Tension Seems Appropriate (925 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.61 on 44 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ghola (View user info) at 2007-03-20 21:26:05 EDT
On any day, Mary Lee's shoes might be untied, her hair is pulled back into a too tight ponytail and she'll probably be talking about fencing. She'll be talking about live action role playing and how many hours it took her to paint her face like a feral cat. She'll raise her hand every time the professor asks a question.
"I have nothing interesting to add to the discussion," she'll say. "My ideas are baseless."
Sure. We'll all nod.
Turquoise is sitting next to me drawing a picture of Mary Lee on a page in my notebook. The picture is mostly scribbling.
Every time Mary Lee raises her hand we are tempted to heave the wooden table we use as a desk. It will hit her--- hard, flat on the side of her bulbous peach colored face. Mary Lee and the guy next to her will be knocked through the wide glass window. They'll fall and no one in the room will say anything.
This is what should happen, but Turquoise is still drawing on my paper.
Mary Lee will be talking. "Please don't listen to me," she'll say. "I am hopeless. Kill me. Dead."
She'll be telling us about her hideous lug of a boyfriend. I've see them walking down the road on hot days and they stand real close. He holds her hand. Their sausage fingers link and they must be frying, sizzling in the sun. That sweat on their faces must be grease. She'll tell us she loves him. She'll tell us that he's "HERS." She'll tell us that we all want him. We are hungry for sausage.
Every day she's urging us, urging me to tack her up on the bulletin board. It'll take some time. She's a fat-ass and thumb tacks aren't made to hold up fat-asses.
We'll use the thumb tacks to deflate her. We'll puncture her eyeballs, through the lids so that the goo drains out. We'll poke dozens of tiny holes in her and the liquid will drain. She'll keep talking while it drains, while she rests in the plastic colander we've set out for her.
The goo will drain out and so will all the words. Empty words will be swimming in and absorbing all the pus and blood and grease. They will inflate like sponges, growing until what is left of her will be covered and smothered and she will choke on those giant spongy greased up words. She'll cough and vomit and the sponges will absorb it all. The room will get quieter and we'll all breathe.
Then I choke, because Turquoise is still drawing in my notebook and Mary Lee is still talking.
Everyone in the room is dead now. Those greasy words have filled us up to the brim. We are nearly sloshing over and we--- WE are quiet. Full to the brim and overflowing like this and we are quiet.
User Reviews
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-07-28 09:41:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Their sausage fingers link and they must be frying, sizzling in the sun. That sweat on their faces must be grease"
You stole this quote from National Geographics "Mating Habits of the Trailer Trash Primates" series didn't you?
Admit it.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-07-28 09:06:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is one of my favourite reviews ever;
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-20 22:23:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm not a woman i just thought i would pretend so we could briefly bond as sisters and you would give me the information i requested, but you bring up an interesting topic.
i generally find camwhores sad and reeking of loneliness but that is just an opinion.
more likely you answered your own question except for the whore part.
i hope if i have other questions i can earn your trust back after my gender subterfuge.
i prefer using capital letters at the beginning of my sentences but people like those who feel familiar so i hope my efforts do not go unnoticed.
______
And the story's pretty cool too.
Submitted by carbon (user info) at 2007-07-27 22:05:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ikari_shinji (user info) at 2007-07-26 15:36:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2DIE FUCKING BITCH
Submitted by RPharazon (user info) at 2007-03-22 14:42:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Every class has one of these people.
In mine, there is this kid, that once he puts his hand up, everyone sighs and gets ready for a 30-minute debate between him and the teacher. By the time he finishes, all of his political and ideological ideas are out.
He does this every day.
Submitted by MidnightToSix (user info) at 2007-03-22 11:37:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
insert awkward silence
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-03-21 22:00:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is awesome. what's your THAC0?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-21 17:59:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You have one of my favorite fannies on this site.
Submitted by Slash (user info) at 2007-03-21 16:45:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're one of my favourite writers on this site.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-03-21 16:22:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Their sausage fingers link and they must be frying, sizzling in the sun.
-----
urbane
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-03-21 15:54:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I said that I loved you and I wanted to have your babies, please understand that I meant it in the most platonic and noncomital sense imaginable.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2007-03-21 15:11:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
His name is Charles Skinner and he is in every one of my classes. It's rare when someone is such a nerd they manage to make an entire room full of people shudder just by talking.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-03-21 14:02:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2007-03-21 13:06:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
still writing gold.
