explosives in the shed out back. After folding up the newspaper I was reading and finishing my bowl of Trix I headed out back and took stock of what I had accumulated over the years:
3 pistols, varying in caliber from .22 to .45.
2 submachine guns
2 small bundles of TNT
5 military issue fragmentation grenades
a stun gun
I stuffed all of this into the frame pack I purchased a few months back for a hunting trip that never happened. I now simply had to wait.
I had a few days to fester and plan my attack. According to some press releases I located, prior FAG conventions saw attendences well into the 8-10k range. My goal was to eliminate at least a thousand while scaring shitless those who managed to escape my wrath.
I was a peculiar sight, I'm sure, standing at the doors of the Washington State Convention & Trade Center. Interestingly, in any other scenario I might have raised some eyebrows what with the rambo bandana, warpaint and obvious look of discontent. However, I was at the For All Gamers convention where those of my persona were accepted.
Everyone was accepted.
One's level of fucking NERDINESS was directly proportionate to how many friends they'd make here.
I walked in and made my way to the center stage where I saw Ed Tobias sitting amongst a throng of other, like-minded gamer faggots. My time had come. I looked around me and a grin came to my face when I thought of how much gamer blood would be spilled shortly.
I had used a zip tie to connect all of the pull pins on the grenades I had collected. One yank on the plastic cord instantly made live all of my grenades. A quick heave of them sent the stage into a bit of a frenzy, but not at the level I was hoping.
After tossing my 5 grenades at Ed Tobias I turned tail and hoofed it to the back of the main auditorium in wait of the ensuing exlosions.
What happened next satisfied me like nothing else ever could.
The explosions sent body parts and blood everywhere. Before they knew it, the thousands of FAG attendees were covered in blood and a thick cloud of smoke - screams erupted and people began exiting their ornate Klingon and Super Mario costumes in sacrifice for mobility. The doors to the auditorium immediately became bottlenecked with crying gamers all clamoring for a way out of the massacre I had started.
I remember shouting: "WHERE'S YOUR +8 GODLY ARMOR OF ETERNAL CHAOS NOW, BITCHES? RUN YOU LITTLE GAMER FAGGOTS!! HAHAHAHAH RUNN!!!!!!"
It was at this point that I unloaded my first 2 banana clips of hot lead into the crowd. My machine guns rattled with viciousness as their spray of death dropped gamer bitches like flies. The popping of their skin as the bullets entered their body was almost as loud as the terrified screams the elicited. Soon the floor was covered in blood and the moans and Lamentations of the Women filled the air.
One guy thought he'd be a hero. He was dressed up as that dude from Final Fantasy. He had a sword that actually was made of metal. He approached me with a look in his eye that was something like, "Now is my chance to draw on all the experience points I've accrued since playing Final Fantasy since 1987!"
One blast from my .45 straight to his skull sent him flying backwards, landing on his spine and leaking warm blood everywhere. That kill was particularly satisfying.
Alas, my work was done. I don't think I quite made it to my target of offing at least a thousand of those desperate little twits but I felt good about my progress.
After raping a woman dressed up as that three-titted cat creature from Star Wars I exited the auditorium, wiped the blood off my face and hopped on the subway.
The people riding in my subway car just took me for ... yup:
Just another one of those faggoty gamer kids expressing himself.
User Reviews
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-07-29 18:18:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fucking idiot below
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-07-29 17:39:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking awesome.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-03-23 22:28:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Crap.....
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-03-17 02:57:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't let zimm0r win
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2007-03-17 00:57:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah this is too geeky.....even for me
god i feel superior
Submitted by Tormentos (user info) at 2007-03-16 17:10:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck gamers, armed psychos get what they want cuz they earned it.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-03-16 14:48:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lol
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-03-16 14:42:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-0.12 to -0.43 YOU'RE LOSING!
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2007-03-16 14:40:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
UBERBOARD SOLICITATION IS FORBIDDEN
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2007-03-16 13:15:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2007-03-16 13:14:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
neither of these are very good but at least daccorys was worth reading
Submitted by tiaprae (user info) at 2007-03-16 13:11:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
zim is winning....
Submitted by Daccory (user info) at 2007-03-16 12:55:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fuck you uniter you instigator IMO KEEL JOO
Submitted by Daccory (user info) at 2007-03-16 12:54:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OH SHIT IT'S TIED!!
WHO WILL WIN??????????????
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-03-16 12:52:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-03-16 12:39:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-03-16 12:37:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
There's no subway in Seattle.
Submitted by GMCrayon (user info) at 2007-03-16 12:18:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DesolateMisanthrope (user info) at 2007-03-16 11:40:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I didn't realize they were voting for class president.. fuck you and suck that motherfuckers dick
Submitted by Alcoholocaust (user info) at 2007-03-16 11:35:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
just to keep it close
Submitted by Daccory (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:47:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHAHAHAAHA ZIMM0R YOU LITTLE FAGGOT WHO'S ON TOP NOW????
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:47:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by tiaprae (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:43:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:12:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this site has gone insane
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:42:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:13:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:12:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this site has gone insane
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Rock on Daccory.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:42:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:41:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
100% of "gamers" are well known homosexuals.
TRUE FACT!
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100% of gamers aren't well known anythings
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:41:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
100% of "gamers" are well known homosexuals.
TRUE FACT!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:39:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that gamer is sexy
Submitted by zimm0r (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:33:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Daccory (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:31:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Daccory (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:29:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
SO FAR I'M WINNING HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA
***********
Not any more, mean guy.
Submitted by Daccory (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:29:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
SO FAR I'M WINNING HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:26:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:13:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:12:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this site has gone insane
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:26:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Your +2 doesn't count, shithead.
My -2, on the other hand, does.
Submitted by Daccory (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:23:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:23:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
no cattle prods in yor arsenal?
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:22:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:14:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, fuck that other kid. This is where the glory is. I'm still on the fence with that other guy alter/real.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:13:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You're a poopy pants
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:13:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:12:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this site has gone insane
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:12:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this site has gone insane
Submitted by particle_man58 (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:08:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Better than a fake collection of elf dolls.
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:06:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:01:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Now, clear this up for me: which of you lives in a fantasy world again?
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-03-16 10:00:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Congratulations, you've got me cheering for the alter in this little feud.