Submitted by richardcranium (user info) at 2007-03-21 12:51:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Quick to the point, and hating fat loud stank bitches who speak all the time like their obese opinions are warranted on any topic. Shut the hell up you fat back bacon smelling crack. Yes.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-03-21 11:31:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
depends on the brand i guess. i like hint. i'm a 7 in hint.
all jeans fit differently. i'm somewhere in between "white girl" and "chunky bitch"
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2007-03-21 11:19:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-03-20 22:04:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the thing is, i'm not small. i'm 5'3. i wear a size 7 jeans. i'm pretty average.
so i take it the way any typically self-concious female would take it. as a compliment.
~~~~
I really enjoyed this, but now I have a question:
You're 5'3" and wear size 7 jeans?
How am I 5'9" and wear a size 4/5? You dont look big in your pictures
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-03-21 09:07:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hate
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-03-21 08:29:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was very amusing. Especially the fatass on the bulletin board thing.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-03-21 07:40:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Work that, let me see you drip mustard seeds.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-03-21 04:42:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A picturesque read. Well done.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2007-03-21 01:16:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I could let you borrow the heavy duty stapler from work. or we could rent a nail gun.
gnome what i'm sayin?
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2007-03-21 00:55:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not sure why, but I like this. I guess I like the style of writing. Niiiiiice.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2007-03-21 00:15:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i'm more of a compression fan myself
Submitted by Falafel (user info) at 2007-03-20 23:28:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
God damn, that's a lot of hate... you actually inspired me to do a post on my version of Mary Lee
Submitted by laika (user info) at 2007-03-20 22:27:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I have nothing interesting to add to the discussion," she'll say. "My ideas are baseless."
I wish someone would have said this for a change.
"She'll tell us that we all want him. We are hungry for sausage."
I laughed the most at this line.
The last third was a little overdescriptive, but it was amusing overall.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-03-20 22:25:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ok. cause you don't come off like a female.
i would've answered either way. doesn't really make a difference.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-20 22:23:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm not a woman i just thought i would pretend so we could briefly bond as sisters and you would give me the information i requested, but you bring up an interesting topic.
i generally find camwhores sad and reeking of loneliness but that is just an opinion.
more likely you answered your own question except for the whore part.
i hope if i have other questions i can earn your trust back after my gender subterfuge.
i prefer using capital letters at the beginning of my sentences but people like those who feel familiar so i hope my efforts do not go unnoticed.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-03-20 22:14:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Worth reading... but very hard to get through. I put the effort in, and so did you - but overall not the funnest thing I have read from you.
Not that you care.
...or even should.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-03-20 22:08:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DM is the angriest alter ever. He must must spend all day flogging himself.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2007-03-20 22:06:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2007-03-20 22:06:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i want you to point this person out someday soon.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-03-20 22:06:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
also, i had no idea you were female. which is because you haven't foolishly and childishly posted pictures of yourself on the internet.
why do girls do that?
fucking attention whore tramps.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-03-20 22:04:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the thing is, i'm not small. i'm 5'3. i wear a size 7 jeans. i'm pretty average.
so i take it the way any typically self-concious female would take it. as a compliment.
Submitted by DesolateMisanthrope (user info) at 2007-03-20 22:04:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this is certainly consistent with the rest of the rotten-baloney-posts I have seen thus far today.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-20 22:02:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
not that it has anything to do with anything
but does it ever bother you when people use 'lil' this and 'lil that to describe you?
i've noticed it here quite a bit and as a woman i know it bothers me.
just curious and i'll take my answer off the air.
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2007-03-20 22:00:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wierd in the best way possible. your hatred of her comes through nicely.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-03-20 21:58:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
then she spent 20 minutes talking about LARPing.
so you see how it is ALL true. of course.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-20 21:57:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
don't try and trick me young lady you know goddamn well your tricks don't work here.
scratch that.
they do like a motherfucker.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-03-20 21:55:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm down with the honest rating, just thought you should know.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-03-20 21:54:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it was a rant. a girl in class said she thought jesus' son was poorly written garbage.
anyway the entire thing is true.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-03-20 21:53:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I don't think this was a very good story.
Scratch that.
I don't think this was a story.
Not quite a -2 because it appears there was a bit of effort and it didn't offend me or anything.
Submitted by eric_the_bread (user info) at 2007-03-20 21:46:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-03-20 21:46:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bizarre.
You have some odd things going on with tense here..adds to the weirdness, for sure.